19 - Ratbat Breaks the Internet / Theoriverse / Micromasters

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TRANSFORMERS: GENERATION 2

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'RATBAT BREAKS THE INTERNET'

1. ARCHFORCE

Allegiance: Bombasticon
Function: Warrior leader
First appearance: Right here

"My time is now - Mechabots beware!"



Before Ratbat left Earth for good in 2019 in the guise of the SHIELD Life-Model Decoy known as Mr Johnson, to build a modest new life for himself, first as Blitzkrieg Devilbat, then as Black Zarak, Emperor of Darkness to the Laser Beast hordes occupying the western land mass of Planet Beast, he let a few little friends loose in the World Wide Web for Ethan Zachary's Optimus Prime to play with.

Powerful and dangerous, the unsubtle virus known as Archforce continues Megatron's mission to defeat Optimus Prime, albeit within the Internet. In his robot avatar screen configuration, he uses his monster cannon to destroy all firewalls in his path, whilst as an armoured tank, he combines speed and brute force to trash computer networks defended by Ethan Zachary's Mechabot security software. Once Archforce has punched through your defences, his Bombasticons (who were originally harmless video game villains until copied and modified by Ratbat) will spread through your servers like the malevolent army that they are, looting and pillaging. Once they have occupied your hard drives, they are very difficult to dislodge.



Archforce knows no weakness.

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'RATBAT BREAKS THE INTERNET'

2. STEALTH ASSAULT

Allegiance: Russia
Function: Sneak attack specialist
First appearance: Right here

"When you least expect it, expect me!"



Seeking to shatter alliances between Earth's governments, who had been showing worrying signs of coming closer together through their dealings with planets like Cameron and Nebulos, Ratbat left the Russians a parting gift from an anonymous donor in the form of an advanced semi-sentient stealth virus.

Stealth Assault streaks in from excessive cyberspace altitudes while cloaked in virtual stealth armour, posing as U.S. military software if challenged, adopting an avatar in the likeness of a Northrop Grumman B-2 Spirit heavy strategic bomber.

Stealth Assault carpet-bombs NATO and SHIELD strongholds in the Dark Web without ever being detected. He can also separate into two autonomous programs - a jet fighter malware program to act as a smokescreen to distract on-line defenders and an armoured tank application with enhanced destructive capabilities to roll over and corrupt sensitive personal data. His giant gatling gun blasts a multitude of untraceable misinformation missiles at enemy forces on social media while his jet fighter component engages in dogfights with western propaganda agencies with its wing-mounted fake news launchers. Attacking on multiple fronts, Stealth Assault is almost impossible to shoot down. You can't hit what you can't see!

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'RATBAT BREAKS THE INTERNET'

3. BLADE AND BLITZ

Allegiance: Bombasticon
Functions: Cyber-attack specialist (Blade), database reconnaissance (Blitz)
Sub-group: Rotor Force
First appearance: Right here

"Getting rid of other people's data is a blast!" (Blade)

"If there's a chance for file deletion, I take it!" (Blitz)



Blade (a.k.a. Powerdive)'s modulating circuit seeker can pinpoint target hard drives from a hundred networks away, an advantage that allows him to catch enemies off-guard as he drops out of the Dark Web for surprise attacks. When he appears on your screen in his Boeing AH-64 Apache helicopter guise, look out - this gunship shoots rapid-fire ordnance file-shredding propellers with such accuracy and speed that no-one can outrun or outmanoeuvre their destructive power. And in virtual robot mode he's just as dangerous... if not more so! "Get out of my way, now!"

Blitz is a smooth-talking spy program known for providing fellow Bombasticons with cyber-attack strategies after returning from recon patrols into target mainframes. He's also a high-tech semi-sentient robot virus who will fight with a vengeance if trapped behind enemy firewalls. Using a Vought F4U Corsair fighter aircraft as his avatar, he's capable of generating magnetic fields in host hardware and launching stealth attacks on precious data files. He employs his file-shredding propeller module when engaged in virtual dogfights with enemy anti-virus programs such as Ethan Zachary's noble Mechabots.

While Archforce takes the fight to Optimus Prime and Stealth Assault stokes the fire of cyber-warfare between Russia and NATO, the Bombasticon Rotor Force seek to infiltrate the databases of the world's financial institutions and irretrievably destroy the bank records of billions of humans, rich and poor, as well as hospital medical records, voter registers and welfare system databases, undermining the economic and social world order, leaving only anarchy and chaos in their wake.

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[Andy Turnbull]

Hurrah - Martin gets to G2!!

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'RATBAT BREAKS THE INTERNET'

4. FIREBALL AND JOLT

Allegiance: Bombasticon
Functions: Cyber-warfare strategist (Fireball), sneak attack specialist (Jolt)
Sub-group: Illuminators (a.k.a. Laser Rods)
First appearance: Right here

"If you're in front of me, you're in my way!" (Fireball)

"Live fast, ride hard, and leave an empty hard drive!" (Jolt)



Fireball is a turbo-modified speedster virus appearing briefly on-screen to his victims in the image of a customised Ford Panel Wagon hot rod. His virtual titanium chassis keeps him from breaking up as he burns his way through fibre-optic broadband cables, shredding the data he passes on the way. He is always eager for battle with information security countermeasures, except when he finds himself in a device low on battery power. He uses his circuit-overloading lightsaber weapon to disrupt Mechabot programming and cut lines of communication within utility companies and Internet service providers.

Jolt is as mean as he is fast, but fearful of Mechabots when outnumbered. He peels out of hostile Internet territory at the first sign of trouble. His Ford 'Deuce Coupe' hot rod avatar is equipped with a turbo-charged V-12 engine with dual carburettors and side pipes. In this configuration he moves too quickly to be clocked by any anti-virus software known to humans. He specialises in sneak attacks, using his binary-scrambling lightsaber to permanently delete data archives critical to the energy sector.

In the not-too-distant future, at a sensitive time during the fifth and promised-to-be-final Brexit referendum, the Bombasticon Illuminators and Rotor Force succeed in bringing down Europe's Internet, wiping clean every electronic device connected to a phone line. The continent goes dark.

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'RATBAT BREAKS THE INTERNET'

5. SCORPIA

Allegiance: Autobot
Function: Network reconstruction
First appearance: Right here

"Let's build it right this time."



The networks of America, China and Russia are all severely crippled when Europe goes down, though the precautionary severing of Internet connections prevents the Bombasticon virus from wiping all devices globally. Earth needs help, and in its desperation calls upon its nearest off-world allies - Cameron, Cybertron, Nebulos, even the robots of Halfworld - all technologically advanced societies that have never become as dependent on world-wide computer networks, or as vulnerable to cyber-attack, as the humans of Earth did over the course of just a few decades, in the throes of their addiction to device connectivity.

Emergency assistance arrives in the form of food, water, fuel and medical support. The people of Europe are forced to begin again from scratch in terms of citizenship, ownership, finance, law, employment contracts, corporate structures, supply chains, you name it. The only records that survive are those contained in standalone devices, hard copy documentation and human memory. Meanwhile, Optimus Prime dispatches minute Scorpia drones to rebuild the World Wide Web in a more sensible way.

Scorpias love a challenge.

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'RATBAT BREAKS THE INTERNET'

6. THE INTERNET OF THINGS

Allegiance: N/A
Functions: Various
First appearance: Marvel's Transformers UK #88, 97 and 114 ('Robo-Capers')

As the Bombasticon virus spreads across Europe, all the devices that humans have pointlessly connected to the Internet start to go wrong.


Artwork by Lew Stringer

Thankfully, in most cases this does not mean that they get up and start walking around on their own. But frozen food gets spoilt, a few houses burn down and programmes recorded on catch-up television get over-written with Decepticon propaganda.


Artwork by Lew Stringer

Toilets get blocked on purpose, lights flash on and off at will, and all the clocks go mad.

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'RATBAT BREAKS THE INTERNET'

7. COMBAT HERO SURESHOT

Allegiance: Autobot/Mechabot
Function: Warrior leader
First appearance (as Sureshot): Marvel's Headmasters #1 ('Ring of Hate')
First appearance (as Combat Hero Sureshot): Right here

"Believing in yourself improves your aim better than target practice."



Sureshot established his gunslinging reputation on his home planet of Cybertron millions of years ago, before the Autobot-Decepticon war began. While still only a young prototype, he won the annual Intra-Formers Sharpshooting Competition against a veteran field that included Optimus Prime, Megatron and many other renowned marksmechs. Soon after, the war began and both sides eagerly sought Sureshot for his superior shooting skills. Optimus Prime convinced him to join the Autobots by granting him a degree of autonomy from the usual chain of command. Sureshot developed a confidence in his abilities that bordered on arrogance, always quick to show off his more sensational talents, such as hitting targets blind-folded from memory.

Sureshot was the only one of the nine Autobot Targetmasters to be killed outright during the 1991 battle with Unicron, but he had taken the precaution of backing up his personality, memory and skills onto disk before going into action so that they would not be lost to posterity. Years later, when Ethan Zachary's Optimus Prime required support in defending the U.S. Internet from attacks on multiple fronts, he called Sureshot into service once again, this time as a virtual sharpshooter tasked with taking down Ratbat's enhanced Bombasticon marauders.

Sureshot is the ultimate on-line protector. Awesome and cunning, his bravery is a legend among the other Mechabots who have only ever known existence in cyberspace. Appearing now on-screen as a robot avatar originally designed by Ethan Zachary for Optimus Prime himself, Sureshot stalks his enemy with laser-guided virus-busting rockets, while in his battle wagon configuration he storms through the Bombasticon ranks. In the chaos following the fall of the Internet in Europe, Sureshot finally runs his nemesis Archforce to ground and disperses his constituent data into the ether. In defence or attack, this Mechabot will bring either victory or, failing that, righteous vengeance!

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8. HOT FOOT AND PIRANHA

Allegiance: Mechabot
Functions: Rapid cyber-defence specialist (Hot Foot), virtual aqua-defence specialist (Piranha)
Sub-group: Rotor Force
First appearance: Right here

"The sleek shall inherit the earth." (Hot Foot)

"If you blink... you'll miss me!" (Piranha)



Plagued by guilt after inadvertently causing the 'deaths' of simulated inhabitants of the Metropipe region of Multi-World, Optimus Prime insisted on blowing himself up in the real world, but lived on in the years that followed within various computer systems operated by programmer Ethan Zachary. For a while unable to make the distinction between the physical world and the virtual, Prime felt an obligation to protect the peoples of Multi-World from any future threat to their way of 'life'. And so, with Ethan's help, he created a guardian for each of the four realms.



Hot Foot (a.k.a. Leadfoot) is totally cool under pressure, as he infiltrates enemy-controlled cyberspace at ultra-fast broadband speeds. In the likeness of a Lola T93 Indy car, he can frighten even the strongest Bombasticons, who know it's best to steer clear of his fearsome firepower. He's equipped with signature-sensitive jamming programs that defuse enemy scanning software and enable him to race into battle virtually undetected, before firing his devastating data-shredding rotor weapon to destroy invading Bombasticons in milliseconds. Hot Foot patrols the elevated roadways of the Cloud-Steppes, ever-vigilant for the first signs of trouble.

Appearing on-screen as a surface-scraping twin-pontoon racing boat, Piranha (a.k.a. Manta Ray) blasts Bombasticons right out of the water. Few have engaged him in battle without ending up on the swamp floor. His arms and legs convert into reinforced hulls, while his hydro-cooled turbojet engine provides him with speeds of up to 200 miles per hour. When threatened, he unleashes his fearsome virus-shredding rotor weapon that forces enemies to take a dive. Piranha is very daring in his defence of the Slimepit region of Multi-World, sometimes to the point of recklessness.

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9. ELECTRO AND VOLT

Allegiance: Mechabot
Functions: Virtual street defence (Electro), broadband speed technician (Volt)
Sub-group: Illuminators (a.k.a. Laser Rods)
First appearance: Right here

"I'm turbocharged and livin' large!" (Electro)

"I'm revved up and ready to rock!" (Volt)


Electro, Mechabot guardian of the digital city of Metropipe, possesses lightning-fast speed thanks to his super-charged engine programming, posi-traction rear axle software, double racing cam apps and nitro-injected fuel supply sub-routines, which between them constitute his virtual Ford pick-up truck hot rod avatar. Electro never backs down from a fight - or a race. He constantly has to replace his tyre algorithms, whose code becomes corrupted due to excessive fibre-optic speeding. He uses his powerful lightsaber to slash through Bombasticon armour, before putting the pedal to the virtual metal.

Volt, Protector of Vineland, is turbocharged and built for battle. This fearless fighter is constantly chasing down and running over invading viruses. The engine of his Ford Coupe hot rod vehicular avatar has side-mounted air intake thrusters and a front nitro-blower, producing 200 virtual horsepower in second gear. When he activates his binary ignition switch, his powerful lightsaber radiates 60 times hotter than his tailpipe.

Between them, Electro, Hot Foot, Piranha and Volt are the semi-sentient sentries of Multi-World, created by the genius of Optimus Prime and Ethan Zachary in the absence of the Creation Matrix.

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10. ROAD PIG vs ROAD ROCKET

Allegiance: Bombasticon vs Mechabot
Functions: Mechabot harassment (Road Pig), virtual street defence (Road Rocket)
Sub-group: Laser Cycles
First appearance: Right here

"Light my fuse and I'll race like a rocket!" (Road Pig)

"I'm faster than the speed of light!" (Road Rocket)



Optimus Prime warned Ethan Zachary in the 1980s that Earth's Internet was a mistake, and in the 2020s he was proven right. Cameron, Cybertron, Halfworld and Nebulos all had Internets, but not like Earth's. Theirs were purely for communication, and were constructed in such a way that it was physically incapable for a computer in one location to remotely install or direct a program on another computer, or access, overwrite or delete data on somebody else's hard drive. 'Cos building computers in that way would surely just be asking for trouble.

Road Pig was a virtual street thug with a reputation for instigating trouble. He once challenged an order from Archforce, but backed down after nearly having his internal coding pulled out through his visual sub-routines. During his brief career he had no known friends among the Bombasticons. His processing capacity was slow, his intelligence minimal, and he was considered to be a rebel without a clue by his Mechabot enemies. Road Pig prowled the information super-highway at night in the guise of a black Harley-Davidson Electra Glide touring motorcycle, searching for victims to intimidate, harass, and eventually deprive of their precious data files with his firewall-slashing lightsaber. Road Pig could be easily detected by his internally illuminated engine programming, which superheated his host hardware whenever he got angry.

Although Road Rocket exaggerates his actual speed capabilities, this Mechabot can really burn up the cyber-pavement. With his avatar a Yamaha GTS1000 motorcycle, Road Rocket is always ready to hit the throttle hard and race into battle, and he constantly red-lines his triple-turbo engine program, causing host devices to glow as he raises them to excessive temperatures. He cools off by ingesting a digital code simulating a mixture of anti-freeze and oil for catalytic stabilisation. His lightsaber weapon dissolves Bombasticon virtual armour faster than ice cream melts on a summertime pavement, as Road Pig found to his cost when his pursuit of Formulak the Compuzoid led him across the Virtual Space Bridge into the holding area of Nebulos's very different kind of Internet, where the Bombasticon found himself trapped and ambushed by the Mechabot Laser Cycle. Under twin attacks from Formulak and Road Rocket, Road Pig's data was shredded and scattered into the interstellar void.

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11. THE FALL OF EMPEROR RATBAT

Little is officially known of the details of Operation: Emerald, but what historians of Planet Beast have been able to piece together in the years since it allegedly occurred is as follows: As the year 2021 progressed, the situation on Planet Beast deteriorated to the point at which Mayor Sly Beafox of Beastbourne was forced to appeal privately to Cameron Space Control for assistance in 'managing' the Blitzkrieg Devilbat problem. Ten days later, a Cameron star-fighter apparently carrying out covert reconnaissance over the western continent of Planet Beast was intercepted by the Laser Beast air force. It defended itself valiantly, shooting down two Blue Eagles and a Skullgrotes before being blasted out of the sky by the remaining Eagles' rapid-fire laser cannons and crashing into the forest close to the ocean shore. A recovery party of Sairons just had time to radio in that the wreckage was empty save for the broken remains of a Rigellian Recorder before the ship self-destructed, taking them all out.

The following day, Rainbow Sam, first mate of the Decepticon pirate ship Shocking Shark, went missing while patrolling the nearby shoreline. His body was found by Salmomancer 4, burnt to a crisp, apparently the unfortunate victim of a freak lightning strike. That night, what appeared to be an electrical storm shorted out the circuits of Shocking Shark, who was at that time anchored just offshore awaiting orders from the Emperor. The next day, a pair of Dinogators were killed by highly accurate laser pistol blasts fifteen miles inland, though their bodies would not be discovered for some weeks to come.

Meanwhile, a floating Grand Maximus approached the western continent and opened fire, puncturing Shocking Shark below the water-line with his dual tachyon beam cannons, sending the pirate lord to the bottom and his crew of Monkeyfighters scrambling over each other in their haste to abandon ship.

Safe from orbital bombardment thanks to an impenetrable force-field, Blitzkrieg Devilbat (formerly the Decepticon Ratbat and the Life-Model Decoy Mr Johnson) hurried to the storage hangar where he intended to transform into the head of the mighty Black Zarak and venture out to the coast to face Scorponok's old foe in battle. But before he could get there, lights flickered and intruder alarms sounded. The Emperor's Skybat bodyguards ran to meet him with reports that a young pink-skinned human female in Circuit-Breaker attire had just attacked the dormant, headless giant Decepticon, rendering it utterly non-functional. They rushed Blitzkrieg Devilbat to his private escape chute, sealed it closed behind him and returned to the storage hangar to join the Emperor's elite Scopecougar snipers in killing the now-depleted intruder.

When the fighting in the Emperor's palace was all over, one shaken Scopecougar emerged to tell the tale to the scattered remnants of Blitzkrieg Devilbat's army. Inspired by their heroine Danita Santella's single-handed, self-sacrificing decimation of the Laser Beast forces on Planet Beast, the next generation of Cameron Space Marines redoubled their efforts to defeat the Surr Laser Beasts rampaging in outer space, and their enemy quickly collapsed, due in large part to the abrupt cessation of all radio instructions from the Emperor.

Grand Maximus meanwhile established himself in battle station mode a mile inland, and, from that day until the fall of the European Internet to Ratbat's semi-sentient Bombasticon viruses, not a whisper was heard of Ratbat, Mr Johnson or Blitzkrieg Devilbat. But there were rumours that he had emerged from his escape tunnel, beyond the force-field's protection, to find Golder the Ferocious Tiger, Hare Razing Rabbit Kid and Joan Bur-Cow the Bodacious Bovine (enforcer of the rules) waiting to take him into custody to face Battle Beast justice. There were also rumours that Cameron Space Control had actually refused Sly Beafox's request to intervene to bring about regime change in the Laser Beast Empire, and only found out about, sanctioned and gave the name 'Operation: Emerald' to Dani Dareheart's final mission after it had occurred.

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12. BOMBASTICON MEGATRON vs LASER OPTIMUS PRIME

Allegiance: Bombasticon vs Autobot/Mechabot
Functions: War-Lord (Bombasticon Megatron), Protector (Laser Optimus Prime)
First appearance (Optimus Prime): Marvel's Transformers #1
First appearance (Bombasticon Megatron and Laser Optimus Prime): Right here

"Peace through tyranny." (Bombasticon Megatron)

"Freedom is the right of all sentient beings." (Laser Optimus Prime)



Sureshot's victory over Archforce is short-lived, as the Bombasticon warrior leader's destruction triggers the activation of a sleeper virus in the form of an even deadlier variation on the Archforce software - this time calling himself Megatron! Sureshot finds that he is no match for this new incarnation, and barely escapes with his life, hurrying back through the Internet to report his failure to Optimus Prime.

Bombasticon Megatron is a combination of brute strength, military cunning, ruthlessness and terror. He aches to escape the Internet, take physical form and pick up where the original Megatron broke off, completing the Decepticon conquest of Cybertron after destroying all the Autobots on Earth and capturing all of Earth's resources. He is incredibly powerful and intelligent, wielding the digital equivalent of Decepticon Megatron's nuclear-charged fusion cannon and capable of linking up interdimensionally to a Dark Web version of a black hole, drawing 'anti-data' from it to use as a weapon. Bombasticon Megatron has no known weaknesses.

A showdown with Bombasticon Megatron in sector 17 of the Mirtonian constellation of the United States Internet leaves Optimus Prime's digital armour severely damaged. Ethan Zachary therefore desperately programs Optimus's entire structural integrity and logistical circuitry processors into a sleeker, stronger, more combat-ready digital avatar. Now this ultimate superhero has an arsenal of weaponry ready to repel any attack and immobilise Bombasticon Megatron once and for all. With Optimus's giant, laser-targeting rocket launcher, ripple-fire missile blaster and armour-piercing discs, Megatron had better think twice before firing his next shot, or it could prove to be his last.

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13. THE LEGACY OF EMPEROR RATBAT

Possessing certain knowledge of near-future events, the Asgardian space gangsters Hydra and Bust-Up could easily have warned Ratbat about the daring Space Marine assassin's covert solo assignment to deprive him of his power base, but they had no wish to see the Decepticon bat's reign extended. Rather they preferred to take the opportunity to seize the vacant Laser Beast throne for themselves! So the pair teamed up with their fellow Asgardian, Loki, God of Mischief, and the three of them waited patiently in their Godmaster vehicles - Darkwing, Dreadwind and Doubleclouder respectively - for the Laser Beasts and the Circuit-Breaker in the palace compound to finish having their fatal shootout, before moving in to fill the temporary power vacuum. The surviving Laser Beasts were leaderless and confused, but they were genetically pre-programmed to be loyal to Ratbat in the form of Blitzkrieg Devilbat and Black Zarak, and the three Decepticon-like Godmasters were the closest thing to that going now - especially when Doubleclouder's other engine, the bat-like Drakillar Slaurgh, did his best Devilbat impression, and the robotic trio promised to have Black Zarak back up and running to restore order in no time.

Loki radioed the Autobots Grand Maximus and Red Phoenix the Blazing Eagle, both of whom were holding position down by the coast, and warned them to keep their distance from the palace if they wanted peace and stability in the volatile Laser Beast population to be preserved and thus avoid a major bloodbath.

Several years later, Ratbat's Bombasticon Rotor Force and Illuminator viruses succeed in erasing the Internet of Europe, while Generation 2 Megatron and the Stealth Assault program that Ratbat so maliciously placed in the Russian government's hands continue to keep Laser Optimus Prime and Sureshot occupied Stateside. Though their powers of foresight fade as history diverges from their original timeline, Hydra and Bust-Up always knew that the great European catastrophe was coming, it being nigh-on inevitable from the moment Ratbat planted the seeds of his viruses in the World Wide Web - inevitable, that is, assuming no-one warned the humans about it in advance - and so, still in cahoots with Loki, the pair of space gangsters made their preparations well to ensure that they profit from Earth's sudden loss.

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14. THE CYBERJETS

Allegiance: N/A
Function: Cyberspace gangsters
First appearance: Right here

"I'll break your funny bone!" (Hooligan)

"Trust me if you dare!" (Skyjack)

"My mind may be slow, but I move like greased lightning!" (Space Case)



Conceived by the Asgardian God of Mischief, Loki, Hooligan is a mischievous practical joker and trouble-maker. Hacking into NASA's computer network, he attempted to hijack a recent shuttle launch from Kennedy Space Center, but his plan was thwarted by (virtual) Mechabot and (real-world) Aerialbot intervention. Cutting through cyberspace in the likeness of a swing-wing Lockheed-Martin F-22 Raptor, Hooligan likes to fire his malware missile launcher directly into the heart of commercial airline operations and send humans to destinations they never planned to visit. Sometimes he goes too far - he was nearly deleted after reprogramming his own creator's computer to put sugar in Doubleclouder's fuel tank.

Programmed by the Asgardian space gangster Hydra, Skyjack is rumoured to be sympathetic to the Mechabot cause and was once recorded in a virtual meeting with Optimus Prime. In reality, he is a master spy program who cannot be trusted. He'll order you a glass of high-octane turbo juice on-line one minute, then steal secrets from you the next. Skyjack activates his virtual stealth armour to cloak his digital body from Mechabot early-warning software. In the likeness of an F-117 Nighthawk, he practises shooting at Internet traffic with his malware missile launcher alongside his unofficial mentor, the Russian-allied Stealth Assault.

Speed is Space Case's greatest asset - intelligence his greatest liability. He screeches through what remains of Earth's Internet at Mach 5. Programmed by the Asgardian Bust-Up, he failed program verification tests twice but eventually forged himself a passing grade. He usually escapes Mechabot anti-virus checks thanks to his virtual plasma-powered engines, but on occasion has had to rely on his powerful, data-busting missile launcher to elude capture... and certain deletion.

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15. LONG HAUL AND SCRAPPER

Allegiance: Decepticon
Function: Internet reconstruction
Sub-group: Constructicon
First appearance: Marvel's Transformers #10 ('The Next Best Thing to Being There')

"A battle front is only as good as its supply line." (Long Haul)

"My work is a monument to - and of - my enemies." (Scrapper)



Long Haul was never too thrilled with his unglamorous role in the Decepticon cause, but he understood its importance. Along with his fellow Constructicons, his function was to help build the massive energy recovery installations that fuelled the Decepticon onslaught. But he would have much preferred the excitement and glory that come with being a full-time warrior. He knew better than to tell anyone of his secret desire - Megatron and Shockwave allowed no dissent among the Decepticons ranks. But now, three-and-a-half decades after the end of the Autobot-Decepticon war, he is delighted to be asked by Optimus Prime himself to take on a new role - assisting his team leader, Scrapper, and the Scorpia drones to rebuild Europe's shattered Internet, cleansing it in the process of hostile Bombasticon viruses.

Scrapper was a wizard at designing fortresses and energy production plants for the Decepticons, and disguising his creations to blend unnoticed into the surrounding Earthen landscapes came almost as easily to him. He would modestly shrug off the acclaim these talents inspired from his comrades. After all, he felt he was just fulfilling the requirements of his job. But ever since the Constructicons' banishment to Cybertron as a condition of amnesty for their crimes at the conclusion of the Autobot-Decepticon war, overcoming an enemy Sharkticon or Red Mutant Zoid and secreting its body in the foundation or structural skeleton of one of his buildings has been another story. It is in such cases that Scrapper has exhibited his true malevolent genius and relished the admiration and praise it garners from the likes of Trypticon and the Combaticons. Leaders always considered him to be the most valuable of the Constructicons, and it now seems that Optimus Prime also recognised his talents and creative potential, as the legendary Autobot asks Scrapper and his fellow Constructicon Long Haul to join him and Sureshot in cyberspace to help restore digital order in Europe.

Long Haul and Scrapper realise that they are on probation, and that their conduct and performance in this assignment will determine whether they and their fellow Constructicons (who are not plugged into the Internet but are rather helping the Autobots to re-establish hardware connectivity in the real world) will be permitted to stay permanently on the planet of their origin, Earth, or be banished back to Cybertron by the humans.

Going by the pseudonym 'Dirtbag', Long Haul's digital avatar carries massive amounts of data into shattered cyberspace to support the reconstruction effort. If latent Bombasticon viruses begin to stir, he instantly converts into warrior mode to join the fight on the side of the Mechabots. Armed with a devastating double-shot virus-cleansing missile launcher and crusher claw, he's a formidable fighter despite lacking in agility and speed. His virtual titanium/steel composite armour makes him resistant to enemy fire, but also hinders his overall combat efficiency.

Scrapper (or 'Roadblock') clears on-line battlegrounds of fallen Mechabot and Bombasticon wreckage in minutes with his heavy-duty, front-end 'super shovel', and has no fear of engaging an enemy. He uses a spinning virtual saw blade to slice open Bombasticon armour like a machete through birthday cake, and fires powerful 'penetrator' missiles that bore through double-thick, armour-plated cyber-shielding to ensure total virus destruction. He takes hostile programming and repurposes it, recycling the code in his reconstruction of the Internet much as he once used the bodies of his enemies when building Decepticon fortifications.

Ratbat had abandoned the Constructicons. As far as they were concerned, it was no longer about whether you were an Autobot or a Decepticon, but rather whether you were a Cybertronian or a Terran. They had tried Cybertron, but it had never felt like home to them. So now they fought for their place on Earth.

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TRANSFORMERS: GENERATION 2

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'RATBAT BREAKS THE INTERNET'

16. BULLETBIKE

Allegiance: Dreadnok
Function: Combat destruction
Sub-group: Generation 2 Powermaster
First appearance: Right here

"This renegade rebel is ready to rock!"



Bulletbike was an outlaw biker who thrived on combat until hospitalised in a bruising altercation with the G.I. Joe off-shoot group 'Ninja Force'. Since then he has had to indulge his destructive desires on-line rather than on the open road, utilising technology 'liberated' from the lab of the late Professor Peter Anthony Morris that enables him to enter a simulated reality, in which he sees and hears through the virtual eyes and ears of his digital avatar just as Morris once experienced the world remotely via the Dinobot Swoop and the original Centurion.

Having always been a more talented computer hacker than he was a motorcyclist, Bulletbike tracked and took control of one of the less sophisticated semi-sentient Mechabot programs commanded by Optimus Prime and Sureshot, and modified its code so that he became one with it whenever he entered cyberspace. This composite entity - part A.I., part guiding human intelligence - found that it was able to move around the damaged World Wide Web much more easily than either a pure computer program or a human user could do on its own, combining the speed of a computer with human intuition. Just as the real-world Powermasters embodied the best of both forms of life, so this virtual 'Generation 2' Powermaster ran rings around the Mechabots and Bombasticons that it encountered in cyberspace.

To the other inhabitants of the Internet, Bulletbike's on-line Transformer self appears somewhat clunky, far less sophisticated than the high-resolution digital models enjoyed by the Laser Cycles, but appearances can be deceptive. The hatred of all forms of authority raging within his simulated afterburners are released through titanium tailpipes as he speeds into battle. Bulletbike receives a high-octane rush by opening his throttle to maximum output, and his motorbike avatar must constantly maintain excessive crankshaft rotation rates or else risk a dramatic loss of strength and speed. Mechabots and Bombasticons beware - Bulletbike's only goal is chaos!

FILE ENDS

[Grand Moff Muffin]

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

TRANSFORMERS: GENERATION 2

in

'RATBAT BREAKS THE INTERNET'

17. STAXX AND THE GOBOTS

Allegiance: Dreadnok
Function: Information super-highway destruction
Sub-group: Generation 2 Powermaster
First appearance: Right here

"I was born to be wild, born to be bad!"



The last known survivor of his species save for the Renegade Monsters now occupying the Cybertronian city-states of Helex and Polyhex, the Robo Machine Guardian known as Staks was born to be sober and considerate, until a misunderstanding with a rowdy biker gang, high on chocolate-covered doughnuts and grape soda, led him to fall into the hands of an Italian cyber-criminal, an associate of the one-time Dreadnok Bulletbike who goes by the on-line alias 'Leonardo Acropolis'. Now the pair of social outcasts use the Staks trucking rig as a mobile base of operations for hacking into Earth's scrambled Internet. Acropolis has modified Staks's artificial intelligence to enable him to enter the World Wide Web as the Generation 2 Powermaster 'Staxx', a low-resolution character who surprises his enemies by running rings around more photogenic Mechabots and Bombasticons as he commits all manner of profitable and violent cyber-crimes.

Virtual nitrous oxide drives the battle-thirsty on-line bad boy that is Staxx. He's a terrifying character, appearing in the digital world as a truck cab whose enormous ego forces him to try anything to achieve combat victory, even if it means shredding his digital 'paint job'. The information super-highway is his battlefield, and he smashes any data in his path, so if you see his cyberspace-sweeping headlights coming your way - run!

Staxx has a virtual trailer similar to the one pulled by Staks in the real world, and in it he keeps the heroic Mechabots that he has captured and reprogrammed to serve him and Bulletbike in their nefarious endeavours. So far he has enslaved and repurposed six flashy semi-sentient pieces of anti-virus software, going by the on-line identifiers 'Blowout', 'Double Clutch', 'Firecracker', 'Gearhead', 'High Beam' and 'Motormouth'. Staxx calls them his 'Gobots' - sleek, shiny but ultimately expendable cannon-fodder troops.

FILE ENDS

[Grand Moff Muffin]

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

TRANSFORMERS: GENERATION 2

in

'RATBAT BREAKS THE INTERNET'

18. GENERATION 2 POWERMASTER IRONHIDE

Allegiance: Autobot/Mechabot
Function: Internet security
Sub-group: Generation 2 Powermaster
First appearance (as Ironhide): Marvel's Transformers #1
First appearance (as Generation 2 Powermaster Ironhide): Right here

"High-tech circuitry is no replacement for guts."



"Go chew on a microchip," is Ironhide's calling card. Never the sort who likes to be told what to do, he prefers action to words. He refers to what he considers excessive talking as "leaking lubricant". He's the oldest Autobot, probably the toughest, the most battle-tested and certainly the most ornery. Due to his defensive capabilities, he is usually in charge of safekeeping anything or anyone of importance, and has sometimes acted as Commander Optimus Prime's personal bodyguard. His gruff exterior hides his kind inner soul. His concern for the protection of life, whether mechanical or biochemical, extends to the lowliest gasketroid or smallest sparrow.

Having spent the last thirty years working alongside fellow Autobots Inferno, Powerglide and Seaspray as a member of an elite United Nations search and rescue unit, Ironhide has had several Powermaster partners boosting his performance - men and women from various emergency services across the globe - so when Optimus Prime asks him to assist with security in cyberspace, as a 'Generation 2' Powermaster, Ironhide is filled with curiosity. While Inferno, Powerglide, Seaspray, Bonecrusher, Hook, Mixmaster, Scavenger, the Protectobots and the Micromaster Rescue and Construction Patrols, fresh across the Space Bridge from Cybertron, work flat out in the real world to help stabilise the continent of Europe, Ironhide parks himself alongside Optimus Prime, Long Haul and Scrapper, plugs himself in and joins them and Sureshot in the shattered World Wide Web. Although still a red van armed with a water cannon in the real world, Ironhide's digital self is a grey Humvee armed with twin disk-defragmenter cannons.

Ironhide's digital Powermaster partner is Adam Reynolds, a computer hacker employed by Ethan Zachary to test client companies' cyber-defences. In his youth, in the year 1986, Adam actually hacked into the Decepticon mainframe completely by accident, and the following year he ventured out to Mount St Hilary and succeeded in accessing a computer left behind by the recently departed Ark. At that point in his life he dreamed of becoming a Headmaster, something he never actually achieved, though he has worked alongside the Autobots on numerous occasions through the connections of his employer. Now in his fifties, he gets to experience the Internet through the eyes of Ironhide, as together they patch up its holes and bring it back into service in a form less susceptible to massive continental collapse. Along the way, they track down the two delinquent Dreadnok Powermasters and inform the police just where to go to apprehend them back in the real world.

FILE ENDS

[Grand Moff Muffin]

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

TRANSFORMERS: GENERATION 2

in

'RATBAT BREAKS THE INTERNET'

19. MEANSTREAK

Allegiance: Autobot/Mechabot
Function: Virtual street fighter
Sub-group: Generation 2 Powermaster
First appearance (as Bluestreak): Marvel's Transformers #1
First appearance (as Meanstreak): Right here

"I never met a Bombasticon I didn't dislike."



Conversations don't come easy when Bluestreak is around. His talent for incessant and often inane talk tends to drown out those close by, but his gregarious manner does at least serve to lighten otherwise grim situations. He hates war, and would rather drag race than fight, but he's never shirked his duty when called upon for combat, and so, when Optimus Prime asks him to assist in purging the still-viable components of Earth's Internet of Bombasticon viruses, Bluestreak (reluctantly) agrees.

The Autobot caves in to the pleas of Buster Witwicky's young grand-daughter to let her design his digital avatar - in crayon. He regrets this decision immediately for two reasons. First, Minnie decides that when on-line he should look like her other Autobot friend, Nightbeat, who took her to Cybertron one time. And second, although the child is a natural with complex machinery, she can't draw for toffee. It comes out very badly, and when Bluestreak makes a joke about it she starts crying and renames the avatar Meanstreak.

Both in the real world as Bluestreak and in cyberspace as Meantreak, his speed makes him a blur in battle, and enemy targeting sensors struggle to lock onto him. While uneven digital terrain reduces his performance levels, on smooth stretches of the information super-highway he's a devastating destroyer of Bombasticons, though he can be completely undone at times by his disdain for combat and his reluctance to fight. On-line, he is partnered with Carla Zachary, Ethan's second (and current) wife and the most highly skilled computer programmer in Ethan's company, Alternate Reality, Inc., having worked at her now-husband's side for almost forty years. Together, she and Bluestreak use Meanstreak's twin anti-virus missile launchers to take down the Bombasticon War-Lord Megatron, in the process exorcising mental demons that have plagued the Autobot gunner for over four decades.

FILE ENDS

[Grand Moff Muffin]

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

TRANSFORMERS: GENERATION 2

in

'RATBAT BREAKS THE INTERNET'

20. DAMAGE CONTROL

The entire European Internet getting wiped is a disaster in the short and medium term. The resultant disruption to services - notably power and communication - unfortunately means that deaths do occur, though not nearly as many as would have occurred had the Bombasticon virus struck during the winter months. The sun still rises, the buildings still stand, and word quickly spreads, thanks to those in possession of battery-powered analogue radios, that nobody has declared war.

The authorities' number one priority is to re-establish the flow of clean water to people's taps, which means getting the water treatment works up and running again, and this they succeed in doing before the bottled water runs out. Power takes longer to sort out, and coverage is much patchier. There is a concerted communications effort to encourage as many people as possible - at least those delivering basic goods and services - to keep doing their jobs, and for everyone else to try to be helpful to one another and not think about the money question. Naturally, food has to be rationed to prevent stockpiling.

What to do about money is, of course, the real head-scratcher, since most of it - all of it that existed purely in electronic form - is now gone, along with all the bank records. Some people still have hard copy evidence of their savings and their debts, but what good is that when the financial institutions have effectively ceased to exist? Loans and overdrafts become meaningless. Millions of households across Europe quietly write off their mortgages and decide that their homes belong to them - and they get away with it, since there's no-one to say otherwise. The rental sector is less straightforward - government outlaws evictions of existing tenants by landlords and promises to revisit the tricky question of long-term ownership of those properties at a later date. Unoccupied homes are pretty much anyone's for the taking.

The Transformers and humans bringing aid from Cameron and Nebulos find the entire concept of virtual currencies bizarre in the extreme. How can something that doesn't exist have financial value? Thankfully, it's not their problem to sort out. The Autobots and Constructicons have the relatively strightforward task of cleaning all the viruses of Cybertronian origin out of what's left of the Internet, salvaging what can be salvaged, and building something better with which to replace it. Something more secure and stable. Something more compartmentalised, with computers that are hard-wired to only be able to do what their users intend them to do. What seems like common sense on every other civilised planet seems revolutionary here on Earth.

There is a reason that the Transformers are all discrete, individual sentient beings rather than a single network linking every Cybertronian robot together in a collective intelligence - a reason that the Transformers are not the Borg. Optimus Prime explained it to Ethan Zachary more than thirty years ago, but governments didn't listen. Yes, they imagined what could go wrong, but they always thought in terms of Skynet and the Terminators - of the Internet gaining sentience and launching nuclear missiles, wreaking robotic death and destruction out in the real world. And, to be fair, the governments of the world took precautions to make sure that couldn't happen. But the data contained in every device connected to the Internet remained vulnerable, and the humans of Earth became almost completely dependent upon it within a single lifetime. They didn't listen to the warnings of Optimus Prime. So Ratbat did us all a 'favour' and showed us.

Nobody knows whether Ratbat still lives, or, if he does, whether he has heard what his Bombasticons have succeeded in doing here on Earth. Ratbat has no friends, only business partners, so it stands to reason that there must have been some profit in it for him. Or maybe he had a sense of humour of sorts, and just thought it would be funny? Needless to say, he is now the most wanted felon in the quadrant. The Battle Beasts deny all knowledge of his condition and whereabouts, but the top bounty-hunters in the Galaxy, from Death's Head to Blackjack O'Hare, are on the case.

FILE ENDS

[Grand Moff Muffin]

WHO'S WHO IN THE MAD PHIL THEORIVERSE

1. THE GREAT SIDESWIPE-SUNSTREAKER MIX-UP

The year 1984.

"Well, Sunstreaker isn't leaving until the rest of this world gets a look at the sleekest Autobot in the bunch. And if any Decepticon dares to mess with the finish - he'll get two ground-to-air missiles stuffed where he won't want them."

"Sideswipe's right up there with you, Brawn, because I use my arms as piledrivers. I admit, it's a little rash to run headlong at Decepticon fortifications, but not one of them's stopped me yet."

"Hmmm."

"Er... since when have you had two ground-to-air missile launchers?"

"Since now, I guess. Back on Cybertron I just had one big one on my right shoulder, like it says in my bio. Now I've got these two little yellow guys pointing straight up."

"Those missile launchers look suspiciously like the two shoulder-mounted magnesium phosphorous flares I used to pack."

"And that big thing on your... right shoulder... looks rather hefty for a flare launcher."

"You're right. And I think Auntie's given me your electron-pulse gun too. Well, her circuits must have got somewhat scrambled in the crash... and..."

"And what?"

"What's that big silver contraption mounted behind your head."

"What? I can't see... What is it?"

"It's my bloody rocket back-pack, that's what it is! Give it here!"

"Hell! Get it off me. I can't stand flying..."

"I can't get it off. I think it's attached to your head and shoulders."

"My arms look more powerful than yours too. Argh! Look! My fist shoots out, just like a piledriver! Gah!"

"The only things Auntie got right are our colour schemes. We're in the wrong bodies, damn it!"

"Oh no... That means..."

Sunstreaker transformed.

"Yeah, 'fraid so. You're now the one with the rear-mounted engine."

"NOOOOO! But I'm supposed to be the sleek one!"

"Ha, not any more!"

"WHEELJACK! Get over here right now!"
___

"I'm sorry, guys, but there's not much I can do for you in the short term. I can remove the flight capability from Sunstreaker's built-in rocket back-pack, and I can give Sideswipe a spare jet pack that can shrink in size for concealment when in car mode. I can replace those two flare launchers with anti-aircraft missile launchers and beef up the musculature in Sideswipe's arms. You can give Sunstreaker his electron-pulse gun back, and I can give you a flare rifle to replace your lost shoulder-mounted launchers. Whether you keep the missile launcher is up to you. But that's it. Prime has a list of high-priority tasks for me to work on, and a full brain transplant body-swap is out of the question right now - with Megatron on the loose, we simply don't have the time or resources for a vanity project like that at the moment. I suggest you try to become accustomed to your new looks, and consider it an opportunity to grow closer, as brothers. See you later!"

"I hate my life."

"Look on the bright side, maybe a Decepticon will shoot the rear-mounted engine off you in battle."

"But my head's attached to it!"

"So what? It's not like you use it very often."

"Very funny. Come here and let me clobber you..."

"Hey, be careful. Those are my fists! I'm going to get Huffer to switch them back with these puny ones you're so fond of..."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Hang on a sec, has anyone seen Red Alert?"

www.ntfa.net/universe/english/index.php?act=view&char=Sideswipe
www.ntfa.net/universe/english/index.php?act=view&char=Sunstreaker



THE END

WHO'S WHO IN THE MAD PHIL THEORIVERSE

2. WHAT IF GALVATRON HAD NOT TRAVELLED IN TIME?

The year 1986.

"In a moment, Ratchet and Prowl will be giving a report on our injured and on our defensive capabilities. First, though, I'd like to put the conflict so far in some sort of perspective..."

Come on, thought Prowl. Get to the good bit.

"This is not the humans' war, remember that always. Even if it costs us our own lives, we must put their well-being ahead of our own. That is why I have made the decision I have in relation to Special Teams. As you are all aware, thanks to Buster Witwicky we have obtained technical designs from the Creation Matrix itself for four new combining teams with Earth vehicle disguise modes. None of the twenty robots seen in Buster's dream matches any known Transformer in current existence on Earth or Cybertron, and while it is possible that the Decepticons have also had sight of these blueprints, without the Creation Matrix they lack the means to create any new Decepticons.

"I have received a message via the Matrix Flame, which is also securely under Autobot control, that the Autobot Leader on Cybertron has plans in motion to wipe out the Cybertronian Decepticons' ten deadliest killers, while here on Earth Omega Supreme has culled the cream of Megatron's army. For the sake of the Earth, therefore, assuming that Operation: Volcano succeeds, and that no new unexpected threats emerge in the meantime, I do not intend to create any new Autobots in the image of Buster's visions. Instead, Prowl and I have agreed that we will form two combining teams from volunteers within our existing ranks and those of our Cybertronian brothers.

"I have judged that the 'Protectobots' and 'Stunticons' seen in the Creation Matrix visions are the most suitable forms for Autobot protectors of the Earth, so these are the designs we will be bringing to reality. Prowl will lead the Protectobots, with Inferno and Ratchet providing support alongside two of our comrades from Cybertron, while I will command the 'Stuntibots' - Mirage in place of Drag Strip, Overdrive standing in for the Ferrari Wildrider, Cliffjumper replacing the Porsche Dead End, and Sideswipe the Lamborghini Breakdown - just as soon as the reinforcements from Cybertron have arrived and the last two mentioned have recovered from injuries sustained during the Dinobot Hunt. On which note I call upon Ratchet to provide his medical update..."



THE END

WHO'S WHO IN THE MAD PHIL THEORIVERSE

3. BLUERAY AND REDDARI

In the year 1987, the time-traveller Wreck-Gar stumbled upon the wreckage of an Autobot spy who transformed into a yellow Volkswagen Beetle right up until the moment he was blown to bits by the bounty-hunter Death's Head. The Junkion Leader put Bumblebee back together again, allowing him to keep the same Earth disguise mode, but giving him a new 'improved' robot mode... that of the soon-to-be Throttlebot Espionage Director... Goldbug!

But what if Death's Head had run into a different Autobot upon his arrival on Earth? Say, a warrior who transformed into a Blue Corvette Stingray, or an Omnibot strategist who turned into a red Ferrari? Would Wreck-Gar then have rebuilt Tracks as the Throttlebot Warfare Director 'Blueray', or Overdrive as the Throttlebot Strategy Director 'Reddari'?




Goldbug politely let go the facts that his arms were shorter than they had been and that he had a squatter appearance than formerly. The compensations more than made up for it - a new temperature-resistant finish, greater strength and endurance, and... powered roller-skates!

Would Tracks and Overdrive have been as grateful for their new Throttlebot forms? Previously, they were both Triple Changers, able to sprout wings and weapons and become flying combat cars! Tracks had missile launchers and a black beam gun, Overdrive twin high-powered electron machine guns, a neutron blaster and a plasma beam rifle. The blue Throttlebot Corvette and the red Throttlebot Ferrari do not have wings and cannot fly, and they have no built-in weapons. They are just cars that turn into short, squat robots... with powered roller-skates.

I would suggest that if Tracks and Overdrive found themselves in the bodies of Freeway and Chase, they would be hard-pressed to view the changes as positively as Bumblebee did Goldbug. But it's better than being dead. And... pull-back-and-go powered roller-skates! That's an upgrade of sorts... right?

THE END

WHO'S WHO IN THE MAD PHIL THEORIVERSE

4. DUOCONTROVERSY

According to the Mad Phil Theory, Battletrap and Flywheels got their English names swapped around by mistake, 'Battletrap' being the name originally intended for the tank/jet Duocon and 'Flywheels' the name devised with the helicopter/camper Duocon in mind. The reason being that the word 'battle' better suits a Decepticon with two military vehicle modes than it does a Decepticon with just the one, and the word 'wheels' better suits a camper truck that rolls on wheels than it does a tank that rolls on caterpillar tracks... driven by wheels.

The truth is rather more complicated.

The Decepticons we now know as the Battletrap and Flywheels were, up until the fall of Darkmount, run-of-the-mill Decepticon troopers. One of them was a hunter-seeker skyship, the other a foot soldier. When contact was established with Megatron and Shockwave on Earth, and information on Earth vehicles flooded the Cybertronian Decepticons' global database, Scorponok felt inspired to get creative, and asked for 'volunteers'. The hunter-seeker skyship's mind was copied and installed in two airborne vehicles - an AH-64 Apache helicopter and an F-4 Phantom II fighter jet - while the foot soldier's personality was installed in a Ford F-150 camper truck and a self-propelled howitzer. The vehicles could either operate independently or else combine to form warrior robots - the helicopter and jet merging to become the Decepticon Flytrap, the truck and tank his ground-based counterpart Battlewheels.

That both Duocons went with Scorponok to Nebulos is a common misconception arising from video footage showing both aerial forms ferrying troops down to the surface upon their arrival on that planet. In truth, Flytrap accompanied Scorponok's crew but Battlewheels remained back on Cybertron. Only after Scorponok led his forces to Earth in pursuit of Fortress Maximus, and Flytrap was reassigned to the Mayhem Attack Squad on Cybertron, did he and Battlewheels compare their experiences to date and come to the inescapable conclusion that something wasn't working. Battlewheels desperately wanted flight capability to get him swiftly into the battle zone, while Flytrap found his two aerial modes vulnerable without ground support. They decided to use their Mayhem privileges to request... modifications. In short, one of Battlewheels' brain modules was swapped with one of Flytrap's, and their transformation/combination mechanisms altered so that the jet and tank now formed the robot referred to in human speech as Flywheels, while the helicopter and camper truck combined into Battletrap.

Which was originally the hunter-seeker skyship and which the foot soldier? We're not sure, and they're not telling.

THE END

WHO'S WHO IN THE MAD PHIL THEORIVERSE

5. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO ULTRA MAGNUS?

The year 1988.

"Your foe."

"Galvatron."

"His primary weapon."

"Particle accelerator cannon."

"It's not your troops, Springer. I couldn't ask for a more powerful, skilled and loyal group. No, it's this whole trip to Earth."

"You've got the same bad feeling about this, haven't you, Emirate Xaaron? A combat drop through an unstable dimensional portal onto an alien world, in order to battle possibly the most powerful Decepticon in all creation - without Ultra Magnus? Yeah, I'd say that's cause for concern."

"Ultra Magnus has done his job, Springer. He got close enough to Galvatron to tag him with one of Spanner's interdimensional tracers, so that whatever location he uses his future-born 'warp gate' technology to jump to - be it to try to recruit Powermasters on the planet Nebulos, where Magnus tracked him down, or back to Earth to attempt a reconciliation with his former lieutenants, Cyclonus and Scourge - the Space Bridge portal will now be guaranteed to drop you right on top of him."

"Yeah, but Magnus's success on Nebulos came at too high a price. Sure, he totalled one generic Decepticon, prevented Galvatron from forming an alliance with Darkwing and Dreadwind, broadcast a S.T.A.R.S. recruitment message to the Nebulans and stuck the tracer on Galvatron without him realising it, but Galvatron then proceeded to tear him apart! I know Magnus had sworn that the next time he met Galvatron would be the last, but somehow I don't think this is what he had in mind."



"Roadbuster and Whirl managed to retrieve the head and torso of his smaller robot mode. He's alive."

"You've put him in the Micromaster development programme, haven't you?"

"Yes, I need some of the strongest individuals to sustain the mass-displacement process when transforming from full-size vehicle to seven-foot humanoid robot. Magnus is capable of that, whilst still maintaining the power to tow a trailer laden with his fellow Autobot cars."

"Nevertheless, very shortly we're going to drop in right on top of Galvatron. Then the fun starts!"

"I know. I'm sorry Magnus won't be with you in the final showdown with Galvatron, but if all goes according to plan, when he next appears on the battlefield it will be at the controls of a turbo-boosted, supersonic fighter jet possessing hydrofoil capabilities and armed with wing-mounted, double-barrelled machine guns and laser-guided, lock-target scanners to deliver pinpoint firepower."



"Geez, Xaaron. Keep it down, or I'll have my entire team requesting a transfer..."

THE END

[blueshift]

Loving these, Martin

[Grand Moff Muffin]

INTERLUDE: A MAD THEORY FROM THE GRAND MOFF MARTINVERSE

THE 'POWERED MASTERS' ARE EVOLVED FORMS OF THE POWERDASHERS

Jun 19, 2019 20:04:10 GMT Grand Moff Muffin said:

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

ARAGON (a.k.a. Roadfire)

Allegiance: Autobot
Function: City Defence
Sub-groups: Powerdasher, Triple Changer
First appearance: The Last Days of the Transformers War: Xaaron

"The Sparkdashers are just the warm-up act - I'm the full-on inferno."

Image source: botchthecrab.com/archive/

The Powerdashers were a new form of Autobot, commissioned on Cybertron in the mid-1980s. As they were constructed after the displacement of Optimus Prime to Limbo by Galvatron, which caused the death of the Matrix Flame, Emirate Xaaron was unable to grant them life as he had Ultra Magnus, Broadside, Sandstorm and Springer, and so they served instead as drones - friendly, cheerful and obedient, fast and skilful, but unable to act on their own initiative. But their power grew over time, and they were constantly evolving, as the Autobots modfied their bodies, adding to them, improving them. Consequently, whenever they were called into action, the Autobot requesting their assistance was warned that the model of Powerdasher he received might not quite match the one portrayed in the catalogue.

As their technical specifications were always changing, little was known about the Powerdashers' true strengths and weaknesses. They have been able to take on a variety of shapes and forms, and operate at various levels of kinetic energy. The Powerdasher armoured car referred to as Aragon was gradually modified over the years, not least through the addition of a formidable 'burst cannon', so that, by the time it was finally Matrixed in the year 2018, it looked more like a tank than a car and had a third mode in the form of a Micromaster battle station. Soon afterwards, it/he declared that he would prefer to go by the name of Roadfire. His special attack is the blazing 'Fire Kick' and his Micromaster partner is called Drillbuster.

The three Powerdashers have recently acquired the ability to combine their vehicle modes to form a larger vehicle, called simply the Big Powerdasher.

FILE ENDS

Jun 19, 2019 20:55:27 GMT Grand Moff Muffin said:

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

CROMAR (a.k.a. Sonic Bomber)

Allegiance: Autobot
Function: City Defence
Sub-groups: Powerdasher, Triple Changer
First appearance: The Last Days of the Transformers War: Xaaron

"Sonic BOOOM!"

Image source: botchthecrab.com/archive/

Like the armoured car, the Powerdasher jet called Cromar has also grown and evolved over the years, and acquired a Micromaster battle station mode to assist Groundshaker, Metroplex and Quickswitch in the defence of Iacon. In this form, it/he is serviced by the Autobot Micromaster called Sonic, and, upon his eventual Matrixing in the year 2018, Cromar announced that he would like to be renamed Sonic Bomber.

When in flight, Sonic Bomber can generate concussive sound waves to knock out his enemies, and in robot mode he is armed with something called a 'vulcan shot' rifle. In vehicle form, he combines with his team-mates to form the Big Powerdasher.

FILE ENDS

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

ZETAR

Allegiance: Autobot
Function: City Defence
Sub-groups: Powerdasher, Quadruple Changer
First appearance: The Last Days of the Transformers War: Xaaron

"I bear my burden gladly."

Image source: botchthecrab.com/archive/

The Powerdasher drill named Zetar has grown and evolved over the last thirty or so years, and now has four modes - robot, drill tank, flying drill and Micromaster battle station. He is equipped with an energy-reflecting shield, a 'magna shot' rifle and a dual laser cannon. In his battle station form, Zetar is manned by the Autobot Micromaster called Speeder. He combines with Roadfire and Sonic Bomber to make the giant vehicle known only as the Big Powerdasher.

Zetar's wings transform into a Z-shaped sword. He thinks his name suits this ability, and so has no plans to change it in the foreseeable future. Zetar takes his city defence responsibilities very seriously, and sometimes feels that he bears the weight of the heavens on his shoulders, just like the mythical Atlas.

In battle station mode, Roadfire, Sonic Bomber and Zetar link together with the Landshaker defence base commanded by Groundshaker, the Missile Launcher combiner transport operated by Retro and Surge, and the Tanker Truck combiner transport operated by Gusher and Pipeline, to create an awesome Micromaster defence complex from which the Air Patrol, the Battle Patrol and Overload sally forth under Groundshaker's direction to defend Autobot City: Cybertron. Alternatively, one or more of the Powerdashers may venture beyond the city limits to support the Battlefield Headquarters commanded by Full-Barrel and Overflow and the smaller battle stations / bases manned by Hothouse and Ironworks.

FILE ENDS

[Grand Moff Muffin]

WHO'S WHO IN THE MAD PHIL THEORIVERSE

6. FACT-FILE INTERFACE: GRAPPLE 1.0

Allegiance: Autobot
Function: Architect
Sub-group: Micromaster transport
First appearance: Right here

"Beauty is in everything except war."



Prior to the Ark leaving Cybertron, the Autobots Grapple, Hoist, Skids, Smokescreen and Tracks had their minds copied in case Optimus Prime required more warriors during the mission. On Earth in 1986, Prime brought all five copies to life, and Grapple 2.0 immediately made his mark, building the mighty Omega Supreme.

In the four million years since the launch of the Ark, the original Hoist, Skids, Smokescreen and Tracks had died, victims of Straxus's Smelting Pool. But... Grapple 1.0 still lived! And whereas Grapple 2.0 built Omega Supreme, Grapple 1.0 built Fortress Maximus and Ultra Magnus!

Grapple's building designs are considered works of art. Even in time of war, he takes enormous pride in what he does and strives for beauty and quality in all his creations. His problem is that he cares too much. Grapple's extreme artistic sensitivity often results in moodiness and depression should one of his constructions be destroyed in the course of battle, diminishing his value to the other Autobots, and in 1988 he volunteered to be one of the first test subjects in Emirate Xaaron's experimental Micromaster programme, becoming the trailer towed by his friend, the Micromaster construction engineer Erector.

Grapple 1.0 is equipped with titanium-belted, bulletproof tyres and an alloyed exterior that's impervious to most armaments. His crane hook, with its hydraulic swing, can lift up to 35 tons and position massive objects with uncanny precision and grace. It can also pierce enemy armour with deadly accuracy. He converts into a battle station armed with a devastating photon cannon and anti-aircraft machine gun battery.

Programmed to build and preserve, reluctant to destroy, Grapple's Micromaster partner Erector only fights when provoked, and even then he prefers to use cunning and tactical manoeuvring to ensnare his enemies. He is, nevertheless, a brave and respected warrior, Grapple's equal in skill and intelligence. But he's lower in rank. Don't let appearances fool you - the trailer is in charge.

FILE ENDS

WHO'S WHO IN THE MAD PHIL THEORIVERSE

7. FACT-FILE INTERFACE: THE CLASSIC HEROES PATROL

Allegiance: Autobot
Function: Covert search and rescue
Sub-group: Micromasters
First appearance (as Micromasters): Right here

"When all else fails, we don't."



"Molecular structure is the key to success."
"Where there's smoke, there's me."
"High-tech circuitry is no replacement for guts."
"You break it, I'll remake it."

What if Powermaster Optimus Prime had sent four of his most trusted followers to Cybertron in 1988 to become part of Emirate Xaaron's revolutionary new Micromaster programme?

Huffer, Inferno, Ironhide and Ratchet are the Micromaster Classic Heroes Patrol! This fearless foursome works well together in any combat situation, going where no-one's ever gone and doing what no-one's ever done. Fully equipped to administer emergency aid under the most adverse conditions, they brave the heaviest fire to perform their assigned tasks: Not too sociable but absolutely reliable, Huffer will complain it can't be built, then build it anyway. Inferno has great strength, and uses flame-suppressing foam to put out the fiercest blazes. Ironhide's trithyllium-steel alloy skin makes him nearly invulnerable to attack as he guards anything or anyone of importance. And Ratchet can make anything from a pin to a missile - limited only by the parts available when carrying out his emergency repairs.

FILE ENDS

[Fortmax2020]

All truly, truly MAD.

[Grand Moff Muffin]

WHO'S WHO IN THE MAD PHIL THEORIVERSE

8. TRIGGERBOT WEAPON-SWAP

The year 1988.

"Look, Starscream! An Autobot patrol!"

"And it's being led by Optimus Prime!"

"Why are we going to Boltax, Op? We could be scrapping Deceps instead!"

"High Circuitmaster Boltax has the greatest database on Cybertron, Dogfight. Perhaps with his help we can end our war with the Decepticons before both sides destroy this planet!"

"Hang on. Commander Ratbat, something's not right here! This simulation is supposed to be showing events from four million years ago - but that Autobot is in the form of an Earthen Grumman X-29 fighter jet! It was invented in 1984! They only built two - I should know, I destroyed one of them when I attacked U.S.A.F. Base: Oregon Four Alpha. And those other two Autobots with Prime are also recognisable Earth vehicles!"

"Don't believe your optics, Starscream. The computer is evidently filling in gaps with current data."

"You mean those three Autobots still live, after all this time?"

"The last I heard, they were prisoners of the Decepticons on Cybertron. Scorponok was planning to send them to Earth as test subjects for his new 'jamming' devices."

"And he's given Dogfight an X-29 Earth mode? It must be nice to work for Scorponok..."

"What did you say?"

"I said the other Autobots question their commander in a most disrespectful manner."

"At this stage in his career, Optimus is clearly but a young, foolish junior officer. The Optimus of today would never endanger an innocent like Boltax!"
___



"Those three Decepticons pictured with Megatron... do they also still live?"

"Crankcase, Ruckus and Windsweeper. Yes, I believe they are currently stationed in Helex with Legonis, Octus and Seizer. An interesting curiosity - I heard that Windsweeper visited Dogfight and his friends in prison while they were all waiting to be dropped in the Smelting Pool. It appears that a serious rivalry exists between the two jets. Windsweeper feels the sky is his home and should be kept 'clean' of anything that flies, especially Autobots, and he was originally scheduled to receive the X-29 Earth disguise. But he envied Dogfight's quick-action chrome-plated laser cannons. So he claimed them for his own, taunting the captive Autobot and leaving behind his own inferior, slower-moving blowtorch blasters. And Windsweeper has spurned the X-29 configuration and adopted a Lancer Bomber disguise mode instead, like Blackout and Spaceshot."

"I struggle to comprehend the minds of some Decepticons, Commander Ratbat. Divebomb stole Swoop's name, Windsweeper stole Dogfight's guns. Why can't they just kill the Autobots they hate and be done with it?"

"At least the Triggerbot guns serve a practical purpose. And how many Autobots have you killed recently, Starscream?"

"Give me a little time, Commander Ratbat, and I'll give you the greatest massacre of Autobots the world has ever seen..."

THE END

[The Huff]

These are absolutely wonderful Martin!

But why isn't Longtooth in the story about Longtooth being a Decepticon? I assumed he was sure to feature in it, but I just couldn't see him anywhere - and I'm sure I'm not the only one...

[Grand Moff Muffin]

WHO'S WHO IN THE MAD PHIL THEORIVERSE

9. MERE POSSESSION OF THESE THEORIES BRINGS MADNESS... OR DEATH!

The year 1989. New York City.

"Eh? Particle beams! Who dares assault Starscream?!"

"That's just Jetfire's way of saying hello, villain! And I brought some friends!"

The fearless warrior leads his fellow Autobots, Air Raid, Fireflight, Skydive, Silverbolt and Slingshot, to their intended target. But...

"The turncoat former Decepticon Jetfire! And a black F-15 Eagle Strike Plane, not unlike Skywarp, and some other jets. More Decepticons, no doubt, for only we have mastered the power of flight! All Autobots are cars! Hahahahaaa! But no matter - the power cosmic is mine! None can withstand it! Die, fellow Decepticons, die!"


___

Tokyo, some time later.

"Commander Optimus, this Grimlock! We find Starscream... and he find Throttlebots!"

"I recently rebuilt them to be stronger than ever before - I pray it is strong enough!"



"Starscream is neither tricked by your disguises, Autobots... nor amused! You, white car - must be Wheeljack! Die, Wheeljack! And you, Tracks, the blue Corvette! Yes! Now, who's next for oblivion...? A red Ferrari can only be the Omnibot Overdrive! And a green off-road vehicle - Brawn! Didn't I destroy you earlier in New York? No matter - I'll just kill you again! And you, orange-and-blue dump truck - you have the shape of the Constructicon Long Haul, but your colours dictate that you can only be the Autobot Huffer, although you look nothing like him! Die, Huffer, die! Hahahahahaaa! I always thought the Constructicons should be Autobots! And no-one can fool Starscream! No-one, I say! Hahahahaaa!"

"Searchlight, Freeway, Chase, Rollbar, Wideload - the Throttlebots all gone, Commander!"

(Note to readers: In Japan, where Starscream destroyed the Throttlebots, Searchlight is called 'Looklight', while Freeway is known as 'Runway'. But wait! A name beginning with 'Run'? Evidence to support the mad theory that back on Cybertron the Throttlebots were once Decepticon Battlechargers! But the Battlechargers are cars, which means they should be Autobots! It all makes sense! Hahahahahaaa!)

As the wise Optimus Prime long maintained, the power of the Underbase is too great for any one being to possess. Mere possession brings madness... or death!

THE END

WHO'S WHO IN THE MAD PHIL THEORIVERSE

10. BROADY MCSIDEFACE

The year 1989.

"So, you claim you're a Decepticon trooper. You're sure about that. But the damage you sustained - supposedly in battle with the Autobots - means you've forgotten your name and regiment number, the very details that would enable me to confirm your story. A story that strikes me as a most convenient lie for an Autobot or neutral who suddenly finds himself captured by Decepticons."

"Convenient for me, and also for you, as I gather you're running short of volunteers for your Micromaster test programme. And you didn't capture me - you saved me, remember? The Autobots left me for dead, a pool of mostly molten slag in the sewers of Cybertron's Underworld, where they lured me into an ambush. I was salvaged by one of your - er, our - harvester units, investigating the detected explosions."



"Hmmm. Very well. Apart from your miserable carcass as material for the Micromaster programme, what else can you offer me as proof of your allegiance?"

"Er... oh! Yes, that's it! The reason the Autobots were after me! I have the blueprints of the Autobot Triple Changer called Broadside!"

"Really? And that would interest me because..."

"He's a normal-sized jet Transformer who can also transform and expand into a 1,200-foot aircraft carrier! You haven't got that kind of size-changing tech, have you?"

"No, we haven't."

"Well, you have now."

"That is... helpful... to your case for continued existence..."

"Flattop. That's the name I used when posing as an Autobot cadet in order to get my hands on the plans. I transformed into a jet, taking off from and landing on Broadside, performing reconnaissance missions for the Autobot Resistance out on the Rust Sea. I can tell you all about him, his strengths and weaknesses..."

"Weaknesses?"

"Yeah. I mean, he has one major design flaw that you don't need a spy in their ranks to tell you about. Think about it! He's a jet... he flies out to the middle of the ocean, turns upside-down in the air, transforms, and... SPLASH! An aircraft carrier, for other Autobot jets to land on and take off from."

"But?"

"He's stuck! He's used up all his jet fuel flying out there for one thing, but that's irrelevant, because he's incapable of taking off again! He has to turn upside-down to turn into a jet, which means he capsizes and sinks to the bottom. And even if he could transform without capsizing, he'd still be in the water. He needs a runway to take off from! He needs an aircraft carrier! No wonder he hates flying and going out to sea..."

"So you're offering me a flawed design."

"No! I've perfected the design! I know how to make it right. Sacrifice the robot mode, and use the extra space for spare fuel and anti-gravity thrusters. Let the aircraft carrier rise up into the air before transforming to jet mode! I've got it all worked out. An... er... Decepticon aircraft carrier armed with torpedo launchers, capable of transforming into an interstellar jet equipped with x-ray laser cannons and serrated wingtips capable of cleaving Autobots in two. I would be more than delighted to build it for you, Lord...?"

"Thunderwing. Lord Thunderwing. Welcome 'back' to the Decepticons... Flattop. What will you call your aircraft carrier?"


THE END

[Grand Moff Muffin]

WHO'S WHO IN THE MAD PHIL THEORIVERSE

11. GANG-MOULDING GONE MAD

It has long been observed that most Micromasters are produced in pairs, using the same visually distinctive metal alloys for the two robots in each pairing. For example, Mudslinger and Powertrain sport identical blue and orange armour plating, while Highjump and Tote are composed of identical grey and red alloys. Storm Cloud and Whisper are made from the same purple and black material, while Nightflight and Tailwind have blue and light grey in common.

It has also been observed that many Micromasters share the same body design, differing from one another only in colour - or, more accurately, alloy type - much like the original Decepticon Strike Planes. For example, Deadwheeler and Gunrunner, members of the short-lived and long-forgotten Autobot Demolition Derby Patrol, are the red-and-black twins of the Race Car Patrol members Free Wheeler and Roadhandler respectively. Airwave is a clone of Nightflight, while Skyhopper is a copy of Storm Cloud and Ironworks Powertrain's twin.

We also notice that the Autobots have stolen a couple of Decepticon Micromaster designs, and vice versa. Groundshaker is a clone of Whisper, Greasepit of Mudslinger and Hothouse of Tailwind.

But here our detective work leads us to suspect that there is more than simple blueprint theft going on. Yes, much espionage took place in 1988 as the two sides built up their respective Micromaster armies, and stolen technology featured heavily in both factions' research and development programmes. But that doesn't explain why Autobot Groundshaker and Decepticon Skyhopper have identical colour schemes, why Autobot Hothouse and Decepticon Airwave wear the same red and white armour plating, or why Autobot Ironworks and Decepticon Greasepit are the same shade of yellow and pale grey. No, the only explanation for this can be that each of those pairs came off the same production line before parting company and adopting opposing allegiances.

How did this come about? The truth is that the bodies of Airwave, Groundshaker, Hothouse and Skyhopper were all built by Thunderwing, replicating the designs of his earlier Air Strike Patrol, but two of the Decepticon troopers who volunteered to have their brains transplanted into the new Jet Plane Patrol were Autobot sleeper agents, and as soon as they took possession of their Micromaster forms, they broke cover and deserted back to Emirate Xaaron's Autobot Resistance.

Meanwhile, after creating the Demolition Derby Patrol in the image of the Race Car Patrol, Xaaron commissioned the Rock and Roll Out Patrol, based on the designs of the earlier Off Road Patrol. But, posing as an Autobot, the mercenary Doubledealer destroyed the bodies based on Highjump and Tote, stole the copy of Mudslinger before it could have an Autobot volunteer's brain installed in it, and sold it to Thunderwing, who bestowed it upon the Decepticon fuel procurer, Greasepit. Of the much anticipated Rock and Roll Out Patrol, only Ironworks remained, so Xaaron changed his plans and put him in command of a construction site that transformed into a multi-purpose communications bay / windmill.

And that, I think, explains everything. Whew.

THE END

WHO'S WHO IN THE MAD PHIL THEORIVERSE

12. LONGTOOTH WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A DECEPTICON

Historians assert that the first six organic Pretenders were created on Earth in 1988 by Scorponok, when he bestowed upon Bomb-Burst, Bugly, Finback, Iguanus, Skullgrin and Submarauder synthoplasmic exo-shells in the oversized likenesses of Battle Beasts encountered by the Decepticon Skystalker who first scouted Planet Beast in the year 1986. This is not strictly true, for before leaving Cybertron for Nebulos, Scorponok had already conducted secret trials of his Pretender process, constructing three semi-organic shells inspired by aliens described to him by Skystalker. One was a Battle Beast octopus with a skull on its belt. Another was the skeleton of a samurai chimpanzee from the planet Halfworld. And the third... was a Battle Beast walrus, also bearing a skull motif on its belt. Scorponok named the first Pretender shell 'the Octopunch'. He named the second 'the Skullmonkey'. And the third? It was - as you have rightly guessed - 'the Longtooth'.
___

The fearless Longtooth! Hah! If they only knew the truth!

I still remember that terrible day, all those years ago - almost three years ago, by the humans' reckoning. After countless millennia of Decepticon rule - our rule - here on Cybertron, the unthinkable had happened. Optimus Prime had returned! And together with Ultra Magnus and the Wreckers, he now led the Autobot Resistance in a series of bold raids that left us Decepticons reeling! We possessed vastly superior numbers, but we lacked the leadership needed to counter Prime's lightning offensive. I learned later on that at that time Lord Straxus still lived on life-support, and Megatron was there with him - for all the good it did us. They were more concerned with fighting one another than with leading us in the field against Optimus Prime.



Thousands fell in battle that day on the plains outside Polyhex, Autobot and Decepticon alike - but mostly Decepticons. I was terrified...

"No! You can't die! I won't let you!"

Don't leave me alone, I begged my fallen comrade. I can't make it alone! And that was the truth. I had seized the Longtooth armour to protect myself from the Wreckers' lethal firepower, but I didn't know how to operate it fully. And what was worse, I couldn't work out how to get it off once the threat had passed. Only the armourer had that information, and he lay at my feet, seemingly near death, stricken down by Roadbuster's linear blaster gun. Somehow, I had to save him! I was desperate to save him...

And suddenly, he was there! My worst nightmare personified... Optimus Prime! I thought he had sensed my terror, but I was wrong!

"At ease, Autobot."

He thought I was an Autobot! Presumably because I was trying to repair a wounded comrade on the field of battle rather than strip him of salvageable component parts while he lay helpless. And it was true, the prototype Pretender shell I now wore concealed my Decepticon body design and insignia.

"It never ceases to amaze me that even when staring defeat in the face, the Autobot spirit prevails," proclaimed Optimus Prime. "Such dedication to preserving life deserves a reward..."

And there it was - our sacred lifeforce, the Creation Matrix! Little did I appreciate at the time that Prime was revealing to me its physical location within his chest cavity, while his most trusted confidants on Earth remained ignorant of this fact. Perhaps he had had some fleeting precognition of his approaching demise, and wanted someone, however lowly, to share his burden, before it was lost to all. For before my optics, and with considerable effort - and pain - Prime drew off a fragment of Matrix energy and handed it me, saying:

"There is life. It is the greatest gift of all. Use it wisely!"

And then he was gone, back into the thick of the fighting! I was left alone, holding a chance - a chance not to be scared any more!

To my eternal shame, I gave in to temptation and kept the Matrix energy. My wounded comrade - or should I say former comrade - lived, but no thanks to me! I still carry the Matrix energy with me - my spare life, my courage... my shame! For I followed Prime and returned with him to Iacon Autobase, posing as an undercover Autobot who had captured a Decepticon Pretender shell. And since that day, I have fought bravely as a member of the Resistance. Why? Because it seemed like a good idea at the time... and perhaps also because the Matrix energy has infected my Decepticon programming, altering who I am. I sometimes suspect that that was Optimus Prime's intention all along - that he knew I was a Decepticon, but sensed that I was susceptible to change, either through my own strength of character, if I used the Matrix energy to save the wounded technician, or else by subtle reprogramming if I chose to keep it for my own benefit - which, to my shame, I did.



Now Emirate Xaaron has summoned me, along with Doubleheader and Pincher, to discuss the Creation Matrix. Have I finally been found out? Part of me hopes not... another part hopes so!

He goes on to talk of a mission, a quest to search for the missing Creation Matrix. I should feel relieved - I don't!

Am I such a coward I can no longer fight on without this? If so, I may as well give up now! This isn't mine! I've been living a lie! I wonder if it's too late to change - again - to start over?

I'd heard of the many Autobots lying deactivated on Earth, so I load the Matrix energy into a flight pod and send it back to its rightful owner, returning the life I stole... and perhaps reclaiming the life I lost.

I can never undo what's been done - that shame is mine - and perhaps also Prime's - to bear. At least now I can return to the struggle reborn! But on which side, good or evil, now that I am freed from the Matrix fragment's influence, only time can tell...



THE END

WHO'S WHO IN THE MAD PHIL THEORIVERSE

13. STRANGLEHOLD WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AN AUTOBOT

The only valid argument for Stranglehold being an Autobot is that he lacks a skull anywhere on his Pretender shell, suggesting at the very least that it was not constructed in the same batch as the shells of Bludgeon, Octopunch and Longtooth. However, that is hardly conclusive evidence, since most Decepticon Pretenders do not wear skulls. And the fact that his shell resembles a human (specifically, Burt Reynolds, on moustache days) is neither here nor there, since the shells of Bumblebee, Grimlock, Jazz and Starscream are all human, and yet are known to be Decepticon in origin. Stranglehold's shell could well be from that batch.

As well as dividing Bludgeon, Doubleheader, Longtooth, Octopunch, Pincher and Stranglehold into groups based on skull motif and human features, one could split them according to whether the inner robot transforms into a vehicle or an animal. Bludgeon, Doubleheader and Longtooth turn into vehicles, while Octopunch, Pincher and Stranglehold turn into animals. Maybe things would have been neater if the animals had all been Decepticons, with the scorpion inhabiting the samurai skeleton shell and the rhino getting the walrus shell. But of course, that's not the way it was.


___

Deprived of its owner, a Pretender shell has no allegiance. In the Battle of Hydrus Four in 1991, Stranglehold the robot rhino got reduced to his component parts by the Autobot Sixchanger drill tank, Quickswitch, but Stranglehold's Pretender shell remained intact, and now stands in the Hydrus Four Transformers Museum, which brings in tourist money to support the rebuilding of the medical facilities destroyed in that great battle. (There is a sign around its neck, saying, "Do not stroke the moustache." It makes no sense on non-moustache days.) So after the Decepticon's death, his Pretender shell serves the Heroic Autobot agenda. As some believe was intended from the outset.

THE END

[Grand Moff Muffin]

WHO'S WHO IN THE MAD PHIL THEORIVERSE

14. NIGHTBEAT WAS ORIGINALLY SUPPOSED TO BE AN AMBULANCE CAR


Quig was Librarian Master of Nebulos before he became a Headmaster in 1987. He oversaw the Optical Storage Archives, a repository of knowledge famous across half the Galaxy. Realising that the act of quiet study would become a thing of the past if Scorponok's Decepticons were allowed to ravage his world, he volunteered to help Fortress Maximus's Autobots in their efforts to stop their age-old enemies. After he was bio-engineered to have the ability to convert into a robotic head, he was paired with the red-and-white Autobot investigator, Nightbeat. Meanwhile, Muzzle, a human who worked as a detective on Nebulos until he was framed in a scandal that put him out of business, was paired with Siren.

When the Steelhaven arrived on Earth, Muzzle urged Siren to adopt a police car disguise mode, the better to enable him to obtain law enforcement intelligence on the activity of the Z Foundation, Lord Zarak's criminal network, and Siren acceded to the Nebulan's wishes, despite his function back on Cybertron being one of incendiary damage control. Quig, meanwhile, selected an ambulance car as a relatively pacifist configuration for his Autobot partner, Nightbeat.

The designated pairings didn't last. Muzzle had originally volunteered for the Headmaster programme on Nebulos after learning that an Autobot with training in detective work was looking for a binary-bonded partner, considering this an opportunity to continue doing what he loved to do the most, and was dismayed not to be bio-engineered to transform into Nightbeat's head. So, despite Quig's pleas not to be paired with Siren, Muzzle conspired with Nightbeat to find an opportunity to experiment and see what would happen if he connected himself to the Autobot detective's shoulders. When neither Siren nor Quig was around, Nightbeat and Muzzle transformed and merged, and quickly discovered that they had one of the smoothest-working binary bonds among all the Headmasters, Muzzle's eye for detail making Nightbeat an even better detective than he was without him. They refused point-blank to be separated, and Quig had no option but to be reassigned to the bellowing Siren, whose every utterance made the soft-spoken Nebulan jump. Acting as Siren's head module, Quig soon became influenced by the Autobot's latent thought patterns to talk much more loudly than he was comfortable with.

Muzzle painted Nightbeat blue and yellow, repurposing the ambulance car's roof-mounted lights as enhanced audio and video sensors, while Siren took the opportunity to become a fire chief's car in the tradition of Red Alert, in better keeping with his function.

Muzzle's ability to bond to different bodies served him well when he used the corpse of Playback to defeat the Decepticon Thunderwing.

Nightbeat and Siren eventually return to their original colour schemes and swap their heads back when Muzzle and Quig retire and are succeeded by Minerva and Shuta.

THE END

WHO'S WHO IN THE MAD PHIL THEORIVERSE

15. FACT-FILE INTERFACE: THE COMBATICON PATROL

Allegiance: Decepticon
Function: Military operations
Sub-group: Micromasters
First appearance (as Micromasters): Right here

"The road to conquest is paved with Autobot wrecks."




"I was built to be wild!"
"Make deals, not war."
"I'm Vortex, fly me - if you dare!"
"The mind is the greatest weapon."

In the not-too-distant future, Brawl, Swindle, Vortex and their leader Onslaught adopt the likenesses of the deceased Decepticon Roughstuff and members of the late Military Patrol to become the Micromaster Combaticon Patrol!

Brawl possesses enormous strength and is resistant to most conventional artillery. In tank mode, his turret-mounted gun shoots a shell up to a distance of 3.5 miles with an explosive force of 200 pounds of T.N.T. Swindle thrives on wheeling and dealing, and is seemingly capable of procuring anything to fulfil the design and equipment needs of his armaments work. Vortex can whirl his rotor blades fast enough to create wind funnels that spin at speeds of 200-300 miles per hour, powerful enough to lift a locomotive off its rails.

Onslaught is a brilliant tactician, preferring the intellectual battlegrounds of the mind, but is a relentless, furious fighter when stirred to action. His trailer is equipped with an dual sonic stun battery and two photon missiles, and transforms into an atomic-powered shuttlecraft affectionately known as Blast Off, which can travel at 26,000 miles per hour and stay in orbit up to eight months. From its nosecone it can emit a powerful x-ray laser that can burn a hole through a rocketing I.C.B.M. 12,000 miles away or hit an Autobot Micromaster on the ground.

FILE ENDS

[Grand Moff Muffin]

My OCD has made me re-order all these into continuity order.

Martin