TMUK Text Adventures #1: Chapter 1 - You awake in a room...

[Stomski]

You awake in a room...

...and your eyes part to reveal a blank wall. The combination of the darkness that surrounds you and a slight coldness puts you immediately at unease. Led on your side you're finding it hard to focus. At first you think it's the lack of light, but no, it's taken a few seconds, but the realisation of a terrible pain in your head hits. You close your eyes to try to ease the pain and think to yourself 'How did I get there'?

You roll over on the uncomfortable folding camp bed you've been sleeping on, but find that one of your wrists is shackled to it, inhibiting your movement somewhat. Despite this you manage to negotiate your legs to sit up, allowing you to see more of your surroundings. There's a door, a single window on the opposite wall and a pile of clothes in the corner. Yes, for whatever reason, you're now just in your Transformers themed underpants. You at least remember putting those on this morning before leaving the house to go to work. You remember closing the front door, but after that... not a lot. Wait... Who even are you?

You hear noises outside the door, some shuffling that comes closer and then moves away. Outside, the distant hum of industry.

But you can't deal with that now, now that the pain in your head is easing, first order of business, get up and get dressed and then to get out of this room.

Can you find the answers to who you are, how you got here and who is responsible? Can you get home? Can you even get out of the shackle?

Inventory:	Transformers pants, camp bed (shackled)
Location:	Small room
Connected Locations:	None

Current Score: 0/250

Links to story progression:
2: The helicopter manoeuvre (0/250)
3: Resplendency! (0/250)
4: Accomplishing nothing (0/250) AUTO-SAVED
GAME OVER (Shockprowl): Fucking hell. (0/250)
5: Already, already (0/250)
6: Looking through the window (1/250) AUTO-SAVED
GAME OVER (Blueshift): Rubbing wood (2/250)
7: Score?! (1/250)
8: Averting hypothermia (3/250) AUTO-SAVED
GAME OVER (Blueshift): That's gonna smart (3/250)
9: Same spot as what? (3/250)
GAME OVER (Blueshift): That's gonna smart (3/250)
10: Freedom of movement (3/250)
11: Out of the window (6/250) AUTO-SAVED
GAME OVER (Martin): Maybe I've got a milk bone (7/250)
GAME OVER (Blueshift): Return of the helicopter manoeuvre (6/250)
12: EXAMINE shiny thing (6/250)
GAME OVER (Pinwig): Get to da choppa (7/250)
GAME OVER (Martin): Get to da choppa, but faster! (6/250)
GAME OVER (Bogatan): About face (7/250)
13: Calmness is the key (7/250) SAVED
GAME OVER (Pinwig): It's time to go through the keyhole... except there isn't one (7/250)
GAME OVER (Pinwig/Martin): Fetch! (8/250)
14: This really gets my shackles up (7/250)
GAME OVER (Bogatan): These shackles are a fiddle (7/250)
GURU MEDITATION (Bogatan): Convoluted escape attempt #2146 (7/250)
15: Haven't we been here before? (1/250)
16: Take shelves (2/250) AUTO-SAVED
GAME OVER (Pinwig): Examining the vehicle (7/250)
17: Empty pockets (2/250)
18: BANG BANG YODELAYEEHOOOO (2/250)
19: Looking through the window... at pipes (3/250)
20: Peeing through the window (3/250)
21: You didn't give it an Energon stick (3/250)
22: A different perspective (3/250)
23: That's not what they're for (3/250)
ERROR (Blueshift): No. (3/250)
25: An idea! (3/250)
26: At least you didn't shelf that idea (7/250)
27: Oooh, shiny (8/250)
GAME OVER (Pinwig): Those who don't learn from the past (9/250)
28: And we're back in the room (9/250) AUTO-SAVED
29: Nothing's changed (9/250)
30: Nice try (9/250)
31: I put this down to luck really (10/250)
GAME OVER (Bogatan): At last a nap (10/250)
GAME OVER (Martin): Chafing. The end. (9/250)
32: Peeking through the crack (10/250)
33: Nothing happens (10/250)
34: Showing some maturity (10/150)
35: Which way next? (14/250)
36: I'm sorry I can't do that Dave (14/250)
37: Foyer is a funny word, isn't it? (17/250) AUTO-SAVED
38: Watching for traps (17/250)
39: Which door? (17/250)
40: It's not a DELL that's for sure (17/250)
41: Joy, another locked door... (17/250)
42: ...but how is it locked? (17/250)
43: Keep your hands to yourself (17/250)
44: I'm sure there's a Radiohead joke here somewhere (17/250)
45: Why didn't I think of that puzzle? (17/250)
46: Well, nothing else to do here (17/250)
47: It's vision is based on movement... no, that's a T-Rex (17/250)
48: No way to ascend (17/250)
49: What a handsome chap (17/250)
50: SAVE (17/250) SAVED
51: Not such a handsome chap (17/250)
52: The key to the situation (18/250)
53: Run away! (19/250)
54: Get rid of it (19/250)
GAME OVER (Pinwig): Under dispute (19/250)
GAME OVER (Martin): I don't want to badger on (17/250)
GAME OVER (Blueshift): The Surfboarding Killer Bikini Vampire Girls never stood a chance (17/250)
55: That's a nice gate (17/250)
56: Run away! To safety. (19/250) AUTO-SAVED
57: Hello boys, I'm back (19/250)
GAME OVER (Pinwig): Relying on your instinct again (19/250)
58: Pretty sure I said it was broken (19/250)
59: It's locked, obviously (19/250)
60: A risky proposition (19/250)
61: Which one? (19/250)
62: Crossing the streams (19/250)
63: It's shut, obviously (19/250)
64: That's a lot of commands (21/250)
65: The anticipation is killing me, I hope it'll last (21/250)
66: Duly noted (22/250)
67: I'd have made this a game over if I wasn't on mobile at the time (22/250)
68: Ooooh, nice try (22/250)
69: I'm sorry I can't do that Dave (22/250)
70: C'mon, you can do better (22/250)
71: This is futile (22/250)
72: This is futile (22/250)
73: This is futile (22/250)
74: Time to explore (22/250)
75: Unconventional, but whatever (22/250)
76: Let's be honest, this is just a recap (22/250)
77: Have we seen this before? (22/250)
78: TBH, I get bored copy pasting (22/250)
79: See! I'm just short-cutting now (22/250)
INTERMISSION: AMAZING GRPAHICS!!!
80: Buenas noches, señor Lopez (22/250)
81: Half way there, I guess (22/250)
82: SAVE (22/250) SAVED
GAME OVER (Pinwig): He's not interested (22/250)
83: Take him where, he hasn't got a coat and you're low on gas (22/250)
84: I didn't know you spoke Spanish (22/250)
85: Facilities (22/250)
86: What's DELL got to do with it? Got to do with it? Got to do with it? (22/250)
87: Note to self, no more meta puzzles (27/250)
88: What is bike? (27/250)
89: How nice of you to ask (27/250)
90: Do these Unicode characters show up for you? (27/250)
91: The knowledge! (27/250)
92: Credit to St. John's NZ Website (27/250)
93: Who's twisting the facts? (27/250)
94: Paging Sir Attenborough (Credit to Xenopedia and Riddick Wikia) (27/250)
95: Some of these details may be pertinent, or not, I dunno (27/250)
96: 3072 (27/250)
97: 74-Z (30/250)
98: I like Dawn, she's nice (30/250) SAVED
99: To be continued... (30/250) End of Chapter 1
Chapter 2: The search for Mr. K.

The rules:
Anyone can contribute any idea on what to do next. After an indeterminate amount of time, I will decide it's time to proceed and whichever has the most likes from other forum users shall be the chosen course for our hero. In the case of a tie, I'll use best judgement based on theme of differing posts or whichever was posted first.

Basic commands:
LOOK [ X ] - Look at your surroundings or a specific thing
TAKE X - Add item X to your inventory
USE X - Use item within local area or inventory
USE X ON Y - As above, but with another item
INVENTORY - Display contents of your inventory
SAVE - Save current game state
LOAD - Load previous saved game

Other commands are available as required.

MOST POINTS EARNED HALL OF FAME!
Points attributed up to last save point.

Player	Points
Pinwig	18
Martin	7
Blueshift	5

CAUSE OF DEATH/CRASHES/ERRORS HALL OF FAME!

Player	Deaths	Crashes	Errors	TOTAL
Pinwig	7.5			7.5
Blueshift	5		1	6
Martin	4.5			4.5
Bogatan	3	1		4
Shockprowl	1			1

[blueshift]

Oh no, I'm chained to a bed. Let's see if there is anything sharp I can use to cut my wrist off

LOOK AT ROOM for anything I can use

[Pinwig]

As it's a folding camp bed I'd chance it not being fixed to anything, so maybe fold the bed and hold it with the chained hand, then head over to the window to look outside.

FOLD bed.

[Philip Ayres]

Nov 4, 2018 21:59:46 GMT blueshift said:

Oh no, I'm chained to a bed.

I don't read this forum to listen to Matt's twisted fantasies thank you very much!

[blueshift]

Nov 4, 2018 22:55:29 GMT Pinwig said:

As it's a folding camp bed I'd chance it not being fixed to anything, so maybe fold the bed and hold it with the chained hand, then head over to the window to look outside.

FOLD bed.

Wait Pinwig, wait. If it's a camp bed it will have lots of springs. We don't want a spring to ping out and blind ourselves.

Let us SHIELD our eyes with our spare hand as we fold it.

[Pinwig]

Blueshift speaks with the wisdom of one who has played many devious text adventures!

[blueshift]

Nov 4, 2018 23:19:45 GMT Pinwig said:

Blueshift speaks with the wisdom of one who has played many devious text adventures!

I know how this goes down

Okay, so we have one item to hand - our Transformers underpants.

I suggest that we REMOVE our underpants and then USE underpants as a shield for our eyes whilst we FOLD the bed. Agreed?

[Pinwig]

Make it so.

[Pinwig]

Well, actually, I know where that spring's heading instead now.

[blueshift]

If we start gyrating our hips we can helicopter our mighty wang around to make a temporary shield.

Okay, so the order is:

REMOVE our underpants
USE underpants as a shield for our eyes
GYRATE hips to helicopter mighty wang for a secondary shield
FOLD the bed.

[Pinwig]

You see, it's only because we have highly trained minds that we can foresee these logical conclusions. Stomski can't confound our brilliance!

[Pinwig]

*revs up wang*

[Pinwig]

Week 45 RPM I think.

[Stomski]

Thread already delivers.

[Stomski]

Nov 4, 2018 23:30:25 GMT blueshift said:

REMOVE our underpants
USE underpants as a shield for our eyes
GYRATE hips to helicopter mighty wang for a secondary shield
FOLD the bed.

With your free hand and some skilful wiggling you manage to get the pants down to your ankles, you reach down and pull them over your face taking a moment prior to appreciate them.

'Dang if I can remember what these are - nice big red robot, grey angry looking guy and oooh, a police car' you think to yourself before proceeding with your plan. You place the pants on you head and pull them down.

Now comes the tricky part, you rotate your hips trying to get sufficient momentum on your genitalia, but the effort is proving too much in your current weakened state. You feel faint but continue as best you can. Success! But at what cost? you quickly grab at the camp bed and lift. Closing your eyes, you place it end down with your weight on the top. It begins to collapse as you keep your nether regions in motion.

Suddenly your weight proves too much for the joints and it folds suddenly toppling you forwards and into the door. As you lay there exhausted, the shuffling from outside the door starts again and comes nearer.

Inventory:	Transformers pants, camp bed (shackled)
Location:	Small room
Connected Locations:	None

Current Score: 0/250

[blueshift]

Okay. We can use the collapsed bed as a weapon. Let's add it to our inventory.

PICK UP bed

I think we need to escape the room

SLIDE BODY UNDER DOOR

[Pinwig]

What! How thin are you that you can slide under a closed door!?

I'm just glad the wang didn't get trapped in the bed when we fell over.

So we're in a naked heap with our pants on our head. Good, good. The bed could be a weapon, or a shield. But really, whoever cuffed us to it is either stupid or thinks that the room itself is secure enough to keep us. Or we'd be chained to something like a radiator. If there are noises outside the door, then how about trying to break the window with the bed? I bet it's barred. I'm still keen to look outside. However, we ought to put the pants back on.

[blueshift]

Nov 5, 2018 21:16:05 GMT Pinwig said:

However, we ought to put the pants back on.

No Pinwig, our naked frame will cause surprise and fear in our enemies, granting us precious extra seconds of action!

[Shockprowl]

Maybe the shuffling outside isn't bad guys, maybe it's a rescue party? Hopefully with new underwear... and a cold compress for an overused wang.

[blueshift]

Okay so we have decided to stay naked

BUT what do we do about the door? Do we try to set a trap for whoever comes in, or do we joyfully rush forwards to embrace our new friend???

[Shockprowl]

Surely the captors would have come to check what was going on with all the bed collapsing and wang whirling. They must've heard. Why haven't they investigated? Maybe it's because they've been taken out! And I don't mean for dinner!

[Pinwig]

Both good points! In which case, we remain starkers and use the awesome shock power of the mighty wang to blind and instill fear. This may prove doubly good if the noise outside is friendly.

Maybe we ought to look around further as blue first suggested. Anything odd about the ceiling or the floor?

[blueshift]

Nov 5, 2018 22:41:07 GMT Pinwig said:

Both good points! In which case, we remain starkers and use the awesome shock power of the mighty wang to blind and instill fear. This may prove doubly good if the noise outside is friendly.

Maybe we ought to look around further as blue first suggested. Anything odd about the ceiling or the floor?

Okay, so we want to:

EXAMINE floor and ceiling

Then we want to

STAND RESPLENDENT in front of the door to distract whoever comes in and use the seconds gained to work out if they are friend or foe.

The pants remain on our head. I would ask our gamesmaster to ensure that their armour rating is taken into account.

[Stomski]

Nov 5, 2018 22:58:10 GMT blueshift said:

EXAMINE floor and ceiling
STAND RESPLENDENT in front of the door to distract whoever comes in and use the seconds gained to work out if they are friend or foe.

You try to look at the floor and the ceiling at the same time, the effort of looking in two directions simultaneously would have killed you had it not been for the fact that you were still wearing your underpants on your head blocking your vision. Instead of anything room related, all you see is the dark out of focus insides of your nether garments. Whilst your life is saved, you have gained nothing from this exercise.

You use the folded camp bed as a crutch to stand as the noises from outside the door come closer. As whatever is outside approaches the door, not only is there a shuffle but you also hear something else - a whirring of some kind, servos? You turn to the door, your free hand on your hip as you strike a passable attempt at the classic hero pose, waist slightly forward so as to draw attention to your trusty John-Thomas, your hand on the camp bed gripping tightly ready to strike if required.

Truly if something was to come through the door now, the awe inspiring visage before them would give you the upper hand!

But rather anticlimactically, the noises come close to the door, but move past further away in the opposite direction from where it came. Was it drawn to the noise you made or just going about its business?

You feel a chill as the night gets later.

Inventory:	Transformers pants, camp bed (shackled)
Location:	Small room
Connected Locations:	None

Current Score: 0/250

[blueshift]

Nov 6, 2018 10:35:25 GMT Stomski said:

You feel a chill as the night gets later.

I am concerned we are going to freeze to death

I propose that we set the bed alight to start a fire in the small room, thus warming us up and saving our lives. But how can we start a fire? Any ideas?

[Shockprowl]

What are the underpants made out of? Anything flammable? Friction against the material...?

[blueshift]

Come on Shockprowl, you're a paramedic, how do you start a fire using household objects??

[Pinwig]

If the noise has passed outside, can we at least try the door handle to see if it's locked? it sounds like a droid of some sort went by on a routine patrol. If the door's locked we know we're being held captive. Are there bars on the window? does it open? I want to know more about our circumstances. It might be hard to do that if we set the room on fire.

[blueshift]

Nov 6, 2018 21:32:02 GMT Pinwig said:

If the noise has passed outside, can we at least try the door handle to see if it's locked? it sounds like a droid of some sort went by on a routine patrol. If the door's locked we know we're being held captive. Are there bars on the window? does it open? I want to know more about our circumstances. It might be hard to do that if we set the room on fire.

It's getting dark, Pinwig. How are we going to see with no light from the fire?

I vote that we start a fire, and then use the light to i) keep warm and ii) look about.

But how can we start the fire? Only Shockprowl can tell us using his expert knowledge

[Grand Moff Muffin]

Questions for Bluewig/Pinshift:

1. Have you checked to establish whether you're a human or an Autobot Pretender?

2. Is the camp bed really a camp bed, or is it a Transformer That Didn't Make the Grade?

3. Are they Atomic Underpants?

4. Have you tried the Combat Yodel?

Martin