Post by The Doctor on Nov 14, 2007 21:57:47 GMT
A skit from the TMUK archive, February 2001.
THE TRANSFORMERS : YOU ONLY SPARK TWICE
Written by Ralph Burns.
---------------------------------------
It was a cold day that morning in Edinburgh. Frost covered every surface, giving much of the cobbled streets a fairytale appearance.
Sean couldn't be bothered this morning. He really couldn't. After a heavy night out with his mates, he just didn't have the energy for it. Not in this bloody cold.
Still, he had to put food on the table. One day, he would be far, far away from here and this milk run.
At least his milk cart was working. Considering how cold it was, he wouldn't have been too surprised had it not been working. Perfect little machine, though. Never let him down.
Seemed cleaner today, though.
He shook his head. Damn hangover was interfering with his vision. Ugh. He would never drink beer again.
He clambered on board and started his run. Five minutes in, he came to Mr. Senior's house. Sean knocked on the door until his customer came to the door.
"There ye go, mister. Two pints o milk. Three shillings please."
Mr. Senior looked perplexed. "Och, ave no got change. Here, ah wull sign yar delivery note. Here, take ma pennies and run round the corner to the shop for change, would ya, Sean?"
Mr. Senior quickly signed the delivery note. Sean counter-signed. The Dairy insisted on this, just so none of the employees tried to fleece the customers.
Sean obliged to the old man's request. He liked Mr. Senior. Such a trusting man. He stuffed the delivery note under the float's windscreen and started off at a trot for the corner shop. Maybe the old fellow would give him a tip for helping him out. Extra, like.
When he came back, the milk float was gone.
"Och, for goodnesh shakes!"
A few streets away, the milk float came to a stop. There was no-one inside.
It lay parked in the deserted street for a moment. And then, the silence of the morning air was broken by the rending and tearing of metal upon metal. The shape of the milk float itself blended and swirled until where it had been stood a giant mechanical being from another world. This was a new form for it, but one that worked well.
It pulled a flashing device from its side and spoke into it.
"This is Wheelie. Mission accomplished. Am ready for the time jump back."
"Cool!" replied the other end of the conversation.
Wheelie was beside himself. Wait 'till the Earth Appreciation Society saw what he had got! He smiled inwardly. Not all time jumps had to be dangerous missions of peril and intrigue. There was time for fun too.
The wind whipped up around him as temporal energies prepared to take him back.
He clutched the human delivery note tightly. He had studied Earth Culture closely and was aware of the entertainment significance of this particular human, and his fantastic films. Now there was peril and intrigue. Danger and adventure!
And he was going to take the signature of Sean Connery through time. Just to show off to his friends.
The time jump energies engulfed him. "I am Bond! James Bond!" he yelled as he faded away to another place, another time.
THE END.
17/02/01
THE TRANSFORMERS : YOU ONLY SPARK TWICE
Written by Ralph Burns.
---------------------------------------
It was a cold day that morning in Edinburgh. Frost covered every surface, giving much of the cobbled streets a fairytale appearance.
Sean couldn't be bothered this morning. He really couldn't. After a heavy night out with his mates, he just didn't have the energy for it. Not in this bloody cold.
Still, he had to put food on the table. One day, he would be far, far away from here and this milk run.
At least his milk cart was working. Considering how cold it was, he wouldn't have been too surprised had it not been working. Perfect little machine, though. Never let him down.
Seemed cleaner today, though.
He shook his head. Damn hangover was interfering with his vision. Ugh. He would never drink beer again.
He clambered on board and started his run. Five minutes in, he came to Mr. Senior's house. Sean knocked on the door until his customer came to the door.
"There ye go, mister. Two pints o milk. Three shillings please."
Mr. Senior looked perplexed. "Och, ave no got change. Here, ah wull sign yar delivery note. Here, take ma pennies and run round the corner to the shop for change, would ya, Sean?"
Mr. Senior quickly signed the delivery note. Sean counter-signed. The Dairy insisted on this, just so none of the employees tried to fleece the customers.
Sean obliged to the old man's request. He liked Mr. Senior. Such a trusting man. He stuffed the delivery note under the float's windscreen and started off at a trot for the corner shop. Maybe the old fellow would give him a tip for helping him out. Extra, like.
When he came back, the milk float was gone.
"Och, for goodnesh shakes!"
A few streets away, the milk float came to a stop. There was no-one inside.
It lay parked in the deserted street for a moment. And then, the silence of the morning air was broken by the rending and tearing of metal upon metal. The shape of the milk float itself blended and swirled until where it had been stood a giant mechanical being from another world. This was a new form for it, but one that worked well.
It pulled a flashing device from its side and spoke into it.
"This is Wheelie. Mission accomplished. Am ready for the time jump back."
"Cool!" replied the other end of the conversation.
Wheelie was beside himself. Wait 'till the Earth Appreciation Society saw what he had got! He smiled inwardly. Not all time jumps had to be dangerous missions of peril and intrigue. There was time for fun too.
The wind whipped up around him as temporal energies prepared to take him back.
He clutched the human delivery note tightly. He had studied Earth Culture closely and was aware of the entertainment significance of this particular human, and his fantastic films. Now there was peril and intrigue. Danger and adventure!
And he was going to take the signature of Sean Connery through time. Just to show off to his friends.
The time jump energies engulfed him. "I am Bond! James Bond!" he yelled as he faded away to another place, another time.
THE END.
17/02/01
