chrisl
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I still think its the 1990s - when I joined TMUK
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Post by chrisl on Jan 19, 2009 14:13:26 GMT
"It is a day of terrible distress and anguish, a day of ruin and desolation, a day of darkness and gloom, of clouds, blackness, trumpet calls, and battle cries" (Zephaniah 1:7:18 NLT) *annoyed with the JPEG's lack of detail - the 300dpi version is much better*
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Hero
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Post by Hero on Jan 19, 2009 16:42:13 GMT
Looking very forward to this bud.  ===KEN |
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chrisl
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I still think its the 1990s - when I joined TMUK
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Post by chrisl on Jan 19, 2009 19:25:27 GMT
Comments / criticisms welcome
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Post by Grand Moff Muffin on Jan 19, 2009 19:31:51 GMT
Looks great, but not enough story to judge. It seems like the first page of a first part rather than an entire first part, and I think it deserves to be read in bigger chunks to get some flow going. Probably won't come across as well as it deserves if released one page at a time.
What do others reckon?
Martin
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Hero
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Post by Hero on Jan 19, 2009 19:38:13 GMT
I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!
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chrisl
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I still think its the 1990s - when I joined TMUK
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Post by chrisl on Jan 19, 2009 19:46:05 GMT
Looks great, but not enough story to judge. It seems like the first page of a first part rather than an entire first part, and I think it deserves to be read in bigger chunks to get some flow going. Probably won't come across as well as it deserves if released one page at a time. What do others reckon? Martin I do agree with you on this Martin. It's a short prologue for the actual main comic made out of the best bits of something Ken drew but never printed 8 years ago. The script is kind of constrained by the art available (in terms of quantity not quality) but I guess I could have done better with the dialogue. Any suggestions would be VERY welcome. |
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Post by The Doctor on Jan 19, 2009 19:52:20 GMT
Looks great, but not enough story to judge. It seems like the first page of a first part rather than an entire first part, and I think it deserves to be read in bigger chunks to get some flow going. Probably won't come across as well as it deserves if released one page at a time. What do others reckon? Martin I agree. -Ralph |
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Post by Grand Moff Muffin on Jan 19, 2009 20:00:52 GMT
Oh, I get it. I thought this was the first of many such pages. If it's just a one-off promo page to be followed by a full comic then not to worry. Mind you, if it reads as page 1 of a comic rather than a promo page to me, maybe the dialogue could be improved to read more like the latter. If it is to serve as an appetite-whetter, it could do with two things: a mystery element and a cliff-hanger. Now I don't know what the rest of the story is, but if in panel 4 instead of "Excellent..." it said something like "Leozak has made a fatal error and I intend to exploit it to the full" you suddenly make the reader wonder "What error?" and "How will it be exploited?" - "Excellent..." and a picture of some characters doesn't generate the same curiosity. Similarly, read the last panel which says "Very well... summon Leozak!" and then imagine if it said "Very well... summon Leozak... for the LAST TIME!" I would suggest that the second version will do more to hook your readers. But that's just my opinion.  Martin |
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Hero
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Post by Hero on Jan 19, 2009 20:05:36 GMT
Your such a smart guy Martin.
BTW, you should draw more.
===KEN
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Post by grahamthomson on Jan 19, 2009 20:25:13 GMT
Looking good so far! Are you going to be publishing the entire story in one go in a printed comic?
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chrisl
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I still think its the 1990s - when I joined TMUK
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Post by chrisl on Jan 20, 2009 8:36:42 GMT
Oh, I get it. I thought this was the first of many such pages. If it's just a one-off promo page to be followed by a full comic then not to worry. Mind you, if it reads as page 1 of a comic rather than a promo page to me, maybe the dialogue could be improved to read more like the latter. If it is to serve as an appetite-whetter, it could do with two things: a mystery element and a cliff-hanger. Now I don't know what the rest of the story is, but if in panel 4 instead of "Excellent..." it said something like "Leozak has made a fatal error and I intend to exploit it to the full" you suddenly make the reader wonder "What error?" and "How will it be exploited?" - "Excellent..." and a picture of some characters doesn't generate the same curiosity. Similarly, read the last panel which says "Very well... summon Leozak!" and then imagine if it said "Very well... summon Leozak... for the LAST TIME!" I would suggest that the second version will do more to hook your readers. But that's just my opinion. Martin Thanks Martin, there will be a re-dialoguing later this evening and I'll try to put up a better quality picture too. I'll also credit you on the header. |
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chrisl
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I still think its the 1990s - when I joined TMUK
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Post by chrisl on Jan 20, 2009 8:48:06 GMT
Looking good so far! Are you going to be publishing the entire story in one go in a printed comic? I was hoping to do two printed comics in the near future. #0 would feature something I've been working on with bogatan once our schedules allow us, along with this strip and some profiles relating to the comic with bogatan. #1 would contain the comic I'm currently writing/drawing myself along with some profiles I've written. The only problem is the amount of time I have for actually drawing / colouring it is pretty limited. I've got 6 pages coloured, 3 pages pencilled/in progress, 2 pages to start pencilling. And that's just for the first part of the comic. With all the re-drawing I keep doing after deciding I don't like something or I could do better, it's only taken me 10 years this August to get this far by myself. - Plus I've committed to 2 pieces (one written one drawn) for the AA Mag (which I started pencilling last weekend) so things are again on the back burner. Once I eventually get my act together and #1 is ready to go, I'll try begging/pleading with faster artists to see if they'll pitch it with pencil duty on future issues. |
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Post by grahamthomson on Jan 20, 2009 9:40:46 GMT
Well, don't rush it! Because what you've come up with so far looks good.
Although it might be worth condensing the story a little and tell it in 5-page "chunks". It might make you a bit more focused on your work (and make for a more reachable target).
As an aside, and bearing in mind what little time a lot of us have to spend on these things, if you look back over TMUK's comic output over the last few years, there's been a lot of "part 1s" out there and then, sadly, projects have stalled, never to be finished. The likes of The Prime Sacrifice, Armada, The Guard*, Forgotten Heroes and probably more are all in a state of limbo at the moment. Actually, a lot of prose stories have suffered the same fate.
(*The Guard has now been re-adapted into prose format and will be published in its entirely in Hubris 8, by the way.)
My approach for the comic strips appearing in Hubris has changed to putting short one-shot stories in comic form in an attempt to relieve pressure on the people working on them and frustration as well for those waiting patiently to see a story continue. And once they're done, they're done.
But that's just my view on things.
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Post by Andy Turnbull on Jan 20, 2009 10:12:52 GMT
Looks good guys.
Hey Forgotten Heroes isn't in Limbo. Book One is finished, and Book 2 has been started, but Ralph wasn't available to co-plot so it's on the back burner. Hopefully it will be resumed for Scotcon this year.
Andy
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Post by Andy Turnbull on Jan 20, 2009 10:14:26 GMT
One little comment, I notice the font/Decepticon logo isn't quite on model. If that's a conscious choice then pay me no mind, but the Transrobotics font will give you a bang on Autobot and Decepticon logo.
If you need a copy of it shout me out Chris and I'll send it your way.
Andy
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Post by grahamthomson on Jan 20, 2009 10:15:28 GMT
Hey Forgotten Heroes isn't in Limbo. Book One is finished, and Book 2 has been started, but Ralph wasn't available to co-plot so it's on the back burner. Hopefully it will be resumed for Scotcon this year. Andy That's great news! I will be looking forward to it! |
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Post by Andy Turnbull on Jan 20, 2009 10:29:09 GMT
Some pages have been drawn, but not too many as the story has yet to be hammered out exactly.
Andy
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chrisl
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I still think its the 1990s - when I joined TMUK
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Post by chrisl on Jan 20, 2009 11:46:19 GMT
One little comment, I notice the font/Decepticon logo isn't quite on model. If that's a conscious choice then pay me no mind, but the Transrobotics font will give you a bang on Autobot and Decepticon logo. If you need a copy of it shout me out Chris and I'll send it your way. Andy That would be great Andy as I'm currently using an old TF font made by Neale Davidson in the early 90s. |
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Post by Andy Turnbull on Jan 20, 2009 11:58:58 GMT
Email on it's way to you now.
Andy
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chrisl
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I still think its the 1990s - when I joined TMUK
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Post by chrisl on Jan 21, 2009 9:15:25 GMT
many thanks for that Andy, I've started work on those edits / a few minor cosmetic changes. Hopefully have it finished for the end of the week. Then everything will be put on the back burner (yet again) so I can turn my charcoal & crayons towards the AA mag.
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Hero
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Post by Hero on Jan 21, 2009 10:22:04 GMT
Take the time you need good buddy.
===KEN
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chrisl
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I still think its the 1990s - when I joined TMUK
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Post by chrisl on Jan 28, 2009 23:40:42 GMT
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Post by blueshift on Jan 28, 2009 23:50:25 GMT
Fantastic! That's worlds better and really makes me want to read more!
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Hero
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Post by Hero on Jan 29, 2009 2:31:16 GMT
Splendid |
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Post by Grand Moff Muffin on Jan 29, 2009 9:05:52 GMT
Works much better for me like that!
Martin
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Post by Andy Turnbull on Jan 29, 2009 10:06:53 GMT
It does read a lot better that way, though the pedant in me can't help but point out that you have a typo on the credits section - should be McV.
Andy
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chrisl
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Post by chrisl on Jan 29, 2009 11:29:59 GMT
Thanks everyone. I've fixed the typo - really sorry about that Martin.
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Hero
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Post by Hero on Jan 29, 2009 12:15:52 GMT
Desolation RULES
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Post by The Doctor on Jan 29, 2009 16:40:27 GMT
Good, good.
-Ralph
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chrisl
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I still think its the 1990s - when I joined TMUK
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Post by chrisl on Jan 29, 2009 19:23:56 GMT
Thanks. Once #1 is fully drawn, coloured and lettered, I'll probably ask some Hub people for quality control on the dialogue as it really makes a difference.
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