20 - The Galva-Pretender Cometh

[Grand Moff Muffin]

THE GALVA-PRETENDER COMETH

PART 1

What's the next level up in the Pretenders hierarchy after Mega and Ultra?

That's what the Decepticons - Astrotrain, Blitzwing, Brunt, Full-Tilt and Turbo Master - were wracking their brains trying to figure out.

The quarrelsome quintet had recently come to the shocking realisation that they were pretty much the last purely vehicular Decepticons left on Cybertron, and they didn't like it. Whilst only a small minority of Cybertron-based Autobots (namely Hopper, Lionizer, Nautilus, Quickswitch, Ramhorn, Sights, Steeljaw, Top-Heavy and the Monsterbots) had beast forms, the majority of them being vehicular, for the Decepticons the opposite was true.

The Constructicons had finally achieved their goal of wrangling permission from at least some of the human governments to return to their birth-planet, Earth. And once the Combaticons had adopted Micromaster forms, they too relocated to their homeworld, Earth, taking with them the Reflector trio and all the other surviving Decepticon Micromasters, to establish a new outpost city with the Autobot Micromasters on an island somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. Traitors! (Okay, so the war had been over for thirty-five years, but still...)

This all left the Cybertronian Decepticons seriously depleted in numbers. After being driven out of Tyrest by the Red Mutant Zoid army - whose component parts now formed a highly impractical fairy princess castle still standing on the plains outside Iacon, testament to the whim of the child Matrix-bearer Minerva Witwicky whose intervention had proven instrumental in saving the city - Trypticon's faction now consisted of the Predacons, the Dinoforce Pretenders, the Insecticons and a handful of other beast-form Decepticons such as Blazemonster, Double Punch, Needler, Pounce, Overkill, Scorpulator, Sixshot, Slugfest, Wingspan and Wood Beetle. There was talk in some quarters of renaming the entire group 'the Predacons', in order to distinguish it from the vehicular Decepticon Micromasters on Earth and the Asgardian Godmaster Decepticons on Planet Beast. Where did that leave Blitzwing and the rest?

The answer came to them when Axer, Gutcruncher and Slicer, last of the non-transforming Decepticon Action Masters, returned from their latest excursion to Hydrus Four, proudly sporting reconditioned and recoloured Pretender armour that had once belonged to Bludgeon, Octopunch and Stranglehold. They had apparently finally made the management of the Hydrus Four Transformers Museum an offer they couldn't refuse, and acquired the long-coveted shells of those who led the Decepticons in the last, great battle of the Autobot-Decepticon war.

Astrotrain, Blitzwing, Brunt, Full-Tilt and Turbo Master looked at Axer, Gutcruncher and Slicer in their fetching deep purple Pretender duds. They looked at Skullgrin, still working off his debt to society through community service after having his own violence-inducing Pretender shell confiscated by the Autobots. And they looked towards Iacon's Great War Museum, which, according to Grand Slam's recent radio documentary on the subject, boasted a whole wing containing Generation 1 Pretender shells.

"Let's go take us in some culture," Blitzwing told his chums.

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

THE GALVA-PRETENDER COMETH

PART 2

The Decepticons gathered at the entrance to Iacon's Great War Museum. Astrotrain was late.

"What kept you?" Turbo Master demanded.

"I just got back from Planet Beast," he replied. "Trypticon told me to go out there and retrieve the errant Firecon Javelin and the submerged wreckage of Shocking Shark."

"Dead?"

"No, he's in the infirmary. But neither Battle Beast faction wants to see him return. Piracy is now frowned upon on Planet Beast, it seems."

"I guess he'll be swimming the Rust Sea from now on, with Godzilla and the Sharkticons for company," mused Full-Tilt.

"Just what we need, two more beast-form Decepticons to swell the ranks of Trypticon's 'Predacons'," grumbled Blitzwing. "Come on, let's go in."
___

Iacon's civilians made themselves scarce whenever the Decepticons were around. Astrotrain and Blitzwing in particular were used to having the streets to themselves. People still remembered the parts they had played in Straxus's reign of terror. They didn't care.

The five Decepticons began their research in a gallery lined with humanoid shells. Some of these had once belonged to Transformers such as Cloudburst, Pincher, Sky High, Splashdown, Starscream and Waverider, who had been destroyed whilst operating without the protection of their Pretender armour. There were also shells that had once belonged to the likes of Bumblebee and Jazz, who had discarded them when they 'upgraded' to become next-generation Pretenders with the ability to 'phase' into human form and shrink to actual human size. Of course, the Decepticons had no time for such nonsense!

"See, these are all oversized human males in elaborate armoured suits," said Blitzwing, knowledgeably. "Only Grimlock and Landmine still use Pretender shells of this kind. Oh, and Axer, now that he's got Stranglehold's."

"How can you tell they're males?" wondered Brunt.

"You can tell by the length of their hair," said Astrotrain, who had also spent time on Earth. "Female humans have long hair, males short hair or none, see?"

"Oh, I see," said Brunt, feeling somewhat shamed by his ignorance.

"Why did they make them all male?" asked Turbo Master.

"Well, humans refer to us Transformers in their language as if we were male," said Astrotrain.

"Why?"

"Because we don't have any hair, obviously. Try to keep up!"

"Yes," agreed Blitzwing. "But also because human females never do anything noteworthy, and are quite useless, even by human standards."

"That's right," confirmed Astrotrain.

"Except for that one who Matrixed me and Full-Tilt," muttered Brunt.

"Yes, obviously she's an exception... like her offspring, who saved us from all those Zoids. And her mother, who helped Blaster to infiltrate our underwater base that one time."

"But apart from them, human females are without value."

"Yeah, except for those three... and I suppose all their most lethal Circuit-Breakers - like that daring one who used to hang out with the Insecticons and sacrificed herself to take down Ratbat's Laser Beast Empire."

"And that feisty Thunderian ninja girl who bravely died fighting that knife-wielding Micromaster Mohawk and his partner Scalpel in the 2021 Slaughter Arena tournament on Mojoverse Battle Station Zero around the same time."

"There was also that mutant who had the Phoenix Force. And that other one who could control the weather."

"And don't forget their little blonde Sorceress Supreme, who rules that demon dimension she calls Limbo."

"But apart from-"

"And that reporter who helped the Dinobots."

"And that geologist who befriended Ultra Magnus."

"And those other female ninjas."

"And that young mechanic who repaired Bumblebee."

"And that archaeologist."

"And the Valkyries. And that other reporter who assisted the Autobot Micromasters."

"The President of the planet Cameron is a woman. So is the Thundercats' young leader."

"As is the new Director of SHIELD, who led the Robot-Buster forces that destroyed Infernocus."

"And there's the Shi'Ar Empress. And those Femaxians who slew Grindor and Nitro Zeus."

"And Arcana, who invented the Headmaster process."

"Eh?"

"Long hair."

"Oh..."

"And the Asgardian Enchantress, Amora, who's now binary-bonded herself mystically to Black Zarak, one of Ratbat's final creations," said Astrotrain.

"What's that?"

"Oh, yeah. I'll tell you about that later. And about the dark sorceress called Shadow Weaver who's recently taken over the Planet Beast Fright Zone from King Hiss."

"Okay. Well, apart for one or two notable exceptions, human women are worthless. All the Nebulans in Lord Zarak's crew said it, so it must be true."

"Right. And that's why all these Pretender shells look like human males. Now, no more stupid questions. Let's press on to the interesting stuff, shall we?"

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

THE GALVA-PRETENDER COMETH

PART 3

"I find putting the dead on display to be in rather poor taste," said Turbo Master. "Not at all what I'd expect from the Autobots."

"They're not the dead," sighed Blitzwing. "They're just unliving suits of armour, remember?"

"No, I'm talking about the Seacon head that Splashdown stuck on the front of his shell. I knew that guy when he was alive. Had a great sense of humour."

"Oh."

They filed through a narrow hallway, in which were displayed Bomb-Burst's armour-piercing battle axe, Bugly's twin photon rifles, Doubleheader's double-headed hammer, Finback's metal-corroding stun rifle and Groundbreaker's radar-targeting electron assault rifle, these weapons apparently being all that remained of those five unfortunate Pretenders' paraphernalia.

The next gallery contained the complete Pretender shells of Iguanus and Submarauder, who had died whilst in their vehicular modes during the battle with Unicron in 1991, and of Skullgrin, who still lived but whose shell had been confiscated after he blamed its personality-altering properties for his participation in the Decepticons' acts of genocide on the planet Klo.

Brunt read aloud from the plaque attached to the chest of Skullgrin's Pretender armour:

"'When Skullgrin dons his synthoplasmic outer shell, he becomes a monster in more than just appearance alone! Where the robot Skullgrin is cold and logical in his approach to warfare, the Pretender Skullgrin is a brutal, uncontrollable engine of destruction who won't stop attacking until everything is destroyed... How and why is still a mystery, but the theory is that his outer shell has a personality of its own, and when Skullgrin is inside, he loses himself in it... Because his intelligence is somewhat limited in Pretender mode, Skullgrin is always eager to lead the charge into battle - and he never, ever retreats... At times, the Pretender Skullgrin's behaviour becomes quite erratic, even for him, possibly as a result of the two disparate personalities trying to interface on the same level.'"

"Cool," said Turbo Master.

"But not very helpful to us," grumbled Blitzwing.
___

The Decepticons hurried through a room containing the shells of the deceased Pretender Beasts, Catilla and Snarler, and the shells discarded by Carnivac and Chainclaw when they 'upgraded' and gained the ability to phase into the likenesses of a real Earthen wolf and bear respectively. Snarler's shell was somewhat flattened (thanks to Carnivac), but the other three were in good condition. If the Decepticons could be bothered, they might mention in passing to their colleagues Pounce and Sixshot that there were shells here that might fit them, should they be interested. But doing their beastly fellows favours was not high on their list of priorities right now.

Longtooth had also upgraded, in order to blend in on Planet Beast, and he too had left his original Pretender shell to the Museum. It now sat astride Chainclaw's back, complete with the peg-leg Longtooth had improvised whilst hunting the Klud back in 1990, and it brandished a hand-held harpoon aloft, apparently in someone's idea of a dramatic/heroic pose. The Decepticons shook their heads in amazement and moved on without further delay.

They entered a large hall, and, for the first time that day, their optics glowed with satisfaction.

"Now that's what I'm talking about!" Full-Tilt spoke for them all. "Vehicles!"
___

Suspended from the ceiling were two helicopters, identical except that one was blue, the other green. The first had belonged to the Decepticon Blue Backlash, the second to the Autobot Crossblades. Both had 'upgraded' so that they could shrink when in human form, and both were now dead, but their original transforming shells remained. The same applied to Vroom, whose original transforming motorcycle shell stood in pride of place on a pedestal in the centre of the hall.

Only a few pieces of the pre-Scorponok inorganic shells once belonging to the Decepticons Black Shadow and Thunderwing had survived, and someone had artistically arranged these on the shelves of a plexi-glass display cabinet. But the bulletproof protective vehicular shell of the Decepticon gunner Roadgrabber, who had sadly been vaporised by Unicron back in 1991, remained intact, its front-mounted robot-crushing claws looking as lethal as ever. And on the wall behind it was a large photograph of its Autobot counterpart, still in the service of its owner, Gunrunner, who leaned up against it in his 'Jack Runner' human disguise, alongside his Pretender friends 'Jim Hawk' (Metalhawk) and 'Joe Hammer' (Skyhammer).

"Most of this stuff is Decepticon property," declared Turbo Master. "I'm having Blue Backlash's helicopter."

"I want a go on the bike," said Brunt.

"Roadgrabber's shell is more your size," objected Full-Tilt, who had his own eye on Vroom's motorcycle armour.

"Quiet, all of you!" snapped Astrotrain.

"Yes," said Blitzwing. "I don't think we've seen everything. Look - what's that over there behind that screen at the far end of the hall?"
___

Behind the screen was a doorway leading down another short corridor, this one lined with unused Pretender concepts.

The Decepticons walked uncertainly past a large shell in the likeness of a giant, four-armed Tyroxian, and another resembling a scantily clad femme fatale from the planet Pz-Zazz. Next, they came to an unused Mega-Pretender concept called the 'V-Star', which consisted of a large white-and-red robot with a void in its torso and an enormous red-hilted sword. According to the plaque, a regular-sized jet Transformer could fit into the void and also combine with it in vehicle mode to form a giant spaceship. The V-Star also possessed a battle station mode, which would theoretically be manned by its owner.

Finally, there was a bulbous, five-faced Quintesson with realistic wriggling tentacles, hovering on its levitation beam.

"Now that's impressive," said Turbo Master. "Such attention to detail!"

"I beg your pardon," said the Quintesson, making them all jump. "I just work here."

Astrotrain led his comrades towards the door leading into the final hall of the exhibition, and was almost through it when he realised Blitzwing was no longer with them. They found him clambering up onto the shelf in the torso of the V-Star. Blitzwing folded his legs up in front of him to form the larger robot's chest, then reached back with his arms to pull the red, silver-masked helmet with its long antennae over his own head.

"It fits!" he cried in triumph. "No longer will I be Blitzwing. "From this day forward, you will know me as... BLITZ SABER!"

They all applauded politely.

"Wait..." panicked Blitzwing. "What is this? I can't move!"

"Of course not," said the Quintesson. "It's just concept art, sculpted from a solid metal block."

Blitzwing swore.

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

THE GALVA-PRETENDER COMETH

PART 4

1991. The battle with Unicron.

"No, my comrades!" cried Ground Forces Commander Roadblock, the fearless Ultra-Pretender seemingly standing alone in his heroic efforts to stem the tide of fleeing warriors. "Do not run... Turn and fight! Fight like Decepticons! If I must set the example by fighting Unicron alone, I will, but... wait! LOOK!"

Those closest to him reluctantly slowed in their flight to turn their fearful gazes upwards, just in time to see Galvatron shoot Unicron in the face and get smacked through a city suburb for his trouble.

"Yes!" cheered Roadblock. "That! That was the act of a true Decepticon! I go to avenge him! Who comes with me? I decree that those of you who flee with these cowardly Autobots may never again call yourselves by the name 'Decepticon'!"

Galvatron's visible display of defiance and Roadblock's shaming rallying cry gave the Transformers in the Ultra-Pretender's vicinity - both Autobot and Decepticon - the courage to turn and fight. Elsewhere, the words of Optimus Prime and Scorponok were having similar effects, and Unicron found himself on the receiving end of the full firepower of the combined Autobot and Decepticon armies, including the proton shatter-cannons of Roadblock's outer vehicular shell and the twin plasma blasters of his inner humanoid Pretender shell's subsonic windcruiser form.

It wasn't enough.

Highbrow, Gort, Cloudburst, Finback, Misfire, Aimless, Hardhead, Duros and Bomb-Burst died in the first few minutes alone.

"Yess! This is more like it!" crowed Unicron as his eye beams tore through Skystalker's mobile Micromaster city, blasting bases, battle stations and combiner transports into oblivion. He descended to one knee to better perceive the havoc he was wreaking, and his displacement of the air caused gale-force winds that snuffed out the flames of the surviving Firecons.

Thrust's powerful acceleration created a shock-wave that knocked Unicron's head sideways, and the Chaos-Bringer paused, suddenly worried that perhaps he had made a terrible mistake in coming to Cybertron. He rose to his full height, his head now above Cybertron's atmosphere where he could no longer hear the fear-inducing sound of Dirge's engines, and his confidence returned.

"His foot!" cried Optimus Prime. "Waverider, Quake, Joyride - concentrate your fire on one foot!"

They did, and Roadblock added a barrage of corrosive rust bombs to their combined efforts, helping them to create a hole large enough for a Transformer to enter Unicron, but the eye beams lashed downwards, utterly obliterating Waverider, Joyride and Hotwire and lifting Optimus Prime off his feet to come crashing down several miles away.

Quake transformed to robot mode, wondering why he was still alive, and Trailbreaker shut down his hastily erected force-field. "Why?" demanded Quake.

"I had no time to think," the Autobot replied. "Only time to save one. You had two Nebulans, Joyride only one. Maybe if I'd had a second longer I'd have chosen differently."

Roadblock's Pretender armour had prevented him from dying, but the bright flash had burnt out his shell's optic sensors, so he emerged from inside it, just in time to watch in horror as another blast from those awful eye beams ended the lives of Beastbox, Roadgrabber, Skyhopper, Squawktalk and fifteen more Cybertronian Decepticons.

"The hole!" he cried to all surviving Decepticons within hearing distance. "He can't shoot us if we're inside him! Let us avenge our brothers by ripping out Unicron's circuits one by one! FOLLOW ME!"

Roadblock led the motley phalanx of Decepticon warriors in through the hole in Unicron's foot, intent on wreaking destruction... but alas, their bravery led to their death, as they had no idea where to go once inside, and were soon cut to pieces by Unicron's razor-clawed antibodies.

In despair, Scorponok tore away at Unicron's metal skin with his bare hands and was hit by a blast of superheated plasma fired from Unicron's robot mouth.

The Decepticon Sports Car Patrol, who had been using Roadblock's outer vehicular shell as a mobile base of operations, abandoned it when its systems powered down upon the death of its master. None of them felt confident enough to try to hotwire it, at least not in the current high-stress environment. But they made sure to remember where it was parked, just in case...

Unicron decided it was time to turn the slaughter up a notch, and released his life-destroying gas, lethal to the touch, which spread out like a mist from around his ankles, annihilating any who came into contact with it. The Pretender Monsters found themselves surrounded and fired all their weapons in desperation, but were soon destroyed. The Cybertronian Decepticon army was taking enormous casualties. In desperation, the Decepticon called Krok hid inside Roadblock's humanoid Pretender shell, and, miraculously, it kept the gas out, and saved Krok's life.

Then Primus - or something pretending to be Primus - was there in the form of a shining Autobot Guardian unit. With a gesture, Guardian/Primus connected himself to Cybertron's weather-control network and enhanced its capabilities, summoning in a matter of seconds a bewildering array of atmospheric vortices, precisely calculated to whip Unicron's death mist harmlessly into the upper atmosphere where it dispersed into space.

Unicron snarled at the sight of his greatest weapon being neutralised.

"Pathetic," he began to say, but was cut short when the Ark struck him a blow to the jaw as it dropped out of hyperspace, knocking him off-balance.

"Now we kick Unicron's tail across universe!" announced Grimlock, bailing out with his fellow Dinobots after Prowl and Wheeljack. "Autobots, attack!"
___

Thirty-five years later.

Astrotrain, like Blitzwing and Turbo Master a survivor of the battle with Unicron, led his four comrades into the final hall of the exhibition, proudly announcing:

"Here it is, my friends, the highlight of the tour... a Pretender shell in the likeness of a giant Battle Beast penguin!"

"WHAT?!"

"Just kidding. It's Roadblock."

TO BE CONCLUDED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

THE GALVA-PRETENDER COMETH

CONCLUSION

Full-Tilt ran a hand over the diamond-hard surface of Roadblock's outer vehicular shell. Smooth and unmarked despite everything the Autobots and Unicron had thrown at it, truly it was the Rolls-Royce of Cybertronian armoured transports.

"That's one heck of a mobile home," muttered Blitzwing. "What came over the Sports Car Patrol to make them part with it?"

"The Great War Museum traded them the component parts of Blackout and Spaceshot's anti-aircraft base, and Cement-Head and Terror-Tread's cannon transport, in return for this," the Quintesson informed them.

"The Museum got the better part of the deal, I reckon," said Brunt.

Turbo Master ticked off the shell's attributes: "High-intensity exterior heat generators, providing a thermal force-field for added protection. Infra-red tracking and navigation systems. High fuel capacity. Long-range remote-control capability. Two proton shatter-cannons, and a hydraulic battle ram equipped with acetylene cutters. Endurance 10, firepower 10. Slow, but virtually unstoppable. They don't make 'em like they used to."

"Never mind the vehicular shell," said Astrotrain. "Check out Roadblock's transforming armour there."

"What the hell is it?" marvelled Full-Tilt. "It's not human, animal or Battle Beast."

"This handsome fellow, my friends," said Astrotrain, the space-traveller, "is a Zargon elite enforcer, complete with its native transforming battle armour."

"You mean it's not Cybertronian?"

"The Zargon itself is a Decepticon Pretender shell, based on the largest examples of the Zargon species. But the armour that it wears is the genuine article, taken from its dead owner by the hand of Roadblock himself, following a ferocious duel to the death, witnessed by both Skystalker and myself."

"You didn't pitch in to help Roadblock?"

"He'd have killed us for interfering if we had. But we had every confidence in our comrade's prowess." Astrotrain reached behind the shell's neck, and triggered its transformation. "There it is, a genuine Zargon subsonic windcruiser in perfect condition, complete with twin plasma blasters, ideal for hunting Vrobian psychic vempires. I saw this armour withstand both a glancing hit from Unicron's eye beams and an attack by Unicron's life-destroying gas. It's a unique wonder of Decepticon/Zargon hybrid engineering. One of a kind."
___

"I don't understand," said Brunt. "If Roadblock was so great, why didn't he become Decepticon Leader when Straxus died?"

"Wasn't interested," said Blitzwing. "It's a myth that all Decepticons would like to be supreme leader if the opportunity presented itself, and they thought they could get away with it."

"Yeah," said Turbo Master. "Most of us secretly would, but there are a few who just don't see the appeal of being in charge."

"Roadblock was one of the weird ones," confirmed Astrotrain. "He was one of our most fearless and charismatic field officers, quickly rising to the position of Ground Forces Commander, a joint second-in-command of the Decepticon army. That turned out to be his dream job, the one he was good at and the one he most enjoyed doing."

Turbo Master continued: "When Legonis, Octus and Seizer were destroyed, one of the Megatrons gave instructions that three more trustworthy Decepticons should be found to manage the Decepticon army on Cybertron. Roadblock, Skystalker and Trypticon were duly appointed to find someone, other than themselves, worthy of taking command. Speaking through representatives (for they were all based in different parts of the planet), this Decepticon High Council finally settled upon Thunderwing - though other contenders such as Gutcruncher and Sixshot had put themselves forward.

"When Thunderwing died, both Gutcruncher and Sixshot made a further bid for leadership, and Skystalker also threw his hat into the ring, breaking up the Decepticon High Council in the process. But before matters could be resolved, Unicron struck. Roadblock and Skystalker died, and Bludgeon took command of those who wished to resume hostilities with the Autobots. We all know how that turned out. Now Trypticon is our de facto leader, much to the chagrin of Gutcruncher and Sixshot."

"Though anyone who wants to leave his protection is free to do so," Astrotrain added. "Hence Sixshot spending so much time away, attempting to set up a power base at Fortress Scorponok, and all of Gutcruncher's entrepreneurial ventures."

"And hence our being here in this Museum today, window-shopping for Pretender technology that might give us an edge out there in the Galaxy," finished Blitzwing.
___

"'History records the thirty-first of January, 2020, as being a day on which an idiot bonged a gong.'"

Two doors down from the Great War Museum, between Crosshairs' weapons shop and Landfill's recycling centre, directly opposite Grapple and Hauler's workshop and below Mainframe and Pushbutton's computer centre, was the Museum of Human Cultural Artefacts. There, museum curator Pipes was just putting the finishing touches to a display on Earth history in the second decade of the Second Millennium (2011-2020), when he received an urgent call from his neighbour and friend, Quodji the Quintesson.

"Whassup, Quodge?"

"I need your advice on a most pressing matter," the Quintesson confided in a whisper. "I've got five Decepticons in here admiring our exhibition of Generation 1 Pretender shells."

"Congratulations! That's more visitors than those galleries have received in the past two months."

"I know, and we were planning to shut it down as a commercial failure and put the lot of them up for auction in two weeks' time... but these Decepticons seem to think they're great, the vehicular shells in particular. I get the impression they plan to take some of them home with them!"

"Well, most of them were Decepticon property originally, so we might be on shaky legal ground if we insisted on keeping them. Don't try being a hero for their sake, Quodji!"

"I wasn't planning to. They don't pay me enough for that. But should I call in Autobot assistance?"

"Heavens, no! If there's a fight, it might spread to some of the other galleries and cause damage to artefacts we actually care about. Tell you what, ask them to make you an offer and see if you can get anything in return for those dusty old relics. If that fails, don't put up any resistance, let them tie you up, and I'll think about siccing Six-Gun, Slammer and Warpath on them when they exit the building."

"All right, I'll do my best."

"Good luck!"
___

"With a few minor modifications, Roadgrabber's vehicular armour would fit Brunt just fine," decided Astrotrain. "Full-Tilt has his heart set on Vroom's bike, and Turbo Master would like to get his hands on one or both of those transforming helicopters."

"I guess you and Blitzwing plan to take the best stuff for yourselves," grumbled Brunt.

"Darn straight," said Blitzwing. "We've got it all worked out. Roadblock's outer vehicular shell is just the right size for me in my tank mode, while Astrotrain's robot form will fit comfortably inside the Zargon transforming battle armour."

"While in my shuttle mode, I can carry both Blitzwing, in his shell, and the Zargon subsonic windcruiser," said Astrotrain.

"Whoa, let me get this straight. You're gonna have a Transformer inside a Pretender shell, and another Pretender shell, which transforms, all inside another Transformer. What kind of crazy Pretender combination is that?"

"Just wait until Astrotrain gets a Pretender shell for his shuttle mode. Then he and Blitzwing will be a Transformer inside a Pretender shell inside another Transformer inside another Pretender shell! What will you call that? An Uber-Pretender?"

"There's just one problem," said Full-Tilt. "Getting all this stuff out of here without starting a war."

"Right... I suppose we could blast our way out in Astrotrain, but we really don't want to get banished from the city at this time. We never know when we might want to come back here."

"So we try to do it the boring way. Hey, you!" Blitzwing called the Quintesson attendant over. "You said you traded some stuff for Roadblock's vehicle. Would you be willing to give us the Pretender shells we want if we give you some other stuff for your Museum, which is just as good?"

"I don't know..." said Quodji. "There are some very rare items here. What can you offer us in compensation?"

The Decepticons went into a huddle.
___

The Pretender vehicles section of the Great War Museum closed down a few weeks earlier than the curators had planned. But the Museum proudly announced that it had acquired a few new choice items for its main display halls - Megatron's free-standing particle cannon, Lord Straxus's axe, Shockwave's psycho-probe, an early prototype of Mindwipe's 'Sleepfast' nightlight, and, most exciting of all, the original pre-Targetmaster oxidating laser and heat blaster belonging to Cyclonus and Scourge - weapons created by Unicron himself in a future timeline that never came to pass, apparently overlooked by the rift in time and space that consumed their owners in 1989. Iacon's scientists did tests and confirmed that every item was genuine.

The following month, eight new Decepticon Pretenders - Astrotrain, Axer, Blitzwing, Brunt, Full-Tilt, Gutcruncher, Slicer and Turbo Master - announced to the Galaxy at large that they were now open for business as mercenary soldiers for hire.

THE END

[Grand Moff Muffin]

THE GALVA-PRETENDER COMETH

EPILOGUE: DINO-RIDERS

An Ankylosaurus, an Apatosaurus, a Pteranodon, a Stegosaurus, a Triceratops and a Tyrannosaurus, each animal wearing high-tech battle armour and with a human rider perched high on its back, idly roamed the shoreline, sometimes fighting one another in mock battles, sometimes pausing to watch the distant horizon for possible threats, sometimes making a half-hearted attempt to kill something that they thought they detected moving in the murky shallows.

A snarling tentacled monster burst from the sea, momentarily scattering the unprepared dino-riding warriors. However, they quickly regrouped and stood their ground, locking their side-mounted cannons onto the eight-limbed purple horror.

Gutcruncher guffawed, as his reconditioned and repainted Octopunch armour split apart and the Action Master entrepreneur stepped out onto dry land.

"Very funny," scolded the young woman sitting atop the Apatosaurus. "You're lucky we didn't kill you!"

"Begone, human germ!" snapped Gutcruncher, dismissively.

The woman frowned, then vanished as if she had never existed - which she didn't. "Pretender shell, phase out," commanded Birdbrain, emerging from the dinosaur's chest without creating any kind of visible opening. He did this deliberately, showing off to annoy Gutcruncher, rubbing his nose in the fact that only the Dinoforce possessed advanced Pretender shells, created for them by Unicron as rewards for loyal service in a parallel timeline where Cybertron was gone and Galvatron's Decepticons ruled North America with an iron fist.

"What's with the holographic fleshlings?" grumbled Gutcruncher.

Birdbrain shrugged. "We've found them helpful in gaining acceptance around Autobot City," he replied. "Mine's called Serena."

"You've given them names?!"

"What do you want?" demanded Dinoforce Leader Slog, phasing out of his Triceratops armour. But Gutcruncher wasn't finished with his own questions.

"You've been here on Cybertron for what, five years now? I thought your brilliant alternate-universe Pretender shells could take on any form, to help you adapt to your surroundings. Why do you still look like denizens of Earth's Savage Land?"

"We'll reformat our shells into something else when the situation calls for it. But these ones are pretty cool. And it seems that wherever you go in this Galaxy, people love dinosaurs. Just look at Trypticon!"

"I won't argue the point. I've come to tell you that Axer, Slicer and I have hooked up with Blitzwing and his motley crew of reconditioned vehicular Pretenders. Astrotrain's landed us a well-paid job, fighting for a charming fellow named Vile Stinkhorn and his Stenchoids, whose homeworld has apparently been invaded by a small army of genocidal humans."

"You're going to war with humans?" queried the 'human' sitting atop Scowl the Stegosaurus. "Is that wise?"

"We've checked in with Mirage and got all the necessary permissions," smirked Gutcruncher. "The powers that be have ruled Stinkhorn to be within his rights to use all means at his disposal to defend his planet against the human colonists. The humans are freelancers, not affiliated to any of the governments of Cameron, Earth, Halfworld or Nebulos. In short, we're free to stomp them flat. Wanna come?"

"Sounds like fun," said Slog. "And if you'd come to us yesterday, we might have jumped at the offer. But we've had a better one." And he gestured at the giant purple warship parked on the plains a few miles behind them. "We're not the only ones in possession of Unicronian technology. Trypticon's techs have finally got the Revenge up and running again after thirty-five years of gathering rust, and we're going to be part of the crew that takes it for its first spin around the block."

"You? What do you lot know about flying spaceships?"

"We know our way around this one. Unicron gave it as a present to Galvatron in our universe too, albeit fifteen years later than in yours."

"I see. And where are you planning to take Trypticon's new toy?"

The 'human' riding Icepick the Tyrannosaurus tapped his nose conspiratorially.

"Sorry. That's top secret."

"You don't know yet, do you?"

"We know where we're going, all right," Slog insisted. "But do give us a call if you run into difficulties fighting..."

"MANTA Force."

"Right... Them. Yeah, if the humans prove too tough a challenge for you, call in your old pal Monstructor and we'll be happy to make a short diversion to bail you out of trouble."

Gutcruncher furiously turned on his heel and marched back into his Pretender shell without a word, ignoring the guffaws of the ignorant Dinoforcers.

Dinoforce origins: tmukhub.proboards.com/post/371486/thread

THE END

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

ARCEE

Allegiance: Autobot
Function: To be determined
First (chronological) appearance: Marvel's Transformers UK #199-205 ('Time Wars')

"No sacrifice, no victory." (Witwicky family motto)



When she was seven years old, Minerva Witwicky declared that she wanted to build a girl Autobot. So her mummy sat her down and explained to her very gently that Transformers didn't come in boy and girl varieties. They were robots, and it was partly Minnie's grandpa's fault that they all referred to one another as 'he' and 'him' when speaking in English, but it didn't mean anything.

What about Bumblebee and Jazz and 'Uncle Jimmy' Metalhawk? asked Minerva. They're boys, aren't they? No dear, they're just pretending to be humans. Transformers like to go around in disguise - cars, people, dinosaurs... It's what they do. And remember, when Autobots like Skids, Smokescreen and Tracks turn into cars, they use holograms to make it look like they have drivers and sometimes passengers too, and half the time the holographic drivers and passengers are female and speak with girls' voices. And when that happens, the Autobot in question is pretending to be a lady, in a car. Or two ladies. Or a man and a woman at the same time.

But what about those new Pretenders who volunteered to be programmed to think they're human and live normal, boring lives until they're one day called upon to remember their roboty nature and rise up to protect the Earth from baddies? persisted the curious child. You know, Diver and Lander and Perceptor and Phoenix and Pulsar and Tempest? Half of them think they're boys and half of them think they're girls, don't they? Don't they, Mummy?

Oh, bother, thought Katy. Why did Optimus have to go and tell Minnie about them? But she tried to remain patient.

And what about Arcee? demanded Minerva, folding her arms. Ah, yes. Arcee, the beautiful pink (supposedly) lady robot who popped into existence in 1989 from twenty years in the future to help fight Galvatron, and then a few hours later popped back to wherever she'd come from and was never seen again. Time Warrior had spread a few 'facts' around concerning her, which a lot of people on Earth had latched onto. Apparently, if Unicron hadn't arrived and been blown up in 1991, but rather had shown up fifteen years later, Metroplex would have been built on Earth rather than on Cybertron, and, before that happened, Optimus Prime would have created Arcee, in the year 1995, in a misguided attempt to placate a bunch of rowdy feminists who perceived all Transformers to be 'male', and therefore sexist. Prime apparently thought that creating a token 'female' Autobot would somehow make things right, when in fact all it did was affirm the humans' misconceptions.

But how to explain all that to Minerva? And even if Katy did manage to convey the facts, would it in any way dampen the child's desire to build a girl robot of her own? Almost certainly not.

The reality was, if Minerva wanted to build an Arcee in this timeline, her mum wasn't going to be able to deter her from doing so. And it would be much better if they did it together. Katy didn't want her daughter creating any more surprise three-headed, fire-breathing dragons.

So the two Matrix-bearers, aged thirty-four and seven, put their heads together and began planning. Obviously, their Arcee wouldn't be the same person as the one in the video footage retrieved from the memory banks of Bumblebee, Hoist, Ironhide, Wheeljack and the Dinobots. But she'd look pretty much the same. Except that Minnie wanted her to have a Turbo Board like Jazz's, to ride around on when in robot mode. A Turbo Board with seats for Katy and Minnie to sit in. So - dismissing out of hand Browning's unhelpful suggestion that Arcee should transform into a trio of motorcycles - they incorporated the Turbo Board into her vehicle mode design.

And when the two of them weren't riding inside Arcee, she should have holographic representations of Parker and Lady Penelope from 'Thunderbirds' occupy the driver and passenger seat respectively. And her licence plate should read 'FAB 1'...

(Three years later, at the age of ten, Minerva would watch the 2019 film 'Alita: Battle Angel' and think the heroine was really cool, and set her heart on building her for real as an Autobot Pretender. She would call her first attempt 'Alita-1'.)

FILE ENDS

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

THE BATTLESTAR BRIGADE

By the end of the year 2026, the star-gliders of the Cameron Space Marines have all been upgraded to triple-changing Battlestar-Gliders, which are crewed as follows:

Squadron Commander 'Dasher' Shaedira, a Circuit-Breaker (Nebulos)

Battlestar-Glider 'Dareheart':
Captain Lauren 'Windrider' Chevalier (Earth)
Commander Rokkon, a Rock Lord (born in space)
Lieutenant Zhang 'Dagger' Meili, a Circuit-Breaker (Earth)
Sub-Lieutenant 'Shadow' Le'ilah, a Circuit-Breaker (Nebulos)
Sub-Lieutenant Laserkitten (Thundera)

Battlestar-Glider 'Dragonfang':
Captain Susie 'Sparkle' Watson (Earth)
Commander 'Valkyrie' Brunnhilde, an ex-Avenger/Defender, and her winged steed, Aragorn (Asgard)
Lieutenant 'Patch' Thol, a nanotech doctor (Cameron)
Sub-Lieutenant Cloud, an ex-Defender (born in space)
Sub-Lieutenant Isaac 'Gargoyle' Christians, an ex-Defender (Earth)

Battlestar-Glider 'Midnight Wrecker':
Captain Aaron 'Machine Man' Stack, an ex-Avenger (Earth)
Commander Jocasta 'Ultrix' Vi Quiteria, an ex-Avenger (Earth)
Lieutenant 'Starfox' Eros, an ex-Avenger (Titan)
Sub-Lieutenant Jack Runner, a.k.a. Autobot Gunrunner (Cybertron)
Sub-Lieutenant Swift, an ex-Avenger (Earth)

Battlestar-Glider 'Skuttlebutt II':
Captain Beta Ray Bill (Korbin)
Commander Francine 'Powerpax' Power (Earth)
Lieutenant Joe Hammer, a.k.a. Autobot Skyhammer (Cybertron)
Sub-Lieutenant 'Starshot' Kayli, a Circuit-Breaker (Nebulos)
Sub-Lieutenant Bullorn the Bludgeonly Bulldog, a Battle Beast (Planet Beast)

Battlestar-Glider 'Sky Garrison':
Captain Jim Hawk, a.k.a. Autobot Metalhawk (Earth)
Commander Shotbomber, an Autobot Micromaster (Cybertron)
Lieutenant 'Circuit-Smasher' Holk, a Circuit-Breaker (Cameron)
Sub-Lieutenant Cogman, an Autobot Micromaster (Earth)
Sergeant Little Serow the Fleet-Footed Antelope, a Battle Beast (Planet Beast)

Battlestar-Glider 'Steelhaven II':
Captain 'Galeforce' Tapyrha and Autobot Revaway (Nebulos/Cybertron)
Commander 'Metalhead' Xerndos and Autobot Chromedome (Nebulos/Cybertron)
Lieutenant Jock Lander, a.k.a. Autobot Landmine, a non-shrinking Pretender (Cybertron)
Sub-Lieutenant Harry 'Roadforce' Barnes and Autobot Lubedash (Earth/Cybertron)
Sergeant Danger Bowdog, a Battle Beast (Planet Beast)

Galaxy Shuttle:
Captain Arzon, a Spectral Knight (Prysmos)
Commander Felina and Autobot Brainmaster Gripper (Thundera/Cybertron)
Commander Leopard-O (Thundera)
Lieutenant Sy-Klone and Autobot Brainmaster Flame (Eternia/Cybertron)
Sub-Lieutenant Roboto (Eternia)
Sergeant Shuffler (Halfworld)
Sergeant Witterquick, a Spectral Knight, and Autobot Brainmaster Lightspeed (Prysmos/Cybertron)

Thunderstrike:
Lieutenant Ocelottia (Thundera)
Sub-Lieutenant Caracala (Thundera)
Cadet Starkitten (Thundera)

Solo operative:
Lieutenant Action Master Thundercracker (Earth)

The Battlestar Brigade is supported where necessary by the other Autobots working with Cameron Space Control, namely Countdown, Eject, Grand-Ass Base, Hot Rodimus, Omega Supreme, Rewind, Robocritter, Sky Lynx, Spinner, Wreck-Gar's Junkions, the Multiforce and the Micromaster Astro Squad; by the wider Circuit-Breaker Corps of Cameron, Earth and Nebulos; by Death's Head, Hercules, the Silver Surfer and Zodac; by Rocket Raccoon, Blackjack O'Hare, Lylla and Wal Rus; by King Thor, Queen Sif and the Warriors Three; by Stonedar's Rock Lords; and by the Earth-based Avengers - Magik, Cyberlock, Hush Job, Laserblade, Styletta, the three Witwicky Matrix-bearers, the Asgardian/Autobot Godmaster pairing of Ginrai and the now-unified Optimus Prime (ex-Action Master robot with original Combat Deck), and Ultra Magnus paired with Godbomber.

On Nebulos are based Arzon and Witterquick's fellow Spectral Knights - Cryotek, Ectar, Feryl, Galadria and Leoric. And on Planet Beast, in Cats' Lair, watched over by the ghost of Lynx-O, live the other surviving members of the Thunderian race - Bengali, Ligra, Moonkitten, Persius, Pumyra, Sabera, Savannah, Servalis, Siamara, and the cubs, Alleykat, Tabbykat and Wanderkit.

FILE ENDS

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

DEATH'S HEAD AND DEATH'S HEAD II

Death's Head was originally created on Styrakos as a robotic body intended to be used by a mage named Ty Rejutka Lupex, whose own body was beginning to fail him due to the massive energies he contained. Lupex, however, was double-crossed by Pyra, who made the body conscious, giving him his business-like attitude, and an unknown party stole the body.

- Marvel Database
___

Death's Head eventually surfaced as a bounty-hunter, albeit insisting upon calling himself a 'freelance peace-keeping agent', and somehow got himself enlarged, becoming thirty feet tall, the better to compete with robotic rivals such as Axer, Doubledealer and Lockdown.

At some point in the early 1980s, Death's Head was lured to Cybertron under false pretences by a pair of Decepticons he'd never heard of, but who appeared to bear him some kind of personal grudge. He should by rights have been able to beat them when they ambushed him, but they somehow knew all his attacks and defences as if they'd fought with him before, while he knew nothing about them. One of them was purple with a V-shaped head, the other blue with a fibre-optic moustache and beard and pink nail varnish. Death's Head suffered the indignity of capture and found himself incarcerated in a computer storage facility in Tyrest. The two Decepticons seemed unsure about whether or not to kill him, as if they had much to gain and much to lose by both his survival and his death and were weighing up the options. Upon his release in 1991, thanks to the intervention of his client, Optimus Prime (a.k.a. HiQ), the computer informed Death's Head that both Cyclonus and Scourge were now dead, sucked up into a rift in time and space, so he would never have the chance to settle his score with them. But he took solace in the fact that the two Decepticons' hopes and fears concerning him had likewise come to nought.

In the year 1987, while Death's Head had been imprisoned in Tyrest, a future version of Death's Head had appeared on Earth, having travelled back in time from 2007 in order to capture Galvatron and collect a reward offered by future Autobot Leader Rodimus Prime. He had failed in his quest, and been forced to return empty-handed to the year 2007.

In the year 1989, the future Death's Head had reappeared (much reduced in size owing to an encounter with a mysterious being called 'The Doctor'), on the roof of the Baxter Building, headquarters of the Fantastic Four. These superheroes had initially taken him to be an enemy and attacked him, but after he had saved the young Franklin Richards from a malfunctioning security system, Reed Richards had agreed to help him return to the future.

When Death's Head departed from Cybertron in 1991, he learned of these two visitations by his future self, and vowed never to travel back in time.

In 1992, future Death's Head returned as Death's Head II, and crossed paths once again with the Fantastic Four, as well as with the X-Men.

Meanwhile, the original thirty-foot Death's Head was doing a roaring trade in his chosen profession, having received a massive boost thanks to the glowing reference he'd been given by Optimus Prime after he had helped HiQ and the Neo-Knights find and awaken the Last Autobot, thereby preventing the Transformers' homeworld from tearing itself apart following the great battle with Unicron. In the year 2008, Death's Head earned the biggest pay cheque of his career when he assisted an alliance of Asgardians and Olympians in hunting down and killing the mad Titan, Thanos, for the sake of all life in the Galaxy. In the year 2018, Grimlock recruited Death's Head to hunt down and destroy another Thanos-class threat, this one called the Liege Maximo, and it took them two years and the assistance of Sky Lynx, Optimus Prime and the Asgardian Ginrai to accomplish their goal.

Then, one fateful day in 2021, thirty-foot Death's Head crossed paths with the time-travelling seven-foot Death's Head II. But, contrary to the traditions of comic-book plotting, they elected not to fight one another, seeing as neither of them was being paid to do so. Death's Head II was, however, good enough to enlighten Death's Head as to why Cyclonus and Scourge had beaten him up back in the 1980s, and they had a good laugh at the fact that there were now two Death's Heads at large, while, owing to Unicron's premature destruction in 1991, Cyclonus and Scourge would never be created.

They parted cordially. Death's Head II returned to his assignment of capturing unwary space travellers to participate in the 2021 Slaughter Arena tournament on Mojoverse Battle Station Zero, while his big brother resumed his course for the planet Cybertron, where Sky Lynx had recommended him to his old friend Wheeljack for a job assisting Circuit, Full-Barrel, Overflow, Rumbler, Springer and the Rescue Force in their task of protecting the precious planetary booster rocket in Kalis from interference by rogue demons, Red Mutant Zoids and Robo Machine Renegade Monsters.

Participants in the 2021 Slaughter Arena delivered to Mojo by Death's Head II included Alys and Phr'nzee, a pair of murderous mechanoids from Elpasos, the Battle Beasts Power Nozzle and Tanglin' Pangolin, champions of that year's Galaxy Kombat tournament on Derut Four, the Thunderian ninja girl Wildkitten, and the Decepticon Micromaster fugitive Mohawk and his sadistic partner Scalpel. Watching the gladiatorial contests broadcast live, Death's Head II observed his warriors as they fought and killed one another in various gruesome ways. The surprise victor (and only survivor this year) was an outsider, Alexa Silverstar, a young Earthling adventurer possessing mutant super-speed who teamed up with the Thunderian girl in the first two rounds before death parted them. Death's Head II made a note of her name. He was in the market for a new partner...

FILE ENDS

[Grand Moff Muffin]

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

DRAGONSTORM

Allegiance: N/A
Function: To be determined
First appearance: Right here

"Seglass Ni Tonday."



In the year 2024, the Autobots and Decepticons on Cybertron were close to being overwhelmed by a massive army of Red Mutant Zoids. To avert the extinction of their species, Metalhawk and Nightbeat brought the five-year-old half-Titan Matrix-bearer, Minerva Witwicky, across the Space Bridge and asked her to please dismantle all the attacking Zoids with the power of her mind, which she did. The curious child then, of her own initiative, ordered all the Zoid pieces to form a fairy princess castle on the plain outside Iacon. The Transformers thanked her politely for her assistance, remarked that it was a very pretty castle, and sent her back home to her mummy on Earth.

Fast-forward a year or so, and some of the more independent-minded Cybertronians, such as the Technobots and Throttlebots, began to explore and even take up temporary residence in the lower levels of the Zoid castle. (Given who had built it, they didn't like to just tear it down, and as it was there they couldn't let it stand unoccupied for all eternity.) The more inquisitive souls ventured inwards and upwards, mapping the labyrinthine, somewhat tangled web of stairways, corridors and - yes - helter-skelter slides that permeated the Disney-inspired edifice.

Freeway was the first to report strange noises drifting down dark passageways, but, being known as something of a comedian, he was roundly ignored. Then a pair of neutralists called Canopy and Sqweeks complained that their junk collection had been flattened by something heavy during the night. And shortly after that, the chemist Quickmix began conducting tests on the odd scorch marks running along the walls of some of the larger chambers. But it was the rebellious Autobot Action Master Over-Run who, while seeking a way down to ground level from the roof, where he had parked his Attack Copter, stumbled into the cavernous hall where the giant, three-headed, fire-breathing dragon lived.

Within half an hour, all the Autobots, Decepticons and neutralists who had been making themselves so comfortable in Minerva Witwicky's creation were outside once again; Jackpot, Kick-Off, Rad and Skyfall had transformed the Armoured Convoy into its defensive configuration; Trailbreaker had erected his force-field around J'Muk, Wheezel and half a dozen other of the more curious civilians; and Pointblank, Downshift, Red Alert and Scamper were busy cordoning off the area around the castle with police tape.

Thunderclash Prime and Prowl commissioned Huffer and Scoop to cross the Space Bridge to Earth to visit the seven-year-old Matrix-bearer and make polite enquiries as to just what monsters she had created deep within her fantasy castle. The child's face lit up when she learnt that the dragon she had pictured to herself when mentally building the tower had actually manifested itself. She assured the Autobots emissary that 'Dragonstrom' (as she called him) was friendly, or at least she intended him to be so. (The Autobots subsequently tweaked it slightly, renaming the creature Dragonstorm.) Minerva introduced Huffer and Scoop to her miniature dragon friend, Lockheed, who really didn't seem all that scary.

Oh, and by the way, she added, they might find that 'Dragonstrom' turns into a bunch of 'Garden Knights' (Guardian Knights?). She wasn't sure how many exactly, but anyway they shouldn't be surprised if that happened at some point - although it might not.

Of course, it did happen. Not long after Huffer's return to Cybertron, the Omnibots and Clones succeeded in enticing Dragonstorm out of the castle, and, once he was out and flying with Cosmos, Raindance, Sprocket and Windmill, the dragon's mood underwent a drastic improvement. And, in due course, he separated into twelve Garden/Guardian Knights, who found that they couldn't fly, and hurt themselves quite badly.

"People love dinosaurs," Slog had recently informed Gutcruncher. This may be true, but they love dragons even more. The Monsterbots and Sparkdashers in particular - especially Doublecross - took an immediate shine to Dragonstorm.

The names of the twelve robots who combine into Dragonstorm aren't great, but they could be worse. They are as follows: Dragonicus (the leader), Chainfire, Chivalric, Doomblade, Gauntlette, Morningstar, Powerlance, Shieldmaster, Skullitron, Steelbane, Stormreign and Talisman Knight (or 'Tallie' for short).

What role they are destined to play in life on Cybertron remains to be seen.

FILE ENDS

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

INFERNOCUS

Allegiance: Variable
Function: Assault team
Sub-group: Infernocons
First appearance (as Blot): Marvel's Headmasters #2 ('Broken Glass')
First appearance (as other Terrorcons): Marvel's Headmasters #3 ('Love and Steel')
First appearance (as Snaptrap): Marvel's Transformers UK #152 ('Enemy Action')
First appearance (as himself): Right here



When Primus teleported the majority of Earth-based Transformers to Cybertron to fight Unicron, a lot of deactivated Decepticons fell into human hands. This was before the first sentient robot rights legislation, and so most of them were summarily executed. Not by putting their bodies in car-crushers and overlooking the brain modules like Triple-I did with the Throttlebots, but rather the converse. Their bodies were valuable alien technology, too good to waste. They were distributed between various NATO and SHIELD bases around the globe, to be reverse-engineered and exploited in a variety of imaginative ways.

Arguably the most impressive product of these activities was the creation of Action Master Thundercracker and his Solo Mission Jet Plane from the remains of Starscream, Skywarp, Thundercracker and Galvatron. But he was given life by the Creation Matrix, and so had to be released from human servitude. Perhaps the most satisfying outcome for NATO was the returning to service of the Micromaster Air Strike Patrol as advanced jet fighters controlled by human pilots. The biggest disaster of the programme came when Ratbat's brain escaped in the form of Mr Johnson, who ended up destroying half the Internet and conquering half of Planet Beast before meeting his eventual, belated demise. Somewhere around the middle of this spectrum of success and failure sits Infernocus, the non-sentient, pre-programmable combined form of what had once been the four smaller Terrorcons and the Seacon Leader Snaptrap.

The humans experimented with various prototypes derived from decommissioned Decepticons like Hun-Grrr, Motormaster and Octane, resulting in such unsatisfactory efforts as 'the Devcon', 'the Garagebot' and 'the Loader'. Then, deep in a secret facility somewhere in the Australian Outback, the Terrorcon Blot became 'Gorge', a troll-like monster Transformer.



Cutthroat became 'Rupture', a bat/bird-hybrid monster Transformer.



Rippersnapper became 'Glug', an amphibious dragon Transformer.



Sinnertwin became 'Thrash', a two-headed dragon Transformer.



And the non-transforming Infernocon team 'leader' (though in fact it has no will of its own), built from the remains of Snaptrap and wielding Piranacon's incendiary sword, was named 'Skulk'.



In one respect, Infernocus was a massive success. He worked perfectly, obediently completing any mission programmed into him. Unfortunately, this included carrying out acts of mass destruction ordered by sleeper agents of Mr Johnson's interstellar crime empire embedded deep inside SHIELD. And so, when the Bombasticon viruses went live in the European Internet, Infernocus broke out of his storage facility and single-mindedly began his rampage of arson across Australia.

Beachcomber, Brawn, Gears and Hound were the only Autobots in the country at the time, and were unable to keep up with the out-of-control super-robot. Although most of the other Earth-based Autobots were busy responding to the European situation, Jetfire realised he was needed, and used his scramjet modules to launch himself into the upper atmosphere from half a world away, heading for Infernocus's position at Mach 29.

Agents of SHIELD caught up with Infernocus ten minutes before Jetfire's arrival on the scene, and engaged him with twenty Robot-Buster exo-suits deployed from their southern hemisphere Helicarrier. The Autobot plasma cannons mounted on the arms of the Robot-Busters blew the monstrous creation into its component parts, though not before three agents had been killed and another two badly burned.

When Jetfire arrived, he offered to take the Decepticon components away and dispose of them safely. The humans were horrified at the suggestion. Infernocus had performed brilliantly! They just needed to fix a few problems with their security procedures before he could be brought back into active service.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the Pacific Ocean, the five smaller Seacons were being dissected with a view to possible mass production, while the body of Hun-Grrr had been sold to a Halfworld robot named Quintessa, managing director of Kinetic Solutions Incorporated, now occupying the orbital factory 'Spacewheel', who had plans to use its technology to create and market to humans a private security robot called a 'Two-Head'.

FILE ENDS

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

SIDESWIPE UPDATED

Allegiance: Autobot
Function: Warrior
First appearance: Marvel's Transformers #1

"I don't break rules, I bend them - a lot."

In the year 2026, Sideswipe received the news that his brother, Sunstreaker, was dead. He took it calmly, and asked to be left alone for a short while to process his thoughts.

Sooner or later, one of them was bound to run out of luck. The odds were fifty-fifty who it would be. So there it was. When the war ended in 1991, either or both of them could have opted to return to civilian life, but they knew that wasn't for them. So, like Windcharger and several other Autobots, they had signed on with Cameron Space Control - originally an alliance of humans and Autobots - now, decades on, a more diverse assemblage, but unchanged in one thing - the short life expectancy.

A few days earlier, Landmine had reported aggressive Decepticon activity on the planet Femax. Sunstreaker and his current human Powermaster partner were in the vicinity, and responded to the call for aid. The two Decepticon invaders - Grindor and Nitro Zeus - had refused to back off, and in the ensuing ferocious battle, Sunstreaker was destroyed, along with Klun, his human partner. Landmine was badly injured, but survived. The two Decepticons ultimately died at the swords of the Femaxians themselves. Sunstreaker's death was avenged before Sideswipe even knew it had occurred. He had fought well - Sideswipe would have done no better.

Sideswipe and Sunstreaker had rarely fought side by side during the war, but their association nonetheless went back to their creation day, and the death of one of them was a landmark day for the other. Sunstreaker and Klun were only the latest of many Autobots and humans to die serving in the Cameron Space Marines, and their comrades honoured them in the same fashion that they had those who had gone before. But Sideswipe couldn't act as if it was just one more fallen comrade. He knew he wasn't cut out to return to civilian life, but he definitely needed a change. So, as Landmine and other Autobots queued up to join the elite space force, Sideswipe tendered his resignation and began looking for a new life path.

Although nearly as capable as his late brother Sunstreaker in the combat arts, Sideswipe is far less cold-blooded about it. He thoroughly relishes engaging an opponent in a fight to the finish, and will use any dirty underhanded tactic he can think of to come out on top. Back on his homeworld of Cybertron this conduct extended itself to the rest of his lifestyle - getting what he could out of life, enjoying it to the fullest, and cheating to get the rest. His time spent on Earth and other worlds hasn't changed his behaviour, just his cause. Now, instead of doing everything for himself, he does it for the sake of freedom for all. Personal safety takes a back seat to his reckless but brave actions.

In Iacon, Cliffjumper told Sideswipe of a rumour circulating in Daytrader's marketplace that the Micromaster Hot Rodimus was facing a mysterious new danger arising on the planet Halfworld. Intrigued, Sideswipe hitched a ride there on Countdown's rocket. Hot Rodimus explained that a legal entity called Kinetic Solutions Incorporated had reactivated Lord Dyvyne's orbital factory, 'Spacewheel', and begun churning out a new line of transforming Halfworld robots. Hot Rodimus's sources suspected that these non-sentient Halfworld Transformers were being secretly sold to rich clients on Earth, with a major distribution centre operating somewhere out of Neo-Tokyo. Sideswipe decided to take up the challenge. He wasted no time in rounding up his former Space Marine colleagues, Punch and Windcharger, along with an Autobot Triple Changer named Drift who had spent several years on Earth immersing himself in Japanese samurai culture, and together the Autobots made it their mission to track down the alleged K.S.I. infiltrators - 'Bosses', 'Junkheaps', 'Sentries', 'Stingers' and 'Two Heads', amongst others - and neutralise any threat that they might pose to civilian life on Earth.

In warrior mode, Sideswipe's two arms can be used as piledrivers. Each exerts 8,000 pounds of force upon impact with up to five impacts per second, making him particularly useful in close combat and for breaking through fortifications. His rocket back-pack can sustain him in the air for two-minute spurts before refuelling is necessary. He carries a rifle that shoots magnesium phosphorous flares, which once launched can be seen from a distance of 18 miles on a clear night. Sideswipe also packs a shoulder-mounted missile launcher capable of downing a Decepticon jet fighter at a maximum distance of 37.5 miles. Like Drift, Punch and Windcharger, he has installed a Japanese holographic driver to assist in his covert investigations. And he has changed his colour scheme from red to black.

Sideswipe's solemn companion, Vanguard, is a mobile, armoured, double-barrelled tank, Matrixed in August 2018, who gives his partner cover fire when fighting it out with hostile mechanoids. Vanguard combines with Sideswipe to form an interactive bodysuit with intelligent weapons systems.

If it weren't for his rash behaviour, Sideswipe wouldn't have any serious weaknesses. But as he often acts without consideration of the consequences and takes a special delight in plunging into extremely dangerous situations, Sideswipe, more than any other Autobot currently based on Earth, finds himself being patched together by Hoist or First Aid. Naturally, he takes his injuries in stride.

FILE ENDS

[Grand Moff Muffin]

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

TORAIZER MAXIMUS

Allegiance: Autobot
Function: Planet Beast System Commander
Sub-groups: Triple Changer, Headmaster, Pretender
Tiger component: Toraizer
First appearance (as Fortress Maximus): Marvel's Headmasters #1 ('Ring of Hate')
First appearance (as Cerebros): Marvel's Transformers #38 ('Trial by Fire')
First appearance (as himself): Right here

"Prepare for war, but strive for peace."



In 1991, after defeating Galvatron by using water to short-circuit him, Spike Witwicky surrendered the bodies of both Galvatron and Fortress Maximus to NATO forces, but he kept hold of Cerebros. In the years that followed, Cerebros was modified to transform into a Honda NSX rather than a giant robot head, and he and Spike served with the Avengers for seven years.

Spike was intrigued by size-changing Pretenders like Bumblebee and Jazz - and Metalhawk, recently created by his niece, Katy - and by superheroes like Ant-Man, the Wasp and Swift who could assume a very small size indeed, and wondered whether a Headmaster could also be a shrinking Pretender - a real human within an artificial human. In the year 2020, Spike was in his mid-fifties, and like Stylor on Nebulos he was beginning to feel his age. But early retirement did not agree with him.

Spike had never been to another planet - the furthest he ever got was when he tried to rescue Buster from Ratbat's flying island, and that had not ended well. And Earth's Moon, of course. But now he heard that Ratbat had returned, on Planet Beast, in a new body based on that of Scorponok.

Spike pulled strings with the government and re-gained custody of Fortress Maximus. The old boy had been gathering dust after being stripped of his weapons. Cog was also missing, having been destroyed by the criminal Arno Stark two years earlier. Fort Max badly needed an upgrade. Spike put in a call to Hoist. From what Spike had heard, swords seemed to be all the rage on Planet Beast...

Six years later, Spike was now over sixty, and still alive. He and Grand Maximus had performed admirably, first in assisting in the downfall of Emperor Ratbat, then playing a crucial role in holding Ratbat's Asgardian successors in check, not to mention Magmar's Rock Lords and the Eternian Evil Horde and Snake Men, currently ruled jointly by Shadow Weaver and King Hiss. But he had had enough. When in Pretender mode, he felt young and strong, but when he phased back into Cerebros and transformed from head to human mode, he was reminded of his true age. And he missed Earth, and his brother, nephew and niece. He'd had his late-life crisis, scratched his itch, and was ready to call it a day. He hadn't expected to make it to this point. In another life, he imagined going out in a blaze of glory on an exploding Ark, to save Earth from the machinations of Megatron and Starscream, much like Ratchet had done. But no. This was reality, and he'd grown old while seeing too many brave young human and Thunderian men and women fight and die at his side in the cause of freedom and justice.

Ratbat's death had finally been verified, and with the return to Cybertron of Shocking Shark, there were technically no longer any living Decepticons remaining on Planet Beast - just the Asgardian-controlled Godmaster bodies of Doubleclouder, Darkwing, Dreadwind and Black Zarak and their few remaining loyal Laser Beast minions on the western continent. But they still remained a threat to the non-aligned Battle Beasts and the peaceful Rock Lords and Thunderians on the southern land mass, as did the rogue Rock Lords, Snake Men and Evil Horde. Grand Maximus was still needed. And he, or rather Cerebros, needed a new head.

Many candidates were considered for the job - humans, Thunderians and Battle Beasts, male and female. An advisory panel consisting of the Battle Beast magician, Sir Sire Bluehorse, the Thunderians' leader, Pumyra, Queen Solitaire of the Jewel Lords, and the Autobot, Red Phoenix the Blazing Eagle, screened potential applicants. In the end, they settled on a cybernetically/genetically enhanced tiger from Halfworld, recommended personally by the Micromaster Hot Rodimus who was currently stationed there. The Victory Lion had been binary-bonded to the Halfworld lion, Lione, and the Galaxy Shuttle to the Halfworld elephant, Shuffler, and both of those partnerships had been judged a resounding success. Toraizer had a fine service record, and perhaps surprisingly proved a good personality match for the warrior-pacifist Fortress Maximus.

In both robot and battle station mode, Toraizer Maximus is a walking armoury. His battle station form is fully equipped with communication, detection and radar equipment, while as a repair bay he has extensive re-fit facilities for almost any Transformer and a wide range of spare parts. Despite his size, Toraizer Maximus is both very strong and very fast. Though seemingly awkward, his bulky configuration moves with well-oiled ease, even more so now that he is guided by a mind possessing the instincts and reactions of a cyborg tiger. Like Grand Maximus before him, Toraizer Maximus's deadliest fighting move is the 'Triple Beam Attack', in which he eliminates the enemy by simultaneously firing his proton master rifle and the dual tachyon beam cannons mounted on his chest.

In his auxiliary memory banks, the Fortress Maximus component of Toraizer Maximus retains all his own memories and experiences, along with those of his former partners, Galen Kord and Spike Witwicky. And, through Toraizer, he now also possesses the memories of a young tiger's life on Halfworld.

FILE ENDS

[Grand Moff Muffin]

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

WINDCHARGER UPDATED

Allegiance: Autobot
Function: Warrior
First appearance: Marvel's Transformers UK Annual 1986 ('And There Shall Come... a Leader')

"Quick action equals quick victory."

Windcharger and Punch retired from the Cameron Space Marines in 2022, Windcharger commending his long-time Powermaster partner, Harry 'Roadforce' Barnes, to his replacement, the Autobot interceptor Lubedash. He and Punch spent the next four years drifting from place to place.

In 2022 they helped Red Phoenix the Blazing Eagle drive the Decepticon Sixknight away from Planet Beast, where he was making trouble, supposedly at the urging of the Asgardian Godmasters currently residing on the planet's western continent. In 2023 they broke the former Avenger and Defender Cloud, the living nebula, out of a holding cell on board the ship belonging to the bounty-hunter Lockdown, upon whom she proceeded to wreak havoc as payback for the death of the young Thunderian male who had recently been her travelling companion. When she finally calmed down, there wasn't much left of either Lockdown or his ship. (Cloud has since returned to serve under Cameron Space Control.) In 2024 Punch and Windcharger returned to Cybertron to assist Glitch, Powerflash, Road Rocket and Rollout in ridding Iacon's suburbs of a gang of menacing, motorcycle-riding Allicons. In 2025 the two Autobots began an investigation into a mysterious male-only human fleet of unknown origin called 'MANTA Force', which was allegedly engaged in hostile acts on the fringes of known space, but they soon lost interest in that and travelled instead to Earth, updating their sports car modes upon arrival, to help Outback capture the leaders of a well-funded network of African ivory poachers.

In 2026 they found themselves getting bored again, as they helped Hubcap, Swerve and Tailgate collect items for Pipes' Museum of Human Cultural Artefacts, when their former comrades Sideswipe and Vanguard rescued them with a call for aid in breaking a criminal ring trading in illicit Halfworld Transformer technology, believed to be based in Neo-Tokyo. In battling the drones of Kinetic Solutions Incorporated, the four of them would fight alongside the samurai Autobot Triple Changer Drift and, later on, the 'Titanmaster' Headmaster Siren, now binary-bonded to the young half-Japanese, half-Titan Shuta Go, son of Starfox, nephew of Thanos and half-brother of Minerva Witwicky.

Windcharger remains the fastest Autobot of them all over short distances. He can go from 0 to 60 miles per hour in automobile mode in almost no time whatsoever, and that makes him useful in certain situations requiring very fast, very decisive action. His personality is similar - what Windcharger decides, he decides immediately. He glances at something and moves, seldom bothering to ask questions. This may be because his attention span isn't particularly long. He becomes instantly enthusiastic, and a few hours later loses interest. His impatience often diminishes his usefulness in lengthy, complex courses of action.

In robot mode, Windcharger's arms act as the positive and negative poles of a magnet. He can cast powerful magnetic fields at distances of up to 700 feet, and can levitate a 10-ton block of steel at that distance. He can attract objects that are affected by magnetism towards him, or he can repel them, as he once did to Megatron back in 1985. At closer distances he can rip metal objects apart, as numerous victims - from the original Decepticon Counterpunch and the Predator Snare to space pirate Captain Cracker and the Laser Beast Groundwolf 3 - have discovered (too late) to their cost.

If overused, Windcharger's magnetic ability uses up tremendous amounts of power. Hence, he must be careful in using it. Unfortunately, Windcharger is seldom careful, and so is prone to debilitating burn-outs.

FILE ENDS

[Grand Moff Muffin]

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

ZARAKA BLACK

Allegiance: N/A
Function: Laser Beast Empress
Sub-groups: Triple Changer (?), Godmaster
Asgardian component: Amora
First appearance (as Amora): Marvel's Journey into Mystery #103 ('The Enchantress and the Executioner')
First appearance (as Black Zarak): Ratbat Breaks the Internet
First appearance (as herself): Right here

"Hela hath no fury..."

In the year 2020, the Decepticon pirate ship Shocking Shark surfaced just off the coast of the southern land mass of Planet Beast, within sight of the haven town of Beastbourne. It spat out the remains of the Life-Model Decoy known as Mr Johnson, devoid of brain module, and the undead Battle Beast Blitzkrieg Devilbat stepped onto the deck and declared that the abandoned western continent was now a glorious Laser Beast republic. As that year drew to a close, and with his flying island rendered useless by an Autobot glass gas torpedo, Blitzkrieg Devilbat - whose brain was in fact that of the former Decepticon Ratbat - revealed his new secret weapon, Black Zarak, an upgraded Transformer body modelled on Scorponok, the Decepticon who once destroyed Ratbat. A Transformer body with Blitzkrieg Devilbat as its Headmaster component, controlled in turn by the brain of Ratbat.

As the year 2021 progressed, the situation on Planet Beast deteriorated to the point at which Mayor Sly Beafox of Beastbourne was forced to appeal privately to Cameron Space Control for assistance in 'managing' the Blitzkrieg Devilbat problem. Cameron Space Control refused to intervene to bring about regime change in the Laser Beast Empire, but the human Circuit-Breaker Danita Santella carried out an unsanctioned covert strike, aided by Grand Maximus, in which she decimated the Emperor's elite forces and crippled Black Zarak while the giant Transformer lay dormant in a storage hangar beneath the Emperor's palace. Blitzkrieg Devilbat fled by a secret tunnel, but fell into the hands of the waiting Battle Beasts of Beastbourne, and thus met his highly unpleasant but much-deserved death.

Forewarned of the Emperor's downfall by his time-travelling allies, Hydra and Bust-Up, the Asgardian God of Mischief, Loki, in the guise of the Godmaster trickster Doubleclouder, stepped into the sudden power vacuum and assumed command of the surviving Laser Beasts. To consolidate his position, he used magic to repair the damage that the human female had done to Black Zarak and offered the robot body as a Godmaster vessel to his sometime partner in evil, Amora the Enchantress, and with it the Laser Beast throne.

Consumed by hatred and jealousy after having her advances repeatedly rebuffed by Thor, now husband of Sif and King of Asgard, Amora thirsted for vengeance on the late Odin's successor and all his friends and allies. But she knew that her magic alone - even combined with that of Loki - was no match for the mystical protections surrounding the Realm Eternal and the equally despised Midgard (Earth), the latter now watched over by the talented young Sorceress Supreme, Illyana Rasputin, former pupil of Dr Strange and ruler of the Limbo dimension called Otherplace. So when Loki informed Amora of the existence of various mystical weapons that could boost their combined power to a level sufficient to topple the barriers protecting Asgard and slay Earth's little mutant Sorceress, the Enchantress jumped at the offer.

The Laser Beast clone army created by Ratbat had been genetically programmed to show deference to Black Zarak, and so now obeys every command issued by Amora when she speaks through her robot avatar, which she calls Zaraka Black. Amora put her subjects to good use in 2023, when she set a deadly trap for Sir Sire Bluehorse. Disguising herself as the human Dani Dareheart (whose soul her Valkyrie friends had awarded a place in Valhalla following her heroic last stand against the Scopecougars and Skybats deep beneath the palace of Blitzkrieg Devilbat), and donning the girl's Circuit-Breaker armour, Amora called upon the Battle Beast magician for aid against a vicious pack of Dinogators. Too late did Bluehorse see through her enchantments. No match for Amora and Loki's combined magic, he was swiftly vanquished by the evil Asgardians, who promptly claimed his mystical weapon, the Zodiac Edge, as their own.

As Zaraka Black, Amora wields a 'black hole cannon' created from technology extracted from the remains of Galvatron by agents of SHIELD and subsequently stolen by Ratbat, then posing as Mr Johnson. She also carries the fearsome 'tyrant spear', a weapon developed on Planet Beast. When in pitched battle, Zaraka Black executes a move referred to as 'Black Thunder,' which creates a strain on the surrounding fabric of space, swallowing everything like a black hole. In 2024 she ambushed the Battle Beast Pugnacious Penguinis in this manner, and thus did Amora gain possession of the Eternian Power Sword.

Of the three great mystical weapons located on Planet Beast, only the Thunderian Sword of Omens remains uncaptured by Loki and Amora. Once they have wrested it from its current owner, they intend to combine its magic with their own and that of the Eternian Power Sword and Zodiac Edge, and so finally be in a position to slay the mightiest mages of Earth and Asgard. Preferring subterfuge and seduction to open warfare, Amora aims to disguise herself as the fallen Thunderian gladiatrix Bobkitten in order to gain access to the Cats' Lair and thus attain her goal. It's only a matter of time...

FILE ENDS

[Grand Moff Muffin]

THE TRANSFORMERS VS MANTA FORCE

PART 1

Gutcruncher's Stratotronic Jet kept pace with Astrotrain as the two Decepticon spaceships warped through hyperspace towards that distant world where Vile Stinkhorn and his Stenchoids desperately awaited their assistance fighting off the humans currently invading their world.

"Now listen up, everyone," Astrotrain briefed them en route. "The planet we are heading for is called Chaar. Anyone heard of it before?"

None of the Decepticons had.

"Me neither. The humans, in their arrogance, refer to it as New Earth but that's no matter. They won't be around for much longer."

"We'll stomp 'em flat!" said Full-Tilt, sitting astride the bike that had once belonged to the Autobot Vroom, inside Astrotrain. "Er... they haven't got Circuit-Breaker tech, by any chance, have they?"

"No."

"Good. We'll stomp 'em flat!" he repeated.

"Don't be overconfident," said Blitzwing. "They may not have Circuit-Breakers or jammers, but they've got some heavy-duty hardware. They've been making scrap out of a bunch of robots called Karnoids. From what we can tell they acquired a chunk of the Ark on the underground black market and have constructed their main ship out of it. Taking it out won't be a pushover."

"But we'll be richly rewarded if we're successful," Gutcruncher reminded them.

"And you're sure we won't get into any trouble back home?" queried Brunt.

"We're safe on that score," Turbo Master assured him. "Galactic convention states that sentient native species have the right to enlist outside forces to repel unwanted invaders. If the MANTA Force don't leave when we ask them nicely..."

"We stomp 'em flat!" they chorused.

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

THE TRANSFORMERS VS MANTA FORCE

PART 2

Corporal Scott Ramsey and Private 'Chubby' Rake were on perimeter patrol astride their MANTA Force Strike Bikes, when they detected another motorcycle inbound. They brought their vehicles to a halt, and Corporal Ramsey peered through his high-tech binoculars at the approaching intruder.

"Strewth!" he exclaimed. "It's a big bloke in furry trunks."

Wearing the Pretender armour that had once belonged to the Decepticon Stranglehold, the bounty-hunter Axer stopped his Turbo Cycle on a hill some distance away, leaving the two humans uncertain of just how big he really was. He stepped down and raised his palms in a sign of peace.

"Greetings, representatives of MANTA Force," he began. "Me and my crew have been formally contracted by Vile Stinkhorn, lawful ruler of this land mass, to enforce the laws of his country and expel illegal invaders, to wit yourselves. As required by Galactic convention I give you the customary twelve seconds to inform me of your intentions. Will you leave this planet in peace and without delay, or do me and my pals have to get rough with y'all?"

Corporal Ramsey wasn't authorised to negotiate with aliens, but Axer appeared to be a human and Ramsey was pretty confident that MANTA Force's policy was to settle here permanently regardless of hostile demands to the contrary.

"You're on the wrong side, mate!" he told Axer. "You should be working with your fellow men, not a bunch of stinking Stenchoids."

"Are you going to leave this world today, yes or no?"

"Er... no."

At this point, Axer's moustache fell off.

"Scott! He's not human!"

"Nonsense. A man's moustache falling off doesn't make him not human."

Axer marvelled that his fake moustache was the thing they had a problem with, rather than the fact that he was five times their height. Shaking his head in amazement, he transformed his Turbo Cycle to dual photon cannon battle station mode, hefted his magnetic-lock targeting destabiliser rifle and started blasting.

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

THE TRANSFORMERS VS MANTA FORCE

INTERLUDE

Previously, in 'Twenty Years Later: Kup's Story Retold':

(Translated from the Tyroxian.)

"Welcome, Optimus Prime and Sky Lynx. We thank you for observing our border protocols before crossing into our territory."

"Not at all, Your Majesty. We are sensitive to your people's laws and customs, and are here to convince you of our desire to build a relationship founded on mutual respect for cultural differences."

"We are gratified to hear you say so. It has not always been this way. We have long memories, and there was a time when your kind came to our space bringing nothing but naked aggression and a callous disregard for not only our laws and customs, but also the lives of our people."

"I am saddened and ashamed to hear this, Your Majesty. I would learn more of the matter, if the memory is not too painful for you."

"I was only a new-born hatchling when it occurred. One of your ships, containing two of your people, displayed a cavalier attitude to persistent hails from our border posts and crossed deep into our territory. Our flagship was sent to intercept them, caught them in a tractor beam and brought their ship on board to learn the truth of the matter. We arrested the two Cybertronians for trespass, and from what we could understand of their words, they as good as admitted to being on a mission to seek out habitable worlds ripe for conquest. Nevertheless, unlike some, we do not rush to hasty judgements, and my mother, the Queen, ordered that they be held in cells on our homeworld in a powered-down state pending further investigation."

"A wise policy, Your Majesty."

"And yet one we were given cause to regret, friend Sky Lynx. One of the trespassers chose this moment to break free from his guards, killing one and sorely injuring another. He surprised us by changing his body into a swift self-propelled chariot and returning to his ship before we could act to prevent it. The launch of his vessel damaged our flagship, but we dispatched two border patrol craft in hot pursuit."

"With orders to destroy him, this time?"

"No, Optimus Prime. Their orders were to bring him back for further questioning if at all possible. The pursuers were to fire warning shots and hail the fugitive, ordering him to surrender. But he was not to be allowed to leave our space without answering for his actions, and the border patrol craft were to destroy him if they had to, to prevent his escape and his return to our territory with a larger invasion force."

("They could've picked off the smaller craft any time. Seems they were toying with it, letting it run before they got bored and wiped it out, I didn't know who the hunters were, or why they were pursuing the smaller craft, I just knew I didn't like them!" - Kup's Story)

"What happened, Your Majesty?"

"Their invasion force was already approaching our borders. It attacked and destroyed both our border patrol craft, then headed straight for our homeworld, where they sent a small assault force down to the surface to break our remaining prisoner out of the holding cells in the Palace of Justice, killing a number of unarmed office workers in the process. The Guardian of the Palace of Justice, whose life-mate had been killed on one of the border patrol craft, attempted to prevent their escape but was no match for the lethal energy weapons wielded by the Transformers."

"What did the invasion force do next?"

"Nothing. They left. Our flagship was in no condition to pursue, and we had suffered too great a loss of life to risk further Tyroxians in this endeavour. But we were worried, and spent the following decades re-arming and re-training our former military classes and reinforcing our borders, expecting further aggression from your people at any time. But that attack never came."

"I am glad, Your Majesty. Had those Decepticons returned, I dread to think what harm might have befallen your people."
___

Kup watched the skirmish from a distant ridge. Part of him wanted to intervene on the side of the humans against the Decepticon, because, well, that's what Autobots usually did. Part of him wanted to intervene on the side of the Decepticon against the humans, because the humans were the invaders here, and it would be refreshing to cut loose against a carbon-based life-form with no consequences.

He really wanted a fight.

But he couldn't side with the humans, because they were the invaders. And he couldn't side with Axer, because Axer was a bounty-hunter, and there was a bounty on Kup's head bigger than what Vile Stinkhorn was paying the Decepticons to evict MANTA Force from their planet.

The Tyroxians had finally realised that it was him, Kup, an Autobot, who had invaded their space and killed their people those many years ago, in order to help Blurr and Hot Rod escape lawful imprisonment for illegal entry into their territory.

This revelation had made things very difficult for the Autobots, who were trying to establish diplomatic relations and could really do without a tricky extradition request made by their new allies.

Kup didn't want to cause the Autobots trouble. And he didn't want to rot in a Tyroxian prison.

So he'd run.

With a sigh, Kup turned away from the battle and returned to his ship, to resume his self-imposed exile.

INTERLUDE ENDS

[Grand Moff Muffin]

THE TRANSFORMERS VS MANTA FORCE

PART 3

We're men! Of MANTA Force.
We roam around the Galaxy eating hot sauce.
We're men! Of MANTA Fo-orce.
We kill aliens, and nick all their stuff, of course!
We ma-a-ay look like plastic, but watch what you say, or we'll dislocate your jaws.
We're men... of MANTA Force.
Beating you up, and watching Inspector Morse.

We're men, MANLY men, of MANTA Force. Yes!
We roam around the Galaxy eating hot sauce.
We're men! Of MANTA Fo-orce.
We kill aliens, and nick all their stuff, of course!
We ma-a-ay look like cheap tat, but don't get us wrong, or we'll shout at you 'til we're hoarse.
We're men... of MANTA Force. Full Force!
Beating you up, and watching Inspector Morse.

If you want E.T. dead, just send for the MANTA Fo-o-orce!
WE'RE BUTCH!

SPOILER: Click to show

___

The next day, in MANTA Force's impregnable Battle Fortress, Supreme Commander Bill Quest wrote in his diary:

"Day 516, and still no word on second MANTA Force ship carrying women and children. Last message received twelve days ago assured they would be joining us soon, honest. Sore point with crew, who are beginning to openly question wisdom of accepting plan, drawn up by an all-female committee, to launch men's ship prior to commencement of second ship's construction."

A stickler for accuracy, Commander Quest crossed out 'construction' and replaced it with 'comfirmation of funding and award of contract'.

He paused, deep in thought. Then he brightened up, and wrote again:

"In other news, exciting developments in our war with Mad Karnock and his Karnoids. It appears the Black Barracuda's robot factory has received an upgrade, for a bizarre new set of robots have just been unleashed on New Earth and engaged in hostilities with MANTA Force and our Viper Squad allies. Some confusion to begin with, as the first one encountered resembled a giant man, but soon revealed its Karnoid nature by splitting open to discharge an Evil Robot. Sadly we lost a patrol, but are making preparations to engage their main army this afternoon, and I have every confidence we shall emerge triumphant."
___

Later that day, Commander Quest made an addendum to his journal entry:

"Battle did not go entirely as planned."

TO BE CONCLUDED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

THE TRANSFORMERS VS MANTA FORCE

CONCLUSION

"That battle did not go entirely as planned," admitted Blitzwing.

Both the Decepticons and MANTA Force had underestimated one another's firepower and defensive capabilities. MANTA Force had clearly not been expecting a space shuttle Triple Changer carrying both a Zargon transforming subsonic windcruiser (for Astrotrain himself to wear in robot mode) and a larger armoured vehicle containing another Decepticon Triple Changer, attacking side by side with a Stratotronic Jet / battle station piloted by an Action Master wearing Octopunch's Pretender shell, and carrying an exo-suit Action Master chariot driven by a Wheeljack lookalike sporting Bludgeon's old Pretender shell. They simply hadn't war-gamed that specific battle scenario.

The Decepticons - Astrotrain, Blitzwing, Gutcruncher and Slicer - had to admit overconfidence on their part also. They had failed to appreciate just how thoroughly the humans had mastered the Ark technology that formed the basis of their fleet of MANTA combat vehicles. Nor had they been prepared for MANTA Force to co-ordinate its efforts with its former enemies, the Viper Squad, led by Major Leon Vex, whose Hoverflies and Battle Buzzards prevented Turbo Master from giving them much-needed air support when the MANTA Wolves, led by Captain Nigel Hunt, attacked them from the rear.

When the dust settled, Slicer and the Decepticon scout Full-Tilt had been captured by the humans, and both their vehicles disabled, while the Decepticons had brought down the Red Viper and destroyed MANTA Force's Rocket Rammer and Gundog, killing seventeen men and capturing eleven, including Captain Buck Finn, leader of the MANTA Sharks.

The subsequent prisoner swap was interesting, and with hindsight Commander Quest bungled it. Refusing Quest's initial demand for the return of all captured humans in exchange for Full-Tilt and Slicer, the Decepticons insisted on exchanging two for two. Bill Quest felt that he could not be seen to place a lower value on the life of one of his men than on that of a Decepticon, so he conceded and set a disastrous precedent. The Decepticons got both their comrades back in return for just two humans, meaning they still had nine prisoners in the bank.

What to do with them? Give in to their base desires and stomp the humans flat? Sell them to Mad Karnock as food for his 'Gutz' machine? Sell them to Vile Stinkhorn as subjects for experimentation in the Stenchoids' Bog Fortress? Or - and this really went against the grain - take them back to face human justice on their respective homeworlds of Earth, Cameron, Halfworld and Nebulos, and thereby gain credit with the Autobot and human governments. Logic said this last option would be of greatest benefit to the Decepticons in the long run, but it would also be the least satisfying.

In the end, the senior Decepticons agreed to let each individual Decepticon decide for himself what to do with the humans that he had personally captured.
___

Back at the Battle Fortress, Commander Quest and Major Vex pored over all the data that the MANTA and Red Venom starships possessed regarding the Decepticons, trying to make sense of these strange new pairings of robot and Pretender shell. Now that they knew who they were dealing with, they felt sure that they would be better prepared to face the enemy upon their next encounter.

This was not going to be a quick war.

THE END

STORIES LISTED IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER

MISCELLANEOUS
The year 1984: G.I. Joe vs Transformers: Prisoner of War
The year 1987: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: The Death of Counterpunch Part 1
The year 1987: Bumblebee 1987
The year 1987: Battlechargers Forever / Transformers #23 and 32
The year 1987: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Gold Standard
The year 1988: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Attack of the Clones
The year 1988: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Blot on the Landscape
The year 1988: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Ink Blot Test
The year 1988: Terrorcons, Combine!
June 1988: G.I. Joe vs Transformers: Wrecking Havoc
Beginning from September 1988: Tales from the Cosmic Carnival / Transformers #44
January 1989: A Stopped Clock / Transformers UK #199-205, 223-227 and 251-254
January 1989: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Blot on the Record
August 1989: G.I. Joe vs Transformers: The Interplanetary Wrestling Championship / Transformers #55
The year 1989: A Stopped Clock: Chimes at Midnight / Transformers #60-61

THE LAST DAYS OF THE TRANSFORMERS WAR
The year 1990: Transformers UK #229, 237-239 and 255-289
The year 1990: G.I. Joe vs Transformers: Life in the Slow Lane
The year 1990: G.I. Joe vs Transformers: Manoeuvres
The year 1990: The Magnificent Six (Transformers UK Annual 1991)
The year 1990: Transformers #67-70
The year 1990: The Last Days of the Transformers War: Xaaron / Transformers #71-73
The year 1991: The Last Days of the Transformers War: Unicron / Transformers #74-75
The year 1991: The Last Days of the Transformers War: Nucleon / Escort Duty / Breaking Bonds / Transformers #76-80
November 1991: Top Secret
December 1991: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Battletrap's Beasts - They Battle for Fun
December 1991: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Flywheels's Friends - They Too Battle for Fun
December 1991: Another Time and Place (Transformers UK Annual 1992)
December 1991: The Reckoning
December 1991: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: The Death of Counterpunch Part 2

WHAT HAPPENED AFTERWARDS
The year 1992: Destiny of the Dinobots (Transformers UK Annual 1990)
The year 1992: Stylor's Sequel
The year 1992: Stylor's Statement
The year 1992: Stylor's Speech
The year 1993: The Last Minispy (time of narration)
The year 1993: The Last Minispy: Jaws of Steel
The year 1993: G.I. Joe vs Transformers: Unfoldings/Realignments
The year 1993: Earth's Mightiest Heroes
The year 1993: Earth's Mightiest Heroes: Minefield

INTERIM
1991-2018: Great Battle Beast Duels of History
1991-2018: Sky Lynx May Be a Rubbish Toy, But...!
1994-1995: G.I. Joe: Street Fighter II
1994-2018: Marvel Superheroes Meet the Transformers
The year 2008: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Third Generation
The year 2008: G.I. Joe vs Transformers: The Big Broadcast of 1987
The year 2009: G.I. Joe vs Transformers: Rhythms of Darkness
The year 2009: Pretender Monsters: Dinoforce Works

TWENTY YEARS LATER
The year 2014: Twenty Years Later
The year 2014: Twenty Years Later: Kup's Story Retold
August 2017: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: One-Robot Army
September 2017 to July 2018: Prelude to the Predator War
August 2018: Where Were You During the Predator War?
August 2018: Life and Freedom
August 2018: Cameron Space Marines
September 2018: Titanium Shott Blaster for Hire
September 2018: Titanium Shott Blaster for Hire: Death's Head vs Grimlock
September 2018: Game Over
September 2018: Game Over: Walkthrough
October 2018: The Mad Marvel UK Mash-Up / G.I. Joe vs Transformers: Destiny of the Dreadnoks
October 2018: The Mad Marvel UK Mash-Up: Deadlier Games
November-December 2018: War of the Skull
December 2018: The Legacy of Rodimus Prime
December 2018: The Legacy of Galvatron
December 2018: The Legacy of Primus
January 2019: Remembrance
The year 2019: Choose Your Own Prologue
The year 2019: Choose Your Own Adventure
The year 2019: Choose Your Own Destiny
The year 2019: Choose Your Own Strategy
The year 2019: Choose Your Own Fate
The year 2019: Choose Your Own Ending
The year 2019: Choose Your Own Epilogue
May 2019: The Return of Optimus Prime
Ending in June 2019: Stories from Grand Central Space Station
Ending in June 2019: The Singular Adventures of Slugfest and Overkill
Ending in June 2019: Irwin Spoon Goes to Cybertron
July 2019: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Concerning Monsterbots
August 2019: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Technobots vs Terrakors
September 2019: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Battle Beasts Fight!
October 2019: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Battle Beasts Roll!
November 2019: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Fortress Scorponok
December 2019: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Battle Beasts Strike!
December 2019: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Stylor's Staff
The year 2020: Battle Beasts Universe
The year 2020: The Search for Mr J
The year 2020: Battle Beasts Universe continued
The year 2020: Interlude

ENDGAME
October 2020: Battle Beast Legends
October 2020: Broken Bad Guys
October 2020: Rock Lords vs Battle Beasts
November 2020: Aspects of Evil: Ratbat
November 2020: Aspects of Evil: Devil-Z
November 2020: Aspects of Evil: Magmar
December 2020: Tales of Earth
December 2020: Tales of Cybertron
December 2020: Tales of Asgard

THE FUTURE
The year 2021: Target: 2036
The year 2021: Target: 2036 Aftermath
The year 2024: The Bridge to Somewhere
The year 2024: The Bridge to Somewhere: Sit-Down
The year 2024: The Bridge to Somewhere: Amnesty
The year 2024: The Bridge to Somewhere: Over the Rainbow
The year 2024: The Bridge to Somewhere: Blaster's Revenge
The near future: Ratbat Breaks the Internet
The near future: Congratulations - You Have Won a Christmas Vacation in Micromaster City
The near future: Rhyme Wars
The year 2026: The Galva-Pretender Cometh
The year 2026: The Transformers vs MANTA Force