19 - Ratbat Breaks the Internet / Theoriverse / Micromasters

[Shockprowl]

Oh my Godfathers these are brilliant...

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CONGRATULATIONS - YOU HAVE WON A CHRISTMAS VACATION IN MICROMASTER CITY

PART 1

In the not-too-distant future...

You, yes, you are officially the world's Number-One True Transformers Fan! By answering all the trivia questions correctly, you have proven yourself to possess the greatest knowledge of any human when it comes to matters Transformer-related! (Excluding those who have actually met Transformers, employees of Blackrock Enterprises, Stark Interstellar or SHIELD, their close family members and other ineligible categories of person - see the small print, terms and conditions apply.)

Congratulations! You have won an all-expenses-paid trip to the newly opened Micromaster City, and will be their first civilian visitor! All you have to do is sign a waiver certifying that you are over the age of eighteen and of sound mind, indemnifying the competition organisers against any future compensation claims by either yourself or your next of kin for accidental injury, loss of or damage to personal property, or death, arising during your time on, or travelling to and from, Micromaster Island...
___

You thought you knew everything about Transformers, but are immediately thrown by the arrival in your front garden of an AH-64 Apache attack helicopter looking for all the world like the Micromaster Decepticon Tracer, who you happen to know is dead.



"I'm Vortex, fly me - if you dare!" the helicopter greets you, as you climb aboard, stow your bags and strap yourself in. As the sadistic Combaticon flies you to the nearest airport, weaving from side to side between buildings, doing his very best to make you sick, he explains that one of the conditions of his team being allowed to return to their homeworld, Earth, was to downsize to Micromaster stature when in robot mode. Another condition was that they not take the form of modern military vehicles - hence the recycling of old body forms.

You stagger out onto the tarmac, and have barely retrieved your luggage when the helicopter transforms and shrinks to a seven-foot humanoid configuration - Micromaster Vortex, though you keep wanting to call him Tracer. You are sorely tempted to throw up on your tormentor, but remember the waiver you signed, and so wisely direct your stream of vomit in another direction.

The triumphant Decepticon marches you towards a waiting Concorde and climbs its ladder after you, squeezing through the hatch and settling himself onto a bank of empty seats. The plane introduces itself as Supersonic, a newly Matrixed Micromaster Autobot, part of a team you've never heard of called 'Sixwing'. "Don't feel bad," he tells you. "Our existence is not yet public knowledge."



The flight out to Micromaster Island is a smooth one, and you enjoy the luxury of the ride particularly after your experience with Vortex. Supersonic informs you that his team leader, Chain-Gun, also transforms into an Apache helicopter. "Why couldn't he have been the one to pick me up?" you wonder aloud. Supersonic replies that Vortex volunteered for the job, claiming he had much experience ferrying humans safely to and from their homes when he was on the 'Club Con' transport detail back in '88, and was eager to be of service. You let the matter drop.
___

Somewhere out in the Pacific is Micromaster Island. It's a real island, not a pretend one. Earth has let the Transformers have it because it will soon be lost to rising sea levels, thanks to climate change. The Transformers are going to 'cyberform' it, creating a raised network of Micromaster buildings connected by walkways and ramps above the high tide ocean surface.



Supersonic touches down on a short runway on stilts, and taxis towards the small passenger terminal. A maroon F-14D Tomcat fighter jet, which you recognise as the Decepticon Airwave, transforms and shrinks to Micromaster robot size in order to get out of your way. As you step down with your bags, followed by Vortex, Airwave welcomes you to his airport, then asks Supersonic to clear the runway ready for the departure of Vortex's fellow Combaticons, Blast Off and Swindle, who are due to travel to China for the latest in a series of trade talks. Having read about Airwave and Swindle, you doubt that the deals being negotiated are all clean and above board, but that's their business. You look around for a space shuttle, but all you can see in the hangar is what looks like the deceased Decepticon Roughstuff's atomic-powered fighter jet, with the late Military Patrol member Growl in the pilot's seat. "Blast Off and Swindle," Vortex confirms.



"Okay, pal, you're on your own," says Supersonic, tossing you a set of keys. "There's a car at your disposal. Try not to dent it."

You leave the airport and step onto a ramp connecting it to the rest of the partially completed Micromaster City. There is indeed a car parked on the other side, a black and orange modified 1957 Chevrolet Bel Air hot rod convertible, which your encyclopedic knowledge tells you is the Autobot Micromaster Big Daddy. Except Big Daddy was destroyed in the Predator War, and this car looks brand new. You speak to it, and get no response. You climb in, turn the key in the ignition, and drive cautiously into the beating heart of Micromasterdom on Earth...



TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CONGRATULATIONS - YOU HAVE WON A CHRISTMAS VACATION IN MICROMASTER CITY

PART 2



You turn left at Hothouse's fire station, which is all decked out with sparkly Christmas lights. You're relieved that there is no A-10 Thunderbolt ground-strike plane blocking the forecourt today. You peek through the open doors as you roll past and are pleasantly surprised to see two Autobot fire engines sensibly parked inside - the Rescue Patrol member Red Hot and another that you don't recognise, but which you will later identify as the unfortunately named Sixturbo Micromaster 'Discharge'.



You nervously drive over a hatch ominously marked 'DANGER' (it's the only way you can get past the fire station) and over another ramp. The sun is setting and you're afraid to go much further until the light improves. You've seen no sign of a hotel, and in the distance up ahead there appear to be building works going on, but you're outside what appears to be a gas station, and there is plenty of parking space, so you select a spot tucked away behind the pumps and switch off your engine.



You fold down the seats, unpack your sleeping bag and try to get comfortable.

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CONGRATULATIONS - YOU HAVE WON A CHRISTMAS VACATION IN MICROMASTER CITY

PART 3

You are awakened at first light by the sound of high-powered engines. You emerge yawning from your vehicle and approach the edge of the platform surrounding the gas station, from which you witness a spectacle.

From the bare earth of the island on which Micromaster City is being constructed, a racing circuit has been carved out, and half a dozen cars of various models, colours and allegiances are testing their mettle in a contest of speed and driving skill. Members of the Race Car, Sports Car and Race Track Patrols are all visible amidst the mud and dust.



You think you've identified them all - Detour, Ground Hog, Motorhead, Road Hugger, Swindler and Tailspin - when suddenly you realise that the contestants in this race are not a constant. Every time one of the cars loses control and comes skidding off the track, out hops its Micromaster driver, who promptly transforms and expands into his own vehicle mode, while the car shrinks as it adopts its robot form and squeezes in behind the wheel. One moment, Roller Force is driving Ground Hog - the next, Ground Hog is driving Roller Force. It's the four-wheeled version of Junkion motorcycle racing, with size-changing thrown into the mix.



After watching for a good twenty minutes, you turn back to the gas station shop, which now appears to be open for business. Seeking breakfast, you head inside.

TO BE CONTINUED

[Pinwig]

This is like reading a Fighting Fantasy gamebook where all the choices are made for you.

[Grand Moff Muffin]

Dec 22, 2019 23:14:24 GMT Pinwig said:

This is like reading a Fighting Fantasy gamebook where all the choices are made for you.

Well, it's supposed to be a virtual tour in prose rather than an adventure, but...

CONGRATULATIONS - YOU HAVE WON A CHRISTMAS VACATION IN MICROMASTER CITY

PART 4

A Decepticon Micromaster with big wheels and wearing a Santa hat watches you from behind the counter.

"Merry Christmas, sir - or is it madam? You all look so alike..."

"Morning - Greasepit, right?"

"Bingo. And you must be the world's Number-One True Transformers Fan."

"So they tell me."

"I was expecting you last night. Jetfire booked and paid for the guest room in the basement for you - central heating, king-size bed, satellite T.V."

"What? You must have seen me outside! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Not my job. Evil Decepticon."

"Like Vortex. Right. Got anything I can eat for breakfast?"

"You're not my first human customer, just the first civilian. What you see is what I got."

You observe the usual gas station fare.

"Did Jetfire pay for my breakfast too?"

"'Fraid not. But don't worry, I'll just take payment in fuel from the tank of your vehicle."

"I thought it had gone down during the night."

"I wouldn't know anything about that."
___



With half a tank of gas remaining, you drive over a ramp across a ridge and behold the awesome sight of Omega Supreme's rocket base, minus the tank and rocket. Micromaster construction vehicles swarm all around him - members of the Construction Patrol, the Constructor Squad and a team of unknown Autobots who you will later learn to call 'Sixbuilder'.



Directing them all is the crane towed by the Autobot Erector, which, as the world's Number-One True Transformers Fan, you know is actually the original master architect Grapple - the one who stayed behind on Cybertron, allowing a copy of his mind to go off into space on board the Ark.



At Ironworks's construction station you get out of your car and climb a ladder to better view your available options. Omega Supreme's vacant tank track is like a giant roundabout, with ramps leading off in five directions. South leads back to Greasepit's gas station. The ramp to the east descends to the lapping ocean shoreline. Nothing seems to be going on down there, though out at sea you can make out the silhouette of the aircraft carrier that once belonged to a Decepticon - formerly an Autobot - called Flattop. You were not aware that it had survived the Great War.



As your eyes adjust, you spot the Rescue Patroller Seawatch approaching the carrier.



The ramp heading north-east away from the construction site ends in a shimmering warp gate, beyond which you guess must be the planet Cybertron.

"Am I allowed through there?" you ask Ironworks, pointing.

"No law against it," he shrugs.



A roadway to the north-west leads to a Microtrailer park, presumably temporary accommodation for the construction crews.



Finally, west takes you looping back towards the airport - you think.

WHICH WAY WILL YOU GO? YOU, YES, YOU DECIDE!

[Pinwig]

East to the shoreline. What's Seawatch up to?

[Grand Moff Muffin]

Dec 23, 2019 8:50:54 GMT Pinwig said:

East to the shoreline. What's Seawatch up to?

CONGRATULATIONS - YOU HAVE WON A CHRISTMAS VACATION IN MICROMASTER CITY

PART 5

You park your car a safe distance from the shoreline and wander down to where the ramp enters the ocean. Away in the distance, Seawatch has moored alongside the Decepticon aircraft carrier.

You become aware of a disturbance in the water, and the head of an Autobot Micromaster breaks the surface close to where you are standing. The Metro Squad member Strikedown walks up the ramp, out of the sea, followed by his partner, Power Run, unspooling a coil of heavy-duty cable as they come. They greet you, grateful for a reason to take a break from their boring task. “Boring but important,” they are eager to stress, explaining how they are busy connecting Ironworks’s offshore wind farm up to Micromaster Island’s electricity grid. “Ironworks loves his windmills,” Power Run confides.

They offer you a boat tour around the island. You accept without hesitation, and are treated to the sight of two seven-foot robots transforming, expanding and combining into a luxury passenger hovercraft, complete with lounge, sleeping quarters and self-service bar.



You enquire about the aircraft carrier. Strikedown confirms that it is, or rather was, Flattop’s. Upon his demise it was commandeered for a time by a Decepticon Micromaster you’ve never heard of, called Metrobomb, who used it exclusively in its interstellar jet configuration. When Metrobomb vanished, the jet passed into the hands of a pair of joyriding Battle Beasts, who thought a jet was all it was until they docked it at Grand Central Space Station, disembarked, pressed the button that they thought was for its central locking system, and caused massive explosive decompression in the station’s hull as it morphed into a 1,200-foot aircraft carrier. The space station’s management weren’t best pleased, especially when they saw the Decepticon logo on the side. Transformers are unpopular on Grand Central at the best of times, and it took all of Swindle’s diplomatic skills to smooth things over and get Broady McSideface back to Cybertron.

Despite the Decepticons traditionally being thought of as masters of the skies, Airwave and the flying members of the Combaticon Patrol are apparently the only aerial Micromasters they have left, and Earth’s governments are keen to keep it that way. Nevertheless, the Decepticons control the Micromaster aircraft carrier and Micromaster Island’s single-runway airport, and are making the most of these assets in their dealings with the Autobots, who rely on them as landing and take-off zones for Hothouse, Sixwing and the Air Patrol.



Too soon the hovercraft cruise is over, and the Metro Squad duo let you off close to where Seawatch is bringing a couple of members of the Air Patrol ashore from the aircraft carrier.

Refreshingly, and for the first time, you feel you are finally getting a bit of V.I.P. treatment...

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CONGRATULATIONS - YOU HAVE WON A CHRISTMAS VACATION IN MICROMASTER CITY

PART 6

You drive anti-clockwise around Omega Supreme’s track, glancing longingly through the warp gate to Cybertron as you pass it by. Maybe later...

You enter the shadow of the tower of Omega Supreme’s base mode and wonder how you might get inside. There doesn’t appear to be an access ramp on this level. It must be down on the island’s surface, along with the path to the racing circuit you saw earlier from on high.

You take the next exit on your right, which leads into the Microtrailer park.

You recall from your extensive study of Transformers trivia that Microtrailers are basically mass-produced glorified caravans for Micromasters. Originally designed in the 1990s for members of the Off Road and Race Car Patrols when they moved from television chat shows to performing in action movies, they served essentially the same purpose as actors’ trailers, only for Micromaster Transformers. But you gather that they have been much improved since that time, being modified to operate as maintenance and recharging bays in hostile environments such as war zones and even the vacuum of space. You would dearly love to see inside one!



The exit leading off the Omega Supreme roundabout initially takes you onto a web of raised ramps connecting the roofs of a dozen or more Microtrailers, but you soon spot a ramp descending to ground level, and take it. You park your car and get out. You can see several Micromasters, and a few human construction workers, going about their business. After a cursory glance, most of them ignore you and go back to their allotted tasks. From the far side of the park you see a mean-looking Decepticon staring at you. You want to say he’s Bombshock of the Military Patrol, but you realise that it must actually be the Combaticon Brawl, in his new Micromaster body.



“Don’t stare back at him,” a voice cautions you, and a metal hand on your shoulder gently guides you into an adjacent Microtrailer. Turning to your Autobot rescuer, your jaw hits the floor as you find yourself face-to-face with your screen idol, Swindler, Micromaster DeLorean and star of Back to the Future Parts 4 to 9 - with more on the way.



TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CONGRATULATIONS - YOU HAVE WON A CHRISTMAS VACATION IN MICROMASTER CITY

PART 7

The inside of Swindler’s Microtrailer resembles the dressing room of any other highly paid alien robot movie star, so I shan’t waste time describing it in detail. Needless to say, he gives you the grand tour, and a signed hologram to take home with you. When the obligatory generic show-business questions have been duly asked and answered, you both exit the trailer, and you’re relieved to see that Brawl has evidently lost interest in you and wandered off in search of somebody else to intimidate.



You ask Swindler about the car you’ve been given, and he directs your attention to one of a number of car carrier trailers dotted around the Microtrailer park, all resembling the one towed by the Autobot Overload. On its upper level are a couple of monster trucks, which look just like Big Hauler and Slow Poke, who you recall fell in the Battle of Klo. Swindler tells you that the designs of deceased Micromasters are being recycled to help populate the city, and that the Hot Rod and Monster Trucks Patrols are currently at the quality assurance stage, prior to Matrixing. He hopes you don’t object to playing test driver for one of them.


You are just about to ask Swindler whether the bodies of Powertrain, Tote, Fixit and Red Hot had once been intended for Huffer, Ironhide, Ratchet and Inferno, when your conversation is interrupted by a city-wide announcement that Omega Supreme’s rocket will shortly be coming in to land.



“Come on, let’s go see it!” the Race Car Patroller urges you.

You foolishly question whether the roads around the launch tower are safe to drive on while a rocket is descending.

“Roads?” grins Swindler, as he transforms to DeLorean mode.

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CONGRATULATIONS - YOU HAVE WON A CHRISTMAS VACATION IN MICROMASTER CITY

PART 8

Your ride in a flying car is over all too soon, and you take the lift from the top of Omega Supreme's launch tower, where Swindler leaves you, back down to ground level. You walk over the blasted earth surrounding the giant rocket, to return to the Microtrailer park, and the waiting clone of Big Daddy.

You wonder how anything can top that last experience, and come to the conclusion that there's only one thing, and you've put it off long enough. It's time to cross the ramp through the warp gate portal and check out the portion of Micromaster City that resides on the Transformers' homeworld - Cybertron!
___

The ramp through the warp gate connects Omega Supreme's tank track on Earth with a complex web of linked Micromaster bases situated on the edge of the Transformers' capital city-state, Iacon. You find yourself driving under a turntable helipad and onto the main platform of Groundshaker's command centre, codenamed Landshaker. You swallow nervously at the sight of the diminutive Iacon City Defence Director's x-ray laser cannon, sonic boomers, automatic machine gun and missile launchers, and pray that the car you're driving will deter him from pointing any of them in your direction.



You turn right, and cross a bridge onto the deck of Sky Hyper, an equally imposing battle base, once commanded by the Decepticon Skyhopper, subsequently restored and redecorated by its current owner, the Autobot Micromaster named Deadwheeler, last surviving member of the Demolition Derby Patrol, who flags you down and requests you to identify yourself, which you gladly do. You suspect that Sky Hyper's molecular disrupter gun and missile batteries would make short work of Big Daddy if he failed to stop at Deadwheeler's checkpoint.



While your credentials are being run through the system, you compare Landshaker with Sky Hyper and try to decide which base you prefer, should they ever come up against one another in an on-line poll for Transformers enthusiasts.

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CONGRATULATIONS - YOU HAVE WON A CHRISTMAS VACATION IN MICROMASTER CITY

PART 9

You twist around in your seat and try to get your bearings. Behind you is the Landshaker base, where a ramp off to the left leads back to Earth, and another ramp straight ahead takes you up onto the main Iacon expressway, where Groundshaker's crack troops, the Micromaster Battle Patrol, stand sentry.



Facing forwards, you are presented with two routes off Sky Hyper. A ramp to the right passes through another warp gate to a planet unknown, and what appears to be a giant, elevated aircraft carrier towering above the churning waters of an alien ocean. You can make out a couple of Micromasters moving around on its deck, along with other, less familiar humanoid species.



Then, to your left, a ramp connects Sky Hyper to three more enormous bases - the upgraded forms of the Powerdashers - Roadfire (formerly Aragon), Sonic Bomber (formerly Cromar), and the Powerdasher drill tank, Zetar. Linked together in either vehicle or, as now, base mode, they are known simply as the Big Powerdasher.

Once Deadwheeler has given you a grudging all-clear, you drive Big Daddy across the bridge to your left, and are welcomed to the Big Powerdasher complex by the Autobot Micromasters Sonic, Speeder and Drillbuster. You find yourself unable to stop staring at Drillbuster's rather unique head.



The Autobots direct your attention to signs pointing to various facilities for humans, including a canteen. You park Big Daddy and go inside, in quest of food. You find a Christmas celebration is in progress - eight of your fellow humans, five men and three women, all technicians or construction workers, and they beckon you to join them. Unfortunately, you quickly discover that they are not carrying universal translators, and none of them speak much English. Four of them are from Cameron Space Control, two are Chinese, one is Russian and the eighth hails from the planet Nebulos. They had been conversing in the Cameron tongue, which in recent decades has gradually replaced English on Earth as the international language of science and engineering - and the first priority foreign language for aspiring schoolchildren and students. You don't speak a word of it.

But it's Christmas Day, and they are eating a proper roast turkey dinner, with pigs in blankets, stuffing, roast potatoes, roast vegetables and gravy - so you express your gratitude by friendly gestures, and get stuck in.

TO BE CONCLUDED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CONGRATULATIONS - YOU HAVE WON A CHRISTMAS VACATION IN MICROMASTER CITY

CONCLUSION

When the humans go outside, they don some kind of filter to protect themselves from the high levels of air pollution that exist on Cybertron. You don't have one, and so you think you had better soon be heading back to Earth. You drive across a few more ramps, only to find your way barred by Retro and Surge, sitting in the twin modules of their Micromaster combiner transport.


Looking beyond them, you see Countdown's rocket base (or rather, one of them - you understand he has similar landing platforms on Cameron, Earth's Moon, Halfworld, Lithone, Nebulos, and even Planet Beast).



You make out the great Micromaster hero himself (what a guy!) welcoming delegates to what must be an important conference - Decepticon Micromaster Leader Onslaught (looking very much like the deceased Roughstuff), Rescue Patrol Leader Stakeout riding in Omega Supreme's tank module, Groundshaker, a humanoid wearing Targetmaster armour, a Circuit-Breaker riding a Micromaster motorcycle (Glide of the Sixturbo team) and a Battle Beast tiger. You wish you could be a fly on that meeting room wall... But, as Retro politely draws to your attention, your V.I.P. status only gets you so far. It's time to go home.


___

You drive back through the Big Powerdasher complex, onto Sky Hyper, then Landshaker, and back through the warp gate to Micromaster Island on Earth. You check your fuel gauge, and find that it's almost on empty, no doubt thanks in part to Greasepit's thievery. You turn right onto Omega Supreme's tank track and take the second exit on the right, which you correctly predict will take you straight back to Airwave's hangar and runway.

You park Big Daddy next to a sentry drone in the likeness of the Decepticon Military Patrol member Dropshot, who died over thirty years ago in the battle with Unicron, and go and sit in the waiting room until Supersonic returns to take you back to the mainland. You'll tell them you'll make your own way home from there - Vortex's door-to-door helicopter service, though much appreciated on the way out, will not be required.



THE END

[Grand Moff Muffin]

CONGRATULATIONS - YOU HAVE WON A CHRISTMAS VACATION IN MICROMASTER CITY

EPILOGUE

Countdown waits until you have gone back through the warp gate to Earth before summoning Surge to his command centre. His fellow Micromasters, Glide, Groundshaker, Onslaught, Shotbomber and Stakeout, are all present, as are Golder the Ferocious Tiger, honorary Avenger and Protector of Planet Beast, Captain Flintlock, Targetmaster Nebulan and commander of Grand-Ass Base on the ocean planet Pequod, Lieutenant Zhang Meili, a Circuit-Breaker operative from Earth assigned to the Cameron Space Marines, and all six members of Countdown's own elite commando unit, the Autobot Micromaster Astro Squad. Retro stays behind to guard the bridge to the Big Powerdasher complex alone in Surge's absence, while their fellow combiners, Pipeline and Gusher, watch the ramp on the far side of Countdown's rocket base, which leads through a third warp gate connecting the multi-planetary Micromaster City to one of the Sky Garrison (or 'Sky Garry') battle stations on the planet Cameron.



"I take it that young lady was the last in our series of 'Number-One True Transformers Fans'?"

"Yes, sir," answers Surge. "She was the sixth and final subject."

"How did she compare with the other five?"

"About average. She got further than the previous one, two days ago, who just stuck his head across the bridge to Cybertron and didn't so much as set foot on Landshaker. And the second subject was too timid to even approach the warp gate on Earth. But the first one spent longer on Cybertron than this one, and preferred to hang out with Drillbuster and his pals rather than socialise with his 'fellow humans' in the Big Powerdasher canteen. And the third was the boldest by far. She took the right-hand turn at Sky Hyper and drove Big Daddy through the second warp gate, onto Grand-Ass Base on Pequod. Robocritter and Spinner gave her a quick tour of the flight deck before sending her back to Cybertron."

"And not one of them suspects the truth?"

"Not as far as we can tell from observing their behaviour here on Cybertron."

"And on Earth?" Countdown turns to Onslaught, Glide and Stakeout.

"Everything checks out on my side," replies the Combaticon Patrol Leader. "All six got violently sick from Vortex's flying, just as any real human would. They all shied away from a potential confrontation with Brawl, as you'd expect from a human civilian. None of them showed any signs of triggering their defence protocols. The third and fourth subjects talked their way onto the Decepticon aircraft carrier rather than being content with a ride on Seawatch, but they only showed the curiosity one would expect from a hardened Transformers enthusiast. One of them got Barricade to take him for a spin around the race track, in an attempt to beat Neo-Wheel and Sir-KITT of the Sixturbo team, but even then his adrenaline rush fell within normal human parameters."



"I concur," says Stakeout. "Seawatch, Supersonic and Swindler have sent me their reports on all six 'human' subjects, and every one of them passes with flying colours."

"Very good. Captain Flintlock, Lieutenant Zhang - are the human worlds' governments content for us to proceed to the next phase?"

"Absolutely," enthuses Flintlock. "Don't forget this initiative was our idea to begin with. But we grant you all the credit for making it work."

Countdown waves away the compliment. "I've been around the Galaxy a few times in my long career. I've seen how minds work, be they biological or mechanical. A Pretender like Metalhawk or Skyhammer may function just fine in a human-Transformer military unit, but ask him to blend in on Earth for an extended period of time, and he'll fail miserably. A Transformer who knows he's a Transformer will inevitably blow his cover, sooner rather than later. On the other hand, attempt to wipe all knowledge of life as a Transformer from a Pretender's memory banks, and you'll end up with a seriously damaged individual, suffering from inexplicable nightmares and waking flashbacks."

"But getting around the dilemma by programming them to believe they are obsessive Transformers fans, for whom it is quite normal to fantasise about life as a Transformer - it's sheer genius!"

"Not at all, Glide. Merely the only logical option remaining once the dead ends have been eliminated."

"SHIELD and its Chinese, Russian and Nebulan counterparts have furnished the six volunteer sleeper agents with suitable backgrounds and personal histories, and will intervene if necessary to provide occasional appearances by flesh-and-blood acquaintances from their pasts," says Lieutenant Zhang. "But given how smoothly their little 'vacations' in Micromaster City have gone, we don't anticipate any problems. Congratulations - this is a great step forward in human-Transformer relations."

"And a great step forward for planetary security," Flintlock reminds them. "That's why we're doing this, after all. Hopefully each generation of Pretenders will pass their time among humans without incident before being recalled and having their original memories restored, but at least we know they will be there amongst our people should a threat emerge that requires them to be activated."

"This is all well and good," grumbles Golder the Ferocious Tiger. "But when are you going to produce a convincing Pretender Battle Beast? Longtooth is trying his very best to blend in, but he keeps blowing his cover."



"Be patient," says Countdown. "Trust me - I'm working on it."

THE END

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

COUNTDOWN AND OMEGA SUPREME - PARTNERS IN POWER

Allegiance: Autobot
Function: Interstellar defence
First appearance (as pairing): Right here

"For a world without evil, you need a universe without evil." (Countdown)

"Unyielding resolve has no conqueror." (Omega Supreme)

Image source: botchthecrab.com/archive/

An intergalactic hero and space explorer, a legend to beings throughout the universe and an inspiration to his fellow Autobots - truly, Countdown is the Ace Rimmer of Transformers. He has fought a thousand battles and circled almost a million stars, defending the rights of the innocent. And the difference between him and Sky Lynx? Countdown's extreme modesty, which, perversely, irritates Micromasters with an attitude such as Roadhandler far more than Sky Lynx's boasting. "Why must he always leave it to others to tell people how great he is?" moans the leader of the Race Car Patrol. There's no pleasing some people! But Countdown bears the resentment of his few detractors with characteristic benevolence and self-deprecation. (What a guy...)

Omega Supreme is the ultimate defensive force. Although he has great strength, it is his even greater courage that truly distinguishes him. Against overwhelming odds, he will stand unwaveringly and fight with every last microchip of his mechanical being. His fellow Autobots consider him serious, even grim, but those with insight know the reason why: the enormity of the responsibility placed upon him. He is designed specifically as the Autobots' last line of defence. It is his job to protect the Earth and its Solar System from any extraterrestrial threat. He knows that should he fall in battle, the chances are there will be no other Autobots left by that point to take over his role. His is a situation Omega Supreme finds both challenging and chilling. He would have it no other way.

Besides protecting the Galaxy from Evil Decepticons (most recently, Skyquake's Predators), Countdown has battled Dark Elves, Dire Wraiths, the Lunartix Empire, Mecannibals, Quintessons, Scraplets, Sharkticons, Thanos, Unicron... He's even survived a minor scuffle with Galactus. He's fought alongside Beta Ray Bill, Death's Head, the Fantastic Four, Hercules, the Junkions, Power Pack, Rocket Raccoon, the Silver Surfer, the Spectral Knights, Thor, the X-Men and Zodac. Omega Supreme has a somewhat shorter C.V., having only been constructed by Grapple and Matrixed by Optimus Prime on Earth in the year 1986. Nevertheless, he aced six Decepticons on his first outing and successfully repelled an assault on the Ark by the air force of the terrorist organisation Cobra the following year.



Omega Supreme was destroyed by Starscream and the Underbase in 1989, but revived by Grimlock with Nucleon in 1991 and first fought alongside Countdown (then piloting his Micromaster rocket) during the final stages of the conflict with Unicron. In his brief time as an Elite Action Master, Omega Supreme vanquished the Decepticon Double Powermaster Overlord in the Battle of Hydrus Four, then took advantage of new Nucleon to reclaim his original configuration and return to his homeworld, Earth, which he swore to defend alongside Jetfire and his other fellow Earthen Autobots, the Aerialbots and Protectobots.

Since volunteering to become a Micromaster, the better to interact with smaller space-faring species such as Galadorians, Halfworlders, humans, Kree, Rigellians, Shi'Ar and Skrulls, Countdown transforms into a lunar rover with a satellite dish that enables him to direct the troops and hardware under his command from up to 30,000,000 miles away. At some point in the not-so-distant future, Countdown forsakes his Micromaster rocket to team up with the mighty Omega Supreme, forming the ultimate cosmic partnership to defend near-Earth space from all who might be foolish enough to threaten us.

In terms of strength, endurance and firepower, Omega Supreme is second only to Metroplex and, previously, Galvatron. A blow from one of his arms can shatter a mountainside. With his clawed arm he can lift 300,000 tons. The plasma blaster on his other arm can pulverise a solid 12-foot steel cube. The laser cannon mounted on his head can hit an object as small as a can at a distance of 50 miles. His armoured form is virtually impervious to all non-nuclear explosives and energy beam weapons. He can change his form into two other forms simultaneously: a laser cannon tank and a rocket with launching pad. The launching pad can boost its rocket into planetary orbit. The rocket is adaptable to communication, military and transport uses. In both intelligence and speed, Omega Supreme is a bit slow and plodding. He makes an easy target, but his enormous firepower can usually compensate for that.

Countdown has no known weaknesses.

FILE ENDS

[Pinwig]

That's rather clever :)

[Grand Moff Muffin]

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

LONGTOOTH AND BENGALI - A FAMOUS FRIENDSHIP

Allegiance: Autobot/Thundercat
Function: Coastal defence team
First appearance (as pairing): Right here

"The greatest truths lie at the greatest depths." (Longtooth)

"It's hammering time." (Bengali)

Longtooth was a Decepticon, assigned to guard a research and development facility located next to Polyhex's main energy distribution centre. On a fateful day in 1987, Optimus Prime, recently arrived across the Space Bridge from Earth, led Ultra Magnus, the Wreckers and the rest of Emirate Xaaron's Autobot Resistance in an unprecedented surprise assault on the facility. To preserve his own life, Longtooth donned an experimental Pretender shell invented by Scorponok, resembling a Battle Beast encountered by Skystalker in one of his recent deep space excursions. (It was actually the grandmother of the idiotic Wolfgang Walrus Sea Iron, if you really want to know.) If in doubt, you can tell it's a Decepticon design because it has a skull on its belt, just like Octopunch.



Whilst Longtooth was trying desperately to repair the Decepticon technician whose mind held the contents of the Pretender shell's user manual, Optimus Prime came upon them and apparently mistook Longtooth for an Autobot showing concern for a fallen comrade. Prime handed Longtooth a fragment of the Creation Matrix, so that he could use it to save his 'friend', but Longtooth secretly kept it for himself, and accompanied the Autobots back to their base, posing as one of them. For almost three years he fought alongside them as one of the Autobot Resistance, and the Creation Matrix fragment gradually changed him, making him heroic.



Longtooth had a tech-specs courage rating of 8 while he possessed a fragment of the Creation Matrix, but this dropped to 6 when he returned that fragment to Optimus Prime on Earth in December 1989. Like Doubleheader and Pincher, Longtooth's fellow members of the Matrix Quest C-Team, he made it through to the end of the war in 1991 more or less in one piece. (We won't dwell on the incident with the Klud.) However, in August 2018, Longtooth's body was fished out of the ocean on Pequod by the town of Gottlieb's coastguards, with a message etched on its back, saying simply, "Skyquake is here."



It was touch and go whether the medics in Autobot City would be able to save Longtooth's life, but, after over a year of treatment, he was finally returned to operational status, much to the delight of all his fans. (Over the years he had become quite the cult hero in certain quarters.) Following his near death at the hands of Skyquake's Predators, Longtooth awoke to find Battle Beasts at large on Cybertron, and a couple of Autobots stationed on Planet Beast, and Prowl had the bright idea of upgrading him with shrinking Pretender technology so that he could pass himself off as a Battle Beast. This was done, and Longtooth's walrus form is consequently now much smaller than it used to be, and features something called a 'rub-sign' (a novel concept), which Longtooth can use to display the symbol of water whenever he wishes to explain away his technology-driven underwater prowess as 'magic'. Longtooth was assigned to Planet Beast, his orders to go undercover among the aquatic Battle Beasts, acting as eyes and ears for Grand Maximus and Red Phoenix the Blazing Eagle.



Bengali is the younger brother of Thundercat Tygra. Or he might be his cousin. At any rate, he's an albino member of the same tribe of Thunderians. Growing up together in Thundera's capital city of Grimalkingrad, Tygra and Bengali were not always the best of friends. Bengali, though a talented blacksmith, was jealous of Tygra's ability to turn invisible, and the two often came to blows. These fights were usually won by Tygra, due to his greater age, experience - and invisibility. Tygra also became a fully fledged Thundercat before his brother/cousin, and after Tygra had left the family home to join the other noblecats, Bengali began to spend more time with his friends Lynx-O and Pumyra. On the final day, when immense gravitational forces tore Thundera apart, the trio escaped the doomed planet on the Berbil ship 'Vanguard of Ro-Bear' and were guided to Third Earth by the recently departed spirit of the great Jaga.

The year after Bengali was reunited with his cousin/brother on Third Earth, the Thundercats established New Thundera and other Thunderian refugees began to return. But less than a year later, in 2013, Galactus struck, devouring both Third Earth and New Thundera. The Thundercats' mortal foes, the sorcerer Mumm-Ra and the evil mutants from the planet Plun-darr, took advantage of the confusion to attack, and the leading Thundercats, including Tygra, were killed in the ensuing battle. Bengali was badly wounded and rescued by the Thunderkittens, who fled with him to the Cosmic Carnival, where they performed as acrobats for the next five years in exchange for Bengali's essential medical treatment. Lynx-O and Pumyra meanwhile drifted through space in suspension capsules. In 2018 the five survivors were brought together again on Earth. Since that time, Bengali and Pumyra (who now wields the legendary Sword of Omens) have established a new Cats' Lair on the southern continent of Planet Beast, and the few remaining Thunderians scattered across the Galaxy are gradually converging to make their new home here among the Battle Beasts and Rock Lords.



In his first weeks on Planet Beast, Bengali drove the Tearin' Tiger Hunter, a feline Battle Beast vehicle. Later on he used his blacksmith skills to construct the Victory Lion, a new Thundertank capable of transforming into either a flying lion or a giant robot. But he has also struck up a relationship with Longtooth, the Autobot trying and failing to pretend to be a Battle Beast, who reminds Bengali a lot of the Tuska Warriors he knew during his brief time on Third Earth.



Longtooth is an amphibious assault warrior who patrols the murky ocean depths, defending underwater installations. The huge webbed feet of his Pretender shell enable him to swim at over 30 knots, while his giant, fang-like tusks can be used to shred metal like paper. The electronic eye on his walrus form features advanced sonar, an infra-red firing scope, and heat and light sensors. His specially reinforced ecto-suit can withstand underwater depths up to 300 feet and comes equipped with a searing ionic field generator. In his robot and land vehicle modes, Longtooth carries a plasma cannon.

Bengali has bolstered the amphibious capabilities of Longtooth's vehicle mode, which he sometimes rides inside as together they patrol the coastline of the southern continent of Planet Beast, alert for incursions by lethal Laser Beasts, savage Snake Men or rogue Rock People. On other occasions, Longtooth assumes the likeness of a six-foot Battle Beast walrus and sits beside Bengali in the cockpit of one or other of his Thundertanks.

Bengali wields the Hammer of Thundera, which is capable of firing blasts of destructive energy and which he also uses for forging new things and repairing broken weapons, vehicles and Transformers. Inside the hammer are smoke bombs that need to be struck by the hammer to activate them, thus providing cover for his and Longtooth's retreat whenever they find they have bitten off more trouble than they can chew. (Once they have gotten away, they invariably return again soon afterwards at the controls of the Victory Lion, to make trouble for trouble.) One of the most recent creations of Bengali and his magnificent hammer is the Headmaster armour worn by Lione, a talking lion from the planet Halfworld, who sometimes takes the place of Victory Leo's regular head.



Weaknesses? Longtooth's main weakness of character is that he is actually a Decepticon, and it is uncertain whether the Creation Matrix fragment's positive influence on his sense of duty will prove permanent. He tried to gain possession of a new Matrix fragment during the battle with Unicron in 1991, but Ramjet relieved him of it and flew it through Unicron's eye and all the way into the Chaos-Bringer's brain. Longtooth certainly isn't as brave as he once was, and remains slow on land, while his partner Bengali is the least agile Thunderian on Planet Beast, having been seriously injured during the fall of New Thundera, and never fully recovered from his wounds. He has an artificial leg, though it has to be said it's a darn sight better than the peg-leg Longtooth made do with during the misunderstanding with the Klud in 1990.

Bengali misses Tygra and the other fallen Thundercats, while Longtooth continues to feel sad at the loss of his comrades Doubleheader and Pincher, but together on Planet Beast they have forged a new friendship, between albino cat-person and robotic walking walrus, that promises to be one of the greatest partnerships in the history of the Galaxy... or at least their corner of Planet Beast.

FILE ENDS

[Grand Moff Muffin]

RHYME WARS

Micromaster Island, out in the Pacific,
Is rather awesome and terrific.
An alien city, surrounded by sea,
In kilometres it measures four-by-three.

Airwave runs the island's airport.
But beware! His runway's a little short.
Fear not, though. If you need something more,
An aircraft carrier's anchored just offshore.

If you land on the carrier, do be polite.
The Decepticons run it, and are fond of a fight.
Come ashore on Seawatch (he's rather fun)
Or on the hovercraft, Strikedown / Power Run.

Once you land, there are vehicles for hire,
And you're in good hands if yours catches fire.
The station has three fire engines, on good days:
Red Hot, Discharge and Roadburner / Wheel Blaze.



Construction works in the city are ever ongoing,
And wind turbines turn, when the wind is blowing.
Greasepit's fossil fuel business has come to nought
As charging points now dominate his forecourt.

Micromaster City's a thriving young nation,
But the island's also a strategic location,
And a high-value target for alien invasion.
Hence just the place for a battle station!

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

The great island battle took place on a day
When Omega Supreme's rocket and tank were away.
Our seven-foot heroes were left all alone
To defend the city they called Microzone.

A freak cosmic storm was raging on,
Disrupting the warp gate to Cybertron.
Ironworks' radar saw incoming trouble.
It looked like a hail of alien rubble!

A meteorite storm - what else could it be?
Yet it seemed to control its fall into the sea,
Though contrary to the films of Michael Bay,
Transformers do not come to Earth this way!

The meteorites hit in almighty splashes,
Accompanied by lightning flashes!
They caused a mighty wave to roll,
Threatening the Air Patrol.

On Broady McSideface the Autobot jets
Transformed, as they weren't taking bets
On whether they'd live if they stayed on the deck
Of a capsizing carrier - soon to be a wreck?

As the planes took off, and headed for land,
Buttons were pressed by Decepticon hand,
Raising the ship out of the sea
Changing its shape, so it too could flee!

The wave washed over, but the Micros stood fast.
Their robot city had been built to last.
But danger remained, as a worried Erector
Reported underwater objects on approach vector.

Road-Police, the second-most famous Micro police car,
Scanned the waters both near and far.
Something was coming, of that he was sure,
And he doubted that its intentions were pure!



"Transform the city!" commanded Groundshaker,
Assuming the role of decision-maker.
The battle station officers gladly complied,
For today they all fought on the same side.

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

Groundshaker's tank was parked where the warp gate
Had linked them to Cybertron until quite late.
The all-terrain vehicle (Landshaker its name)
Transformed to a battle base, guns belching flame!

Chain-Gun the chopper launched from the helipad.
His Sixwing team's absence made him very sad.
But Groundshaker himself, the small but tough jet,
Instilled in him faith that they'd prevail yet.

Ramps retracted all over the city.
To see them go, it was a pity.
Everyone loves connecting ramps,
Even more than collecting stamps.

Airwave took off in his Tomcat disguise,
Joining the Air Patrol up in the skies.
His airport became a big armoured box
With missiles that could fell an ox.

The tanker truck team, Oiler and Slide,
Shut themselves up away inside
The airport box, at the missiles' controls,
Scanning the ocean for targets or goals.



Hothouse the plane was airborne already,
His fire station left in hands most steady.
Who better than the fire engines to man its controls
As it transforms to tank mode and forward it rolls?

Greasepit's electric charging station became
The coolest of the battle stations - wild, not tame!
Its cannons, missiles and circuit-jammers
Were nastier than two-headed hammers.

Last but not least, though not quite the best,
The construction site transformed at Ironworks' behest.
Its crane folded up, and, lo, it revealed
A proton missile to pierce any shield.

Blaze Master and Chain-Gun, the two choppers, hovered,
Determined to prove that they were not bovvered.
Eagle Eye, Sky High and Treadbolt, the Air Patrol planes,
Formed up with Airwave and weathered the rains.

Groundshaker cried, "We're ready to fight!"
Flying beside him, Hothouse muttered, "Right..."
Groundshaker yelled, "Keep formation, I mean it!"
Hothouse added, "Anybody wanna peanut?"

Powertrain, Roadhandler and Decepticon Blackjack,
With fellow 'Con Barricade, wanted first crack
At the enemy. So they led their teams down
To the shoreline's churning waters brown.

Then! Up from the depths, thirty storeys high,
Breathing fire, his head in the sky...
Who could it be?!
Oh no! Dearie me!

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

Okay, not thirty, but three storeys at least,
Out of the surf rose a fearsome stone beast!
From four of the recent meteorites formed,
Rockasaurus Rex - forward he stormed!



On the beach, Rocky scattered the Micromasters.
It felt like an onslaught of natural disasters!
Off Roaders and Race Cars flew this way and that,
While the Sports Car and Race Track Patrols were stomped flat!

Syren, the second-best Micro ambulance,
Did a furious little dance.
"Stop taking damage!" was his most helpful call.
While the war veteran Fixit said nothing at all.



TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

Hot on the heels of the Fossil Lord T-Rex
Came more Rockasaurs, their muscles to flex.
"Fall back!" called Groundshaker to the troops on the shore.
"By my count there are going to be several more!"



On the island's racing circuit the Constructor Squad clustered
Around Broady McSideface. They were somewhat flustered.
The water-logged transport had there crash-landed
In aircraft carrier mode, and now it was stranded.

Mr Rockasaurus Rex
Is surprisingly complex.
He likes drinking Beck's
While

SPOILER: Click to show

showing off his pecs.

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

Eagle Eye was keen to shoot Rex in the face,
But Groundshaker told him to stay in his place.
He feared Rex was goading them to break formation
Ahead of the main wave of rock devastation.



The commander was right, for up from the sea
Flew a squadron of Stone Wings - one, two, three!
And then a brigade of Action Shock Rocks
Rolled out of the water and onto the docks.





TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

"All right, take 'em!" came Groundshaker's cry,
And the Micromaster planes engaged the enemy on high.
The Stone Wings were clumsy, the Terra-Rocs slow,
But it took all the jets' firepower to make damage show.

The Stun Stones and Dragon Stones dealt out the pain
To the Micros regrouping on the shoreline again.
The Dragon Stones' flamethrowers left metal hot
While the Stun Stones' sonics made heads hurt a lot.

The Sports Car Patrol held a quick poll,
And took cover in Greasepit's 'Wash and Roll'.
The car-wash extinguished the Dragon Stones' fun
And hypnotised them to turn back, thinking they'd won.



Rockasaurus Rex stopped for quick snacks
On his way up the dunes to Omega Supreme's tracks.
Alas that the big guy was on a world far away
But battle stations remained, to make Rocky pay.

"Fire!" cried Stakeout, and the guns let loose,
But the Rockasaurus was no clay pigeon or goose.
Rock chips flew off him but he stood his ground,
Opened his jaws and made a strange sound...

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

Jan 8, 2020 7:34:20 GMT Grand Moff Muffin said:

"Fire!" cried Stakeout, and the guns let loose,
But the Rockasaurus was no clay pigeon or goose.
Rock chips flew off him but he stood his ground,
Opened his jaws and made a strange sound...

TO BE CONTINUED

"HHHAAACCCKKK!!! So sorry, just clearing my throat. Stand by for full-volume demoralising propaganda broadcast."

(Note: Rockasaurus Rex's views do not reflect those of the author.)

"Ahem."

(Sorry.)

"Groundshaker couldn't shake salt.
Your poor defence is all his fault.
He's no sub for Countdown,
He's a second-rate clown,
Your wannabe saviour's a dolt!

"Look at that idiot Airwave!
He's a untrustworthy knave!
His runway's too short
And his face has a wart!
He really belongs in a cave."

"There's that prize twit, Ironworks.
He's truly a prince among berks!
His windmill's a joke,
He drinks Diet Coke,
And any hard lifting he shirks!

"Don't get me started on Greasepit.
There's no denying that he's sh*t.
He makes you a fool,
By stealing your fuel,
He'd be behind bars if you policed it."

"Hothouse is the worst of the lot.
A truly nonsensical robot.
A fire chief in name,
He drops bombs that make flame,
While the fire gets put out by Red Hot!"

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

The Micromasters stood there, frozen in shock,
Chilled to the core by this poet of rock.
How could they battle a dinosaur who
Their deepest, darkest secrets knew?

Road-Police arrived in the 'Falcon Wing',
While Grand-Arm flew the 'Beat Jet' in.
Turbo-buster and building-buster guns blazed bright,
Taking the Rockasaurus out of the fight.



"Let's go!" said Crush-Bull, the Sixbuilder Chief,
Assembling his team to provide some relief.
They joined with the Beat Jet and Grand-Arm to form
An Autobot fit to repel this rock-storm.



Road-Police's team also combined
Into Sixturbo, one warrior in body and in mind.
"Snap out of it, comrades!" the great hero cried.
"Now is our moment to turn back the tide!"

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

Any humans with sense remained safe in the bunkers,
Where they got free Wi-Fi and ate Dairylea Dunkers.
But two overweight old men stood high on a cliff.
One Steve and one Colin Doobrey-Smiff.

"Blimey, Col, those rock things are really making a dent in our Transformer pals."

"Shhh, Steve. They can hear you! Use Combat Rhyming Slang! It's our 'End of the Road', remember?"

"'Hokey-cokey.'"

"That 'Joey Slick' Rockasaurus Rex is 'War Without End'! He's trying to 'Bomber Bill' the 'total disasters' with limericks."

"Cor! Let's just 'Mr Big Top' for a while on this 'Cyclonus and Scourge'. It must be time for 'Double Punch'. What did you pack in your 'council houses'?"

"'Plate'... Here, have an 'Off Road Patrol'."

"Not vegan, I hope?"

"Don't be 'Camshaft', it's 'Decepticon Graffiti'. You enjoy that while I have this 'Triple-I'."

"'Combat Deck' are you 'Rack'n'Ruin'?"

"I'm just pourin' us each a nice hot 'Bumblebee'. When you've eaten your 'Off Road Patrol' you can have a 'Jackhammer Jake' with 'Perchance to Dream'."

"'Tyres are flat!' That 'Dinobot Hunt' Spikestone is 'hot cross bunning' towards our 'Cyclonus and Scourge'."

"What an 'Autobot City'! We haven't finished eating our 'Double Punch'!"

"You'd better put your 'Nerys Hughes' back on, 'snobbish toff' with your 'weighs a ton' and make a 'thermal vest'."

"'Hokey-cokey!'"

"Prepare to die, human germs! I am Spikestone, and I-"

SPARE ROOM!

"So much for that 'library book'. Oh, 'cerebro-shell', Steve! I'm off down the pub for an 'Underbase Saga'."

"WAHEYYY! Make mine an 'Ethan', Col."
___

Transformers Rhyming Slang: tmukhub.proboards.com/post/385564
Combat Rhyming Slang: thesolarpool.weebly.com/transformers-uk293.html



TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

Shock Rock Stone Hook used his grappling power
To scale Omega Supreme's launch tower,
From which he hurled insults at Groundshaker's base
Which daren't shoot at him when perched in that place.



The Construction Patrol had taken a battering
From Rock Shot's boulder, and now it was shattering
The airport's tough armour. All out of rockets,
Slide and Oiler had no more tricks in their pockets.



Then out of the smoke came the sound of music,
"You've got the touch, you might as well use it!"
Overload in truck mode, Stan Bush blaring out,
"I'm Optimus Prime!" came his ominous shout.

Rock Shot paused in his rampage, scratching his head.
This guy's blue, he thought. Isn't Optimus red?
No, it's Ultra Magnus the car carrier, surely? Yes!
But isn't he white in front? Oh, what a mess!



The creature's hesitation allowed Overload
To transform his trailer into its jet mode.
He grabbed the cable of Rock Shot's boulder
And dragged him off his feet by the shoulder.

Overload carried Rock Shot high through the air
Right up to Omega Supreme's launch tower where
Stone Hook was still having fun swinging around.
He smashed them together and they fell to the ground!

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

The Micromaster Combaticons led a counterattack,
Driving the Stun Stones all the way back
Into the sea, and Sixbuilder threw
Rockasaurus out into the ocean blue.

The Dropshot drones had been all blown to bits,
And three Microtrailers had received direct hits.
But Stone Wing wrecks now littered the beach,
A Rock Lord pilot having bailed out of each.

Their retreating stone forms disappeared behind a wave
And the Transformers realised they'd had a close shave.
Fixit and Syren had a lot of work to do,
But still everyone cheered. After all, wouldn't you?

The city had taken much damage, they found,
With several buildings razed to the ground.
But half of the Micros had construction modes,
So it wouldn't take long to rebuild their abodes.

Thus the city repulsed the great Rock Lord assault.
No-one suggested it was the Micromasters' fault.
And yet time proved it just the first attack of many,
For they were a hot target (unlike Abergavenny).

Once, the island was invaded by hairy rabid Narlies,
Another day saw Kung-Fu Penguins riding upon Harleys.
Then there was the Visitation Night of Spooky Joe,
Which really gave the willies to our heroes, don't you know.

You might expect so many acts of war upon one town
To sooner or later wear the spirit of its citizens down.
And that may be the case for lesser people who look bigger,
But not for a seven-foot kick-ass alien robot action figure.

[Grand Moff Muffin]

There once was a 'Con called Skyhopper.
Fighting Unicron he came a cropper.
When those eye beams struck,
He forgot to duck,
And an Autobot now flies his chopper.

Skystalker traversed the stars,
But had a thing for Earth sports cars.
A Porsche in a rocket?
You'd better not mock it!
His ghost has been sighted on Mars.

THE END

STORIES LISTED IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER

MISCELLANEOUS
The year 1984: G.I. Joe vs Transformers: Prisoner of War
The year 1987: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: The Death of Counterpunch Part 1
The year 1987: Bumblebee 1987
The year 1987: Battlechargers Forever / Transformers #23 and 32
The year 1987: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Gold Standard
The year 1988: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Attack of the Clones
The year 1988: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Blot on the Landscape
The year 1988: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Ink Blot Test
The year 1988: Terrorcons, Combine!
June 1988: G.I. Joe vs Transformers: Wrecking Havoc
Beginning from September 1988: Tales from the Cosmic Carnival / Transformers #44
January 1989: A Stopped Clock / Transformers UK #199-205, 223-227 and 251-254
January 1989: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Blot on the Record
August 1989: G.I. Joe vs Transformers: The Interplanetary Wrestling Championship / Transformers #55
The year 1989: A Stopped Clock: Chimes at Midnight / Transformers #60-61

THE LAST DAYS OF THE TRANSFORMERS WAR
The year 1990: Transformers UK #229, 237-239 and 255-289
The year 1990: G.I. Joe vs Transformers: Life in the Slow Lane
The year 1990: G.I. Joe vs Transformers: Manoeuvres
The year 1990: The Magnificent Six (Transformers UK Annual 1991)
The year 1990: Transformers #67-70
The year 1990: The Last Days of the Transformers War: Xaaron / Transformers #71-73
The year 1991: The Last Days of the Transformers War: Unicron / Transformers #74-75
The year 1991: The Last Days of the Transformers War: Nucleon / Escort Duty / Breaking Bonds / Transformers #76-80
November 1991: Top Secret
December 1991: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Battletrap's Beasts - They Battle for Fun
December 1991: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Flywheels's Friends - They Too Battle for Fun
December 1991: Another Time and Place (Transformers UK Annual 1992)
December 1991: The Reckoning
December 1991: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: The Death of Counterpunch Part 2

WHAT HAPPENED AFTERWARDS
The year 1992: Destiny of the Dinobots (Transformers UK Annual 1990)
The year 1992: Stylor's Sequel
The year 1992: Stylor's Statement
The year 1992: Stylor's Speech
The year 1993: The Last Minispy (time of narration)
The year 1993: The Last Minispy: Jaws of Steel
The year 1993: G.I. Joe vs Transformers: Unfoldings/Realignments
The year 1993: Earth's Mightiest Heroes
The year 1993: Earth's Mightiest Heroes: Minefield

INTERIM
1991-2018: Great Battle Beast Duels of History
1991-2018: Sky Lynx May Be a Rubbish Toy, But...!
1994-1995: G.I. Joe: Street Fighter II
1994-2018: Marvel Superheroes Meet the Transformers
The year 2008: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Third Generation
The year 2008: G.I. Joe vs Transformers: The Big Broadcast of 1987
The year 2009: G.I. Joe vs Transformers: Rhythms of Darkness
The year 2009: Pretender Monsters: Dinoforce Works

TWENTY YEARS LATER
The year 2014: Twenty Years Later
The year 2014: Twenty Years Later: Kup's Story Retold
August 2017: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: One-Robot Army
September 2017 to July 2018: Prelude to the Predator War
August 2018: Where Were You During the Predator War?
August 2018: Life and Freedom
August 2018: Cameron Space Marines
September 2018: Titanium Shott Blaster for Hire
September 2018: Titanium Shott Blaster for Hire: Death's Head vs Grimlock
September 2018: Game Over
September 2018: Game Over: Walkthrough
October 2018: The Mad Marvel UK Mash-Up / G.I. Joe vs Transformers: Destiny of the Dreadnoks
October 2018: The Mad Marvel UK Mash-Up: Deadlier Games
November-December 2018: War of the Skull
December 2018: The Legacy of Rodimus Prime
December 2018: The Legacy of Galvatron
December 2018: The Legacy of Primus
January 2019: Remembrance
The year 2019: Choose Your Own Prologue
The year 2019: Choose Your Own Adventure
The year 2019: Choose Your Own Destiny
The year 2019: Choose Your Own Strategy
The year 2019: Choose Your Own Fate
The year 2019: Choose Your Own Ending
The year 2019: Choose Your Own Epilogue
May 2019: The Return of Optimus Prime
Ending in June 2019: Stories from Grand Central Space Station
Ending in June 2019: The Singular Adventures of Slugfest and Overkill
Ending in June 2019: Irwin Spoon Goes to Cybertron
July 2019: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Concerning Monsterbots
August 2019: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Technobots vs Terrakors
September 2019: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Battle Beasts Fight!
October 2019: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Battle Beasts Roll!
November 2019: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Fortress Scorponok
December 2019: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Battle Beasts Strike!
December 2019: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Stylor's Staff
The year 2020: Battle Beasts Universe
The year 2020: The Search for Mr J
The year 2020: Battle Beasts Universe continued
The year 2020: Interlude

ENDGAME
October 2020: Battle Beast Legends
October 2020: Broken Bad Guys
October 2020: Rock Lords vs Battle Beasts
November 2020: Aspects of Evil: Ratbat
November 2020: Aspects of Evil: Devil-Z
November 2020: Aspects of Evil: Magmar
December 2020: Tales of Earth
December 2020: Tales of Cybertron
December 2020: Tales of Asgard

THE FUTURE
The year 2021: Target: 2036
The year 2021: Target: 2036 Aftermath
The year 2024: The Bridge to Somewhere
The year 2024: The Bridge to Somewhere: Sit-Down
The year 2024: The Bridge to Somewhere: Amnesty
The year 2024: The Bridge to Somewhere: Over the Rainbow
The year 2024: The Bridge to Somewhere: Blaster's Revenge
The near future: Ratbat Breaks the Internet
The near future: Congratulations - You Have Won a Christmas Vacation in Micromaster City
The near future: Rhyme Wars

[Grand Moff Muffin]

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

ROBOCRITTER AND THE THUNDER ARROW

Allegiance: Micromaster City
Function: Catering
First appearance (as pairing): Right here

"The helpdesk closes in twenty minutes, ma'am. Puttup-DOING!"



Skystalker

It was believed that the last of the Decepticon 'Thunder Arrow' space fleet had been destroyed along with its commander, Skystalker, during the great battle with Unicron in 1991. Both before and after becoming a Micromaster, Skystalker had rocketed across galaxies in this fearsome Cybertronian space shuttle, destroying everything in his path. He was obsessed with power - acquiring it, keeping it, and using it to tyrannise all who opposed him. He lived for the day when the Decepticons would rule the universe under his command, so, after millennia of fighting for them in deep space, occasionally crossing swords with his Autobot nemesis, Countdown, and having been the first Transformer to set foot on Planet Beast in the year 1986, Skystalker returned to Cybertron and volunteered to undergo the Micromaster process in order to become leader of the Decepticon Micromasters. Then, following Thunderwing's disappearance at the culmination of the Matrix Quest, Skystalker made his bid for the supreme Decepticon leadership on Cybertron. In this contest he was opposed by Gutcruncher, Sixshot and Trypticon. Before a victor could emerge - and before Countdown and Skystalker could decisively resolve their long-standing rivalry - Unicron attacked. No coward, Skystalker led his army of over a hundred Decepticon Micromasters into the field against the Chaos-Bringer, and died along with most of his troops in the ensuing battle.
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Predators

But decades later it emerged that Skystalker's shuttle was not the last of the Decepticon Thunder Arrows. In the year 2018, the Micromaster Battle Squad struck out at the Autobots and the Decepticons who had made peace. Controlling lethal new warrior robot bodies known as the Predators, these six Micromasters caused the deaths of many Autobots, Decepticons and humans before they were destroyed. And the Predators' main warship, piloted by Power Punch (a.k.a. Stalker - named in honour of Skystalker) was a highly modified Thunder Arrow. The warship was destroyed during the final battle by the Autobot-Decepticon alliance, with a little help from the current Matrix-bearer, Katy Witwicky.
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Spooky Joe

Previously, in 'Rhyme Wars':

Skystalker traversed the stars,
But had a thing for Earth sports cars.
A Porsche in a rocket?
You'd better not mock it!
His ghost has been sighted on Mars.

In the mid-2020s, a young trainee Circuit-Breaker hands her superiors a video recording taken from the cockpit of her Cameron star-fighter whilst practising flying at ultra-low altitudes over the surface of the planet Mars. It shows a ghostly Transformer take on the likeness of a Porsche 959 sports car. The Cybertronian legend of 'Spooky Joe' lists the Porsche 959 as being one of that spirit's several known vehicle forms, so the video gets the Transformers very excited. However, when the Battlestar-Glider 'Dareheart' investigates more fully, its crew discovers that the Martian 'ghost' is in fact a malfunctioning hologram of Skystalker, and marks the location of a fully functioning Thunder Arrow. Fully functioning? Well, yes, in principle. However, the ship's control centre is configured to interface only with a Micromaster of Skystalker's precise dimensions, and will respond to no-one else's commands.
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Robocritter

Following the demise of Metrobomb in the 2021 Galaxy Kombat tournament on Derut Four, only one Micromaster survives with the same body form as Skystalker, namely the Autobot Robocritter, currently serving under Nebulan Captain Flintlock on Grand-Ass Base on the planet Pequod. Like Skystalker and Metrobomb, he too transforms into a Porsche 959, albeit a blue one. In car mode, he is frequently mistaken for Nightbeat, at least by those unaware that Nightbeat is now white and red. Robocritter adopted his Porsche configuration when doing a bit of acting in Hollywood with the Race Car Patrol, specifically on the sci-fi western 'Crater Critters', where he also picked up his name and a few less than savoury habits, such as spitting oil into a spittoon and calling everyone alternately 'pardner' or 'ma'am', irrespective of their actual gender. Anyway, Robocritter is naturally reassigned to getting the newly acquired Thunder Arrow up and running.
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The Last Thunder Arrow

The Thunder Arrow and its detachable jet pod are armed with laser cannons, cluster bombs, accelerator beams, air-to-air missiles, and a nosecone modulator that emits earth-shaking sonic booms. Its control panel is equipped with long-range aerial tracking devices and lock-target laser guidance systems. Its lower platform contains an atom scrambler that disintegrates objects in seconds. It is a worthy addition to the warp-gate-connected interplanetary Micromaster City, consisting of Micromaster Island on Earth (with Omega Supreme, the Decepticon aircraft carrier and four Micromaster battle stations), the Micromaster Quarter of Iacon on Cybertron (comprising the Landshaker base, the Sky Hyper base, the Big Powerdasher base and one of Countdown's rocket bases), the primary Sky Garrison on Cameron, and Grand-Ass Base on Pequod. Robocritter's Thunder Arrow, normally stationed in Iacon, principally caters for the needs of the many humans working in Micromaster City. Transforming to base mode, it reveals fully stocked and staffed branches of Taco Bell, Pizza Express and Caffe Nero, as well as an information desk, a launderette, and a hair salon.

FILE ENDS