"Talk to the Animals"

[Grand Moff Muffin]

TALK TO THE ANIMALS or THE BRAINS OF THE OPERATION – PART 1

(Inspired by artwork by Chris Lawton)

Looking out through the view portal into space and watching the glow of fighter exhausts recede into the darkness, I sigh to myself. Another day, another raiding party dispatched to test the patience of our much-abused neighbours. Brinkmanship, I believe they call it. I call it looking for a trouble. But then, they never ask me for my opinion on such matters.

Only a month ago this kind of belligerence almost led to the deaths of us all. Our raiding ships unknowingly waylaid a Zorlok emissary as it skimmed the surface of our Galaxy on its way between its species’ many outposts in the intergalactic void. They thought it was a run-of-the-mill transport from one of the Milky Way’s many small confederations, trying to avoid our attention by leaving the stellar disc at the start of its journey and entering it again when over its destination star system. But no, rather the opposite in fact. And so the fools opened fire on this extragalactic species, and destroyed its vessel.

The Zorloks generally shun galaxies and avoid going into star clusters. As a rule, the species that live within galaxies and the species that live between galaxies are ignorant of one another and have no interest in communication, trade or conquest with the other lot. We fight over our stars and planets, and use wormholes to hop from one galaxy to another, but never think about what lies between them, or who owns that space. And the reverse is true for them. But that doesn’t mean they can’t come into the Milky Way when they have reason to do so. And our act of aggression gave them reason.

Nightscan planted evidence and hypnotic suggestion in such places as to cause the Liege Genero to order Hawkeye, Silentpaw and me on a messenger run to a non-existent mercenary outpost. This gave us the opportunity to be absent from the Black Nebula for a long enough period to try to undo the damage perpetrated by our foolish ‘masters’. As the three of us stood in the presence of the Zorlok overlords we all felt a sense of awe at the beauty and grandeur of their architecture, which far surpassed the current technology of the Cybertronian Empire.

“On behalf of ourselves and our leaders, Junglewalker and Eyrie, who wanted to come in person but were prevented from travelling, we greet you, our most revered and generous neighbours. We come to offer formal apologies and compensatory services for the tragic incident that resulted in the death of your dark matter emissary, Euboque-lop, may his spirit surf the void.”

The peace negotiations were long but civilised, and left me with a sincere respect for the intelligent and reasonable Zorloks. It was so tempting just to… but no, they’d never get by at home without us looking out for them and clearing up their messes.

Leozack turns away from the view portal as he hears Drillhorn approaching, and naturally I turn with him. “The fool should have shown me the respect owing to a warrior such as I,” he snarls to the newcomer, picking up the thread of a conversation they had been forced to leave off earlier.

“(Good morning, Deathcharge,)” I greet Drillhorn’s breastplate, using his real name of course rather than the insulting pet name given him by the uprights.

“He had it comin’, boss. Whatcha do?”

“(Greetings, Ironjaw.)”

“I let the imbecile fall screaming into the reactor core. Instant vaporisation!”

“That’ll teach him! You know, I dropped four of them down there only last week!”

“(Oh, fantastic. Another qualified engineer in need of replacing. Why didn’t you stop him?)”

“(I didn’t want to risk disorienting him by asserting control over his body while standing on the walkway. You let yours kill four last week?)”

“(I wasn’t attached to him at the time. I’ve been taking a shift off here and there to catch up on some reading.)”

“Good for you! But you know something, Drillhorn?”

“What, Leozack?”

“(Anything good?)”

“(Divine Elements cycle.)”

“(Unabridged?)”

“(Of course.)”

“It’s been too long since I had a worthy opponent to fight.”

“(Here we go again.)”

If I could roll my optics while in this mode I would do so. Still, we must count our blessings. I was having a chat with one of the Dinocon Pretender Monsters’ shells the other day – Slog’s monster shell, I believe it was – and they have it even worse. Six out of twelve shells are shut up in a cupboard most of the time while the others are being used as front-line cannon-fodder. Slog’s monster shell has the mind of a brilliant military strategist, you know, and is quite the witty conversationalist. But the uprights just aren’t interested.

I’ll ask Deathcharge to stop by the cupboard with some reading material to cheer them up.

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[legios]

Oct 22, 2009 9:08:52 GMT Grand Moff Muffin said:

TALK TO THE ANIMALS or THE BRAINS OF THE OPERATION

A very nice little story there Martin.

I do love the idea of the breastplates being considerably smarter (as well as more cultured) than their hosts. It has rather a plausible ring to it I fear - as well as making for a nicely humorous tone to the story. There is a wonderful sense of "long sufferingness" to IronJaw's narration, a kind of tired exasperation with the antics of their supposed betters.

Great stuff.

Karl

[Grand Moff Muffin]

Thanks, Karl. The delightful thing about writing about these characters is that it doesn't interfere with anyone else writing stories about the Destrons in which the breastplates appear simply as snarling attack gimmicks easily knocked out by Star Saber - because that's how they appear to everyone. Their secret lives are just that - secret.

I have a few more ideas about things to do with / reveal about them. In fact, I'd be much obliged if someone with a scanner and a copy of The Ark Vol. 2 or The Complete Ark could scan the eight breastplate animals for me, as I have an itch to write them some very surprising A-Z entries exploring their hidden lives...

Martin

[chrisl]

Looks really good Martin

I really like the way you come up with interesting TF stories by looking sideways at what has gone before.

[legios]

Oct 27, 2009 19:00:18 GMT Grand Moff Muffin said:

Thanks, Karl. The delightful thing about writing about these characters is that it doesn't interfere with anyone else writing stories about the Destrons in which the breastplates appear simply as snarling attack gimmicks easily knocked out by Star Saber - because that's how they appear to everyone. Their secret lives are just that - secret.
Martin

It is like all the better unexpected revelations in fiction. It doesn't invalidate anything that has gone before, just adds a different layer to the way things can be viewed.

Karl