CHESS!

[Grand Moff Muffin]

Apr 18, 2023 22:17:24 GMT Shockprowl said:

Any questions please ask.

Why is it that in a supermarket you can buy a single carrot or a single tomato, but can't buy any fewer than six eggs?

Martin

[Shockprowl]

Apr 19, 2023 17:23:21 GMT Grand Moff Muffin said:

Apr 18, 2023 22:17:24 GMT Shockprowl said:

Any questions please ask.

Why is it that in a supermarket you can buy a single carrot or a single tomato, but can't buy any fewer than six eggs?

Martin

Because chickens only lay eggs in groups of six.

[Shockprowl]

Guys, I am so sorry for not reporting more often on the current World Chess Championship! Please forgive me, I know you've been desperate to find out what's happening.

After four, yes, FOUR, decisive games in a row, we've had three hard fought draws in games 8, 9, and 10. Very tense, very exciting.

This all means that Nepo retains his one point lead in the match. You get one point for a win, half a point for a draw, as I'm sure you're all aware. Score is 5 and half to 4 and a half to Nepo.

It's best of 14 games, so first to 7 and a half points.

Ding needs another win. Soon. Or he's going to run out of games.


What a chess spectacle this is!!!!

Who needs Magnus Carlsen?!?!?!


(Well, I do, actually. I... I love him...)



GAME 11 NOW!


Any questions please ask.

[Grand Moff Muffin]

Apr 24, 2023 17:23:44 GMT Shockprowl said:

Score is 5 and half to 4 and a half to Nepo.

Nepotism!

Martin

[Benn]

I bet that's what he calls his fans.

[Shockprowl]

Oh very good, gentlemen. You have earnt my respect this night.


Game 11 was a draw.

Nepo had white so getting a draw for Ding when you're playing black is a good thing.

However, as Nepo is a win ahead, every draw brings him closer to the finish line.

Three games left. Ding is running out of games. Can he equalise in game 12 when he has the white pieces?


Any questions please ask.

[blueshift]

Apr 24, 2023 21:44:09 GMT Shockprowl said:

Any questions please ask.

I know there is a timer for each move but what happens if a player needs an urgent poo?!

[Benn]

I bet they can't go, in case they shove a vibrating plug up there.

[The Doctor]

I don't think they have vibrating butt plugs in chess.

-Ralph

[Benn]

Only when they're cheating.

[blueshift]

Apr 25, 2023 7:37:30 GMT The Doctor said:

I don't think they have vibrating butt plugs in chess.

-Ralph

It was a big scandal ralph

[Philip Ayres]

There's a reason the bishops are that shape

[The Doctor]

Bishops are not butt plugs.

-Ralph

[Shockprowl]

Apr 25, 2023 11:32:32 GMT Philip Ayres said:

There's a reason the bishops are that shape

More. Filth. From this man.

Acting all innocent, fishing out his 'rukes' to poor Doctors.

But in actual fact, he's a frothing sexual deviant. All along.

[Shockprowl]

Apr 25, 2023 6:19:24 GMT blueshift said:

Apr 24, 2023 21:44:09 GMT Shockprowl said:

Any questions please ask.

I know there is a timer for each move but what happens if a player needs an urgent poo?!

Yeah, they just gotta hold like a grown up.

[Shockprowl]

Apr 25, 2023 11:30:10 GMT blueshift said:

Apr 25, 2023 7:37:30 GMT The Doctor said:

I don't think they have vibrating butt plugs in chess.

-Ralph

It was a big scandal ralph

It sure was. Absolutely no proof of cheating over the board. Insertions or no insertions. Still simmering away. And there's a court case in the works.

[The Doctor]

I can't believe you are bashing the Bishop.

-Ralph

[Shockprowl]

Indeed.

[Shockprowl]

GAME 12.


Ok. So, what just happened?!


Ok. So, Ding had the white pieces today. Nepo is leading the match by one win. There are three games left out of 14. Ding really needs to win. The player with white has the advantage, so Ding really needs that win, otherwise it's getting too close to the end.

Ding opens with a... modest opening. Not bad, just not all-out 'I need a win'. Slow, positional. Maybe trying to get Nepo out of his preparation.

Nepo plays some... fairly unorthodox moves in reply.

And yet, AND YET, Nepo comes out of the opening with a decent position.

And then disaster for Ding. Almost out of nowhere Nepo just seems to suddenly have a winning position. Suddenly his pieces are swarming around Ding's king. It isn't clear how it happened, Ding didn't play badly, he just seemed to give Nepo time to maneuver. It was like a slow motion Kung-fu fight, and Ding's backed into corner.

But then it happened. Nepo did that thing he does sometimes. He just starts playing quickly for no reason. He had time. Time to calculate. Put on the squeeze. He rushed, allowed cracks to appear in his position. Ding seemed to find his feet and stabilises his position. Curiously, he'd been playing quite calmly all along, even when his position was in the toilet.

Nepo looses his advantage. Begins lashing out, Ding calmly keeps improving. Nepo seems to get desperate and-

Makes an on-the-spot out-right blunder. Moves a pawn forward that completely opens up his King. And Ding, still playing very calmly, makes him pay. Crashes through the middle leaving Nepo completely lost.

Nepo resigned.

Ding wins game 12. The match is level. With two games to go.


An extraordinary game of chess.

Nepo just twisting and turning, outmanoeuvring Ding completely. But starts rushing, for no reason, allowing Ding to stabilise before making a real shocker of a blunder. Even I could immediately see how bad it was.


This is one heck of a rollercoaster.




Any questions - well, you know what to do.

[The Doctor]

Ding dong!

-Ralph

[Grand Moff Muffin]

Apr 26, 2023 19:52:10 GMT Shockprowl said:

Any questions - well, you know what to do.

What do we do?

Martin

[Benn]

I can fully appreciate that Shockers is making this sound a lot more exciting than actually watching it would be.

Hey, imagine if chess players had personalities and gimmicks like wrestlers do.

[The Doctor]

For that, you have to go to the world of Chess Boxing.

-Ralph

[Shockprowl]

Apr 27, 2023 6:51:10 GMT Benn said:

I can fully appreciate that Shockers is making this sound a lot more exciting than actually watching it would be.

Hey, imagine if chess players had personalities and gimmicks like wrestlers do.

No it really is that exciting!!!

Watch the footage! When Nepo played that disastrous pawn move! His face ashen! Head in his hands! Slumped at the board! Commentators losing their shit aghast! THE HUMANITY OF IT!


Chess is the battle of MINDS! The battle of WILLS! Of CREATIVITY!

Is any greater contest even possible?!?!

I can punch you harder than you can punch me, I can drive a car faster than you can, I can kick a ball around with slightly more accuracy than you can...


And you really get the drama if you go through the entire game in one report, a recap from one of the excellent YouTube chess channels out there, such as Powerplay Chess, Agadmator, Gotham Chess, Epic Chess!


AND THEY DO HAVE PERSONALITIES, DAMN YOU!!!

Just 'cos they don't wear silly outfits and rig their matches as part of some soap-opera narrative!!!!


AND GIMMICKS EQUATES TO STYLE OF PLAY!

Carlsen putting on the endgame squeeze. Nepo becoming impulsive when he doesn't need to. The sudden explosive attacks of Ivanchuk or Tal! The masterful positional dominance of Karpov or Petrosian- NOT LEAVING THEIR OPPONENTS A SINGLE USEFUL MOVE!!!



*Hyperventilates*

[Shockprowl]

Game 13.

Nepo with white. Can he come back after yesterday's catastrophe?

How hard would Ding press for an advantage with black?

Well, Nepo came off worse from the opening! Ding played diligently had came out of the opening slightly better. Just a smidge.

But Ding, after a long think, played what commentators called an odd move. When GM Daniel King showed some of the more solid alternative options in his recap on his Powerplay Chess YouTube channel, one can understand why Ding's choice should have been reconsidered.

He played his Rook up the board. Not a terrible move, but it was as though he'd led himself down a sub-optimal rabbit hole.

This gave Nepo enough to stabilise. Both players tried to maneuver to find the advantage, but the game gradually found itself drawn. It was funny because they seemed to slowly maneuver all there pieces to the centre of the board. And it all ground to a halt.

On the one hand, getting a draw after what must have a terrible blow yesterday was good for Nepo, but he had white today and the last game at normal time control on Saturday sees the Russian with the black pieces.

A draw for Ding was a good result, even if he didn't make anything of that slight advantage he had out of the opening.

The final game at normal time control is on Saturday. Ding with white. Will he push for a win? Or not risk anything and safely get to the rapid time control tie-breakers? Commentators said Nepo seemed to lack confidence today. Can he bounce back for a big push? Or will he settled for tie-breakers?


Any questions please ask.

[Grand Moff Muffin]

Apr 27, 2023 6:51:10 GMT Benn said:

Hey, imagine if chess players had personalities and gimmicks like wrestlers do.

And fatalities involving the location in which the battle takes place.

Edit: Sorry, that's not wrestling, that's Mortal Kombat.

Martin

[The Doctor]

Is Nepo a nepo baby?

-Ralph

[Shockprowl]

Apr 27, 2023 18:29:19 GMT The Doctor said:

Is Nepo a nepo baby?

-Ralph

I don't know what that is.

[Shockprowl]

Apr 27, 2023 18:17:07 GMT Grand Moff Muffin said:

Apr 27, 2023 6:51:10 GMT Benn said:

Hey, imagine if chess players had personalities and gimmicks like wrestlers do.

And fatalities involving the location in which the battle takes place.

Edit: Sorry, that's not wrestling, that's Mortal Kombat.

Martin

*Face-palm*

[Benn]

Apr 27, 2023 18:17:07 GMT Grand Moff Muffin said:

Apr 27, 2023 6:51:10 GMT Benn said:

Hey, imagine if chess players had personalities and gimmicks like wrestlers do.

And fatalities involving the location in which the battle takes place.

Edit: Sorry, that's not wrestling, that's Mortal Kombat.

Martin

Or Flash Gordon.