11 - Characters from the 1987 Toy Range

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: THE DEATH OF COUNTERPUNCH

PART 1

"He is tight-lipped and resolute, but where Punch uses mercy and restraint, Counterpunch can be every bit as ruthless as other Decepticons. Even his 'fellow' Decepticons give him a wide berth, knowing him to be volatile and bad-tempered. A casual, jokey remark is often seen as a savage personal attack by Counterpunch, and rarely passes without some form of retribution from him."

- Transformers Universe
___

Wounded, the small yellow Autobot fled into the trees. Counterpunch calmly transformed to robot mode, powered up his photon cannon and strode unerringly after his wounded quarry, following the unmistakable trail of Transformer fuel that he left behind him on the forest floor. The Decepticon's only worry was that the Autobot would bleed out before he had a chance to finish him his way.

He needn't have been concerned. He found his prey sitting propped up against an overgrown embankment, futilely clutching the leaking fuel pipes where his right arm had once been.

"End of the road, Scraplet," sneered Counterpunch, levelling his weapon at his victim. The Autobot looked up into the optics of his killer with a mixture of fear and defiance.

Counterpunch fired his photon cannon, which emitted a high-density stream of circuit-scrambling energy, destroying his enemy from the inside out. It wasn't a pretty ending, or a quiet one.

Counterpunch smirked with satisfaction, then crouched down to retrieve the Autobot's precious cargo. A twig snapped behind him.

"Bumper!"

Counterpunch rose and spun, and beheld two small red Autobots of similar stature to the unfortunate courier he had pursued here from Cybertron. They were unfamiliar to him, but they didn't look any more formidable than the late Bumper. He reached confidently for his photon cannon.

One of the red Autobots leapt up at him and sprayed some kind of gas in his face, then planted both feet on his chest and sprang back, away from him, leaving the Decepticon off-balance. His head felt funny, as if it somehow lacked solidity. The second Autobot made a gesture, and Counterpunch felt an invisible force pulling him towards his enemy, who raised two small fists, as if ready to punch him with both simultaneously. Suddenly, Counterpunch was afraid. He feared what would happen if his head was hit in its current, weakened condition.

That was his final thought, before Windcharger's fists came together, and the Decepticon's head, infused with Cliffjumper's 'glass gas', shattered into metallic dust.

Windcharger dragged Counterpunch's headless corpse back to the road, as Cliffjumper secured the data package that Bumper had brought for them from the Autobot Resistance on Cybertron, and then carried the remains of his yellow comrade to where his partner waited.

Optimus Prime pulled up at the roadside.

"We were too late to save him," said Cliffjumper.

The red lorry considered for a minute, then said, "Put them both in my trailer and let's get out of here."
___

Optimus Prime frowned and chose his words carefully.

"It is my... duty to inform you of the death in battle of the Decepticon counter-intelligence operative called Counterpunch. His last act was to kill a messenger to Earth from Emirate Xaaron's Autobot Resistance on Cybertron. I know this must be hard for you. Counterpunch wasn't just another Decepticon. He was once... a friend."

"He used to be a friend, but he turned his back on the Autobots a long time ago. I for one will not mourn his loss."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely."

"Then, though my circuits misgive me, I must deal you a second blow. Prowl has formulated a plan. One that involves considerable danger for you, should you agree to implement it."

"Optimus, you know I wish for nothing more than an opportunity to bring the Decepticons' reign of terror to an end."

"Then this is it, Punch. None know of Counterpunch's demise, save you, me, Prowl, Wheeljack and the two warriors who brought him down, and they have been ordered to absolute secrecy. We found on the Decepticon a remote signaller, for him to use to summon the Space Bridge from Cybertron once he has completed his mission to destroy the Autobot courier and retrieve his data package."

"I'm way ahead of you, Prime. Counterpunch and I rolled off the same production line. We are basically the same robot, except that over time my robot mode has been modified to face the other way. But the differences are superficial."

"Yes. We have little time before Counterpunch's masters become suspicious, but there is just enough - for Wheeljack to use Counterpunch's body parts to give you the ability to take on his outward appearance, and take his place."

"And I'll have to change my paint job from silver to blue. No problem. Let's get on with it."

"Punch... Are you sure? I know I'm dropping this on you rather suddenly."

"It's just the opportunity I've been waiting for, Optimus. Come on, we have no time to waste."

"You'll have to take Bumper's body back with you, as evidence that you have successfully completed your mission - and that you are same, ruthless Decepticon who left for Earth yesterday."

"And you'll provide me with a falsified data package, no doubt."

"No, you'll take the genuine data package, for authenticity. Its loss to the Decepticons is outweighed by the potential gains of embedding an agent at the top of their intelligence network. Punch, you need to understand, we've never attempted anything like this before, but should you succeed..."

"I know. And I also know what will happen to me if I fail. I'm ready. Let's do it."

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: THE DEATH OF COUNTERPUNCH

PART 2

"Punch fools himself almost as completely as he fools others. He likes to think that he is a robot of few words because, in his business, to say too much is to invite death. In truth, Punch says little because he distrusts absolutely everyone! His role as double agent, constantly switching his appearance to Counterpunch so as to blend in with the Decepticon forces, has left him a paranoid bundle of neuro-circuits."

- Transformers Universe
___

Previously, in 'The Last Days of the Transformers War':

The planet Klo.

"Krok, make your report!"

"Units Two and Three have secured the land masses to the east and south, Commander Bludgeon. Unit Four expects to be clear in the west very soon. The planet is, to all intents and purposes, ours! Resistance has been minimal, Decepticon casualties non-existent! Well, apart from Sparkstalker. His Firecon colleague, Cindersaur, accidentally incinerated him!"

"Hmmm, wasn't Cindersaur destroyed a while ago in that giant demon incident?"

"I thought so too, but perhaps that was Flamefeather. I get their names confused. Anyhow, didn't Sixshot start mass-producing those guys?"

"Maybe. But we must have discipline. Order their commanding officer to execute the guilty party immediately."

"Counterpunch radioed in the incident - said he had already done so."

"Good. That's what I like about Counterpunch, he's utterly ruthless - an example to all Decepticons."

On the southern land mass, Counterpunch stood over the bodies of the two Firecons he had destroyed in the act of burning native villages to the ground and hoped he had got their names right in his report...
___

The Battle of Klo.

On the southern land mass, Counterpunch revealed his true allegiance, transforming back into the Autobot Punch in order to come to the aid of Blurr, Chromedome, Gears, Hubcap and Red Alert, but the six of them together were soon overwhelmed by the superior firepower of Ruckus, Slugslinger, Treadshot, Triggerhappy and Windsweeper. The Autobot Motorvators rolled forward to take the place of their fallen comrades, but Doubledealer swooped down and raked them with fire from his solid-light blaster, while the Reflector trio, Spectro, Spyglass and Viewfinder, blasted Chainclaw and Ramhorn from three directions...
___

1991. Prowl wasn't happy that Punch had blown his cover in the Battle of Klo, after four years deep undercover at the top of the Decepticon intelligence hierarchy. Punch argued that even his Counterpunch persona couldn't stomach the genocide of the natives that he'd witnessed that day, prior to the Autobots' arrival, and something inside him had snapped. And anyway, wasn't the war over now, after the deaths of Bludgeon, Megatron and Soundwave on Hydrus Four, and of Shockwave, Starscream and Galvatron on Earth?

Prowl retorted that he'd thought the war over when Unicron was destroyed, but had been proven wrong. He didn't trust Gutcruncher, Trypticon and the other surviving Decepticons to maintain the fragile peace that now reigned on Cybertron, and an undercover agent would have been invaluable in monitoring their true intentions.

Punch shrugged. Too bad. What's done is done. And hadn't he done enough, sacrificed enough of his Autobot self to the god of military logic? In 1987 he'd tossed the remains of his comrade Bumper into the Smelting Pool to seal his acceptance into the Decepticon ranks. In 1988 he'd helped the Cybertronian Decepticons capture Ultra Magnus, after Magnus had ruined the Firecons' 'Deadly Games' enterprise in Tyrest - and although Punch later helped Magnus escape, the Autobots had suffered and lost lives as a result of his absence. In 1989 Punch had betrayed his less 'valuable' fellow double agents, Scoop and Warmonger, to the imposter Megatron in order to preserve his own cover, and while Scoop managed to get out in time, Warmonger paid the ultimate price. And in 1990 he'd almost got Chainclaw killed by letting the mercenary Dealer know of the Autobot Pretender Beast's secret mission to Earth.

True, the good he did - such as alerting the Autobots when their bases were compromised and about to be attacked - outweighed the bad on paper. But if he'd been human, that wouldn't have made it any easier for him to sleep at night.

He was glad it was over.

He was glad his Counterpunch alter ego was dead.
___

Coda: Previously, in 'Cameron Space Marines':

August 2018.

"I don't think they like me very much," said Kickback. "They've been talking to that Autobot of theirs, Punch."

"Are you afraid he might besmirch your character?"

"Worse, I'm afraid he might tell the truth about me."

"Do you know each other well?"

"We were both top spies in our respective armies, though I never knew it at the time. He was too good. It wasn't until the Battle of Klo that Counterpunch revealed his true allegiance. Don't get me wrong, I bear him no grudge. Tell him that my little tip-off today is a professional courtesy from a most sincere admirer."

THE END

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: GOLD STANDARD

"Although the Autobot Bumblebee's body was destroyed, his mind was still intact... His brush with death had changed him... He now had a more serious, even darker side... He no longer acts the way he feels others would like him to... Although stronger than he had been as Bumblebee, Goldbug is still one of the physically weakest of the Autobots."

- Transformers Universe
___

The year 1987.

He has worked hard. Welding, fusing, re-wiring, replacing damaged bodywork, restructuring... improving... and now, where once lay the blasted remains of the Autobot, Bumblebee, stands GOLDBUG!

"What... have... you done... to me?"

Wreck-Gar frowned, and recalibrated the subject's speech circuits. "Satisfaction guaranteed," he muttered, nervously.

"Thank you, er..."

"Wreck-Gar, super-star!"

"Pleased to meet you, Wreck-Gar. What happened to the ugly robot with the nasty gun?"

The Junkion shrugged. "What you see is what you get!"

"I feel different. My head's lower down on my body, isn't it? My shoulders are now behind my head! My arms are shorter... and my humanoid face hologram is non-functional."

"I cannae change the laws o' physics," said Wreck-Gar, grumpily, expecting more gratitude for his efforts. Death's Head's plasma rifle had completely destroyed certain elements of Bumblebee's body. When put back together, he'd found there were parts missing, and he'd had to improvise.

Bumblebee noticed his saviour's sense of dejection. "Nevertheless, I am very glad to be alive," he added, hurriedly. "And I must admit I feel stronger than ever before."

Wreck-Gar perked up at this. "He likes it! Hey, Mikey! The future's bright. The future's yellow!"

"Yellow? I've got a metallic gold finish now!"

"Resistant to extreme temperatures, Goldbug. It's the appliance of science."

"'Goldbug', eh? Maybe... And my wheels are no longer attached to my arms. They're in my feet!" And with barely a thought, his four car wheels emerged from his feet, giving him, in effect, powered roller-skates.

"I do like this!" laughed Bumblebee/Goldbug, rolling backwards and forwards.

"Vorsprung durch tech-specs," said Wreck-Gar, pointing to a technical read-out on the Autobot's wrist.

"My tech-specs, huh?" Goldbug stopped rolling and perused the numbers. "This can't be right... Intelligence, speed, courage, firepower and skill the same as before, endurance gone from 7 to 8, and... strength gone up from 2 to 9?! Yeah, right! Pull the other one!"

"Whoops, my bad," grunted Wreck-Gar, and made a quick adjustment. Goldbug's strength reading dropped from 9 to 5. He shrugged again. "You don't go home empty-handed," he said, sheepishly.

"Yeah, I feel like a 5 now, but don't worry about it! I've never possessed such strength before!"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah! Thank you, Wreck-Gar. You've done a great job, and I'm forever in your debt."

A few hours later, Wreck-Gar returned to the future, to the year 2007.
___

In the year 1989, Goldbug reverted to Bumblebee, and gained a Pretender shell, but he never forgot the strange robotic television junkie from the future who had saved his life. More than two decades on, in the year 2015, Bumblebee finally had the opportunity of visiting Wreck-Gar on his homeworld of Junk. He went there, and tried to thank the Junkion Leader for what he did for him all those years ago.

But Wreck-Gar had never travelled back in time.

He couldn't remember ever meeting either Bumblebee or Goldbug.

THE END

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: ATTACK OF THE CLONES

PART 1

"Cloudraker is armed with two gravity-rod rifles. By altering the strength of the gravitational field around any object their beams hit, the rifles can cause an object to either crash or float away. The larger the object, the less effective are the rifles..."

"Fastlane... carries two powerful sonic boom rifles. He can adjust the frequency and amplitude of the guns' blast so that their effect can be as delicate as changing the direction of a falling feather or as dramatic as shattering a block of foot-thick steel."

- Transformers Universe
___

The year 1988.

"The Chinese army is under heavy attack from another Decepticon," warned Fastlane. "I think it's Sixshot!"

"Stay with the primary target. We can't be everywhere at once. I'll radio Grimlock on the Ark in case he's in the mood to send us a little help, but I doubt I'll get any response. Our human allies will just have to do the best they can until we've dealt with Demolishor."

Cloudraker, the Cybertronian Autobots' sky fighter, buzzed past the giant, crazy, unicycling Decepticon, causing him to swerve but remain on the Shanghai highway, ripping up asphalt and sending any traffic that he didn't flatten careering off the road. Demolishor took a swipe at the Autobot jet with one of his mighty arms as he rolled headlong on his destructive course, but Cloudraker had seen him slice in two a Chinese military helicopter that got too close when the Decepticon first transformed out of his excavator disguise and into his bizarre robot mode, and was alert and ready to dodge out of the way of those lethal swinging claws.

The Autobots' road warrior, Fastlane, scooted along the pavement beside the towering Decepticon, amazed at the vehicular carnage being caused, and that, for a change, it was not being caused by him. But despite his love of high-speed devastation, the immature Autobot was nonetheless well aware of the human death toll being exacted as a consequence of Demolishor's rampage, and the urgency of stopping him as soon as they possibly could.

Cloudraker transformed and landed on Demolishor's shoulders, brandishing his twin gravity-rod rifles. "Pull over!" he yelled at the Decepticon, but as expected he got no meaningful response, either physical or verbal. He fired both weapons simultaneously and repeatedly at Demolishor's head, reducing the gravitational field in his vicinity, and the Wheelcon bounced up into the air a few metres and hovered for a second before crashing back down onto the concrete. Unsurprisingly, he was far too big and heavy for the weapons to have their desired effect.

Fastlane used his rear-mounted booster jets to accelerate ahead of the Decepticon, transformed to robot mode and lay in ambush with his own sonic boom rifles. At full power, their blasts slammed into the side of the charging Wheelcon, buckling critical joints and causing him to wobble through the roadside safety barrier and off the raised flyover. Cloudraker transformed to flight mode to avoid sharing the plummeting Decepticon's fate as he crashed to the ground, wiping out an office block, which was thankfully empty, the chase/battle taking place at half-past-eleven at night.

Demolishor was a mangled wreck.

"Finish him off quickly," said Cloudraker. "It'll be more merciful than what the humans will do to him if we don't."

"You do it," said Fastlane. "My radio's just picked up reports of a chase involving police and a Decepticon in car mode a little over a mile away. Gonna go and help 'em out."

"All right, but try not to cause any more accidents. When we head back to Cybertron I want us to leave with Autobot-Chinese relations better than they were before Hubcap received the humans' appeal to us for help in dealing with Demolishor. I'll check out the situation with Sixshot and let you know whether or not I think we need to intervene. With any luck, he'll pack up and go home once he realises Demolishor's been destroyed."

"Trust me, brother - I'll be on my very best behaviour."

"Roger-dodger that, Fastlane."

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: ATTACK OF THE CLONES

PART 2

"Pounce cares little for the company of others, enjoying terrorising his fellow Decepticons almost (but not quite) as much as he enjoys hunting and killing Autobots... In puma mode, Pounce can creep with virtually no noise at all and then leap up to a colossal seven miles to pounce on his unsuspecting prey... In robot mode the laser range-finder and target-lock system in his optical sensors provides 99.4% accuracy with his twin anti-personnel missile-launching guns, both of which come complete with metal-shearing bayonet attachments."

- Transformers Universe

Wingspan... looks in people's windows.
___

Meanwhile on Cybertron, a battle was in progress. Trypticon was in battle station mode, bombarding the recently discovered Autobase 4 with his laser cannon, rotating blasters, destructo-beams and dual photon launchers. The Autobots were mounting a spirited defence, shelling Trypticon's position with equal enthusiasm. For the time being, their firepower was forcing the Decepticon war machine to keep his distance.

Watching the deadly conflict from a safe distance, Wingspan's superb optics spotted a missile arc upwards from Trypticon, descend upon Autobase, and score a direct hit. It failed to explode. Any other observer would assume it to have been a dud. But Wingspan knew better.

Trypticon's subsequent shots proved remarkably inaccurate, falling short or long or going wide. But over the next few minutes, the Autobots' guns gradually fell silent, one by one, until Trypticon was the only one still firing. Then he too ceased fire, and transformed to his dinosaur mode. He activated his back-mounted rockets, leaping the five miles separating him from his prey, and landed heavily, causing a tremor that Wingspan felt on his distant perch.

Wingspan saw Trypticon pause at the threshold of Autobase 4. Then Wingspan saw his clone brother, Pounce, emerge from the battered stronghold, oil dripping from the bayonets of his smoking guns.

The Decepticon hawk nodded with satisfaction, unfurled his wings and, flapping them, took off, beginning his quest for a new target to spy on and report back to his comrades.

THE END

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: BLOT ON THE LANDSCAPE

"Blot is the most disgusting of all the Transformers. Wherever he goes, he leaves a trail of foul-smelling lubricant, which is usually oozing out of several joints at any given moment. Many of his fellow Decepticons were just as happy to see him leave Cybertron and take his foul odour with him, as were the Autobots. Not surprisingly, Blot has a severe inferiority complex and is socially inept."

- Transformers Universe
___

The year 1988.

"Renaissance landscapes were idealised," Hun-Grrr continued patiently. "They tended to reflect a pastoral ideal drawn from classical poetry, first fully expressed by Giorgione and the young Titian. Their primary subject matter was the hilly wooded Italian landscape, as depicted by artists from Northern Europe who had never visited Italy, just as plain-dwelling literati in China and Japan painted vertiginous mountains."

He paused for reaction.

Cutthroat, Rippersnapper and Sinnertwin shuffled their feet uncomfortably.

"I like the one with the muddy pig," said Blot.

THE END

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: INK BLOT TEST

"Blot... knows he is an object of scorn and ridicule, but is incapable of effectively talking back to his tormentors."

- Transformers Universe
___

The year 1988.

"All right, Blot, you can move again now. Hmmm... Rippersnapper, your drawing of our repulsive comrade is far and away the best of the three. I can almost smell that foul-smelling lubricant oozing out of his joints. Actually, I can smell it, as he's standing right there, but you know what I mean. Good work. You get to remain Terrorcon second-in-command for at least another week. Team dismissed!"

THE END

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: BLOT ON THE RECORD

"Blot... is dumb and brutish, but extremely loyal - a quality not lost upon Terrorcon Leader Hun-Grrr: 'I wish I had more warriors who smell as bad and follow orders as good as Blot.'"

- Transformers Universe
___

January 1989.

"I am Starescream the Destroyer! I honour your city above all others, for I have chosen to obliterate it, so that the people of your world can know the power of their new ruler... and tremble before it!"

"We are doomed!"

"Run!"

"Our escape is blocked!"

"Invaders are everywhere!"

"Relax, humans. We're the Technobots... and we're on your side!"

"Then you may share their fate, fools!"

"I would like it noted in the shuttle's log that I am of the view that challenging the Underbase-powered Starscream to fight us is a bad idea."

"So noted, coward. You're overruled. Terrorcons, disembark! Onward to victory!"

THE END

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: BATTLETRAP'S BEASTS - THEY BATTLE FOR FUN

"Battletrap can best be described as playful - in the same sense that a cat is playful with a mouse that it's caught before the cat moves in for the kill... He's cheerful and good-natured - no doubt because he enjoys his work so much."

- Transformers Universe
___

December 1991.

"YEAHHH!" whooped Alligatron the Gruesome Gator as another missile launched from Battletrap's arsenal found its target, and Yellow Rubberneck Giraffe's dwelling went up in flames.

"Ten points!" gloated the Decepticon helicopter. "Where to next?"

"Twenty klicks due east," replied his guide from the pilot's seat, his white scaly feet crossed on the control panel.

"What's that thing doing back there?" demanded Hardtop Tortoise the Black Turtle, seated beside his leader and gesturing with his head to the bumper-car-sized jeep stowed in the back of the helicopter.

"That's the other half of me," said Battletrap, setting course for the next village. "I shrink it down to miniature size when I want to be just one vehicle. Makes some of my enemies think I'm a Triple Changer... right up until it's too late! I'll show you what I mean when we reach our next target. Hmmm, I wonder how Flywheels is getting on with your two friends..."

"Killer Carpfish and Horny Toad Drillfrog?"

"No."

"Sawtooth Badshark and Triple Threat Snakebomb?"

"Yeah. Them."

"Don't sweat it, those two are hopeless. No-one knows this planet like I do. They'll be lucky to get half our score."

"Oh... damn," said Battletrap.

"What's the matter?" wondered Alligatron, not liking the sudden change in their Duocon ally's demeanour.

"I'm getting an incoming message from Bludgeon. Seems Grimlock has left Cybertron and is going to lead us to the source of the Nucleon. We gotta go... Dinobots to kill, you know how it is. I'll be back to continue the game as soon as I'm able."

And with that, he transformed, enlarging and combining with his jeep module and dumping the two Battle Beasts unceremoniously on the ground, right on the crossroads in the middle of their enemies' settlement. He then transformed back to helicopter mode, ready to return to the Decepticons' ship.

"You can't leave us here!" protested Alligatron, as he and Hardtop Tortoise found themselves suddenly surrounded by their deadly foes, Bighorn Bombsheep, Colonel Bird Flykick, Grizzly Battle Bear, Rocky Rhino Graysharp, and their leader, White Leo the Pirate Lion. "They'll kill us for helping you!"

"That's okay!" called Battletrap. "I'm sure I'll find myself some new guides who are just as good next time!"

And off he went, to Hydrus Four.

THE END

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: FLYWHEELS'S FRIENDS - THEY TOO BATTLE FOR FUN

December 1991.

Flywheels's idea of a joke was somewhat different to that of his Duocon partner. Whereas Battletrap thought it funny to dump his 'allies' in their enemies' midst and give them a cheery "So long!" when ordered to rejoin his fellow Decepticons ahead of the Hydrus Four campaign, Flywheels thought it would be more amusing to take his guides, Sawtooth Badshark and Triple Threat Snakebomb, along for the ride.

The two Battle Beasts took it all in their stride. One minute they were in Flywheels's cockpit, taking bets with each other as the Decepticon took pot-shots at targets on the ground with his laser cannon - Hedgehog the Prickly Porcupine, rolling down the hill curled up in the shape of a protective armoured ball, Bonga the Gargantuan Gorilla's tree house, Sir Sire Bluehorse's castle - and the next they were being whisked across the cosmos for a date with the Dinobots and their Autobot allies.
___

Fangry was bored. The others might get a kick out of watching a bubble, but not him. He would have enjoyed to hurt the Dinobots some more - but no, Mr High-and-Mighty Bludgeon forbade it. He wanted them conscious. Fangry growled, thinking that maybe one day he'd hurt Bludgeon some... just for kicks!

Maybe there was some other life-form on or around this boring island. Then he could- There! thought Fangry, spying the fin of Sawtooth Badshark moving through the water. Gleefully, anticipating the carnage to come, Fangry moved in for a closer look. He slipped silently into his beast mode, extending savage, retractable claws. More work for you, he thought, smiling. He bent over the now-still water, hoping that whatever it was hadn't gone away. And that it was intelligent. The intelligent ones were better - they could appreciate what he was doing to them!

Sawtooth Badshark stuck his head out of the water some distance off to the right, and shouted at Fangry, "There are a whole bunch of robots down there, lying in ambush for you!" But Fangry's language circuits weren't tuned to dialect B-128, so it sounded like nothing more than an animalistic growl.

All Nightbeat had to do was push. Bent forwards like that, eyes searching the waters, all it took was one gentle push. Fangry toppled, arms pinwheeling frantically, forgetting he had wings, hitting the water. Instantly, he was seized by several pairs of hands, heavy bodies dragging him down.

Sawtooth Badshark shrugged, and came ashore to rejoin his partner.

They threw themselves into the fight with gusto, deploying their powers of wood and fire against the Autobot Micromasters in Optimus Prime's assault force, and they had some limited success, but were quickly captured.

As they were being marched away, Triple Threat Snakebomb caught sight of the burnt-out husk of a tank that had once been their friend, the Duocon Flywheels.

THE END

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: THE TRAINBOTS

in

'THIRD GENERATION'

The year 2008.

"Can I come in, son?"

"Sure, Dad. I woke you and Mom again, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but it's okay. I know what it's like to experience the changes you're going through. I just wanted to see how you're doing."

"I've done some more drawings."

"Can I see them?"

"Sure."

"Hmmm. They're pretty good. What are they?"

"A train-based Special Team, I think."

"That's cool. What do they transform into, the Super Chief?"

"No... not exactly. I Googled them. They all turn into the front parts of different Japanese trains, mostly from the 1970s."

"Riiight. You've been watching old Japanese monster movies before bedtime again, haven't you?"

"Well..."

"What else was in your dream, apart from these Train-bots?"

"Well, Cerebros was there - but he had this big sword for clobbering Decepticons!"

"A samurai sword?"

"No, just a sword. But when his head came off, instead of turning into Uncle Spike, it turned into a purple robot tiger."

"Anything else?"

"That famous dead Decepticon, Soundwave, was there too. You know, the one you said came after you at the demolition derby around the time you first started having the nightmares. But he was black in my dream, and turned into a tape player that held two cassettes."

"Cool, a twin deck tape player. I remember those. Great for making mix tapes."

"No, he had just the one deck, but you could fit two tapes into it, one on top of the other."

"Son, they never made tape players like that."

"I know... Anyway, when they tapes popped out they transformed into giant robot dinosaurs, and then combined in pairs to form even larger robots."

"Yep, as I suspected. Japanese monster movies."

"I guess. Maybe."

"Not to worry. Do you remember anything else about these Train-bots that you've drawn?"

"I can't remember their names... I guess they were Japanese. But they flew through space."

"Six Japanese locomotives from the 1970s flying through space?"

"Well, they were sort of joined together, like a train, but all made up of locomotives. No freight cars or passenger carriages or anything."

"In outer space."

"Yeah."

"Hmmm. You know, I think the Creation Matrix must be having an off-day. I can't think why it would want us to build a Special Team like that, can you?"

"Come on, Dad. You dreamt up Special Teams that had jeeps the size of space shuttles and police motorbikes the size of ambulances and helicopters. And they actually built them!"

"That's true, but I don't recall my Special Teams being so heavily influenced by the things I'd been watching on television the night before."

"So you don't think my dream was a message from the Matrix, telling us what it wants us to do?"

"Oh, I don't doubt the Matrix is at work here. All teenage boys dream about robots and monsters and sword fights after watching movies before bedtime, but they don't generally wake up to find they've drawn detailed blueprints of the things they've been dreaming about. Not without a little help from the Matrix, anyway."

"I hate it, Dad. I wish I could get rid of it."

"I know, son."

"Do you want to take the drawings?"

"Sure you don't want to hold on to them?"

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"Okay."

"Will you show them to SHIELD?"

"Maybe. Mom and I have to go see them tomorrow anyway."

"Why? What's Katy done now?"

"Nothing. Your sister's not in any trouble. Think you can go back to sleep?"

"Yeah, I'm tired. I don't think I'll dream any more tonight."

"Okay if Bluestreak takes you to school on his own tomorrow?"

"Yeah, that's fine, Dad... Oh, Dad?"

"Yes, son?"

"Were Inferno and Jazz ever Targetmasters?"

"Not that I'm aware of. Why do you ask?"

"No reason. G'night, Dad."

"'Night, son."

THE END

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: ONE-ROBOT ARMY

Previously, in 'The Last Days of the Transformers War':

Sixshot arrived from the south-west with the Pretender Monsters and a platoon of Firecons...

Unicron decided it was time to turn the slaughter up a notch, and released his life-destroying gas, lethal to the touch, which spread out like a mist from around his ankles, annihilating any who came into contact with it. The Pretender Monsters found themselves surrounded and fired all their weapons in desperation, but were soon destroyed.
___

In his jet-propelled laser pistol mode, Sixshot had perceived the deadly gas being emitted from Unicron's pores, and realised his Pretender Monsters were doomed. He launched himself from Monstructor's grasp and flew away as the Decepticon super-warrior separated into his six components, Birdbrain, Bristleback, Icepick, Scowl, Slog and Wildfly. As Sixshot transformed to wolf-creature mode and fled the battlefield, his last sight of them was of their team leader, Slog, rallying his men in a futile attempt to hold the mist at bay with their hand weapons. The last thing he heard was their dying screams.

And that was the last anyone on Cybertron saw or heard of Sixshot for the next quarter-century.
___

August 2017.

"I don't need no wing-men!" snarled Sixshot, twin hypersonic concussion blasters blasting the Predator jets, Snare and Talon, out of orbit.

"We'll see about that!" countered Skyquake, his missiles firing in rapid sequence. Sixshot took evasive action in his star-fighter mode, but his flying was no match for the Predators' advanced 'supersight' capability, and mere seconds later his engines erupted in blue flame. He spiralled out of control, into the atmosphere of the gas giant.

"Do we pursue?" queried Falcon, stabilising Snare and Talon with a pair of tractor beams.

"No," replied his leader. "He's finished. Gather up the remains of his fallen comrades and regroup back at the staging ground."

Hiding in the debris of battle, the Predacon Divebomb watched the enemy leave, and plotted a course to intercept the falling Sixchanger.
___

"You're useless as a leader!" Razorclaw snapped at Sixshot when he had been sufficiently repaired to take a dressing-down. "You lost your entire unit - again!"

"I made the enemy bleed!" Sixshot retorted. "I'm the only one who's been able to lay a finger on them up until now. I proved they're not unbeatable. They can be hurt!"

"But at what cost?"

"Decepticon warriors are expendable - victory is all that matters! That's what Megatron taught us."

"We Predacons always opposed Megatron. We stick together - we look out for each other! And you should be thankful for that, as it's the only reason you're not in the gravity well of that gas giant now."

Divebomb joined in the argument. "I remember reading the report of the Shanghai fiasco in 1988 logged by Barricade, shortly before he became a Micromaster and took command of the Race Track Patrol. Scorponok sent you with Barricade and Sideways to rescue the giant Wheelcon, Demolishor, who'd been cornered by the Chinese military. He'd been driven mad by his wounds, and your mission was to get close enough to calm him down and bring him in while the two Decepticon cars drew the human soldiers away. But you had to get 'creative' and take on the entire Chinese army by yourself! The result - Sideways and Demolishor dead, Barricade half-destroyed, and you only escaping serious injury through sheer luck!"

"How was I to know the humans had Autobot support? I thought Demolishor would be able to take care of himself while I put the humans to flight. But Cloudraker and Fastlane got to him first!"

"And you should have been there to protect him, and kill those Autobots. You were ordered back to Cybertron, and when Thunderwing disappeared you made a play for the leadership - recruited the Pretender Monsters and started mass-producing Firecons. You led them all to their deaths by taking them in too close to Unicron. You got out, they didn't... and now it's happened again!"

"It's not my fault if I'm surrounded by incompetents and weaklings who can't look after themselves!" cried the frustrated Sixchanger. "I can't trust anyone but me when it comes to fighting!"

"Which is why you're a designated Solo Transformer Assault Group," said Razorclaw. "You're incapable of teamwork, and so incapable of being a responsible team leader."

"I want another shot at Skyquake."

"You're not getting it. We're on our way to Cybertron."

"To Trypticon?"

"No, to Metroplex. It's the Autobots' turn to take on these so-called Predators. There are too few of us Decepticons left to risk any more losses."

"Cowards!"

Razorclaw touched his sword to Sixshot's faceplate. "We can toss you out of the airlock now if you prefer."

Sixshot didn't prefer.
___

Coda: Previously, in 'Tales from the Cosmic Carnival':

The year 2019.

"We need eighty-three megablocks of Aquillian crystal to replace the unstable Cybertronian fuel that the mad scientist, Flame, put in the engines' power cores..."

"We would have to source it from a hundred different inhabited worlds... we need the Galaxy's leaders to bring their Aquillian crystal to Cybertron voluntarily - and give it to us."

"How are we going to get them to do that?" grumbled Sixshot, pacing back and forth impatiently, transforming from upright mode to wolf mode and back again, itching for some action.

Gutcruncher, the entrepreneur, eyed the Decepticon Sixchanger thoughtfully.

"I've got an idea," he said.
___

"We're going to teach you teamwork if it kills you," Razorclaw told Sixshot.

"Teamwork - with Autobots? I can't believe I'm going along with this!" griped the Sixchanger.

"Right, everyone to their positions!" ordered Scattershot. "Strafe, Sixshot - you're with me!"
___

The spectators gasped... their attention was drawn to the sky, where a trio of blazing comets was heading straight for the open roof of the Cosmic Carnival.

The three space fighters cooled as they slowed following re-entry into Cybertron's atmosphere, and became discernible to the sharper eyes amongst the throng far below. Scattershot and Strafe pulled up and banked away before they reached the roof, but Sixshot kept straight on, transforming to winged wolf mode and firing his retro-thrusters, landing with perfect poise on a high platform, just as Nosecone and Quickswitch burst through the arena floor in their drill tank modes...

Quickswitch transformed to beast mode and leapt from platform to platform, higher and higher until he was on the same level as Sixshot... The Predacons and Technobots were all now in pre-arranged formation, and fluidly combined into Computron and Predaking.

The two giant robots detached their arms and tossed them to one another, the arms reconfiguring and attaching themselves to their recipients' shoulders, so that Computron now had Predaking's arms and vice versa. Quickswitch and Sixshot leapt down in their creature modes, to be caught by the two giants and then propelled past one another as they transformed in mid-air into their gun modes, and then caught again, each by the combined warrior opposite.

Predatron and Compuking fired the Sixchangers into the sky, tracing patterns among the stars, as Ramhorn and Steeljaw stalked close past the audience's front row, growling and snarling theatrically.

This is so humiliating! thought Sixshot, as he was tossed between Computron and Predaking for the audience's amusement, transforming from wolf to gun mode mid-flight.

He wished Unicron would come and swallow him up.

THE END

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: CONCERNING MONSTERBOTS

"They're too strong! Fall back!"

"No! We must stand and fight!"

"One of you is right, Doublecross. We came here to defend these gardens, but our presence here only endangers them! Retreat!"

"Grotusque! How could you?!"

"Flee, Repugnus? Sometimes there is more to be lost in victory - and gained in defeat!"

- Marvel's Headmasters #4
___

The Monsterbots are a funny group. To begin with, they look pretty weird - let's get that out of the way right at the start. Like the Terrorcons, their creature modes are based on exotic animal species from a planet whose co-ordinates have been mysteriously mislaid. Or so they say. There are many who believe they are based on creatures from myth, which never actually existed.

The second thing to note is that there are four of them. Rather unhelpfully, two of them are called Doublecross. Unlike the two-headed Terrorcons, Hun-Grrr and Sinnertwin - but like Rack'n'Ruin - Doublecross has two brains, with two very different personalities. They are located in the dragon heads, while their robot mode head serves merely as a sensor array. The dragon head on the left has intelligence 7, rank 7 and courage 6, while the one on the right has intelligence 5, rank 5 and courage 10. Doublecross's official tech-specs are an average of these ratings.

The other interesting thing to note about Doublecross is that their armour is near-indestructible, but their mechanical muscles are weak. Bumblebee can pack a bigger punch, and lift more weight, than Doublecross.

Grotusque and Repugnus also have courage 10, which would make Doublecross's left head stand out as the relative coward of the group, except that Grotusque and Repugnus are also both highly intelligent, which marks Doublecross's right head out as intellectually challenged in comparison to his three team-mates - and Grotusque and Repugnus are also often at odds with one another, Grotusque (the military strategist and Monsterbot team leader) being a clear-thinking pragmatist, albeit one who acts like he takes nothing seriously, while Repugnus is headstrong, nasty and quick-tempered, often letting his anger override his better judgement. Despite Doublecross's 'issues', it is Repugnus who won't function as a team-player.

And yet fate threw this mis-matched quartet together, and determined that they should have such bizarre transformations bestowed upon them. And despite their courage, and Repugnus's anti-social tendencies, they came to a collective agreement to join Fortress Maximus's crew and "give peace a chance". They failed to find that peace on Nebulos, where they lost the battle for the Mercury Gardens of Melanossus to Scorponok's Headmasters. Nor did they find it on Earth's moon in 1988, when Ratbat's flying island rendered them inoperative. Grimlock brought them back to life three years later with the wonder-fuel, Nucleon, and they willingly played their part in the final stages of the battle with Unicron. They missed out on the Battle of Klo, as the ship that they travelled in was disabled by the Double Powermaster mercenary, Doubledealer, before it could land on the planet. But they made up for it in the Battle of Hydrus Four, emerging triumphant in their vicious showdown with a band of evil Cybertron-born Constructicons, including such miscreants as Hightower, Scrapmetal and Skipjack, who all met their end on that fateful day.

And then there was peace.

All three Monsterbots now reside in Iacon, and though they still hang out together, their divergent talents mean they no longer work as a team. Grotusque is City Commander Prowl's Director of Strategy, supported by Overdrive and Trailbreaker. Doublecross is assigned to City Defence, reporting to Groundshaker and Quickswitch (though his left head would point out that it holds the same rank as Quickswitch). And Repugnus retains his counter-intelligence function, under the command of Mirage. His current assignment is to infiltrate the hive of the Robo Machine Monsters who now occupy the former Decepticon city-state of Helex, spread disinformation and gather as much data as he can on the threat posed by these alien mechanoids.

The peace holds... for now.

THE END

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: TECHNOBOTS VS TERRAKORS

Soundwave: "I have to admit my sympathies lie with the Terrakors."

- Marvel's Transformers UK #61
___

The five Terrakors from the planet Skalorr had established themselves in Cybertron's slag swamps, but ventured forth to raid nearby settlements populated by peaceful Empties and other neutral Cybertronians. Once the Technobots had done their duty performing with Predaking and the Sixchangers in the Cosmic Carnival, in an effort to raise the eye-watering quantities of Aquillian crystal that the Transformers required to briefly, safely re-power Megatron's old, abandoned, experimental planetary rocket boosters and nudge Cybertron into stable orbit around the Scarvix system's sun, Thunderclash Prime ordered the team to head over to that sector and teach the marauding Robotix a lesson.

Nemesis extended his left hand, shooting it out from him like a grappling claw to grab Afterburner in motorcycle mode and toss him into the slag swamp. The hissing, serpentine Terrakor, Steggor, assumed a rolling attack configuration and rammed Lightspeed, knocking the car Technobot upside-down. Overhead, Tyrannix took on Scattershot and Strafe in an aerial dogfight, blasting away at the Technobots' leader with flamethrowers and laser cannons, while Goon and Venturak attacked the drill tank, Nosecone, from two sides.

Strafe fired artillery in all directions, hitting Scattershot as often as he hit Tyrannix, prompting his commander to order him to leave the aerial battle and go to save Afterburner from the swamp. Scattershot then concentrated on trying to bring down his Terrakor opponent before the enemy's firepower took its toll on his sturdy frame. Goon and Venturak found the slow Nosecone's armour too strong for their attack and backed off to reconsider their attack strategy. The rolling menace, Steggor, performed a sharp u-turn and came around, intending to flatten the upended Lightspeed, but the Technobot transformed and blinded the Terrakor with his light-burst gun.

Scattershot threw caution to the wind and collided with Tyrannix, causing them both serious damage. Tyrannix crash-landed, while Scattershot transformed to battle station mode and locked onto his enemy with his electric pulse cannon. "If you can't fly, you're gonna fry," he muttered, blasting the Terrakor with his full firepower. Tyrannix screamed, and a human scream could also be heard shortly before he exploded.

The dim-witted Goon failed to get out of Nosecone's way, and was shredded on the Technobot's durabyllium-steel alloy drill. Strafe peppered Nemesis with his light-pulse blasters as the Terrakors' leader moved to finish off the apparently helpless Afterburner. Nemesis reconfigured his left hand into a laser gun and returned fire, hitting Strafe's engines and forcing him to transform and land. But the moment Nemesis's back was turned, Afterburner fired a laser-guided incendiary missile that struck him in the rear, blowing him apart.

Scattershot joined Lightspeed in dealing with the sightless Steggor while Nosecone turned his drill on Venturak, who was momentarily stunned by the demise of his friend, Goon.

Only when the Technobots were wading knee-deep in Robotix parts did they discover what remained of the Terrakors' human pilots, which Intelligence Director Mirage later identified as being the missing Cobra veterans formerly known as Major Bludd, Copperhead, Firefly, Scrap-Iron and Wild Weasel - all now in their sixties and seventies. It had been more than twenty years since Bludd and his cohorts had last been seen on Earth, and they had been assumed to have been killed in some unknown military action. It seemed that in fact their mid-life crises had led them to opt for lifestyle changes somewhat more radical than stealing a sports car.

Thunderclash was not going to be happy with this outcome. He'd told the Technobots to teach the Terrakors a lesson. But then, he'd thought they were dealing with a purely mechanical menace.

The Empties living around the slag swamps held a parade in honour of their Technobot saviours.

THE END

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: BATTLE BEASTS FIGHT!

PART 1

"So when the Zargons came to power, we were given a simple choice: get off-planet or die..."

"We're Vrobians, robot - psychic vampires by nature! We normally kill our victims by slowly feeding off their emotions and sensations until a dry husk is all that's left!"

- Marvel's Transformers #63
___

September 2019.

The organisers of the Galaxy Kombat Tournament always send three complimentary tickets for ringside seats to the previous year's winner, and as Dani Dareheart had no permanent address they sent hers to Avengers Tower. The Avengers' security guard, Randy 'Roadhog' Horton (yes, him again), took the envelope from the little green floating courier without comment and sent it on its way, then contacted Lieutenant Santella via hyperspace link-up and asked her what he should do with the tickets. Dani told him she was too busy to go, and if the Avengers wanted them, they were theirs.

Now, strictly speaking, the Murderpits of Derut Four are outside the jurisdiction of Cameron Space Control and other civilised law enforcement authorities. Ultra Magnus said that such games pander to the worst aspect of people's nature, their bloodlust. "Killing's not a sport," he said, "and it's certainly not to be taken lightly. We kill only when it's unavoidable, and even then we lose a little piece of ourselves! Uphold life, cherish it. It's too short to throw it away senselessly. Go home, people, and think about what I've said!"

He was absolutely right, of course.

And completely wrong.

On Derut Four, as on Mojoworld, killing is indeed a sport, and a highly lucrative one at that, attracting millions of well-to-do spectators from the more 'civilised' sectors of the Galaxy where such sports are outlawed. And, as in 2018, Earth had a legitimate interest in the 2019 tournament, as two of its line-up hailed from the humans' homeworld. One was the terrorist known as Vypra, who had fled Earth with the aid of the Blackstar forces, a secretive legion of space pilots from the planet Cameron who formed a brief alliance with Cobra Commander in 1994 shortly before the final break-up of his criminal empire. The other was the mutant known as Goldshift, the only member of the New Brotherhood still at liberty following the Battle of Mount Verona three months earlier.

Nebulos also had an interest, as the robotic mercenary called Lazorbique, who in the year 1993 was hired by the Decepticon Direct-Hit to wipe out the ruling Nebulan Council of Peers, had also decided to try his luck this year, hoping to earn himself the prize money that would set him up for life in another galaxy, far from any of the authorities that currently persecuted him.

And the Autobots on Cybertron were mildly interested in the enrolment in the tournament of two of the late Skeletor's 'Evil Warriors', last seen fleeing the city-state of Polyhex as it was over-run by Robo Machine Monsters seeking vengeance for the deaths of their vehicular Renegade compatriots, Bug Bite, Destroyer, Herr Fiend and Psycho. Five of Skeletor's former henchmen - Clawful, Jitsu, Kobra Khan, Webstor and Whiplash - were confirmed deceased following that battle, and Dani Dareheart was currently hot on the trail of Evil-Lyn, Panthor and Trap Jaw, but of the whereabouts of Faker and Tri-Klops there had been no clue... up until now.

So when three young Avengers-in-training - the ninjas Hush Job and Styletta, and the Thunderian Wildkitten - requested leave to take the free tickets and attend the 2019 Galaxy Kombat tournament, for cultural and combat education and intelligence-gathering purposes, they were granted grudging permission to do so.

Wildkitten was keen to test the interstellar capabilities of the new three-seater Thunderstrike that Bengali had built, so rather than ask Illyana to transport them to Derut Four by magic, which, in the Thunderian's view, always felt like cheating, they travelled the old-fashioned way.

En route, they perused the publicity material enclosed along with their tickets. The contest's organisers promised something special this year - half the contestants in the line-up were 'Battle Beasts', genetically enhanced and modified warrior animals, theorised to have some loose connection with the denizens of Halfworld with whom we are so well acquainted, but with a difference. While our friends from Halfworld fight for a range of reasons, such as honour, justice, revenge or money, the Battle Beasts fight purely for fun!
___

The following sixteen individuals participated in the 2019 Galaxy Kombat tournament on Derut Four:

Blackstar, a blaster-wielding space pilot from the planet Cameron, formerly allied to Cobra
Blitzkrieg Devilbat, a Battle Beast
Crusty Crabhit, a Battle Beast
Faker, a sword-wielding android from another dimension, formerly allied to Skeletor
Giader the War Weasel, a Battle Beast
Goldshift, a space-manipulating villain and former member of the New Brotherhood of Evil Mutants
Grayox the Roamin' Buffalo, a Battle Beast
Kon-Dorr, a Kree space pirate, wanted on multiple murder charges in the Greater Magellanic Cloud
Lazorbique, a bug-eyed robotic mercenary assassin from the planet Elpasos
Q-Zar, an enforcer from the planet Zarg, on the trail of an escaped Vrobian shape-shifter
Sledgehammer Elephant, a Battle Beast
Swiny Boar Wildthunder, a Battle Beast
Tri-Klops, a sword-wielding warrior from another dimension, formerly allied to Skeletor
Violethorn the Bloodthirsty Bison, a Battle Beast
Vypra, a.k.a. Ann A. Conda, a human martial-artist and former Cobra intelligence operative
Web Slinger Deaspider, a Battle Beast

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: BATTLE BEASTS FIGHT!

PART 2

In the first round, each Battle Beast was matched with a fighter who was not a Battle Beast, and, while they claimed to battle for fun, they gave it their all and surprised many of their opponents who thought they would be easy meat, wielding as they did only simple blade weapons.

The briefest fight, and one that caused the bookies much pain, was between Grayox the Roamin' Buffalo and the fearsome Lazorbique. Grayox didn't even draw the curved axe from his back. He just put his head down and charged. The robot from Elpasos made the mistake of shooting his opponent rather than flying out of range, and when his weapons failed to penetrate the Battle Beast's armoured hide, he had no time to get out of the way, and was smashed to smithereens.

Captain Blackstar, having no flight capability, realised he was doomed when his blaster proved equally ineffective against Crusty Crabhit, and ran for his life, much to the crowd's displeasure. But there was no way out of the arena, and when Crabhit finally cornered him, the human from Cameron met an agonising end on the curved, serrated blade of his opponent. The audience roared its approval, and the trainee Avengers tried to remember that Blackstar had killed many innocents himself when allied to Cobra Commader.

After Sledgehammer Elephant knocked Faker's sword out of the android's grasp and clubbed him until he was a pile of broken circuits, and Violethorn the Bloodthirsty Bison tossed Kon-dorr high into the air, notwithstanding the Kree's strength being double that of a human, and impaled him on his blade as he descended, it was the turn of the mutant Goldshift to face Web Slinger Deaspider. This was another match that the bookies expected a Battle Beast to lose, as Goldshift had the power to make things closer or further away at will, expanding and contracting space itself. For a while, Deaspider was on the ropes. When he slashed with his blade, Goldshift was suddenly out of range, and then he was right in front of him, landing a bruising blow on the Battle Beast's leathery forehead. But the Web Slinger soon changed his tactics, and began doing as his name suggested, slowly turning the arena into one great framework of webbing, while keeping the mutant at bay with his blade until there was virtually no room left to move. Goldshift quickly found himself stuck, and Deaspider scuttled along the webbing to where his prey was immobilised and drank his blood at his leisure.

The first Battle Beast to fall was Swiny Boar Wildthunder, who attempted to spear Tri-Klops but found his weapon ripped from his grasp by his stronger opponent. Tri-Klops wrestled Wildthunder to the ground and blasted his enemy in the face at close range with his optical laser. Vypra took heart at this indication that the Beasts were not invincible, and summoned all her martial arts skill to block the axe of Giader the War Weasel with her katana while using her free hand to rip the ventilator from his face before he could bring his hand laser to bear. As she had surmised, the creature's mask was there for a purpose, and he began gasping for breath, finding the arena's atmosphere not to his liking. Vypra saw her chance and stabbed the Battle Beast through the neck with her sword.

The Zargon enforcer, Q-Zar, had no such good fortune. He appeared sluggish and disoriented, as if unable to think clearly, and Blitzkrieg Devilbat didn't even need to use his axe, severing his opponent's major arteries with the hook he had attached in the place of his left hand.
___

The two young ninjas used their V.I.P. passes to gain access to the fighters' bar later that evening, and, as they'd hoped, they found Ann A. Conda there nursing a drink.

"Are you here to arrest me?" she demanded, upon recognising the old G.I. Joe insignia and Arashikage Clan symbol emblazoned on their ninja garb.

"We have no jurisdiction here," said Styletta, daughter of Jinx, keeping her voice low to avoid the ears of the 'minders' assigned to each contestant by the thoughtful management. "But you're in way over your head. You were lucky to survive the first round. If you agree to surrender to us, we can arrange for your exfiltration tonight."

The ex-Cobra operative shook her head sadly. "I'm not going back. I'll take my chances with the Battle Beasts."

"Are you sure?" frowned Styletta.

Ann thought back on the deaths of her only friends in recent years - first Slice and Dice, then the Mega-Viper, trainer of Cobra's Mega Monsters, and now Captain Blackstar. She wouldn't wait for death to take her by surprise - she would face it head-on at a time of her own choosing.

"I'm certain."

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: BATTLE BEASTS FIGHT!

PART 3

In the second round, the spectators' patience was rewarded with the first duel between two Battle Beasts. Crusty Crabhit and Sledgehammer Elephant both left their blade weapons strapped to their backs as they faced off against one another.

"I invoke fire!" yelled Crabhit, and immediately became wreathed in flame, which obediently reached out white-hot tendrils that seemed eager to consume his patiently waiting opponent.

"I invoke water!" cried Sledgehammer, and from out of nowhere a raging torrent doused Crabhit's flame, and carried the crustacean backwards, slamming him into the arena wall with lethal force.

Vypra's martial arts skills were of no avail against the agility and webbing of Web Slinger Deaspider, who used his twin-pronged weapon to trap her katana, and then webbed her up. As his mandibles reached for her neck, she closed her eyes tight. The trainee Avengers tensed, their instincts urging them to intervene but their reason telling them that they would be instantly vaporised by the arena's lasers if they so much as crossed its perimeter. Then it was too late.

Grayox the Roamin' Buffalo was wary of Tri-Klops, having witnessed the manner in which he made short work of Swiny Boar Wildthunder. And yet he knew he was stronger than his fellow Battle Beast. Tri-Klops fired his optical laser, but Grayox was ready and blocked it with his crescent-shaped axe. He caught Tri-Klops's sword in the yellow pincer that had replaced his left hand, and headbutted him in the face, smashing the Eternian's visor. Grayox tossed the sword away and clamped his pincer around Tri-Klops's neck, then brought his blade down. It was a minor mercy that Tri-Klops didn't see its descent.

Finally, Violethorn the Bloodthirsty Bison faced his fellow Battle Beast, Blitzkrieg Devilbat. Violethorn appeared slower and less decisive than he had in the first round. Nevertheless, after shaking his head as if trying to clear it, he cried, "I invoke water!" and a torrent burst forth. But rather than retaliating with his own incantation, Blitzkrieg Devilbat flew up into the air, thus avoiding getting wet. He reached behind him for his axe and hurled it, spear-like, at Violethorn. The crowd murmured critically, expecting Violethorn to avoid it easily and so take possession of his enemy's weapon. But the Bloodthirsty Bison seemed rooted to the spot, as if unaware of his surroundings, and made no sound as the axe cleaved his neck.

Hush Job frowned, drawing his companions' attention to the odd behaviour shown by both the Devilbat's opponents to date, and perused the fighter profiles in his programme.

TO BE CONCLUDED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: BATTLE BEASTS FIGHT!

CONCLUSION

Styletta and Wildkitten had had their fill of bloodshed and opted out of watching the third round. All the contestants that the humans and Transformers had an interest in had been eliminated, and could be scratched from their wanted persons list. They suggested making an early departure, but Hush Job wanted to stay and see it through to the final. It wasn't that he was enjoying the violence - on day one, the two girls had shown more enthusiasm than he for the combat itself, before the novelty wore off and cold reality set in. No, it was something else that was bothering him. If he left now, it would remain with him forever, an itch he couldn't scratch.

So the other two waited in the hospitality zone while Hush Job watched Sledgehammer Elephant invoke wood to smash Web Slinger Deaspider, and Blitzkrieg Devilbat decapitate Grayox the Roamin' Buffalo, in the semi-finals.

That evening they asked him again if he still wanted to stay for the final. He said yes. He told them Blitzkrieg Devilbat would beat Sledgehammer Elephant in the final if they didn't stay. They asked him why that was the case, and why they should care which Battle Beast won the tournament.

"Because Blitzkrieg Devilbat isn't a Battle Beast," replied the unusually talkative 'silent ninja'.
___

That night, following Hush Job's instructions, Wildkitten scampered up the wall of the fighters' dormitory block and used a microscopic night-vision camera on a wire from Styletta's utility belt to observe Blitzkrieg Devilbat sleeping. When she saw him, she almost fell from the six-storey building. She'd thought him ugly before, but now...!

When the Thunderian teenager returned with the photographic evidence, Hush Job explained by pointing them to the biography of the late Q-Zar in the tournament programme. None of them had really cared much about the Zargon enforcer and his motives for entering the contest, but now all had become clear. He had tracked his Vrobian shape-shifter quarry all the way to Derut Four, and must have suspected one of the competitors to be the psychic vampire. And as luck would have it, he didn't have to fight his way to the final to reach his target - they were drawn against one another in the very first round! But the vampire's powers had prevailed, and the hunter ended up the prey.

That gave the Avengers-in-training a reason to care who won and who lost in the final. If the Vrobian disguised as Blitzkrieg Devilbat won, nothing would stop him from going on to suck on the minds of hundreds of other victims. Perhaps he would even one day find his way to Earth. But how to stop him? His deception wasn't actually in breach of tournament rules.

No-one was in favour of murdering the Vrobian while he slept, so all they could think of was to find Sledgehammer Elephant and warn him, in the hopes that he could use the knowledge to somehow protect himself from the Vrobian's mental influence. In contrast to his arena persona, Sledgehammer spoke gently and thanked them for their information. He told them not to worry, and that he resolved to stay away from the dormitory block, keeping as much distance as possible between him and the psychic vampire until it was time to fight.
___

It was a best-of-three, with advanced med-tech restoring the loser of each sub-round. First they fought unarmed, no unattached weapons or magic permitted. Fresh as a daisy after a good night's sleep, Sledgehammer charged. The Devilbat flapped his wings and took off, but Sledgehammer leapt high and brought his hammer-hand down hard on his enemy's ribcage, smashing him to the ground with his full elephantine weight.

The Devilbat won the second sub-round, using his axe to disarm his opponent and slice through his thick, leathery hide.

Finally, magic was permitted. While they still had the arena between them, Sledgehammer stamped on the ground, causing a tremor, and the Devilbat lost his footing. "I invoke wood!" bellowed the elephant, and branches burst from the floor, entwining the Devilbat's feet. "Come on!" taunted Sledgehammer. "Invoke fire and burn yourself free!"

"I-" began the Devilbat, then saw the flash of a spear-like club hurtling towards him. The Battle Beast's aim was true, and the spectators gasped as the impaled creature metamorphosed into a tentacle-faced Vrobian before finally expiring.

Sledgehammer trumpeted his victory. "That was fun!" he said.
___

Round 1:
Blitzkrieg Devilbat kills Q-Zar.
Crusty Crabhit kills Blackstar.
Grayox the Roamin' Buffalo kills Lazorbique.
Sledgehammer Elephant kills Faker.
Tri-Klops kills Swiny Boar Wildthunder.
Violethorn the Bloodthirsty Bison kills Kon-Dorr.
Vypra kills Giader the War Weasel.
Web Slinger Deaspider kills Goldshift.

Round 2:
Blitzkrieg Devilbat kills Violethorn the Bloodthirsty Bison.
Grayox the Roamin' Buffalo kills Tri-Klops.
Sledgehammer Elephant kills Crusty Crabhit.
Web Slinger Deaspider kills Vypra.

Round 3:
Blitzkrieg Devilbat kills Grayox the Roamin' Buffalo.
Sledgehammer Elephant kills Web Slinger Deaspider.

Round 4:
Sledgehammer Elephant kills Blitzkrieg Devilbat.

THE END

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: BATTLE BEASTS FIGHT!

EPILOGUE 1

Once the crowds had dispsersed and the vast majority of their ships, Thunderstrike included, had departed for whatever star system they happened to call home, Xagra, third son of Zabra, nodded with satisfaction at the completion of yet another highly profitable Galaxy Kombat tournament. If only his dad could see him now...

He turned away from his accounts ledger as a middle-aged male human knocked and entered Xagra's office.

"Better than projected?" queried the human (or was it an android?), nodding up at the weighty tome.

"Much better," Xagra cast a toothy grin down at his small, pink-skinned visitor. "Has our glorious victor gone away satisfied?"

"I don't think the money meant much to him, but he took it. Said he'd see us again same time next year."

"Fine, fine!"

"And you got the samples you needed?"

"Yes." Xagra pointed a gnarled, long-nailed finger at ten cloning vats lining one wall of his office, within which ten semi-humanoid forms could just be made out. The first had the distinctive characteristics of an octopus - the second, an armadillo. A chameleon, an iguana and an owl-like being could be discerned in the features of the forms in the next three vats. There was also an anteater, a creature based on a cuttlefish, a giant mouse, an oversized seahorse and a skunk. "The second wave of Battle Beasts is almost ready, and the third won't be far behind."

"And then the Laser Beasts, as promised?" prompted the human.

"Yes, the Laser Beasts, as promised," snapped the giant alien with sudden irritation at this annoying little Earth creature's presumptive tone.

"A real pleasure doing business with you, Xagra," smiled the human, pleasantly, already on his way out.

"Likewise... Mr Johnson," muttered Xagra.
___

Interesting, mused the silent ninja, Hush Job, from his place of concealment in the ceiling's air vent, as he held himself absolutely motionless, his forehead just centimetres from a security sensor beam. Very interesting!

THE END

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: BATTLE BEASTS FIGHT!

EPILOGUE 2

While Styletta piloted the Thunderstrike back to Earth to report what they'd seen to the Avengers, and Hush Job crept through the air ventilation system of Xagra's laboratories, plundering his secrets, Wildkitten ventured out into the lawless urban sprawl surrounding the lucrative Murderpits of the planet Derut Four, looking for Battle Beasts.

The eighteen-year-old Thunderian scampered up walls and bounded across rooftops, taking in the sights, sounds and smells of a busy, cosmopolitan, spaceport-centric, black-market economy. All life and death was here.

On the third evening, she found what she was looking for, when she spotted four or five creatures who looked like they might be friends of Sledgehammer Elephant entering a seedy-looking backstreet bar. Peeking in through the window, and making use of her razor-sharp hearing, she established the identities of one 'Baboon the Manic Mandrill', one 'Dream Eater the Torrential Tapir', one 'Earthhog the Ardent Aardvark', one 'Musky Oxhorn', and one 'Udan the Ossified Orangutan'. Their conversation was crude and raucous, but their rubsigns showed that they were clearly Battle Beasts rather than Halfworlders, and they were the only lead she had, so she clambered down to street level, took a deep breath and prepared to go inside and introduce herself. She hoped they wouldn't all insist on fighting.

"Don't go in there!" came a voice, soft but urgent, from a darkened doorway opposite. Wildkitten jumped, and cursed herself for being so attentive to her quarry that she'd neglected her wider surroundings. She turned, and saw a well-groomed fox-based Battle Beast in clean white armour emerge from the shadows - a stark but welcome contrast to the five dirty, foul-mouthed creatures in the bar.

"Why not?" asked Wildkitten.

"Because those five are arseholes, that's why not," said a gruff, yellow-coated, feline Battle Beast in dark maroon armour, coming up behind his foxy friend. "You're a human, aren't you?"

"I'm a Thunderca- a Thunderian," she replied. "But I'm with the humans now. Please call me 'Kit."

"Sly Beafox," said the fox. "And this is my partner, Golder the Ferocious Tiger," she added. "We've been watching you since the tournament. We'd like to talk. Can we go somewhere a little more... civilised?"

"No objections from me. Lead the way!"

Over the next hour or so, Sly Beafox and Golder told Wildkitten the secret origin of the Battle Beasts, and asked her whether she thought that she and her friends might help them to save their people from almost certain extinction.

As a member of an extinct species herself, Wildkitten could hardly say no.

THE END

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: THE THROTTLEBOTS

in

'BATTLE BEASTS ROLL!'

PART 1

October 2019.

On the border between the city-states of Vos and Iacon, the Autobots slowed to a halt as they came into view of the crashed alien spaceship.

"Throttlebots, transform," said Rollbar, and the team of five converted to their upright forms.

"Ship is of unknown design," said Chase, whose eyesight was the best in the group. "It appears to be largely intact, but has been blackened by fire that its occupants have somehow managed to put out."

"Any sign of survivors?" demanded Freeway.

"I'm picking up ten heat signatures," said Searchlight. "Three of them are closing fast on our position - two by air, one by land."

A blue-armoured flying squirrel swooped down, shouted something in an unfamiliar tongue and brandished a curved sword in their direction, causing a torrential downpour of water to appear from nowhere and soak the Throttlebots, though when it was over all five remained standing.

A pale, red-beaked duck clad in lighter blue armour flew into view, clutching a strangely-shaped axe in its feathers, which it waved at the astonished Autobots. It quacked angrily at them, and blasted them with some kind of flamethrower.

"Oh, no!" wailed Wideload as his paintwork was scorched by the fiery assault.

"Switch your language circuits to dialect B-128," ordered Rollbar. They did so, just in time for the arrival of the third alien.

"I'm Jungaroo the Kickback Kangaroo!" the bounding creature proclaimed. "And I challenge you to fight me!" And with that he kicked Freeway over with his two big feet and hurled a golden boomerang at Chase, who ducked to avoid it, then ducked again, thanks to his superb all-around vision, to avoid it once more as it came back for a second time. "I invoke wood!" cried Jungaroo.

He paused. Nothing happened.

Squire Squirrel the Flying Attacker and Run Amuck Smileduck landed beside him as he scratched his head in perplexity.

"Ha! Wood doesn't work on this planet," laughed Squire Squirrel. "How are you going to fight now?" And then the boomerang hit him in the back of the head, knocking him flat on his face. Run Amuck Smileduck quacked in amusement.

"Why are you attacking us?" Rollbar demanded.

"We like to fight," said Squire Squirrel, getting back to his feet. "And you shot down our ship."

"We did no such thing!" protested Wideload. "The Zoids shot down your ship, like they shoot down anything that crosses into their territory. We came to look for survivors."

"Then where do we find these Zoids? I want to fight them now!"

"There's one," said Chase, pointing as a skeletal, pterosaur-like Zark soared across the sky, its weapons systems trained on the small group of Autobots and Battle Beasts.

"Will it attack?" demanded Run Amuck Smileduck.

"Why? Aren't you going to attack it anyway?" taunted Freeway, sensing their hesitation, and earning a slap from Rollbar.

"It won't attack us this side of the border," said Searchlight.

"So you're not at war?" Squire Squirrel sought clarification.

"Not currently," said Rollbar. "So unless you want to start one - and it would be a very short one, I can assure you - I suggest we take you and your companions back to our city, where we can figure out where you come from and where to send you. Do you have any wounded?" he asked, nodding towards the seven other Battle Beasts, who were fast approaching their position.

"Major Wavemoose broke an antler in the crash, but it'll regenerate," sniffed Jungaroo. "Other than that, it's just scrapes and bruises, which are par for the course when you battle for fun." Freeway and Wideload exchanged bemused looks at this but said nothing.

"Is your city far?" wondered Smileduck.

"Yes, it's far," said Chase, "but we can call in an aerial pick-up once we're clear of the no-fly zone."

"You'd better ride in us," said Rollbar, and they transformed. "Dump your melee weapons in the back of Wideload."

"Place, don't dump!" pleaded Wideload.

Beavop the Eager Beaver and Underground the Miner Mole fitted comfortably inside Freeway, while Bullorn the Bludgeonly Bulldog and Wolfgang Walrus Sea Iron rode in Chase and Dark Dragoon Raccoon joined Run Amuck Smileduck in Searchlight. Jungaroo the Kickback Kangaroo squeezed inside Rollbar, and Major Wavemoose only just got into Wideload's cab. Strong Humongous Hippo went in the back with the weapons, much to Wideload's dismay. Squire Squirrel opted to fly under his own power and take in the sights of Cybertron.

"Throttlebots, roll!" cried Searchlight, reversing and then accelerating forwards to the distant rendezvous point. Wideload backed up a few lengths, and then shifted into forward motion.

"Why do you do that?" wondered Jungaroo, as Rollbar did similarly.

"What?"

"Go backwards before going forwards."

"I dunno. It's just something we Throttlebots do."

"Okay."

"I meant to ask, is it just you ten travelling alone?"

"Well, not exactly. We were travelling in convoy, but a cosmic storm separated our ship from that of Giader the War Weasel, Grayox the Roamin' Buffalo, Sledgehammer Elephant, Swiny Boar Wildthunder and Violethorn the Bloodthirsty Bison. They could be a hundred light-years from here by now."

Rollbar was almost sorry he'd asked - he'd had about as many convoluted animal names as he could take for one day, and looked forward to handing this little lot over to Prowl to deal with. "Not to worry," he told his passenger. "I'm sure Sledgehammer and the rest are doing fine wherever they are. Let's just worry about you for now, eh?"

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: THE THROTTLEBOTS

in

'BATTLE BEASTS ROLL!'

PART 2

Overload, the Micromaster troop transport pilot, did his best to focus on his job and ignore the Battle Beasts' repeated invitations to fight one or more of them when they landed.

As the Throttlebots drove the Battle Beasts from Iacon's southern airfield to the administrative centre of Metroplex, their passengers peered out with curiosity at the many and varied types of Cybertronian robot going about their daily lives in Autobot City, and discussed which ones they could fight.
___

"Have you ever seen anything like them before?" Rollbar asked Prowl, as they watched Searchlight and Wideload try to contain their unruly guests.

"Just once," replied the City Commander. "We captured two creatures who fit this pattern in the aftermath of the Battle of Hydrus Four in 1991. They spoke dialect B-128, and said their names were Sawtooth Badshark and Triple Threat Snakebomb."

"Yeah, that sounds like the same bunch of nutters," said Chase.

"At first, we thought they were Decepticon Micromasters in Pretender shells," said Prowl, looking pointedly at Wolfgang Walrus Sea Iron, who bore an uncanny resemblance to the late Autobot Pretender Longtooth. "But we quickly realised our mistake. They were friends of the Duocon Flywheels, who he'd brought along with him on the mission just for a bit of fun."

"Where did he meet them?" wondered Freeway.

"We never found out," said Prowl. "Both Duocons were destroyed in that battle, and the creatures themselves were either unwilling or unable to provide us with the location of their homeworld."

"Just like these jokers," said Chase.

"What did you do with them?" Rollbar asked.

Prowl shrugged. "We were rather busy at the time. We dropped them off at Grand Central Space Station and left them to fend for themselves. They seemed happy enough with that arrangement - lots of people to get into fights with on Grand Central."

"I don't suppose we could get away with doing the same?" suggested Freeway, hopefully.

"Maybe, in due course, but we're supposed to be a beacon of good citizenship nowadays. We need to treat them like we would the survivors of any traumatic space voyage. See to their needs, find out all we can about them, keep them out of trouble."

"They're rather a handful, Prowl," cautioned Rollbar, warily, as Dark Dragoon Raccoon crawled onto Wideload's head and Strong Humongous Hippo proved he could lift Searchlight off the ground, to the delight of his fellow Battle Beasts.

"You're doing a wonderful job with them," Prowl assured him. "Just look after them for a few more days while I make some enquiries - maybe take them to see the Cosmic Carnival! Just keep them from starting fights, if you can."

"Oh, great," muttered Freeway.

THE END

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: FORTRESS SCORPONOK

PART 1

Scorponok was not a Triple Changer.

To be more precise, no-one alive today can say for sure that he was a Triple Changer. People only remember ever seeing him in upright mode or giant scorpion mode.

And yet everyone has the idea that Scorponok possessed a third, defence base mode. Why? Well, after his death fighting Unicron, the humans made a toy of Scorponok, which had a defence base mode. What did the person who designed this toy use as a reference for this third mode, if no-one actually remembers seeing Scorponok in that form? Was it the product of his imagination?

No, it most certainly was not. For if you go to Cybertron, you will find Scorponok's old base, roughly at the point of an equilateral triangle made with Darkmount in Polyhex and Fortress Maximus's old headquarters in the Manganese Mountains.

Scorponok's old base is more than half a mile across. It is green, purple and orange, with two silver, eleven-storey towers flanking a huge, grey, pincer-shaped shield generator. It has exit ramps on three sides, green lifting arms, over-the-horizon radar, a fully-functional communications centre, an anti-aircraft sonic cannon, a repair bay, a construction bay, storage bays, elevators, an armoury, and a squad of semi-autonomous armoured interceptors with dual photon cannons that patrol the base's perimeter.

The toy Scorponok's defence base mode is inspired by pictures of Scorponok's base on Cybertron. Maybe Scorponok really did have the ability to transform into a miniature version of this base, but for some reason chose never to do so when people were watching. It cannot be disproved. But the base is still there. And with its automated defences left activated when Scorponok's troops departed for Nebulos, no-one has ever been able to get near it.

Until now.
___

November 2019.

Trap Jaw rode slowly on the back of the limping Panthor, his weapon arm hanging loose from its blasted shoulder joint, his cybernetic left knee still smouldering. His purple-furred feline mount was in an equally sorry state, his normally silky coat blackened and scorched, his upper right incisor broken where it had encountered the titanium steel skin of the robot called Jocasta. The pair had lost hope. They had no idea where they were going. Their emergency rations had been exhausted, and within a day or two Trap Jaw expected Panthor to keel over and rise no more.

Evil-Lyn was dead, accidentally shot by Trap Jaw's own blaster arm as he grappled with the extending limbs of the android known as Machine Man. One moment Skeletor's former second-in-command was standing victorious over the prone form of the Cameron Space Marine they called Dani Dareheart, having used a dark incantation to disable the girl's Circuit-Breaker armour and then engaged her in a sword duel to the death, both females being quick to snatch up the weapons of two of the six fallen Battle Beasts that the Eternians had ambushed and slain shortly before the arrival of the three Space Marines. ("Evil-Lyn, by the authority of Cameron Space Control, I arrest you on charges of serial space piracy and murder. Surrender and come peacefully!") The next moment, Machine Man had wrenched Trap Jaw's gun arm to one side, it went off, there was a flash, followed by a scream, a blood-stained blade clattered to the Cybertronian surface, and the Eternian sorceress-witch was no more.

Trap Jaw had fled in a hail of blasts from Jocasta's eye-beams. When finally reunited with the wounded Panthor, he had, of course, told a very different story - that it was Jocasta who had shot Evil-Lyn in her moment of triumph, Trap Jaw leaping, just too late, to interpose himself in the path of the fatal blast. If Panthor had known the truth, the starving cat would surely have eaten the cyborg by now.

And he still might, if they didn't find shelter and supplies soon.

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: FORTRESS SCORPONOK

PART 2

Dog Hunter the Pixelated Pointer led his fellow Battle Beasts unerringly in pursuit of Trap Jaw and Panthor, the two Evil Warriors who remained at large following their unprovoked ambush and slaughter of half a dozen Battle Beasts three Cybertronian rotations earlier. (Battle Beasts loved to fight, but attacking without announcing your intention to do so was an unforgivable crime in their eyes.)

Trap Jaw and Panthor had been wounded in their subsequent tussle with three Cameron Space Marines, and left a trail that the canine Battle Beast had no difficulty in tracking. So while Machine Man and Jocasta returned to their ship with the body of their principle quarry and their injured human comrade, a band of recently arrived Battle Beasts decided to take up the pursuit.

Black Jaguar-Panther was looking forward to challenging Panthor to mortal combat, and was dismayed when they came across the blasted corpse of the Eternian feline. Now only one murderer remained at liberty, and he wouldn't get far on foot - his scent was still strong.

Mingo Kid the Frenzied Flamingo saw it first, a great looming silhouette blotting out the stars. Whatever could it be? Trap Jaw's trail led straight to it, the cyborg evidently having seen it as a potential refuge.

Little Serow the Fleet-Footed Antelope ran ahead to establish the nature of this stately edifice, and Duckbill Diver took to the air to get a view from above. Both came under fire almost immediately, Duckbill being struck by a sonic cannon that knocked him out and sent him spiralling groundwards, Little Serow drawing photon cannon fire from a trio of armoured interceptors that stood guard outside the fortress, and being driven back to rejoin his comrades.

The four slower Battle Beasts, Killer Koala Gray, Pugnacious Penguinis, Slo the Slowpoke Sloth and Strong Panzer Panda, caught up with the rest of their group, and after retrieving the stunned Duckbill they formed a huddle to discuss what to do next.

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: FORTRESS SCORPONOK

PART 3

Shrapnel watched the battle between the three Space Marines and the three Eternian fugitives with morbid curiosity. Dani Santella, with whom the Decepticons had had many business dealings, and the two Terran robots, Machine Man and Jocasta, had no idea the tiny Insecticon had tagged along with them on their star-glider, and they had made no prior agreement by which they could expect him to jump in and help them out. He just wanted to see what would happen when they caught up with their targets.

Shrapnel saw Jocasta pursue the snarling Panthor, firing blistering energy beams from her eyes. He observed Machine Man wrestling with the cyborg Trap Jaw. And he watched the impetuous Lieutenant Santella, alongside whom the Insecticons had fought in the battle that ended the reign of Skeletor in the Manganese Mountains, demand that Skeletor's wicked sorceress surrender. Shrapnel would have been sorely disappointed if Evil-Lyn had complied with such a demand, and, knowing her, he suspected that Dani would be equally disappointed. Of course, surrender was the last thing on the witch's mind, and she brandished her wand-staff and muttered a spell that caused the fine circuitry criss-crossing Dani's limbs and front to power down and retract into her bracelets and neck ring, depriving her of her protective electromagnetic field, lightning bolts and power of flight. The young Space Marine quickly snatched up the weapon of a fallen Battle Beast. Evil-Lyn did likewise, and Shrapnel moved in closer, eager to see blood shed.

From a nearby vantage point, the Battle Beasts Duckbill Diver and Mingo Kid the Frenzied Flamingo also watched the duel to the death with interest. They battled for fun, but they took their fun very seriously.
___

"Your human fought bravely," Shrapnel told Kickback upon his return to Decepticon City, as the video playback showed the wounded girl drop her weapon to clutch herself in mortal agony. "But she was stabbed three times by the sadistic sorceress, and when her robot companions got her back to their ship, she was pronounced dead. Humans are such frail creatures..."

"I liked her," said Kickback, sadly. "She was very smart, but took a lot of risks. Her luck was bound to run out sooner or later. Was her death avenged?"

"Even as her killer gloated over her body."

"Good."

Sixshot burst into the information centre, startling the two Insecticons.

"It's Fortress Scorponok!"

"What's that?" said Kickback.

"Scorponok's old base," said the Sixchanger. "The one nobody could get close to."

"Yeah, I know, the stronghold whose defences are so formidable that the only way to take them down would be to level the place."

"Yes, exactly. Only Scorponok had the codes to shut them down, and he's dead."

"Which doesn't say much for the confidence he placed in his lieutenants," said Shrapnel. "Of whom you were one, as I recall. In fact, aren't you the only surviving member of his little Nebulos expedition?"

"I believe so, yes. But Fortress Scorponok! Somebody's got inside it, and has taken control!"

"No! Who?"

"This miserable creature!" snarled Sixshot, and he played back a recorded video message broadcast to all and sundry by the Eternian cyborg, Trap Jaw, who Shrapnel had last seen fleeing the field of battle after accidentally shooting his own leader dead. He now appeared to be at full power, his weapon arm and cybernetic knee as good as new, a purple cloak draped around his broad shoulders.

"Greetings, Cybertron!" he boomed. "I am Lord Trap Jaw, commander of Fortress Scorponok, and I declare myself supreme ruler of this previously unclaimed zone of the planet. Stay away, if you value your lives!"

"I'm not having this!" fumed Sixshot, and without another word he ran outside, transformed to star-fighter mode and blasted off in the direction of his old base.
___

"I'm not having this!" growled Strong Panzer Panda, on seeing and hearing the message spoken by the hundred-foot hologram projected high over the Decepticon stronghold. "We need to get in there, and get him out - now!"

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: FORTRESS SCORPONOK

PART 4

The nine Battle Beasts gathered just outside the range of Fortress Scorponok's cannons, to take stock of their assets.

"All right," said Strong Panzer Panda. "Who possesses the power of wood?"

Duckbill Diver, Little Serow the Fleet-Footed Antelope and Mingo Kid the Frenzied Flamingo raised their arms/wings/hooves/whatever sheepishly, and Panzer Pander snorted contemptuously as their rub-signs illuminated with an emblem in the form of a branch. Their magical invocations would have no effect as long as they were on Cybertron, a planet without trees.

"Water?" he demanded next. Killer Koala Gray and Slo the Slowpoke Sloth raised their paws. "Which means the other four of us have the power of fire." The rub-signs of Black Jaguar-Panther, Dog Hunter the Pixelated Pointer and Pugnacious Penguinis lit up accordingly. (Yes, the penguin has the power of fire. Battle Beasts' magical attacks are in no way correlated with their animal forms.)

Alongside their powers of fire and water, the Battle Beasts had assorted swords, spears and axes. It wasn't much, in the face of the Decepticon base's arsenal, but if they stormed the place, one or two of them might just make it through.

Suddenly, there was the sound of jet engines, and a star-fighter swooped down upon them and transformed into an enormous mechanical wolf.

"Hello, fleshlings," said Sixshot. "From your movements, I deduced that you were considering how best to attack that fortress. I believe we can help one another. You see, I know the base's layout. It's not designed to keep out carbon-based life-forms - just robots like me. But first we must come to an understanding."

"We're interested, wolf-machine," said Black Jaguar-Panther. "Name your terms."

TO BE CONCLUDED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: FORTRESS SCORPONOK

CONCLUSION

Fortress Scorponok's motion sensors detected Duckbill Diver and Mingo Kid the Frenzied Flamingo flapping around at the edge of the base's kill-zone, and showed Little Serow the Fleet-Footed Antelope as he darted back and forth, testing the effective range of the armoured interceptors' photon cannons. Meanwhile, the base's hyper-sensitive electrical sensors, which were capable of spotting a shrunk-down Insecticon from a distance of two miles, drew Trap Jaw a clear profile of Sixshot as he approached the base from a different direction, seemingly intent on launching an aerial assault - the fool!

What Trap Jaw failed to grasp was that Fortress Scorponok's construction pre-dated the presence of carbon-based life-forms on Cybertron, and made no provision for them, such as infra-red sensors to detect body heat. So, provided they moved slowly enough to avoid triggering the motion sensors, the other Battle Beasts were able to creep up on the base without detection, crawling under its defensive shields. Sixshot had told them where to find the hidden back-door.
___

Sixshot screamed past at over 20,000 miles per hour, Fortress Scorponok's force-field holding as he hit it again and again with his wing-mounted concussion blasters. Trap Jaw punched the terminal that he had hooked himself up to in sheer frustration, angry that the base's anti-aircraft cannon was unable to draw a bead on such a fast-moving attacker. Sixshot's strikes were causing no damage, but were annoying as hell.

They were, of course, also a diversion.

Black Jaguar-Panther and Strong Panzer Panda burst into the control room. "I invoke fire!" they cried in unison, launching a super-heated assault on the Eternian cyborg, who hit the floor only just in time to avoid being incinerated, disconnecting himself from the base's computer in the process. His lovely new purple cloak aflame, Trap Jaw took aim with his arm cannon and shot the two Battle Beasts dead. He then leapt for the doorway, using his hook to disarm and disembowel Slo the Slowpoke Sloth as he came up the stairs before swiftly converting his weapon arm to claw mode in order to grapple hand to hand with Killer Koala Gray.

Trap Jaw froze in horror as Pugnacious Penguinis entered the room. "It can't be..." he gasped. "But it is! The Eternian Power Sword!"

"I invoke fire!" shouted Penguinis and Dog Hunter the Pixelated Pointer, who brought up the rear, and this time Trap Jaw was too distracted to get out of the way of the deadly blast.

"What was it he said?" asked Killer Koala Gray, getting to his feet.

"I dunno," shrugged Penguinis. "Something about this old sword that I salvaged the other day from the crash site of that big, red, skull-shaped ship out by the Manganese Mountains."

Sixshot, having perceived that Trap Jaw's control of the base defences was broken, strode into the room and surveyed the carnage. "Thanks," he told the three surviving Battle Beasts. "I'll take it from here."
___

It had been a good couple of days for the Decepticons. At the cost of several Battle Beast lives and one occasional ally who had probably killed more Decepticons in her short career as a Circuit-Breaker than any other human in history, the stain of Eternian space pirates had finally been eradicated - and they had regained control of a strategically important outpost.
___

In a secret facility deep in the heart of Cameron Space Control, Squadron Commander Arigoz, call sign 'Silencer', stared intently at a light that pulsed in time with a strong heartbeat.

"Three weeks until the artificial organs are fully accepted, you say?"

"Three or four. She's out of danger now."

"Good. I need her for Operation: Scalpel the instant she's declared fit for duty. Keep me posted, Doctor."

"Where are you going?"

"To write her obituary."

THE END

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: BATTLE BEASTS STRIKE!

PART 1

December 2019.

An articulated lorry trundled along a nearly deserted coastal road. In the cab, a young mother had her feet up on the steering wheel and her hands behind her head. A police cruiser passed them, going in the opposite direction, and the officer did a double-take and reached for his lights, then saw the Autobot symbol on the trailer and thought better of it.

The white cab was Ultra Magnus. The grey trailer was Optimus Prime. The young mother was one of three current Matrix-bearers and therefore arguably the most powerful individual present - though the six-month-old half-human, half-Titan child sleeping contentedly inside Optimus Prime had the potential to be greater.

They were avoiding traffic, population centres and roads with street lights because they wanted to acclimatise the baby to the planet Earth without bringing her within range of unshielded non-sentient electronic or mechanical devices.

Katy Witwicky said she wanted to go back to work. Ultra Magnus asked her if she was sure she'd be happy zipping around the cosmos, light-years separating her from her new-born infant.

"I'm not a very good Circuit-Breaker," she admitted. "With my Matrix powers, I've created more Decepticon lives than I've taken."

"That doesn't make you bad in my eyes," said Magnus. "We Autobots cherish life in all its forms - even when that life doesn't share our values."

"I guess that's why you made peace with them rather than drive them out when you won the war," mused Katy. "They called you the Cybertronian Autobots' greatest warrior. Did you kill very many of them?"

"Not really. I was only created five years before the war's end. I shot and smashed a fair few Decepticons during that period, but I have no way of knowing if any of those injuries proved fatal."

"Did you like any of them?"

"That's a difficult question. I got on with some of them. The Duocon Flywheels and I formed an alliance to fight the undead army of the mad Autobot Flame. He earned my trust, and I his, we helped one another on a number of occasions, and we never raised a hand against one another from that day forwards."

"But?"

"But that's where our shared values ended. Flywheels took part in the massacre of peaceful civilians on the planet Klo, and so when Optimus Prime - the HiQ reincarnation, not the original article that I'm currently towing - ended his life in the Battle of Hydrus Four, I shed no tears, if you'll pardon the expression. But I was angry with the universe... It was all such a waste."

"What about Decepticons you never met? Say, for example, the Terrorcon Blot?"

"Why did you pick him?"

"Oh, I remember some SHIELD agents going on about how his was the most disgusting Transformer body they'd ever dissected."

"Yes, in terms of personal hygiene that sounds about right. According to my database, Blot was considered dumb and brutish, but also loyal to his comrades, though they didn't deserve his loyalty, as they bullied him without mercy and taught him to consider himself inferior to the rest of them. Towards the end, I gather he began asserting himself, questioning orders, even to the point of disobedience, something he'd never done before. But he had the bad luck to be one of the Decepticons to be rendered inoperative by the Underbase-powered Starscream. The Autobots and Decepticons suffered roughly the same number of casualties that day, but while the Autobots were restored to life by Nucleon, the deactivated Decepticons were left in Scorponok's base on Earth when Primus transported everyone else to Cybertron to fight Unicron - and your government took the opportunity to ensure that they would never threaten anyone ever again."

"So you would regard Blot as an object of pity, rather than of hate."

"If he were still alive, I'd regard him first and foremost as a threat to be stopped. Feelings would come second to that."

"Second to protecting the Earth, you mean."

"Yes, I suppose."

"And now my baby's a part of this planet. No... I don't think I want to go gallivanting around the cosmos any more. I want to stay here, and protect my homeworld."

"Well, in that case..." Magnus trailed off.

"What?"

"No, it doesn't matter. We're trying to avoid contact with centres of populace."

"Tell me, Magnus."

"Well, I did just pick up a distress call from a small coastal tourist resort about fifteen miles from here... reports of sea monsters terrorising bathers. Probably just a publicity stunt."

"We gotta go check it out."

TO BE CONTINUED

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: BATTLE BEASTS STRIKE!

PART 2

The place wasn't hard to find. Screams? Check. Fleeing tourists? Check. Buildings on fire? Check. Inadequate emergency response? Check.

"You guys stay here and protect Minerva," Katy told the Autobots. Ultra Magnus transformed his cab to robot mode and readied his rifle, but hesitated to follow her as she broke into a run, heading in the direction everyone else was trying to get away from.

Katy reached out a hand towards an abandoned motorcycle, which, at a command from the Creation Matrix, disassembled itself and formed a cloud of component parts floating in the air around her, keeping pace with her as she strode towards the shore, ready to obey her commands.

Three semi-humanoid forms emerged from the surf, each of them walking on two legs, clad in futuristic armour and holding an axe or a spear, though in other respects they had the appearance of sea creatures. The red one and the white one looked to be members of the squid family, while the brown one had the facial features of a seahorse.

Heroine menaced by tentacled sea monsters, thought Katy. Come on, boys, try something a little original!

"I invoke fire!" cried Slasher Seahorse the Junior Dragon, and another building went up in flames.

Okay, I wasn't expecting that, thought Katy. I guess these really aren't guys in rubber suits.

"Give me those before you hurt yourselves," scolded Katy, causing the trio's weapons to fly from their grasp and break apart into several pieces.

"I invoke fire!" shouted Slasher Seahorse again, this time aiming the flames at the interfering human female. Katy dived into the water to avoid the blast.

"I invoke wood!" yelled Cutthroat Cuttledeep, and living branches burst from the seabed and began to wrap themselves around Katy's legs, while Octillion the Red Octopus reached out, intending to crush her with his tentacles.

As the motorcycle parts did their best to cut through the branches and fend off the tentacles, Katy disassembled the three marauders' suits of armour and instructed the pieces to form up around their heads, covering their eyes and constricting their necks.

As she'd suspected, the sudden blindness and inability to breathe caused them to panic, the enchanted wood crumbled to dust and the flames flickered and died. They turned and dived back into the ocean. Katy released the constrictive bands around their necks and let them go. But Cutthroat Cuttledeep was too slow to avoid Ultra Magnus's metal hand.

"You're coming in for questioning," he said.

Katy tried to dry herself off by the last of the flames. Yeah, I could be an Avenger, she thought.

THE END

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: BATTLE BEASTS STRIKE!

EPILOGUE

Brown Gyro the Armoured Armadillo let the two amphibian Battle Beasts back into their submerged training vessel.

"Where's Cuttledeep?" demanded Power Nozzle the Antic Anteater.

"Started a fight. Slasher killed him."

"Okay."

"Any problem with the humans?" asked Icky Iguanamonster.

"None. Where did Knight Owl send the second team?"

"Thought we'd let Green Chameleon, Powerhouse Scout Mouse and Ultragas the Pew-Trid Skunk test their powers in an urban environment. Picked one at random. Place called New York. I'm sure they'll do fine..."

THE END

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: STYLOR'S STAFF

PART 1

"Chromedome still devotes much of his time to academic pursuits - after all, he now has a whole new world to learn about... Stylor... spends more time primping himself and polishing Chromedome than he does preparing for battle. In Nebulan society circles, he is renowned for his exquisite taste in clothes and dashing good looks... He's charming, cheery and egotistical."

- Transformers Universe
___

December 2019.

The survivors among Xagra's ten-strong second wave of evil Battle Beasts returned to Derut Four feeling rather dejected after their humiliations on Earth.

"They've got a sorceress who can nullify our spells," reported Powerhouse Scout Mouse. "Green Chameleon invoked wood and got daisies, and my fire came out as dust. The little witch can also teleport her enemies into other dimensions. And they've also got a Valkyrie on a winged horse, a super-strong man in a flying metal suit, a synthezoid who can pass through your body like a ghost, and a Titan, who punched Ultragas the Pew-Trid Skunk into the stratosphere for offences to the olfactory senses, or so he said."

"Anything else?" sighed Xagra.

"Yeah," said Slasher Seahorse. "They've got someone who can rearrange mechanical devices using telekinesis."

"You didn't tell us that before!" complained Power Nozzle the Antic Anteater.

"It must have slipped our minds," retorted Octillion the Red Octopus. "How did you think we lost our armour, anyway?"

"I dunno," shrugged Power Nozzle. "Didn't like to ask. I figured you'd tell us sooner or later."

"So there are seven of you remaining," muttered Xagra. "Fine. You're all replaceable if you fail to perform, in any case."

"Are you going to send the third wave to Earth, to test them as you did us?" asked Knight Owl.

"No... they're going to try out their powers on Nebulos."
___

Stylor insisted on calling it a staff, but in reality it was a walking stick. Now in his sixties, thirty years of transforming into Chromedome's bonce had taken their toll, and after suffering three slipped discs he needed permanent support when moving about on his own. His orthopaedist recommended staying in Nebulan mode to avoid any further wear and tear, but Stylor refused to do that. The slower and weaker he got as a man, the more he cherished his time as a robot. When connected to his binary-bonded partner, his aches and pains went away, and he became the Autobot. As a Headmaster, they could run, jump and climb - things that were now beyond the capabilities of his human form. And each time they merged, before they separated they took care to back up their combined mind on a computer disk. Like the other surviving Headmasters, Nightbeat/Muzzle and Siren/Quig, Chromedome/Stylor knew that their partnership couldn't last forever, and on the day when Stylor made his final transformation, he would live on in the brain patterns of his Autobot friend, who would perhaps then go by the name of 'Styledome'.

A human requiring a walking stick on account of a bad back can normally only dream of leaping rivers and spinning his stick in the air while running up the sides of mountains. But Stylor could perform all of these feats - all he had to do was transform to head mode and connect to Chromedome. Except... Chromedome didn't have a stick - sorry, staff - to twirl.

Stylor made a point of fixing that oversight.

TO BE CONTINUED

CHARACTERS FROM THE 1987 TOY RANGE: STYLOR'S STAFF

PART 2

On Nebulos, as on Earth, every so often a threat from outer space would arrive to try its luck. Usually, the Circuit-Breakers were the first defenders on the scene, though recently the Spectral Knights from Prysmos had also been earning their keep, particularly in and around the capital city of Koraja. But just occasionally, one of Nebulos's five resident Autobots happened to be in the right place at the right time, and found an opportunity to make himself useful.

Stylor was in Splendora, working on his memoirs with the assistance of his Terran aide, Edwin Spade, when the third wave of evil Battle Beasts came to town. Stylor and Edwin were going over Lazorbique's terrorist attack on Koraja's civic centre back in 1994, and Stylor was explaining to Edwin how the Elpasos mercenary had entered the building, killed the Peers who were present, and taken clerks, cleaners and caterers as hostages. Llyra Zarak and a couple of her fellow Peers, who were outside in the gardens at the time of the attack, selflessly offered to trade themselves in return for the safe release of all the civilian hostages, and the robot readily agreed to this proposal. (The Decepticon Battle Squad weren't paying him to kill secretaries and janitors.) Afterwards, it had fallen to Stylor to visit Lady Zarak in prison and tell her of her step-daughter's death. The cold old woman appeared indifferent to the news.

Stylor had just informed Edwin that Lazorbique had reportedly met his much-deserved end a few months ago, fighting in a gladiatorial tournament... when all the alarms went off. Six new Battle Beasts, distant relations of Grayox the Roamin' Buffalo who had destroyed Lazorbique before being himself killed by the false Battle Beast, Blitzkrieg Devilbat, had landed in Splendora and were causing havoc and mayhem.

Stylor felt like getting some exercise. As his chair descended into the floor at the touch of a button, swiftly but gently depositing him in Chromedome's driver's seat, he only hoped they would get there before the Circuit-Breakers.
___

Chromedome and Stylor were indeed the first planetary defenders to arrive on the scene, and were immediately struck by all the fire, wood and water action going on. Specifically, the streets were flooded, the buildings were on fire, and there were trees where there shouldn't have been trees, doing things to people that trees are not supposed to do.

Stylor's days of ejecting through the sunroof, transforming in mid-air and landing atop Chromedome's waiting shoulders were long gone. Rather, he pulled himself out through the side door, transformed to head mode with a few extra clicks and pops that were non-mechanical in origin, and waited for Chromedome to pick him up and attach him to his neck.

But that task being completed, they were united as one, and every bit as battle-ready as they had been back when Stylor was in his prime. Perhaps even more so, as this time Chromedome had brought his twenty-foot-long, titanium-infused battle-staff!
___

"The Autobot shot Harrier Hawk the Eagle Killer and Crooked Crowmax out of the sssky with his laser rifles," King Cobrander reported to Xagra when the trio of survivors eventually made it back to Derut Four. "Then he pulled out this big metal ssstick and ssstarted whacking usss with it."

"Shield Dragon the Leapin' Lizard leapt right into its path and got knocked clean into next week," smiled Tanglin' Pangolin, relishing the memory.

"I got hit straight through a building and out the other side," complained a severely dented Tarsier Tyrant Demonkey. "And King Cobrander here made a lasting impression on the pavement."

"That metal ssstick made a lasting impression on me," hissed the snake-headed mission commander.

"Very well," grunted Xagra. "You may go and join the survivors from the Earth mission in the regeneration chamber."

They gratefully shuffled off.

THE END

[Grand Moff Muffin]

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

BATTLE BEASTS THAT DIDN'T MAKE THE GRADE

Blubber Blowhole, largest of the Battle Beasts, thought he'd make a big splash, but they grounded him for blowing his top and now he's all washed up.

Clucky the Hard-Boiled Hen hatched the best-laid plans, but when the enemy shelled her position she got into a flap and cracked up.

Lethal Ladybird would have made a fine spy, but unfortunately she was spotted.

Sticky the Stick Insect had the potential to branch out into new areas, but when the enemy attacked he stood rooted to the spot and snapped like a twig.

And... He-Penguin!

"I am Pugnacious Penguinis, a Battle Beast. I battle for fun. Fabulous secret powers were revealed to me the day I held aloft a magic sword I'd recently found in the wreckage of a crashed spaceship, and said, 'I have the power!' I became He-Penguin, the most powerful penguin in the universe! Only three others share this secret - my friends, Dog Hunter the Pixelated Pointer, Killer Koala Gray and Mingo Kid the Frenzied Flamingo. Oh, and Mingo Kid told Duckbill Diver, who told Little Serow the Fleet-Footed Antelope, and now I'm telling you. Actually, it's not so much a secret as a little-known piece of trivia. Together, my friends and I roam around looking for fights, preferably with bad guys, though we're not really that fussy."

FILE ENDS

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

XAGRA'S EVIL BATTLE BEASTS

Xagra's first wave of evil Battle Beasts consisted of Blitzkrieg Devilbat, Crusty Crabhit, and Web Slinger Deaspider. Blitzkrieg Devilbat was murdered and replaced by a Vrobian, and all three perished in the 2019 Galaxy Kombat tournament on Derut Four.

Xagra's second wave of evil Battle Beasts consisted of Brown Gyro the Armoured Armadillo, Cutthroat Cuttledeep, Green Chameleon, Icky Iguanamonster, Knight Owl, Octillion the Red Octopus, Power Nozzle the Antic Anteater, Powerhouse Scout Mouse, Slasher Seahorse the Junior Dragon, and Ultragas the Pew-Trid Skunk. Of these, Cutthroat Cuttledeep, Green Chameleon and Ultragas the Pew-Trid Skunk have been neutralised by Earth's Avengers.

Xagra's third wave of evil Battle Beasts consisted of Crooked Crowmax, Harrier Hawk the Eagle Killer, King Cobrander, Shield Dragon the Leapin' Lizard, Tanglin' Pangolin, and Tarsier Tyrant Demonkey. Of these, Crooked Crowmax, Harrier Hawk the Eagle Killer and Shield Dragon the Leapin' Lizard have been neutralised by the Autobot Headmaster Chromedome on Nebulos.

The Laser Beasts are a lethal new breed of evil Battle Beast, cloned to order by Xagra of Derut Four for one 'Mr Johnson' of the planet Earth. (Other notable appearances by Mr Johnson include when Berko introduced him to J'Oh the bartender on Grand Central Space Station as a Life-Model Decoy of the billionaire Richard Branson, and when he posed as a SHIELD agent in order to take control of the cerebro-shell lodged in the brain of the reporter, Irwin Spoon, by the Insecticon Bombshell.)

Unlike regular Battle Beasts, the Laser Beasts don't battle for fun - they battle on command. Rather than carrying swords, spears and axes, the Laser Beasts wield death-dealing high-tech energy rifles. They still possess the magical ability to invoke fire, water or wood, but they can also channel their mystical energies into their weapons, thus ensuring that they never run low on power.

The first shipment of Laser Beasts at the end of the year 2019 consisted of a hundred and ten warriors, five of each of the following types - Blue Eagle, Brainmouse, Brown Lion, Dinogator, Dragon Seahorn, Flysailor, Green Rayfer, Groundwolf, Hustlebear, Kingbuster, Sairon, Salmomancer, Scopecougar, Sea Panic, Skullgrotes, Skybat, Slag King, Sparkshark, Surr, Tigerburn, Unarchy, and Zariganian.

Mr Johnson hasn't told his business partner, Xagra, how he intends to use his new private army, and Xagra doesn't intend to ask.

Unbeknown to Mr Johnson, Xagra has retained for his own protection a team of six elite Laser Beasts, the 'Shield Battler-6', comprising Battlefennec, Fighthorn, Grencats, Killerhound, Mantofrenzy, and Stronghurricane.

FILE ENDS

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

AVENGERS UPDATED

Following Thundakat's departure in the company of the sentient nebula, Cloud, and Katy Witwicky's decision to resign her commission in the Cameron Space Marines and remain on Earth, and in light of the successful missions carried out during the course of the year by Hush Job, Styletta, Pumyra and Wildkitten, the de facto leaders of the Avengers - Franklin Richards, the current Iron Man, and Illyana Rasputin, Mistress of the Mystic Arts - have consulted with the longest-serving Avenger, the Vision, and agreed between the three of them to make some changes to their organisation.

From the beginning of the year 2020, the Avengers will consist of two teams. The Avengers' 'A-Team' (function: front-line defence) will consist of Iron Man, the Sorceress Supreme, the Vision, Starfox, Brunnhilde the Valkyrie, and Katy 'Matrix' Witwicky. (Although not a couple, the Titan Eros - Starfox - and Katy have developed a strong bond of not-quite-romantic friendship following their one-night stand, and haven't had any serious fallings-out in relation to their child. They both openly acknowledge that only one of them has the maturity and inclination to take responsibility for Minerva's upbringing, and that one isn't Eros.) It goes without saying that the A-Team (supported, where necessary, by Jetfire's Autobots) will be the group that responds whenever brute force or powerful magic is required to defend the Earth from external threats.

Alongside the A-Team will sit the Avengers' 'Ninja Force' (function: covert operations). Led by Daniel 'Laserblade' O'Hara, son of Scarlett and Snake-Eyes, its membership will consist of Swift, Hush Job, Styletta, and the Thunderians, Pumyra and Wildkitten. Their martial arts skills and agility will enable them to go undetected as they gather intelligence and carry out surgical strikes where necessary, with the aim of preventing the need for open warfare. Due to their relative lack of experience, the Ninja Force will continue to train with their mentor, Storm Shadow, whenever not engaged in active duties.

The aged Thundercat Lynx-O has passed away during the course of the year, but since his death he has appeared a number of times in spirit form both to Pumyra and to the crippled Bengali, who is thankfully responding well to his long-term treatment, which includes time spent with the Eye of Thundera. They have high hopes that Bengali might one day walk and run again, but, in the meantime, he acts as the Avengers' chief engineer, supported by their security officer, Randy 'Roadhog' Horton, and the former Autobot Commander, Optimus Prime, who remains at Avengers Tower in his trailer form, acting as nanny to Minerva Witwicky, baby daughter of Katy and Eros and latest bearer of the Creation Matrix. The artificial intelligence, JARVIS, the Flock dragon, Lockheed, and the Valkyrie's winged steed, Aragorn, round out the list of long-term residents at Avengers Tower.

The Avengers also have two short-term houst guests in the form of two Battle Beasts, Sly Beafox and Golder the Ferocious Tiger, who befriended Wildkitten during her time on Derut Four. They have appealed to the Avengers to help them save their kind from destruction through genetic and cybernetic manipulation by the likes of the malevolent Xagra and the mysterious Mr Johnson.

Six corpses of evil Battle Beasts have been recovered to date - Cutthroat Cuttledeep, Green Chameleon, Ultragas the Pew-Trid Skunk, Crooked Crowmax, Harrier Hawk the Eagle Killer, and Shield Dragon the Leapin' Lizard. Three of them - Cutthroat Cuttledeep, Green Chameleon and Shield Dragon - were alive and kicking when they were taken prisoner, but some kind of automatic switch in their brains, not unlike a cerebro-shell and presumably placed there by Xagra, caused their vital functions to cease the moment it perceived that they had been captured - no doubt to ensure that they could not be interrogated and reveal what little they knew.

The main task for the Avengers' Ninja Force in 2020 will be to find out more about Mr Johnson and the threat posed by his army of Laser Beasts, and to do whatever seems necessary to protect Earth, Nebulos and Cameron and prevent the friendly Battle Beasts from being driven to extinction. They will not be acting alone in this task. Already, the Cybertronian Transformers, working unofficially with Cameron Space Control, have captured and interrogated one of Mr Johnson's human agents who came looking for the cerebro-shell through which they (whoever 'they' might be) had been monitoring and perhaps controlling the movements of the reporter, Irwin Spoon. An elite unit of Cameron Space Marines, consisting of the Autobot Pretenders, Gunrunner and Skyhammer, and Katy Witwicky's fellow Circuit-Breaker, Dani Dareheart (officially deceased, just like Irwin Spoon), has been assigned to support Daniel O'Hara's team in what they have taken to calling 'Operation: Scalpel' (or, occasionally, 'The Search for Mr J').

FILE ENDS

[Grand Moff Muffin]

Note on the stories in this thread:

There was no grand plan - the idea for each came just before I wrote it. As a result, they were not written in chronological order, but I have now rearranged them in order by deleting some and re-inserting them in earlier posts. So, for example, the Goldbug story of a few days ago is now to be found just before 'Attack of the Clones'. The only story not appearing in chronological order is Part 2 of 'The Death of Counterpunch', because I wanted to keep it together with Part 1.

As usual, I expect only die-hard followers of this series (if there are any) to pick up on all the recurring themes and characters' ongoing story arcs.

That's all.

Martin

www.toyarchive.com/BattleBeasts/Figures/FiguresList.html

www.yojoe.com/action/94/blackstar.shtml
www.yojoe.com/action/84/copperhead.shtml
www.yojoe.com/action/92/dice.shtml
www.yojoe.com/action/84/firefly.shtml
www.yojoe.com/action/83/majorbludd.shtml
www.yojoe.com/action/93/megaviper.shtml
www.yojoe.com/action/84/scrapiron.shtml
www.yojoe.com/action/92/slice.shtml
www.yojoe.com/action/98/vypra.shtml
www.yojoe.com/action/84/wildweasel.shtml

[Andy Turnbull]

I'm saving some time so I can properly binge on these Martin.

Andy

[Grand Moff Muffin]

GREAT BATTLE BEAST DUELS OF HISTORY

164. PIRATE VICTORY LEO THE WHITE LION SHEEP COMMANDER OF THE UNIVERSE vs BIGHORN BOMBSHEEP

Somewhere on the high seas of Planet Beast...

Bighorn Bombsheep: "I challenge you for presumin' to command and/or pretendin' to be or not to be a mighty sheep!"

Pirate Leo: "ARRRHHH! Shiver me timbers! I accept your challenge. I invoke... fire!"

Bighorn Bombsheep: "And I invoke... wood!"

Pirate Leo: "Fire beats wood! VICTORY IS MI-"

Bighorn Bombsheep: "Just kiddin'. I invoke water!"

Pirate Leo: "You bastard! I'm being swept overboard! ARRRHHH!"

Bighorn Bombsheep: "Damn. The ship's still on fire..."

THE END

[Grand Moff Muffin]

GREAT BATTLE BEAST DUELS OF HISTORY

332. HORNY TOAD DRILLFROG vs ROCKY RHINO GRAYSHARP

On a precarious clifftop overlooking the high seas of Planet Beast...

Rocky Rhino: "I invoke wood!"

Horny Toad: "Ow! That really hurt! I... also invoke wood!"

Rocky Rhino: "Ow! We... are at an impasse! So, we must fight on with peculiar axe-sword-thingies!"

Horny Toad: "Weapon strike!"

Rocky Rhino: "Weapon block!"

Horny Toad: "Damn it! We are too evenly matched!"

Rocky Rhino: "Then I will break the deadlock... and your head... with my spiked mace hand!"

Horny Toad: "I counter your spiked mace hand... with my wrist-mounted armour-piercing missile!"

KA-BOOOM!

Silence.

THE END

[Grand Moff Muffin]

GREAT BATTLE BEAST DUELS OF HISTORY

578. GRIZZLY BATTLE BEAR vs KILLER CARPFISH

At the foot of a precarious clifftop on the shores of the high seas of Planet Beast...

Battle Bear: "I invoke water!"

Killer Carpfish: "I, a fish, laugh at your water, and anchor myself to the shore with my mighty axe-anchor!"

Battle Bear: "I take advantage of your axe-anchor being thus employed, to attack you with my own mighty axe!"

Killer Carpfish: "To which I say, 'I invoke woo-'"

Battle Bear: "You invoke woo?"

Killer Carpfish: "No, listen a minute... did you hear an explosion?"

Battle Bear: "You can't trick me, you- wait... You're right! The cliff is crumbling!"

Killer Carpfish: "Horny Toad Drillfrog, you fool! We'll be crushed! ARRRGH!"

Killer Carpfish fires shoulder rockets in all directions.

Battle Bear: "I second that 'ARRRGH!'"

THE END

[Grand Moff Muffin]

GREAT BATTLE BEAST DUELS OF HISTORY

707. COLONEL BIRD FLYKICK vs THE WORLD

Flying high above the cliffs, the shorelines and the choppy seas of Planet Beast...

Colonel Bird: "I challenge you to fight me!"

Silence.

Colonel Bird: "Is there nobody left with the courage to face me in mortal combat?"

More silence.

Colonel Bird: "Anyone... anyone for tennis?"

Only the wind.

Colonel Bird: "No? Well, then, I declare myself supreme benevolent ruler of Planet Beast! And furthermore... hmmm... do you know, I do believe that all those Battle Beasts who left on that spaceship last week, and on that other spaceship two months ago, and that big one last year... were miserable cowards. They lacked courage... and leadership! I must find them, and show them the true way..."

And off he flapped.

THE END

[Grand Moff Muffin]

GREAT BATTLE BEAST DUELS OF HISTORY

991. SAWTOOTH BADSHARK vs TRIPLE THREAT SNAKEBOMB

Somewhere deep in the bowels of Grand Central Space Station...

Snakebomb: "I'll flay you alive!"

Sawtooth Badshark: "Now hold on a minute! Them's fightin' words!"

Snakebomb: "Yeah, them's fightin' words. You're gonna pay!"

Sawtooth Badshark: "Is that the best you got?"

Snakebomb: "I'll knock your block off!"

Sawtooth Badshark: "Yup... that's three threats by my count. You're good to go. Let's fight!"

Snakebomb: "I invoke fire!"

Sawtooth Badshark: "No, wait a minute. This is a pure oxygen atmosphere and I can smell gas..."

FOOOOOM!
___

Colonel Bird: "Excuse me, sir. You wouldn't happen to have seen a couple of Battle Beasts in this vicnity, by any chance?"

Barbecue Bob the food vendor: "Sorry, mate, you just missed 'em... May I interest you in a grilled shark kebab, well done?"

Colonel Bird: "Ah, go on, then."

THE END

STORIES LISTED IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER

MISCELLANEOUS
The year 1987: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: The Death of Counterpunch Part 1
The year 1987: Bumblebee 1987
The year 1987: Battlechargers Forever / Transformers #23 and 32
The year 1987: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Gold Standard
The year 1988: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Attack of the Clones
The year 1988: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Blot on the Landscape
The year 1988: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Ink Blot Test
The year 1988: Terrorcons, Combine!
Beginning from September 1988: Tales from the Cosmic Carnival / Transformers #44
January 1989: A Stopped Clock / Transformers UK #199-205, 223-227 and 251-254
January 1989: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Blot on the Record
The year 1989: A Stopped Clock: Chimes at Midnight / Transformers #60-61

THE LAST DAYS OF THE TRANSFORMERS WAR
The year 1990: Transformers UK #229, 237-239 and 255-289
The year 1990: The Magnificent Six (Transformers UK Annual 1991)
The year 1990: Transformers #67-70
The year 1990: The Last Days of the Transformers War: Xaaron / Transformers #71-73
The year 1991: The Last Days of the Transformers War: Unicron / Transformers #74-75
The year 1991: The Last Days of the Transformers War: Nucleon / Escort Duty / Breaking Bonds / Transformers #76-80
November 1991: Top Secret
December 1991: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Battletrap's Beasts - They Battle for Fun
December 1991: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Flywheels's Friends - They Too Battle for Fun
December 1991: Another Time and Place (Transformers UK Annual 1992)
December 1991: The Reckoning
December 1991: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: The Death of Counterpunch Part 2

WHAT HAPPENED AFTERWARDS
The year 1992: Destiny of the Dinobots (Transformers UK Annual 1990)
The year 1992: Stylor's Sequel
The year 1992: Stylor's Statement
The year 1992: Stylor's Speech
The year 1993: The Last Minispy (time of narration)
The year 1993: The Last Minispy: Jaws of Steel
The year 1993: Earth's Mightiest Heroes
The year 1993: Earth's Mightiest Heroes: Minefield

INTERIM
1991-2018: Great Battle Beast Duels of History
1991-2018: Sky Lynx May Be a Rubbish Toy, But...!
1994-2018: Marvel Superheroes Meet the Transformers
The year 2008: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Third Generation

TWENTY YEARS LATER
The year 2014: Twenty Years Later
The year 2014: Twenty Years Later: Kup's Story Retold
August 2017: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: One-Robot Army
September 2017 to July 2018: Prelude to the Predator War
August 2018: Where Were You During the Predator War?
August 2018: Life and Freedom
August 2018: Cameron Space Marines
September 2018: Titanium Shott Blaster for Hire
September 2018: Titanium Shott Blaster for Hire: Death's Head vs Grimlock
September 2018: Game Over
September 2018: Game Over: Walkthrough
October 2018: The Mad Marvel UK Mash-Up
October 2018: The Mad Marvel UK Mash-Up: Deadlier Games
November-December 2018: War of the Skull
December 2018: The Legacy of Rodimus Prime
December 2018: The Legacy of Galvatron
December 2018: The Legacy of Primus
January 2019: Remembrance
The year 2019: Choose Your Own Prologue
The year 2019: Choose Your Own Adventure
The year 2019: Choose Your Own Destiny
The year 2019: Choose Your Own Strategy
The year 2019: Choose Your Own Fate
The year 2019: Choose Your Own Ending
The year 2019: Choose Your Own Epilogue
May 2019: The Return of Optimus Prime
Ending in June 2019: Stories from Grand Central Space Station
Ending in June 2019: The Singular Adventures of Slugfest and Overkill
Ending in June 2019: Irwin Spoon Goes to Cybertron
July 2019: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Concerning Monsterbots
August 2019: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Technobots vs Terrakors
September 2019: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Battle Beasts Fight!
October 2019: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Battle Beasts Roll!
November 2019: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Fortress Scorponok
December 2019: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Battle Beasts Strike!
December 2019: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Stylor's Staff