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Post by andrewbcalculating on May 4, 2011 11:58:39 GMT
I would guess that most of us on here are old enough to be in a position to have children. I don’t have any children myself but I do want to ask two questions related to having kids. Firstly, do people on here with children find it difficult to find time to meet up with friends because they have kids? Secondly do people who don’t have children find it difficult to meet up with friends who do have kids because the friends are too busy being parents?
The reason I ask is a personal one. I have lived in Haverhill for 5 and a half years and I have not made any friends of my own from Haverhill. The only people I know there are through Gina so I want to make my own friends. The thing that stops me is my age. As I don’t have kids but I do have a disposable income, I can meet up with people on evenings and weekends and this is what I want to do. I listen to a lot of video game podcasts and I hear about people who know people through their online gaming friend lists but their friendship is predominately online, they hardly ever meet these friends. I want to regularly meet people in person of a similar age to myself but I have a feeling that any potential friends I meet will probably have children meaning they won’t be able to meet up with me as often as I’m available. I have nothing against children but I can see that the responsibility of being a parent quite rightly takes president over meeting friends.
Also the things I like I fear could be classed as being immature. I like Transformers, video games & animation and again I fear that if I were to do an online search for social groups in my area related to what I like I presume that I wont find anything or if I do they will be populated by people who are a lot younger than me and will be subsequently be unlikeable because of their maturity level. This is why I want to meet people around my age.
There was a royal wedding party on the green in front of my house held by people who looked about my age but they all had children. The thing that I worry about is that even if I was to get to know these people, I wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with them socially as I would like because they have the responsibility of being parents.
As I write this, I’ve come to the conclusion that I have the mindset of a university student even though people of my age have moved on from that stage and I guess I find it hard to come to terms with.
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Hero
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Post by Hero on May 4, 2011 14:51:37 GMT
How old are you anyway?  Also, who is Gina? As for the first part of your question, I don't find it difficult at all - although the recent changes have meant that I have to be three times more organised than ever and to communicate with the missues what I want to do and where I want to go. Obviously, the parental position involves a lot of tag teaming at times. Structure is also key too, but anybody can benefit from a bit of that. Myself, George and Blaise all attended the first half of Swincon together and that was awesome. (See the Swincon thread). At 4 months old Blaise got to attend her first TMUK meetup and that made daddy very proud considering her parents met through this very club. I seem to gel well with people of different interests and social background etc. There's always common ground to relate to between individuals somewhere. I guess its about breaking ice and digging deep. ===KEN |
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Post by Deleted on May 4, 2011 16:16:38 GMT
I dont have kids, but its not stopped me seeing my mates that have!
Yes at times it makes things awkward, but they are mates so you make allowances.
In fact at times its great fun for mates to have kids, you get the fun of dealing with them (winding them up, taking them to catch crabs, giving them TFs! etc) but then can hand them back when they are tired and stroppy!
If you avoid people with kids your missing out, its all part of life!
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Post by sf1378 on May 4, 2011 17:29:35 GMT
How old are you anyway? Also, who is Gina? As for the first part of your question, I don't find it difficult at all - although the recent changes have meant that I have to be three times more organised than ever and to communicate with the missues what I want to do and where I want to go. Obviously, the parental position involves a lot of tag teaming at times. Structure is also key too, but anybody can benefit from a bit of that. Myself, George and Blaise all attended the first half of Swincon together and that was awesome. (See the Swincon thread). At 4 months old Blaise got to attend her first TMUK meetup and that made daddy very proud considering her parents met through this very club. I seem to gel well with people of different interests and social background etc. There's always common ground to relate to between individuals somewhere. I guess its about breaking ice and digging deep. ===KEN Ken, Is your wife a TF fan and collector as well then? |
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Post by The Doctor on May 4, 2011 18:50:19 GMT
Hmmm, I'm not sure how to help, Andrew. It just so happens that most of the people I socialise with don't have kids so it's not something I think about too often, and I also tend to like my own space most week nights.
I would, perhaps, suggest that it might be worthwhile investigating what goes on at any local community centres or adult leisure courses at a college. There may be activities there that could help broaden your social sphere a bit?
-Ralph
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Post by Grand Moff Muffin on May 4, 2011 19:11:27 GMT
I don't tend to do socialising in the traditional sense (i.e. drinks in the evening) unless there's a work-related do organised, and it's my closest work colleagues going. I have tended to make non-work friends since moving to Cardiff by linking up with groups involved in activities that interest me (mostly wildlife-related), and I see them when we meet up to perform those activities. They come from all age ranges, and kids don't really enter into it.
I think TMUK is the only circle I move in that is closely correlated to my own age group (and gender), due to most of us being in the target age range when they first came out in the 1980s.
Martin
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Post by andrewbcalculating on May 4, 2011 19:53:28 GMT
I'm 31 and Gina is my better half.
I also like to play football and I think I could find a team to play for in Haverhill but because large parts of Haverhill are populated by, for want of a better word, chavs, I'm worried about only coming into contact with people who list their other main hobby as getting pissed. I want to meet people who are smarter than that and are more civilized, basically I want to meet people in Haverhill who are like the members of this forum.
We also have a running club in Haverhill and I'm of the opinion that I would meet people who are more cultured at the running club but I gave up running because I wasn't enjoying it so I don't want to take part in an activity that I don't like just to socialize with people.
If I was born in Haverhill then I would have obviously integrated much easier into living in Haverhill but I think I struggle because I moved here later in life and because I don't know anyone.
I guess I'm being selfish because I don't have the responsibility of being a parent and I want to meet up with people whenever I'm free. But I'm guessing that people of my age are more likely to have families and don't have the free time that I do.
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Post by Deleted on May 5, 2011 18:01:41 GMT
I don't have kids myself, but I have friends who have them, and I see them as much as I like to (though I don't tend to go out to the pub drinking or whatever
It's lucky that young kids seem to like me though, since whenever they see me, they just start smiling...and yet I can't stand kids (who aren't related to me)
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Hero
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Post by Hero on May 6, 2011 8:13:28 GMT
Ken, Is your wife a TF fan and collector as well then? Yes. We met through TMUK. ===KEN |
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Post by Shockprowl on May 23, 2011 23:53:16 GMT
I do have kid, soon to be kids, and most of my friends have them as well, but not all. I do find that having kids means I perhaps don't see as much of any of my friends as I used to before we all had kids, but we still see plenty of each other. Like Hero said, you just have to be more organised. Kids do take up time. But in return they give you so much joy and wonder. Life changes when you have children, no doubt about that, but one can still do the things one used to before, with the right organisation (and the odd Grandparent). I think people without kids can easily be friends with people that do have kids. Good luck with your problem though, 'Calc.
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