Post by blueshift on Sept 28, 2015 9:42:26 GMT
Rodimus Prime sat back in STARS Command Centre, closing his eyes and remembering once more the mightiest battle of the Transformer war, a moment he liked to call "Digital Doom on the Highway to Destruction". Images of that desperate fight flashed across his vision as once more he was in the thick of battle as the entire Autobot army was ambushed by Megatron and Thundercracker. A terrible day! A dark day! One he had spent the rest of his life ensuring would live on in the history books.
Idly he started rubbing himself with Robot Point coupons and uncashed postal orders. He opened his lazy eyes to see the mighty painting of "DIGITAL DOOM ON THE HIGHWAY TO DESTRUCTION" hanging above his desk. Perhaps it was time for a new flyer campaign. Perhaps he could even get Cliffjumper to paint him a new picture and...
...And then there was a frantic hammering on the front door and a sound no mortal ever wants to hear:
"Open up! Inland Revenue!"
Rodimus Prime bolted upright as if shocked by Thundercracker's energy-zapping ray. "Cliffjumper!" he screamed as he scrambled at his desk to set fire to all of the flyers scattered about. "Shred as much as you can! Hopefully they won't be able to breach STARS Headquarters!"
"It's Hubcap, sir!" Hubcap shouted, running from the other office with an armful of "Only YOU can save Optimus Prime!" leaflets. He ran head-first into a box of "Special Teams" cassette tapes, spilling Don Henderson's masterwork all over the floor. "And they're nearly through! The walls are only made of cardboard!"
A terrible tearing noise came from the front door as the Inland Revenue started to force their way in through the walls. Rodimus Prime looked grim, steely determination crossing his face. "Distract them for as long as you can, Cliffjumper. I have a plan!"
***
"...And then the defendant was found trying to flush himself down the toilet."
Rodimus Prime sat in the dock, shamefaced. "This is a travesty of justice!" he cried out to the prosecutor. "I am the mighty Rodimus Prime, best friend of Optimus Prime! Being an Autobot isn't illegal! This is just robot racism!"
The prosecutor tutted and glanced at his notes. "The defendant was found to be running an underground Omnibot trafficing ring. Omnibots were kept in the most appalling conditions - wrapped in little plastic bags while Rodimus's goons transported them across the border in trucks. And that's nothing compared to how he was treating the Powerdashers he was smuggling-"
"Hey!" Rodimus leapt to his feet. "That's not fair! Anyway, Powerdashers don't really count, they're not people. They're like, made out of string or something!"
"Rodimus also used his 'STARS' programme to finance his war," the prosecutor continued. "He solicited funds from the children of the world to buy weapons and soldiers to further his insane ambitions."
Rodimus shook a fist. "It isn't insane to fund a war solely via postal orders! Besides, how else were we to finance the mission to save Powermaster Optimus Prime?" He held up a flyer proudly. "This funded a team of Autobots to go to Nebulos to save the recently resurrected Prime!"
"Yes, and it also funded a team of Decepticons to kill him." The prosecutor jabbed at his own copy of the flier.
Rodimus just shrugged.
The steely-faced prosecutor turned to address the court. "Rodimus Prime is charged with running a multi-level marketing scam that encouraged American citizens to become fifth columnists and Autobot spies. He collected funds to smuggle in Omnibots and Powerdashers past the border wall, and for years has been running an illegal war and building up Autobot forces under the phantom threat of 'Megatron' and 'Thundercracker'. The prosecution will present damning testimony from his associates Hubcap and Don Henderson. I put it to you that he should be shown no mercy, and -"
"Objection!" Rodimus raised a hand as a very sneaky idea formed in his head. He looked to the judge. "Sir, can I ask for a short recess? I need to go to the toilet..."
Idly he started rubbing himself with Robot Point coupons and uncashed postal orders. He opened his lazy eyes to see the mighty painting of "DIGITAL DOOM ON THE HIGHWAY TO DESTRUCTION" hanging above his desk. Perhaps it was time for a new flyer campaign. Perhaps he could even get Cliffjumper to paint him a new picture and...
...And then there was a frantic hammering on the front door and a sound no mortal ever wants to hear:
"Open up! Inland Revenue!"
Rodimus Prime bolted upright as if shocked by Thundercracker's energy-zapping ray. "Cliffjumper!" he screamed as he scrambled at his desk to set fire to all of the flyers scattered about. "Shred as much as you can! Hopefully they won't be able to breach STARS Headquarters!"
"It's Hubcap, sir!" Hubcap shouted, running from the other office with an armful of "Only YOU can save Optimus Prime!" leaflets. He ran head-first into a box of "Special Teams" cassette tapes, spilling Don Henderson's masterwork all over the floor. "And they're nearly through! The walls are only made of cardboard!"
A terrible tearing noise came from the front door as the Inland Revenue started to force their way in through the walls. Rodimus Prime looked grim, steely determination crossing his face. "Distract them for as long as you can, Cliffjumper. I have a plan!"
***
"...And then the defendant was found trying to flush himself down the toilet."
Rodimus Prime sat in the dock, shamefaced. "This is a travesty of justice!" he cried out to the prosecutor. "I am the mighty Rodimus Prime, best friend of Optimus Prime! Being an Autobot isn't illegal! This is just robot racism!"
The prosecutor tutted and glanced at his notes. "The defendant was found to be running an underground Omnibot trafficing ring. Omnibots were kept in the most appalling conditions - wrapped in little plastic bags while Rodimus's goons transported them across the border in trucks. And that's nothing compared to how he was treating the Powerdashers he was smuggling-"
"Hey!" Rodimus leapt to his feet. "That's not fair! Anyway, Powerdashers don't really count, they're not people. They're like, made out of string or something!"
"Rodimus also used his 'STARS' programme to finance his war," the prosecutor continued. "He solicited funds from the children of the world to buy weapons and soldiers to further his insane ambitions."
Rodimus shook a fist. "It isn't insane to fund a war solely via postal orders! Besides, how else were we to finance the mission to save Powermaster Optimus Prime?" He held up a flyer proudly. "This funded a team of Autobots to go to Nebulos to save the recently resurrected Prime!"
"Yes, and it also funded a team of Decepticons to kill him." The prosecutor jabbed at his own copy of the flier.
Rodimus just shrugged.
The steely-faced prosecutor turned to address the court. "Rodimus Prime is charged with running a multi-level marketing scam that encouraged American citizens to become fifth columnists and Autobot spies. He collected funds to smuggle in Omnibots and Powerdashers past the border wall, and for years has been running an illegal war and building up Autobot forces under the phantom threat of 'Megatron' and 'Thundercracker'. The prosecution will present damning testimony from his associates Hubcap and Don Henderson. I put it to you that he should be shown no mercy, and -"
"Objection!" Rodimus raised a hand as a very sneaky idea formed in his head. He looked to the judge. "Sir, can I ask for a short recess? I need to go to the toilet..."
