14 - Endgame

[Grand Moff Muffin]

PIRATE VICTORY LEO THE WHITE LION SHEEP COMMANDER OF THE UNIVERSE

Allegiance: 'Heroic' Battle Beast
Sub-group: Battle Beast Legend
Function: Part-time pirate captain
First appearance: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Battletrap's Beasts - They Battle for Fun

"Arrrhhh! Shiver me timbers and a bottle o' rum."


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

Profile: Avast and prepare to heave to, 'tis White Leo the Pirate Lion. As recounted by Colonel Bird Flykick, the last surviving Battle Beast from that golden era of legends on the western land mass of Planet Beast, White Leo heroically terrorised the east coast of that continent on his pirate ship 'Merry Marauder', saving bored Battle Beasts from tedium by challenging them to fight him for fun in the name of truth and justice. He and his four pals - Bighorn Bombsheep, Colonel Bird Flykick, Grizzly Battle Bear and Rocky Rhino Graysharp - took it in turns to be the leader of the gang they called the 'Heroic Battle Beasts'. The leader's chief duty was to liaise with Hardtop Tortoise the Black Turtle to agree the time and place of the next team fight with their bitter rivals, 'Alligatron's Angry Animals'. After Alligatron's unpopular alliance with the Duocons ended in the Gruesome Gator's unfortunate demise, the Heroic Battle Beasts took to fighting amongst themselves. When White Leo declared himself 'Lord High Sheep Commander', this culminated in his final epic showdown on the high seas with his old friend, Bighorn Bombsheep, and so these giants of glory passed away into myth and legend. "I wanted to save him," laments Colonel Bird Flykick, wiping a tear from his eye. "But I couldn't... I couldn't..." His audience is moved by his emotional tribute to fallen comrades. "...be arsed," he concludes.

Abilities: White Leo invoked the power of fire to cleanse the land of 'evil' and lay on the best barbecues on all of Planet Beast. He wielded the famous Sword of Victory. It was made of metal and cut through stuff.

Weaknesses: The pirate ship 'Merry Marauder' was made of wood, and White Leo kept accidentally setting it on fire. He lost his right eye when coastal villagers, delighted to have the monotony of their lives broken by the uninvited approach of the popular pirate ship, greeted him with a celebratory volley of weapons-grade fireworks. Victory Leo was transfixed by the beauty of the fiery tribute to his nobility and copped a whizzer full in the face.

Strength: 6
Intelligence: 5
Speed: 5
Endurance: 6
Rank: Variable
Courage: 10
Firepower: 6
Skill: 7

[Grand Moff Muffin]

TRIPLE THREAT SNAKEBOMB

Allegiance: Alligatron's Angry Animals
Sub-group: Battle Beast Legend
Function: Dance fighting
First appearance: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Battletrap's Beasts - They Battle for Fun

"No sane man will dance."


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

Profile: Triple Threat Snakebomb was the most amazing dancer the Galaxy he has ever seen. He was very, very flexible and had a great sense of timing. When there was no music for him to dance to, he would sing/hum/whistle something to match his mood. He was not so gifted musically, so his friends clubbed together to get a shoulder-mounted stereo system added to his battle armour. He liked to battle for fun, but insisted on threatening each opponent he faced three times before commencing fisticuffs, hence his name. When the Duocon Flywheels took Triple Threat Snakebomb and Sawtooth Badshark off to Hydrus Four to fight the Autobots, the two Battle Beasts regarded it as all part of life's rich pageant. And when the Autobots wondered what to do with them after the battle and eventually decided just to drop them off on Grand Central Space Station to find their own way home, again they took it in their stride. Triple Threat Snakebomb in particular held to a philosophy that said everything could be made all right with a song-and-dance number.

Abilities: Triple Threat Snakebomb could spit fireballs from his mouth, and liked to spin his axe around his head and body to intimidate his opponents. His other notable ability was dancing the night away. He performed a mean moonwalk. In a pinch, the stereo system in his armour could be used to inflict sonic assaults on his enemies, though its primary purpose was to accompany his dancing.

Weaknesses: When Triple Threat Snakebomb fell out with Sawtooth Badshark on Grand Central Space Station, he learnt that invoking fire in an oxygen-rich atmosphere when one can smell a gas leak can be hazardous to one's health. Barbecue Bob the food vendor did a roaring trade in grilled shark kebabs and well done snakemeat steaks that particular week.

Strength: 4
Intelligence: 4
Speed: 5
Endurance: 5
Rank: 5
Courage: 8
Firepower: 7
Skill: 7

[Grand Moff Muffin]

BIGHORN BOMBSHEEP

Allegiance: 'Heroic' Battle Beast
Sub-group: Battle Beast Legend
Function: Brawler
First appearance: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Battletrap's Beasts - They Battle for Fun

"Are you breathing my oxygen?"


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

Profile: Colonel Bird Flykick remembers Bighorn Bombsheep as the model Battle Beast, i.e. he battled for fun on the flimsiest of pretexts - because someone looked his way for too long or because they didn't deign to look at him, because they had the gall to speak to him first or because they waited for him to address them - you get the idea. He even dyed his wool and horns blue in order to provoke comments that would provide him with an excuse to challenge the offending party to a duel. But he bore his opponents no animosity, as long as they co-operated and consented to fight with him. Bighorn Bombsheep was one of the Battle Beasts who took it in turns to be leader of the gang that called itself the 'Heroic Battle Beasts'.

Abilities: Bighorn Bombsheep was a deadly warrior with his twin-bladed melee weapon. He wore a mask on his face to change his voice from a rather pathetic-sounding sheep's bleat to something more in the line of Darth Vader. Nobody ever knew what purpose was served by the two worm-like things on Bighorn Bombsheep's shoulders, but some claimed they had minds of their own and spoke to him, one telling him to kill, the other just to maim. He invoked the power of water to conjure up great waves to knock his enemies down.

Weaknesses: Bighorn Bombsheep was never very good at following orders, and couldn't take a joke.

Strength: 7
Intelligence: 5
Speed: 4
Endurance: 7
Rank: Variable
Courage: 10
Firepower: 5
Skill: 7

SAWTOOTH BADSHARK

Allegiance: Alligatron's Angry Animals
Sub-group: Battle Beast Legend
Function: Pamphleteer and horticulturalist
First appearance: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Battletrap's Beasts - They Battle for Fun

"The pen is mightier than the personalised melee weapon."


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

Profile: Colonel Bird Flykick particularly enjoys regaling his present-day audience with his recollections of Sawtooth Badshark, that compulsive producer of inflammatory literature throughout the 1980s, who was sadly the last Battle Beast to retain the knowledge of reading and writing until Sly Beafox was worked out how to do it again in the course of the last decade. Sawtooth Badshark had so many ideas he wanted to share with his fellow Battle Beasts, but was unappreciated in his own lifetime because no-one could read what he'd written. He took to drawing pictures for them instead, and that went down a little better. To vent his frustration, Sawtooth Badshark joined Alligatron's Angry Animals and battled for fun in their monthly scheduled battles with the rival 'Heroic' Battle Beasts. Sawtooth Badshark saw an opportunity to reach a more literate audience when the Duocon Flywheels took him and his chum Triple Threat Snakebomb off to Hydrus Four and the two Battle Beasts were captured by the Autobots and deposited on Grand Central Space Station to seek passage back to Planet Beast. He convinced Snakebomb to stick around with him for a few years while he spread his philosophy to the denizens of Grand Central via a new series of specially composed pamphlets. Some may still be found sitting unread on bookshelves, used as beermats in J'Oh's bar, or bunging up long-forsaken toilets. After the best part of a decade there, Triple Threat Snakebomb had exhausted all of Grand Central's discotheques and dance halls, and tried to convince his pal to return home with him. They came to blows and there was an explosion. Colonal Bird Flykick arrived just too late to be a part of it.

Abilities: Sawtooth Badshark possessed the power of wood when on Planet Beast and Hydrus Four, but the wood spirit behind his rubsign slept throughout his time on Grand Central Space Station, except when he visited the arboretum where they grew fruit and vegetables in artificial sunlight to sell to wealthy space travellers. He quickly got employment there as a part-time gardener, thanks to his uncanny knack for making things grow, and thereby supported himself and his partying pal for the several years that they lived there. He carried a trident, which served as a weapon on Planet Beast and as a gardening tool on Grand Central Space Station. He loved swimming.

Weaknesses: Sawtooth Badshark was an angry intellectual, at least by Battle Beast standards, but his attempts to have his views taken seriously by anyone always ended in impatience and violence, on his part if not on theirs.

Strength: 6
Intelligence: 7
Speed: 2 (6 in water)
Endurance: 5
Rank: 6
Courage: 9
Firepower: 2
Skill: 7

[Grand Moff Muffin]

ALLIGATRON THE GRUESOME GATOR

Allegiance: Alligatron's Angry Animals
Sub-group: Battle Beast Legend
Function: Leader
First appearance: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Battletrap's Beasts - They Battle for Fun

"All is food."


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

Profile: When the Decepticon Skystalker first scouted Planet Beast in the year 1986, he directed his attention principally towards its southern continent, but also visited the western land mass before he left, and it was there that he made the acquaintance of a curious young Battle Beast named Croc of Doom. Unlike most of the natives Skystalker had met, Croc's first instinct was not to challenge him to battle but rather to engage him in conversation. Croc showed an unquenchable thirst for knowledge about who Skystalker was and where he came from. Skystalker revealed enough to Croc to convert him to the Decepticon cause, and make him idolise their founder, Megatron, as he imagined him to be. (In Croc's mind, Megatron transformed into a crocodile, which is of course a ridiculous notion.) When Skystalker left Planet Beast, Croc changed his name to Alligatron and set out to conquer the world, just as Megatron had done, but in five years all he achieved was assembling a gang of six Battle Beasts, including himself, who had scraps on the weekends with their rivals, the 'Heroic' Battle Beasts. In 1991 the Decepticons returned, this time in the form of the Duocons, who Alligatron convinced to help him blow up all the settlements in the west that had declined to submit to his rule. They began to do this, but then Bludgeon summoned the Duocons away to Hydrus Four. The Duocon Battletrap cut short his bombing campaign and left Alligatron and his second-in-command, Hardtop Tortoise the Black Turtle, right in the middle of their enemies' encampment. Grizzly Battle Bear grunted, "Rule-breaker," and promptly lopped off Alligatron's head with one swing of his mighty axe.

Abilities: Alligatron thrived in swampland, and frequently invoked the power of water to turn any battleground made of solid earth into a squelchy bog, to give him an advantage over his foes. He was skilled with his axe-blade weapon, and possessed jaws that could snap through almost anything.

Weaknesses: Battle Beasts blessed with the power of wood were usually quick to conjure up trees and other plants to drain Alligatron's improvised swamps dry. Unlike his Decepticon hero, Alligatron had little personal firepower.

Strength: 6
Intelligence: 7
Speed: 4
Endurance: 6
Rank: 10
Courage: 10
Firepower: 2
Skill: 8

[Grand Moff Muffin]

GRIZZLY BATTLE BEAR

Allegiance: 'Heroic' Battle Beast
Sub-group: Battle Beast Legend
Function: Warrior
First appearance: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Battletrap's Beasts - They Battle for Fun

"Bear left."


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

Profile: Colonel Bird Flykick remembers Grizzly Battle Bear as a simple Battle Beast who kept friend and foe alike on the straight and narrow when it came to following the rules of combat. Joan Bur-Cow the Bodacious Bovine would have liked him, had they lived during the same period of Planet Beast's colourful history. Colonel Bird thinks Grizzly Battle Bear's last words may have been "ARRRGH!" but he's not 100% sure, as they were mostly drowned out by the noise of the sudden catastrophic collapse of an overhanging cliff-face.

Abilities: Grizzly Battle Bear used his magic to splash water in the eyes of his enemies, and then, while they were feeling around for a towel, quickly behead them with his axe. It was a simple strategem that worked more often than you might think. He was one of the strongest Battle Beasts of his time.

Weaknesses: Grizzly Battle Bear possessed little in the way of firepower.

Strength: 7
Intelligence: 4
Speed: 4
Endurance: 7
Rank: 5
Courage: 10
Firepower: 2
Skill: 5

[Grand Moff Muffin]

KILLER CARPFISH

Allegiance: Alligatron's Angry Animals
Sub-group: Battle Beast Legend
Function: Amphibious assault
First appearance: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Battletrap's Beasts - They Battle for Fun

"Swimming in these waters may be hazardous to your health."


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

Profile: Killer Carpfish became the undisputed queen of the deep seas surrounding the western continent of Planet Beast following the mysterious disappearance of her pamphleteering partner, Sawtooth Badshark, in the year 1991. Her reign lasted several years until her final, fateful showdown with Grizzly Battle Bear. Many were the ships she sank, though she was always careful to avoid White Leo the Pirate Lion's 'Merry Marauder', with its fish-killing harpoon launchers, which had heretofore made sushi out of many a better marine Battle Beast.

Abilities: Killer Carpfish's battle armour was among the most sophisticated for its time, being armed with four independently targetable fire-and-forget shoulder rockets. Carpfish wielded a versatile axe-anchor, which was as handy for breaching the hulls of ships as it was for splitting Battle Beast skulls. She invoked the power of wood to create improvised shields, and was twice as deadly in water as she was on land.

Weaknesses: Killer Carpfish proved just as susceptible to death by collapsing cliff-face as her unfortunate opponent, Grizzly Battle Bear.

Strength: 6
Intelligence: 5
Speed: 3 (6 in water)
Endurance: 6
Rank: 5
Courage: 9
Firepower: 6
Skill: 6

[Grand Moff Muffin]

HARDTOP TORTOISE THE BLACK TURTLE

Allegiance: Alligatron's Angry Animals
Sub-group: Battle Beast Legend
Function: Number two
First appearance: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Battletrap's Beasts - They Battle for Fun

"Don't kill me!"


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

Profile: Colonel Bird Flykick remembers Alligatron's second-in-command as being the most cowardly Battle Beast who ever lived - he only had a courage rating of 7 out of 10, which is unacceptably low for a species that lives to battle for fun. When Grizzly Battle Bear lopped his leader's head off, Hardtop immediately shouted, "I surrender!" All the assembled Battle Beasts gasped audibly at such obscene language. Parents covered their children's ears, and the more sensitive souls fainted outright. This allowed Hardtop Tortoise to make his... escape... very... slowly... almost... made it... but then... just outside the enemy stronghold... he met Yellow Rubberneck Giraffe... whose home the Duocon Battletrap had blown to bits minutes earlier, egged on by Alligatron and Hardtop. And she proceeded... to very... slowly... kick the shit out of him.

Abilities: Hardtop Tortoise the Black Turtle invoked the power of fire to burn down the houses of people who called him a coward for not consenting to fight them in open combat. He had a strong armoured shell, a three-pronged blade weapon and a manipulator claw in place of his left hand, which he used to remove pieces of armour from fallen or sleeping Battle Beasts and add them to his own reinforced shell.

Weaknesses: Hardtop Tortoise the Black Turtle was not only the most cowardly, but also the slowest Battle Beast who ever lived.

Strength: 5
Intelligence: 7
Speed: 1
Endurance: 7
Rank: 8
Courage: 7
Firepower: 6
Skill: 5

HORNY TOAD DRILLFROG AND ROCKY RHINO GRAYSHARP

Allegiance: Alligatron's Angry Animals / 'Heroic' Battle Beast
Sub-group: Battle Beast Legends
Function: Warriors
First appearance: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Battletrap's Beasts - They Battle for Fun

"I invoke wood!"


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

Profile: Horny Toad Drillfrog and Rocky Rhino Graysharp are today remembered as noble warriors of legend, who fought each other to the death in the cause of truth, honour and justice, in a disagreement over some now-forgotten but undoubtedly profound point of Battle Beast ethics.

Abilities: Both Horny Toad Drillfrog and Rocky Rhino Graysharp were moderately skilled with their long-bladed melee weapons, and had reasonably strong armour. Horny Toad had a powerful kick, while Rocky Rhino could deliver a formidable punch with his spiked mace hand. Drillfrog could leap and gore you with his shoulder spikes, while Graysharp could headbutt you with his rhino horn. They both invoked the power of wood to clobber their enemies with two-by-fours, and both had thick skulls, in more ways than one, which were capable of withstanding such blows. They were perfectly matched in all things, except... Horny Toad Drillfrog had a wrist-mounted armour-piercing missile and Rocky Rhino Graysharp didn't.

Weaknesses: Drillfrog's missile was a weapon of mutually assured destruction, or M.A.D., for if he were ever to launch it, the rocket exhaust would be certain to blow his arm off. And if he were to fire it at any enemy at close range, the explosion would undoubtedly kill him too. But surely no-one would be that stupid, not even in the heat of battle atop a precarious cliff-face, with all the world (i.e. Colonel Bird Flykick) looking on.

Strength: 6
Intelligence: 2
Speed: 4
Endurance: 6
Rank: 5
Courage: 10
Firepower: 7/2
Skill: 5

YELLOW RUBBERNECK GIRAFFE

Allegiance: N/A
Sub-group: Battle Beast Legend
Function: Minding her own business
First appearance: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Battletrap's Beasts - They Battle for Fun

"Did you just blow up my house?"


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

Profile: Yellow Rubberneck Giraffe did not take kindly to Alligatron the Gruesome Gator and Hardtop Tortoise the Black Turtle encouraging the Duocon Battletrap to bomb her home from the air, in flagrant breach of all Battle Beast combat etiquette.

Abilities: Like the present-day Hare Razing Rabbit Kid, Yellow Rubbernack Giraffe had a fire demon, a wood spirit and a water sprite all living behind her rubsign, and could invoke fire, wood or water at will. She also wielded a mean melee weapon forged in the deceptively inoffensive-looking shape of a tree branch.

Weaknesses: Yellow Rubberneck Giraffe had no particular weaknesses, and died of natural causes in the mid-1990s at the ripe old Battle Beast age of 23.

Strength: 6
Intelligence: 6
Speed: 5
Endurance: 6
Rank: N/A
Courage: 10
Firepower: 8
Skill: 9

[Grand Moff Muffin]

BONGA THE GARGANTUAN GORILLA

Allegiance: N/A
Sub-group: Battle Beast Legend
Function: Monkeyfighter matriarch
First appearance: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Flywheels's Friends - They Too Battle for Fun

"Let the bells ring out for battle."


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

Profile: When the majority of the surviving population of the western continent of Planet Beast took off into outer space in the late 1990s in what eventually became known as the Great Western Exodus, or 'Gwexit', Bonga the Gargantuan Gorilla, the famous bell-ringer of the Battle Beast jungle, had her sights set on shores closer to home, namely a little-known island group somewhat to the north and far to the east, where the sun shone, the fruit was plentiful, and there were no annoying gang wars to interfere with proper battling for fun and one's campanological pursuits. She duly led her tribe of simian warrior musicians, the Battlin' Bing-Bonga Ding-Dongas, aboard a seaworthy vessel, their beloved bells stowed securely in the hold, and, by the power of wood and water, they made it safely to their new home of Monkey Island. This is the place where Shocking Shark the Decepticon pirate ship now goes whenever his crew needs replenishing (see the entry on Monkeyfighters).

Abilities: Bonga was the strongest Battle Beast of her time. She could hurl her spear from the treetops with lethal precision over an effective range of 130 metres. She could invoke the power of wood to construct impressive living tree houses in a matter of minutes, an invaluable skill when colonising new islands. And when it came to swinging through the jungles and forests, she had no equal.

Weaknesses: Despite her snazzy earplugs, Bonga's musical hobby left her rather hard of hearing. Sadly, her bell-ringing skills declined with age, and she took her eye off the ball when it came to health and safety checks. One day she heaved on her bell-rope, the bell gave an almighty BONG! and... well, it was all very sad, but she died doing what she loved.

Strength: 8
Intelligence: 6
Speed: 4
Endurance: 7
Rank: N/A
Courage: 10
Firepower: 4
Skill: 7

[Grand Moff Muffin]

HEDGEHOG THE PRICKLY PORCUPINE

Allegiance: N/A
Sub-group: Battle Beast Legend
Function: Firebomb
First appearance: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Flywheels's Friends - They Too Battle for Fun

"I hit something! Yes? No?"


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

Profile: Little is known about this Battle Beast beyond his dual role as an offensive weapon and faithful servant to Sir Sire Bluehorse, Sorcerer Supreme of Planet Beast.

Abilities: Hedgehog could often be seen sailing through the air in a ball of flame just prior to the fiery demise of any Battle Beasts foolish enough to lay siege to Sir Sire Bluehorse's castle. He could also be spotted from time to time rolling downhill, curled up into an armoured ball, before disappearing in a flash as he passed through one of his master's teleportation portals.

Weaknesses: Water.

Strength: 5
Intelligence: 5
Speed: 3 (6 rolling downhill)
Endurance: 8
Rank: N/A
Courage: 10
Firepower: 7
Skill: 7

[Grand Moff Muffin]

SIR SIRE BLUEHORSE

Allegiance: N/A
Sub-group: Battle Beast Legend
Function: Warrior wizard
First appearance: Characters from the 1987 Toy Range: Flywheels's Friends - They Too Battle for Fun

"Abracapocus!"


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

Profile: Sir Sire Bluehorse was among the first Battle Beasts, formed in the 1970s from the merging of one of the High Evolutionary's banished New Men with a water sprite native to Planet Beast in order to combat the evil demon, Devil-Z. But unlike most of that generation of Battle Beasts and all who came after it, Bluehorse developed a deep and ongoing dialogue with his water sprite that went beyond merely yelling "I invoke water!" every time he wanted to drown something. Rather, they had a proper conversation, one that would last his whole life and result in his unlocking secret magical powers unknown to any other Battle Beast. It was said that Sir Sire Bluehorse spoke to the Vishanti - Hoggoth, Oshtur and Agamotto - though his relationship with them was haphazard at best, being founded on experimental self-taught sorcery rather than the disciplined study of occult texts. No-one truly knows what became of Sir Sire Bluehorse and his assistant, Hedgehog the Prickly Porcupine. They were both last seen on Planet Beast in the early 1990s, at which time the wizard was believed to be trying to discover a means of seeing into the future. The aboveground portions of Sir Sire Bluehorse's castle collapsed soon afterwards. The underground levels are presumed to remain intact, but are protected to this day by powerful spells, which prevent all from entering. Sir Sire Bluehorse was sometimes known as the Last Battle Beast. Nobody knows why.

Abilities: As well as mastering the full range of Battle Beast water magic incantations, Sir Sire Bluehorse could conjure up teleportation discs at will, enabling instantaneous travel between any two points on Planet Beast, and he was quite proficient at casting other common spells, such as summoning the Crimson Bands of Cyttorak to bind a foe. He wielded the Zodiac Edge, a weapon capable of channelling the mysterious Chokon Power, which is supposedly the thing Devil-Z fears most in all of Planet Beast.

Weaknesses: Sir Sire Bluehorse and his water sprite learnt all their magic through trial and error, which is the most dangerous way to learn magic. Some have speculated that it was his water sprite who, through one of its early experiments with the dark arts, was originally responsible for bringing Devil-Z to Planet Beast.

Strength: 6
Intelligence: 9
Speed: 6
Endurance: 6
Rank: N/A
Courage: 9
Firepower: 8
Skill: 9

[Grand Moff Muffin]

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

THE GRAND MOFF MARTINVERSE: THE STORY SO FAR

At the end of the Time Wars, the Autobot Time Warrior follows Rodimus Prime back to the year 2009 and sees Unicron on the verge of wiping out the Autobots. He returns to 1989 and arranges for Primus to awaken and bring Unicron to Cybertron in 1991 rather than in 2006, so that Optimus Prime can face him. The Transformers fight Unicron and destroy him utterly, but in so doing they are brought to the edge of extinction. The Autobots are left in the stronger position, having brought an Ark of deactivated warriors back to life with Nucleon, while the humans search all the Transformers' abandoned bases on Earth and decommission any deactivated Decepticons that they find. Bludgeon attempts to renew hostilities on Klo and Hydrus Four, but only around half of the surviving Decepticons follow him. His forces are destroyed. Bludgeon, Megatron and Soundwave die on Hydrus Four, while Galvatron, Shockwave and Starscream meet their end on Earth.

Many Autobots are allowed to return to Earth, among them the Earth-born Autobots, led by Jetfire, who vow to guard the planet against any future Decepticon threat. The humans also take steps to protect themselves, forging an alliance between Earth, Nebulos and Cameron (the homeworld of the humans who discovered Optimus Prime's original body on VsQs) and developing their Centurion, Circuit-Breaker and Road-Jammer technology. Meanwhile, less than a thousand robots survive on Cybertron, and although they quickly establish links with their cousins on Junk and Lithone, they have no way to create new Transformer life until Buster Witwicky's children are discovered to have inherited the power of the Creation Matrix. His son, Jacko, wishes he could be rid of what he considers a curse, but his daughter Katy makes the most of her special abilities, joining the Circuit-Breaker Corps and becoming one of the elite 'Cameron Space Marines' and, later on, one of Earth's Avengers. She gives life to a number of new Autobots and Decepticons, the survivors of which faction establish a base, first in Kalis, then in Tyrest, under the command of Trypticon, and, by and large, behave themselves, while the Autobots and surviving neutral Cybertronians build their society around Metroplex in Iacon. Other parts of the depopulated planet are seized by the Quintessons, the Red Mutant Zoids, the Robo Machine Monsters and the Cosmic Carnival.

The Autobots, Decepticons, Cameron Space Marines and Avengers fight and defeat the rebel Decepticon Predators led by Skyquake, Lord Kledji's Quintessons, the attack fleet of Mumm-Ra the Ever-Living, and the extradimensional Evil Warriors of Skeletor. The few Thunderians to survive the war with Mumm-Ra are absorbed into the Avengers, as are the next generation of G.I. Joe's Ninja Force.

In 2019, the Battle Beasts arrive on Earth and Cybertron. Like the Transformers, they are a race under threat, partly as a consequence of their own violent nature, partly due to the interference of the former leader of the Decepticons, Ratbat, who lives on in the body of the Battle Beast called Blitzkrieg Devilbat. A joint mission by the Cameron Space Marines (including a handful of Autobots) and the Avengers' Ninja Force (now consisting of both humans and Thunderians) lands on Planet Beast in the year 2020 to assist their Battle Beast friends in their struggle against Blitzkrieg Devilbat and his clone Laser Beast army. Meanwhile on Earth, Katy Witwicky has had a baby with the Avenger Starfox, an immortal Titan, and the newly born half-human, half-Titan Matrix-bearer shows signs of being far more powerful than her mother, uncle and grandfather. Optimus Prime's original trailer is her nursery, acting as a barrier to protect the Earth until the baby learns to control her abilities.

FILE ENDS

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

CAMERON SPACE MARINES: ROLL-CALL UPDATE

In the year 2020, the make-up of the Cameron Space Marines is as follows:

Squadron Commander 'Silencer' Arigoz

Star-glider 'Spearhead':
Captain 'Tempest' Zandek
Commander Susie 'Sparkle' Watson
Sub-Lieutenant 'Circuit-Smasher' Holk, a Circuit-Breaker
Sergeant 'Galeforce' Tapyrha and Autobot Sideswipe

Star-glider 'Stalwart':
Captain Sam 'Spacehiker' Wainwright
Commander Allan 'Backstop' Silver
Sergeant 'Hellforce' Jynk and Autobot Punch
Sergeant Action Master Thundercracker

Star-glider 'Victory':
Captain Lauren 'Windrider' Chevalier
Commander Jocasta, an ex-Avenger
Lieutenant 'Dasher' Shaedira, a Circuit-Breaker
Sergeant 'Stormforce' Klun and Autobot Sunstreaker

Star-glider 'Vigilant':
Captain Amy 'Kestrel' Anderson
Commander X-51, a.k.a. 'Machine Man', an ex-Avenger
Sergeant Harry 'Roadforce' Barnes and Autobot Windcharger
Sergeant Jim Hawk, a.k.a. Autobot Metalhawk (newly Matrixed)

Planet Beast campaign:
Lieutenant Danita 'Dareheart' Santella, a Circuit-Breaker
Sergeant Bullorn the Bludgeonly Bulldog, a Battle Beast
Sergeant Joe Hammer, a.k.a. Autobot Skyhammer
Sergeant Jack Runner, a.k.a. Autobot Gunrunner
Rigellian Recorder 922

The Cameron Space Marines are supported where necessary by the other Autobots working in Cameron Space Control, namely Countdown, Eject, Rewind and the Micromaster Astro Squad, and by the wider Circuit-Breaker Corps.

FILE ENDS

[Grand Moff Muffin]

BATTLE BEASTS - MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE - THUNDERCATS - TRANSFORMERS

in

'BROKEN BAD GUYS'

PART 1

The year 2020.

A small convoy of creatures and vehicles left a trail of dust in its wake as it snaked its way across the desert spanning the southern land mass of Planet Beast. The vehicles in the convoy were a Land Shark and a Spydor from the other-dimensional world of Eternia, and a Fist Pounder, a Nosediver and a Skycutter from the perilous planet Plun-darr. The creatures were two Eternian beasts, Screeech and Night Stalker. The Land Shark, the Spydor and Screeech bore, respectively, Spikor, Stinkor and Two Bad. The other vehicles carried the Reptilian S-S-Slobb, a Jackalman and a Monkian. The Jackalman and Monkian had no other names - all Jackalmen were referred to as Jackalman, and Monkians were addressed simply as Monkian. Once, this could have led to confusion, but no more, for these were the very last of their kind.

The black steed in golden armour known as Night Stalker walked ahead of the rest, somewhat aloof from his mounted allies. "Losers," he muttered to himself, not for the first time.

None could deny that they were losers. They had, after all, lost. And they were lost. In fact, it's had to imagine any beings more lost than the sorry members of this party.

The Reptilian, the Jackalman and the Monkian had lost their planet - devoured by Galactus seven years previously - and they went on to lose every other surviving member of their species, killed one by one in the misguided military campaigns that followed. Mind you, the Eternians could go one better than that. They had misplaced their entire universe.

And they had been doing so well!

Or had they?
___

Let's take the pirates from Plun-darr first. It was, by their reckoning, some twenty years since they had first followed their leaders out into space to destroy their hated enemies, the Thundercats - who were for their part fleeing the destruction of their homeworld - and steal from them the source of their power, the fabled Eye of Thundera. It was roughly ten years since all concerned had emerged from suspension capsules at the end of their epic journey, on a new planet known to its various inhabitants as Third Earth. There those from Plun-darr formed a rather one-sided alliance with the sorcerer, Mumm-Ra, who was himself both servant and master to the four Ancient Spirits of Evil who resided within his Black Pyramid. Mumm-Ra was the most powerful being they had ever encountered. They could not compete with him, and so concluded that the best thing they could do was follow his lead. [Note: As told in Marvel/Star's Thundercats #1-24 and Marvel's Thundercats UK #1-129.]

Meanwhile, in a pocket dimension equidistant between the Marvel and D.C. universes, existed the magical world of Eternia, home to hundreds of humans and numerous other sentient beings, among them the fearsome Beast Men and Mer-Men, talking animals like Night Stalker and Screeech, and such people as Spikor, Stinkor and Two Bad. The origins of this place were long forgotten, but an equilibrium between the various races had been reached at some point in the planet's distant past, an equilibrium that could have been preserved far into the future had not the fragile barriers between the dimensions been pierced, first by a human from Earth, a female astronaut who crash-landed on Eternia in the 1980s and was taken in by the young King Randor. They fell in love and married, and the technology salvaged from her vessel transformed Eternia into a world of both science and magic. The dimensional walls were broken for a second time when the evil sorcerer Skeletor arrived and made it his personal mission to seize control of the awesome power of Castle Grayskull. Skeletor crushed rival villains such as the magician Damon, enslaved the Beast Men and Mer-Men, and recruited powerful followers like Evil-Lyn, Trap Jaw and Tri-Klops, as well as creatures such as Night Stalker, Panthor and Screeech. In their wisdom, Spikor, Stinkor and Two Bad were among those who flocked to his banner. It seemed like a good idea at the time. However, the Sorceress/Goddess Zoar of Castle Grayskull bestowed on King Randor's son Adam the power to transform into the muscular brute He-Man, who for a time thwarted Skeletor's ambitions of possessing the Eternian Power Sword, which was key to unlocking the secrets of Castle Grayskull. [Note: As told in D.C.'s Masters of the Universe #1-3.]

In the year 2012, two years after the re-awakening on Third Earth and Skeletor's first, brief possession of the Eternian Power Sword, the fates of the two worlds became intertwined, as the Ancient Spirits of Evil transported Third Earth into Eternian space, where they were freed from the Black Pyramid, took physical form and marched on Castle Grayskull, while Skeletor merged with Mumm-Ra to form the new villain 'Mumm-ator'. The united forces of Thundercats and Eternian Heroic Warriors engaged their foes in desperate battle, and, through a combination of good fortune and sacrifice, drove them back. He-Man and Lion-O, Lord of the Thundercats, used the Eternian Power Sword and Thunderian Sword of Omens to defeat Mumm-ator. The two worlds separated, and Third Earth returned to its place in our Galaxy. [Note: As told in D.C.'s He-Man/Thundercats #1-6.]
___

Despite what children's cartoons might say, good doesn't always triumph over evil, and neither is the converse true. Both good and evil can be foolish, and the wise and powerful can both have bad luck. The followers of Mumm-Ra and Skeletor believed they would win eventually. They only had to succeed once, and the Eye of Thundera / Power of Grayskull would be forever theirs. The Thundercats and Eternian Heroic Warriors, on the other hand, believed they would remain secure in their possession of those prizes. After all, their enemies had tried many times to acquire them, and failed to hold onto them for any length of time.

They were, of course, all wrong, for the universe is bigger than Eternia and Third Earth. Much bigger.

In the year 2013, just as the Thundercats had begun to re-establish themselves on a planet near Third Earth, which they called New Thundera, Galactus arrived on the scene. Mumm-Ra kept his wits about him and took advantage of the situation, launching his Black Pyramid into space and ordering a surgical strike against the Thundercats' spaceships to prevent them from escaping the coming apocalypse. He succeeded beyond his hopes, as his Reptilians, Jackalmen and Monkians cut down the leading Thundercats as they tried in vain to save their people. Only a handful of the Thundercats and their allies survived Galactus's destruction of Third Earth and New Thundera, while Mumm-Ra's forces were preserved intact and took possession of the Sword of Omens with the Eye of Thundera embedded in its hilt. [Note: As told in 'The Mad Marvel UK Mash-Up'.]

Meanwhile, another ship from Earth found its way to Eternia, this one an old Roboskull fighter created by an early prototype terrorist organisation linked to Cobra, the Red Shadows. This time, the alien technology fell into the hands of Skeletor, who used it as a model for his new dreadnought. Made cautious by past defeats, Skeletor lay low until his enemies' guards were down before striking with savage suddenness, toppling Castle Grayskull with an orbital bombardment, slaying its defenders and seizing at long last the coveted Power Sword. As Eternia's ecosystem imploded with the Castle's destruction, Skeletor's forces watched the spectacle safely from space before setting a course sideways through reality to the universe from which the smaller Roboskull had first found its way - the universe where Mumm-Ra's fleet was now at large. [Note: As told in 'Choose Your Own Destiny'.]

The Eternian Heroic Warriors had fallen, only a handful of lesser Thundercats remained, Skeletor had the Eternian Power Sword and all his forces on board his giant Roboskull, and Mumm-Ra possessed the Sword of Omens and a space fleet crewed by the armies of the planet Plun-darr. Surely the forces of evil had gained the final victory!

Hadn't they?

No.

Because there's no such thing as final victory.
___

Three of the surviving Thundercats - Wilykat, Wilykit and the wounded Bengali - took refuge on the Cosmic Carnival. Two other Thundercats - Lynx-O and Pumyra - drifted through space in suspension capsules for five years before arriving on Earth in the year 2018. They brought with them the mystical Book of Omens. Mumm-Ra wanted the Book, and came after them, looking for it.

The Avengers were waiting for him.

TO BE CONTINUED

Beast Man - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=512
Castle Grayskull - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=542
Eternia - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=3203
Evil-Lyn - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=548
Fisto - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=570
He-Man - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=470
King Randor - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=1278
Land Shark - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=1434
Man-at-Arms - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=508
Mer-Man - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=511
Night Stalker - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=1436
Panthor - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=556
Prince Adam - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=568
Screeech - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=555
Skeletor - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=862
Sorceress - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=682
Spikor - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=1257
Spydor - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=1433
Stinkor - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=1256
Stratos - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=510
Teela - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=509
Trap Jaw - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=547
Tri-Klops - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=546
Two Bad - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=1255
Zoar - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=554

Fist Pounder - thundercats.wikia.com/wiki/LJN_Toyline:_Fist_Pounder
Nosediver - thundercats.wikia.com/wiki/LJN_Toyline:_Nosediver
Skycutter - thundercats.wikia.com/wiki/LJN_Toyline:_Skycutter

[Grand Moff Muffin]

BATTLE BEASTS - MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE - THUNDERCATS - TRANSFORMERS

in

'BROKEN BAD GUYS'

PART 2

Power is relative. Mumm-Ra's fleet was no match for a combined assault by Asgardians, Autobots, Circuit-Breakers and ninjas. S-S-Slithe, fearsome leader of the Reptilians, made a short snack for a Sharkticon, and Mumm-Ra himself, the so-called Ever-Living, could not survive an encounter with a mutant Sorceress Supreme trained in the Mystic Arts by both Dr Strange and Belasco, wielder of the Soulsword and the Wand of Watoomb. The Black Pyramid's Ancient Spirits of Evil proved inferior to the Visahnti, Hoggoth, Oshtur and Agamotto, while Mumm-Ra was stripped of his powers and slain by demonic hordes from the Limbo dimension of Otherplace. S-S-Slobb and his Jackalman and Monkian companions were among those who fled the epic space battle.

Skeletor began well, gathering the survivors of Mumm-Ra's army to add to his own, forming an alliance with Kang the Conqueror and Arno Stark, the Iron Man of 2018, recruiting samurai chimpanzees, Drakillars and killer clowns from Halfworld, building a fortress in the Manganese Mountains on the planet Cybertron and wresting control of Polyhex from the robots of Elpasos. [Note: As told in 'War of the Skull'.] But the acts of space piracy perpetrated by his Roboskull obliged the Autobots and humans to put a stop to his empire-building. In the final analysis, neither Skeletor nor his Roboskull spaceship proved capable of surviving a close-range blast from Metroplex's antimatter cannons. Screeech flew clear only just in time. Stinkor, Two Bad and the Jackalman observed the crimson fireball from their vantage point high on the battlements of Skull Mountain. Spikor, S-S-Slobb and the Monkian witnessed it from the walls of Darkmount. [Note: As told in 'Choose Your Own Fate' and 'Choose Your Own Ending'.]

Night Stalker, on the other hand, had seen none of this, having been permanently based on Halfworld ever since Skeletor's first arrival in this dimension. Night Stalker liked Halfworld. There were talking horses there. Unlike his seven fellow survivors, Night Stalker did not consider himself to be the last of his kind.
___

Kang the Conqueror and Evil-Lyn salvaged what they could, and, using Polyhex as a base, they allied themselves to rogue Decepticons and the tattered remnants of Cobra in a last-ditch effort to capture the newborn Matrix-bearer, who supposedly lay relatively undefended inside Optimus Prime's trailer, parked on the slops of Mount Verona on planet Earth. It was a trap. The Avengers, Autobots and Circuit-Breakers were waiting for them in force. [Note: As told in 'Stories from Grand Central Space Station'.]

Spikor, Stinkor, Two Bad and Screeech were captured in June 2019 in the Battle of Mount Verona and locked away in a maximum security SHIELD prison, where they languished for a few months before being freed by Mr Johnson, a.k.a. Ratbat, and transported to Planet Beast along with Night Stalker and the last three survivors from Plun-darr. Ratbat transplanted his own brain into the body of Blitzkrieg Devilbat and attempted to imbue S-S-Slobb, Spikor and the rest with fire demons, wood spirits and water sprites, effectively turning them into superior Battle Beasts.

It didn't work.

They proved incompatible.

So he cast them aside.

And now, a small convoy of creatures and vehicles left a trail of dust in its wake as it snaked its way across the desert spanning the southern land mass of Planet Beast. The vehicles in the convoy were a Land Shark and a Spydor from the other-dimensional world of Eternia, and a Fist Pounder, a Nosediver and a Skycutter from the perilous planet Plun-darr. The creatures were two Eternian beasts, Screeech and Night Stalker. The Land Shark, the Spydor and Screeech bore, respectively, Spikor, Stinkor and Two Bad. The other vehicles carried the Reptilian S-S-Slobb, a Jackalman and a Monkian. These were the very last of their kind.

None could deny that they were losers. They had, after all, lost. And they were lost. In fact, it's had to imagine any beings more lost than the sorry members of this party.
___

"I'm telling you, the Battle Beast wielded the Eternian Power Sword!" Stinkor protested for the umpteenth time.

"Yeah, right," muttered Spikor. "And I'm Queen Marlena. But even if that were true, surely a He-Penguin could not be as formidable an opponent as He-Man?"

"More formidable!" cried Stinkor. "Because he also possesses the magical Battle Beast power of fire!"

"So, you want to steal the sword from him and become He-Stinkor?"

"I'm not going anywhere near him ever again. That penguin's crazy!"

"What about the Sword of Omens, then?" demanded Spikor, turning to S-S-Slobb in the Fist Pounder that kept pace with his Land Shark.

"Forget it," retorted the Reptilian. "It's now in the hands of those two Thunderian females working with the mayor of Beastbourne."

"And why can't you simply wrest it from them? They're no Lord of the Thundercats, surely?"

"They're worse! Have you seen them fight? They've had a year of intensive training on Earth with some guy called Storm Shadow, and now they're what they call 'ninja Thundercats'. I've never seen anything like it. They're totally lethal."

"So what do you propose?"

"I've had enough of chasing after magic swords! And of serving mad magicians. Can't we just have a bit of fun before we're all dead?"

"Can't we just have a little peace?" wondered Stinkor.

"Peace on Planet Beast, where they battle for fun?" retorted S-S-Slobb. "Not likely!"

Screeech swooped down. "Six Battle Beasts approaching from the east," she warned them. "Better get into a defensive configuration."

"Are they travelling on foot or by air?" demanded Spikor.

"They're coming in... on powered skateboards."

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

BATTLE BEASTS - MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE - THUNDERCATS - TRANSFORMERS

in

'BROKEN BAD GUYS'

PART 3

"Possible suspects?" demanded Killerhound.

"Negative," replied Stronghurricane, her gaze fixed on the distant convoy. "They're not even Battle Beasts."

"So we don't need them alive," concluded Mantofrenzy. "Perfect fodder for weapons testing and target practice."

"Good," said Fighthorn, rapidly assembling his galva-spectral, cosmo-pulse laser rifle. "I haven't killed anything in days."

"Let's do this right," said Stronghurricane. "Killerhound, you take out the lizard driving the stomping machine. Battlefennec, yours is the dog on the drill-rocket. Mantofrenzy, you kill the purple hedgehog on the pink racing tank. Grencats, hit the skunk sitting atop the robot spider. Fighthorn, you take the two-headed guy riding the purple bird."

"Which head do I aim for?"

"The bird's head, you idiot. I'll get the monkey on the aircraft."

"What about the horse?" queried Grencats.

"Leave it. It's just a horse."

While their leader was talking, the Shield Battler-6 had prepared their weapons and were now lying flat, looking through their telescopic sights and locking onto the targets as she called them out.

Killerhound's crosshairs rested on the forehead of S-S-Slobb, the last Reptilian from the planet Plun-darr. S-S-Slobb had taken part in the raid on the New Thundera spaceport and fancied that it may have been one of his laser bolts that ended the life of the great Thundercat warrior, Panthro. He was also widely considered to be the greatest chef in Mumm-Ra's fleet, and had received compliments from the Ever-Living himself, while he was still living.

Battlefennec took careful aim at the Jackalman's beating heart. The orange canine in the Laser Beast's sights was one of the more sadistic soldiers to fight on Third Earth, having used the very Nosediver he now straddled to single-handedly slaughter a village of peaceful Ro-Bear Berbils just because the food he'd stolen from them was slightly off when he got it back to Castle Plun-darr. It had been a hot day. Unlike most of his kind, he took great care with his personal grooming.

Mantofrenzy locked onto Spikor, the strange purple creature with the orange mace and a trident in place of his left hand - just like a Battle Beast! Except he had no rubsign and bore no real resemblance to a hedgehog. Spikor had mortally wounded the Heroic Warrior Fisto in the final battle for Castle Grayskull. But he had a beautiful singing voice.

Grencats zoomed in on Stinkor, eager to put an end to his stench, which the feline Laser Beast could smell from over a mile away. Stinkor had gassed an entire Eternian community to death on the orders of Skeletor. He'd have preferred to just knock out the women and children, but orders were orders. Stinkor missed his own wife and kids.

Fighthorn aimed his rifle at Screeech, the barbarian bird who finally brought down Zoar the enchanted falcon and drove Stratos's bird-people from their fortress home of Avion. She laid delicious eggs. On her back was Two Bad, the general who led the Beast Men into the tunnels beneath Castle Grayskull, where Duncan the Man-at-Arms and his daughter Teela made their last fighting stand, back to back. Two Bad was a voracious book-lover. Having two heads, he could read two things at the same time, though the heads would have to tell each other afterwards whether it was any good.

Stronghurricane prepared to bring down the Monkian riding the Skycutter. This Monkian was a coward who avoided battle whenever possible, and this was the reason he was still alive today. If pressed, he would struggle to think of anything he'd done in his life that was either good or bad.

The Shield Battler-6 knew nothing about the beings they were about to slay, other than that they were not the ones they were looking for.

"Ready..." said Stronghurricane. "On my mark, f-"

"Wait!" said Grencats. "I'm getting a transmission from our robot mercenary. He's made a positive identification on Knight Owl, six miles south of our current position."

"Pack 'em up, double time," snapped Stronghurriance, his rifle already folded in two. "Let's move out."
___

"They're leaving," reported Screeech. "Guess not every Battle Beast wants to battle for fun."

"Hmmm," said Two Bad's right head. "Clearly these fellows mean us no harm. I'd like to find out where they're headed. Let's follow 'em at a distance."

"I concur," said the left head.

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

BATTLE BEASTS - MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE - THUNDERCATS - TRANSFORMERS

in

'BROKEN BAD GUYS'

PART 4

"Well, this is awkward," said Night Stalker, his head moving slowly from side to side, taking in the dramatic scene that he'd just walked right into the middle of.

"Turn around and go back the way you came, horse," snarled Mantofrenzy, the barrel of his gun never wavering from where it was pointed - which was not at Night Stalker.

To Night Stalker's left were the Shield Battler-6, crouched behind their shields, weapons aimed straight to the right, where stood the Decepticon harvester unit, Wood Beetle, his guns trained in turn on the Shield Battler-6. On his roof knelt Condorassin the Condor Assassin, clutching her hypersonic laser pulse sniper kill-rifle with computer-enhanced, ultra-magnifying 'gotcha' sights. Hiding behind Wood Beetle's armoured form, Knight Owl was hastily prepping his computer-guided missile harness whilst simultaneously muttering an incantation to summon up a tornado and sweep the hostile Laser Beasts away, while Icky Iguanamonster readied her thunderbolt sword and called on the power of wood to shower her enemies' shields with a hail of sharp wooden splinters.

Night Stalker stayed where he was as the Land Shark, Spydor and Fist Pounder rumbled to a halt behind him. "What's all this then?" demanded Two Bad's left head, as Screeech came in to land, followed by the Nosediver and Skycutter.

"None of your business, freak," snapped Killerhound. "You'd better get out of here if you don't want to get caught in the crossfire."

The Jackalman scratched its head. "Forgive me for saying so, but I don't think it's going to be much of a battle. You ladies and gents on the left appear to be seriously outgunned."

"Not for long," said Stronghurricane, flipping a cassette tape into the no man's land between the two groups of Battle Beasts, which grew in size as it transformed into the Shield Battler-6's aforementioned robot mercenary, the giant Decepticon Stegosaurus called Slugfest. A tiny Tyrannosaurus also rushed forward, gnashing its teeth, but no-one paid it any attention.

"Hang on," said Stinkor. "Aren't the two Decepticons supposed to be on the same side?"

"Have you never heard of Decepticons fighting Decepticons before?" squeaked Overkill.

Then another mechanical voice could be heard echoing in the dry gully.

"That's quite enough of that, thank you very much."

Everyone paused in what they were doing, and suddenly something sent the rifles of Killerhound and Grencats flying from their grasp, knocked Fighthorn flat on his face, and kicked over the shields of Stronghurricane, Battlefennec and Mantofrenzy.

"There!" said the Monkian, pointing at a tiny purple metal creature, even smaller than Overkill.

"You got me," said Kickback, expanding to his giant grasshopper mode. He kicked the lumbering Slugfest over onto his side and then kicked Overkill clear out of the gully. "It'll take him a good five minutes to run back here on those little legs," laughed the Insecticon as the little dinosaur sailed out of sight. Then he transformed to his full-size robot mode. "Report!" he snapped at Wood Beetle, suddenly all business.

"Intelligence chief Kickback!" exclaimed the harvester unit. "Decepticon Wood Beetle reporting, sir. I am honoured that you have chosen to visit and see how I'm getting on."

"That's not why I'm here. I've come to inform you that the war is over and to take you back to Cybertron."

"Who are you and what are you talking about?" interrupted Knight Owl. "I'm in command here. Wood Beetle reports to me now!"

"Oh, shut up," said Wood Beetle.

"Take your fellow robot, and our mercenaries, if you want them, but the owl and iguana are ours!" declared Stronghurricane, determined to reassert her authority over the situation as best she could.

"Oh, really?" smiled Kickback, waving his sub-machine gun carelessly in the Shield Battler-6's general direction, and sending them scampering for cover. "What in this current scenario makes you think you have any say in how this turns out? For that matter, what makes you think you survive the next thirty seconds?"

"Knight Owl and Icky Iguanamonster are suspects in the murder of their and our creator and master, Xagra of Derut Four," said Grencats from behind his shield. "We want justice!"

"You want justice for a murder?" laughed Kickback. "Everyone here who's not guilty of murder, raise your right hand." He looked around at all present. The Monkian half-raised his hand, then thought better of it.

"We didn't kill Xagra!" protested Knight Owl.

"Prove it," said Stronghurricane.

"I can't."

"Er... we can," said Two Bad's right head.

"Shhh!" said his left head, but it was too late. All other heads turned in their direction.

"Who are you?" demanded Icky Iguanamonster.

"That doesn't matter," said S-S-Slobb. "But we come from Blitzkrieg Devilbat, a.k.a. Ratbat, a.k.a. Mr Johnson. He killed Xagra and nicked all his stuff. He told us so himself in passing while trying to turn us into Battle Beasts, before kicking us out when the procedure failed."

"Why should we believe you?" said Fighthorn.

"Why should we lie?" retorted Spikor. "We don't care about these clowns."

"Good," said Kickback. "Now shoo, you lot," he told the Shield Battler-6. "Run along to the western continent of Planet Beast and go arrest the Emperor for the murder of his business partner. Good luck!" When the six Laser Beasts went into a huddle to discuss this new information, Kickback lost patience and fired his sub-machine gun into the ground at their feet. "NOW!" he roared.

They grabbed their powered skateboards, or 'chariots', as they preferred to call them, and scarpered. Kickback watched until they were out of sight.

"All right," he said. "Now, who's next?"

TO BE CONCLUDED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

BATTLE BEASTS - MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE - THUNDERCATS - TRANSFORMERS

in

'BROKEN BAD GUYS'

CONCLUSION

"Hold on a minute," said Wood Beetle to Kickback. "Are you telling me you no longer work for Ratbat?"

"Let's just say it's been over thirty years since Ratbat has given an order to a fellow Decepticon, outside of you and Shocking Shark. Trypticon is our leader now, and he's inviting you to come home."

"So I have to choose between Planet Beast and Cybertron - between Ratbat and Trypticon?"

"Yes, bearing in mind that Ratbat is still at war with the Autobots and Trypticon isn't."

"I like Planet Beast."

"But?"

"If there's going to be an all-out war, I'd rather be elsewhere for the duration. Can I bring my crew with me?"

"As long as there aren't any outstanding warrants for their arrest. Autobot City has resident Battle Beasts now, and it wouldn't hurt us to have a few of our own."

"Fine, then. What about old Slugfest here, and his pal?"

"Yeah, they can come too if they want. Trypticon's been much more kindly disposed towards them since he heard how Overkill's now stuck as a six-inch Action Master. He finds that very funny. We all do." He addressed Slugfest directly. "You want to stay here, or come back to Cybertron with us?"

"Cybertron... I guess."

Kickback rubbed his hands in satisfaction. "Well, this is turning out to be a very profitable little excursion. Blast Off's due to swing by and pick me up at dawn tomorrow. Think I should try to get Shocking Shark as well, while I'm here?"

"Nah," interjected Spikor, looking up from where the Eternians and the survivors from Plun-darr were now sitting on the ground, watching these exchanges. "Don't bother. He gave us a lift over from the western land mass when we got thrown out for being useless as Battle Beasts. He's well and truly in Ratbat's camp. Loves the clean seas on this world, and he's very fond of the pirate life... and his pet monkeys."

"Thanks for the lowdown, pal," said Kickback, all smiles again. "You've saved me a job there. Anything I can do for you fellows while I'm here?"

"No thanks," said Stinkor. "We've been and done Cybertron, and I'm pretty sure we're still wanted for busting out of prison on Earth."

"I don't suppose Halfworld is on your route back to Cybertron?" ventured Night Stalker, hopefully.

"No. Sorry," said Kickback. "However..."
___

"Lieutenant Santella, there's a horse at the town gates. He's asking for you by name."

"All right, show him up."

"No, you don't understand. I mean, it's an actual horse. With four legs. Not a Battle Beast."

"Oh."
___

"I'm sorry to trouble you, ma'am," said the horse, "but a giant robot grasshopper called Kickback asked me to give you three messages."

"Okay."

"The first is to tell you that he's promised me you'd arrange for my passage on a ship to Halfworld in the Keystone Quadrant. I'd very much like to get back there."

"And he told you I'd do that for you, did he?"

"Yes," said the horse. "Out of gratitude for the second message."

She sighed. "What's the second message?"

"The second message is that when you and he flew in together over the ocean, he realised that what you refer to as the Isle of Fight isn't a real island at all. It's a giant spaceship."

"WHAT?!"

"Yes, he recognised the craftsmanship. Same as the flying island that Ratbat had back in '88. Kickback said you'd know what that meant."

"And he didn't bother to mention it until now?!"

"Said he had no reason to mention it."

"Okay, okay. You've earned yourself a trip to Halfworld, as soon as I can manage it. What was the third message?"

"Just, 'You're welcome.'"

"I'm going to kill that Insecticon one of these days... Somebody get me the mayor, and then get Countdown on the radio. And someone please find a stable and some hay for this horse!"
___

A small convoy of vehicles left a trail of dust in its wake as it snaked its way across the desert spanning the southern land mass of Planet Beast. The vehicles in the convoy were a Land Shark and a Spydor from the other-dimensional world of Eternia, and a Fist Pounder, a Nosediver and a Skycutter from the perilous planet Plun-darr. The Eternian barbarian bird known as Screeech flew overhead. The Land Shark, the Spydor and Screeech bore, respectively, Spikor, Stinkor and Two Bad. The other vehicles carried the Reptilian S-S-Slobb, a Jackalman and a Monkian. These were the very last of their kind.

THE END

[Grand Moff Muffin]

ROCK LORDS VS BATTLE BEASTS

1. THE COMING OF THE ROCK PEOPLE

My name is Zodac and I am a cosmic fool. I had thought the threat of Skeletor contained, by the wisdom of the Sorceress and the strength of He-Man and the other Heroic Warriors, and so I left Eternia in their care whilst I scoured the multiverse for a greater evil, the being Skeletor himself had on occasion called master. After years of searching I found Him, residing in a universe containing beings many of whose power dwarfed even my own. He had changed His form, taken a new name, and settled on a planet populated by hundreds of minor fire demons, wood spirits and water sprites - a planet ripe for conquest. But something had gone wrong. Other outsiders had arrived on the planet, and found a way to merge with the natives to create a new race of formidable warriors - warriors who battled for fun, and gladly battled Devil-Z, as He now called Himself. By the time I arrived on the scene, He had been defeated and imprisoned deep underground.

Relieved, I returned to the pocket dimension that had Eternia at its heart... only to find death and ruin awaiting me.

Apparently, when I passed over from Eternia's plane into the larger universe, my reality bridge caused something to cross in the opposite direction - an advanced space fighter in the shape of a red skull. And fate decreed that this alien technology fell into the hands of Skeletor, who dissected it, copied it, and used it to build the greatest cosmic dreadnought Eternia had ever seen. I had not foreseen this... nor that Skeletor would forsake his previous ambition of conquering Castle Grayskull, and instead use his new weapon to destroy the magical stronghold from orbit - and with it, the integrity of the entire planet.

I arrived to find a world in the process of collapse. Skeletor had used the break-up of the planet's surface as an opportunity to storm Castle Grayskull, slay its defenders and seize the coveted Power Sword. He and his followers were now long gone. Perhaps I passed them going in the opposite direction when I crossed back?

There was little left to save. The towns and cities were gone, swallowed up by great chasms that opened up in the planet's crust. Initially, I thought none had survived but Skeletor's crew. Had I come an hour later, I might have been correct in that assumption. As it was, there were a few brave souls still hanging on, praying for a miracle. I didn't feel much like a saviour, but I did what I could.

Three surviving Heroic Warriors - Extendar, Rio Blast and Snout Spout, mounted on a Battle Ram, a Dragon Walker and a Road Ripper and accompanied by the armoured horse Stridor - were leading a caravan of fleeing civilians away from the gaping fissure where the capital used to be. I headed in their direction, but before I could reach them, the ground splintered and fractured, and they were gone!

I detected two more Heroic Warriors airborne, and found Roboto and Sy-Klone piloting a Jet Sled and a Wind Raider. They were circling a high peak where the last few dozen Rock People had gathered - but there was nowhere for them to set down, no way for them to take off again carrying so many, and no place to go where they would be safe even if they did.

I arrived in time to save them. Just as the mountain cracked and showed signs of crumbling beneath them, I called upon my cosmic powers, and transported all those present - both the airborne heroes and the Rock People - out of this doomed dimension.

I set out to see if there were any more survivors to be saved. Perhaps in the Dark Hemisphere, furthest from Castle Grayskull, the destruction may not have progressed so rapidly...
___

The Jet Sled, the Wind Raider and the thirty or more Rock People materialised on Planet Beast at exactly the same latitude, longitude and altitide that they had occupied on Eternia prior to their dimensional shift. This put them in the air more than a hundred feet above the ocean.

The Jet Sled and Wind Raider remained airborne. The Rock People plummeted from the sky, transforming into their protective mineral forms before hitting the water, and sank... like a stone.
___

Once they had settled on the sea bed, Stonedar, leader of the Rock People, transformed back to his humanoid form and signalled for his people to do likewise. Fortunately, having evolved to survive in the vacuum of space, they did not require air to breathe, but underwater speech proved impossible, and Rock People are too heavy to swim, so they had only one option open to them.

Stonedar picked a random direction and ordered Rokkon to take point... and they started walking.

TO BE CONTINUED

Note: There will be 'actual' Rock Lords in Part 2, but take a look at Rokkon and Stonedar and honestly tell me they don't count:

Battle Ram - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=513
Dragon Walker - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=1430
Extendar - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=1161
Jet Sled - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=1448
Rio Blast - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=1266
Road Ripper - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=1427
Roboto - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=1253
Rokkon - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=1059
Snout Spout - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=339
Stonedar - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=1060
Stridor - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=1432
Sy-Klone - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=1254
Wind Raider - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=514
Zodac - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=342

[Grand Moff Muffin]

ROCK LORDS VS BATTLE BEASTS

2. POWERFUL LIVING ROCKS

Two years later.

"I invoke fire!" cried Danger Bowdog, and blasted the charging Rockasaur, Spikestone, with a torrent of flame.


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

"I invoke water!" promounced Big Serow the Deer Stalker, drenching the swooping Terra-Roc with a sudden downpour.


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

The Rockasaurs weathered the storm and pressed their attack. Spikestone tossed Danger Bowdog into the air, while Terra-Roc grabbed Big Serow by his antlers and threw him into the trees.

Fire may beat wood, and water may beat fire, but rock can withstand all three. The Battle Beasts were in trouble.

"Use your drill!" Danger Bowdog called to Big Serow, as he scrambled to retrieve his weapon.

"The drill's a carrot!" he called back. "Somehow I don't think it'll make much of a dent on these guys!"

"Dog, you're denser than my grandmammy's oatcakes," said Razorkukku the Rowdy Rooster. "I'll give these prehistoric prima donnas a punchline to ponder." And so saying, he lit the fuses on a couple of hand grenades and tossed them at the ground beneath Spikestone and the low-flying Terra-Roc. The explosions blew chips off them and sent them bouncing backwards along the ground. They transformed to rock mode and rolled away.

"We'll take it from here," grunted the humanoid Fossil Lord, Jawbone, waiting with his comrades, Hipbone, Ribcage and Tailbone. "Unite to form Rockasaurus Rex!"


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

"What in tarnation is that?" muttered Razorkukku.


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

"You're going to need a bigger hand grenade!" cried Big Serow. "Fall back to the forest!"

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

ROCK LORDS VS BATTLE BEASTS

3. ROCK HARD

"So, you claim you were already on your way to see me when my Blue Eagles and Skullgrotes literally picked you up?"

"I swear it, Lord Devilbat. We convinced the Decepticon Shocking Shark to carry us across the sea to the shores of your kingdom. My colleagues and I have turned mercenary. We believe it is in your service that our most prosperous future lies. I lay my Ax-Rifle at the foot of your throne as a pledge of my allegiance."


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

"You have the right attitude, friend Magmar. But I've tested warriors from your planet before, and found them wanting. You are incompatible with the fire demons, wood spirits and water sprites of this world. You cannot become Battle Beasts. What makes you any different from those I have previously cast aside?"

"We are Rock People! We fear no fire, water or wood. Put us to the test!"

"As you wish. I have two Laser Beasts who have... displeased me. Choose two of your followers to face them in the arena. If my people prevail, they will be back in my favour and you will be out of luck. If yours are victorious, then we'll talk about this 'prosperous future' you see before you."

"Tombstone, Sticks'n'Stones," Magmar gestured, and two dark-hued Rock Lords stepped forward. Tombstone lovingly hefted his scythe, 'The Reaper', while Sticks'n'Stones brandished his Cactus Club and Double Duty Mace.


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

Blitzkrieg Devilbat turned to the Skybat on his left. "Tell Kingbuster 5 and Slag King 3 to prepare themselves for trial by combat. It begins in one hour."

TO BE CONCLUDED

[Grand Moff Muffin]

ROCK LORDS VS BATTLE BEASTS

4. ROCK STEADY

"Our spy Swift reports that Magmar's warriors took the Laser Beasts apart in no time," announced the human codenamed Laserblade.

"That comes as no surprise," said Boulder, field commander of the Rock People who remained loyal to their convalescent commander, Stonedar. "Magmar's followers are among the most powerful Rock Lords, notwithstanding their predilection towards back-stabbing treachery - as our leader's present condition attests."


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

"Stonedar's condition is stable," Solitaire, queen of the Jewel Lords, assured him. "Our robot medic, Nuggit, has him under constant surveillance, and Rokkon never leaves his side. He is safe from further attempts on his life, as long as he remains in Beastbourne."


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

"What will the rest of you do?" enquired Sly Beafox, mayor of the town.

"We would like to set up our own community not far from here," said Solitaire's lieutenant, Sunstone. "My partner Flamestone has scouted the area and found a site that meets our needs."


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

"The southern continent of Planet Beast is largely unclaimed territory," said Golder the Ferocious Tiger. "That's the way most Battle Beasts seem to like it. If you can hold the land that suits you, consider it yours."

"We'll be very glad to have you as our friends and neighbours," added Sly Beafox.

"You've saved our leader's life," grunted the gentle giant known as Granite. "That's earned you our friendship. And with Rockasaurs on the loose and Magmar's rebels joining forces with your Blitzkrieg Devilbat, it'll take all of us to make this land safe again. We've lost one world to the forces of darkness... I'm not going to give up this one without a fight."


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

THE END

[Grand Moff Muffin]

ROCK LORDS VS BATTLE BEASTS

EPILOGUE

Danita Santella awoke at a minute past three. She gave her eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness, then kissed the sleeping, softly purring Thundercat Bengali lightly on the cheek before sliding off the bed, putting on her coat and padding outside onto the balcony, and, from there, across a wooden walkway and onto the stone battlements of the Battle Beast sanctuary town of Beastbourne.

There she found the Rock Lord Rokkon gazing out across the plain to the distant forest beyond.

"Do Rock People sleep?" she enquired softly.

"Sometimes for thousands of years. But never for just a few hours."

"Sometimes after a long day I feel like sleeping for a thousand years," mused Dani. "But you're not that old, surely?"

"No, I've been alive for less than three centuries, by your reckoning."

"Wow." They looked out together and saw an orange glow on the horizon. There was a buzzing off to their right as insectoid fire-fighters prepared to fly out and extinguish the blaze, but, before they could deploy, the light dimmed of its own accord. "Water beats fire," said Dani. "I wonder who was fighting who."

"This is a strange world," remarked Rokkon.

"You'll get used to it... I think. How's your leader?"

"Improving. We'll be moving him to Rocksford the day after tomorrow. Marbles sent word that the foundations and fortifications of our new home have been completed, and they're ready to receive us there now."


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

"Good." Dani couldn't envisage beyond tomorrow. Unknown to Rokkon - his clearance for being sighted on such matters would take some time - tomorrow was a big day for the Battle Beasts and their allies. Tomorrow was the day the Autobots planned to take down Blitzkrieg Devilbat's - Ratbat's - flying island.

The plan was simple. Sea Panic 5 had been told to expect an opponent in his arena on the Isle of Fight at ten o'clock. He was always ready and waiting at the appointed time. At exactly ten minutes to the hour, the Dragons Seahorn working underwater to install the flying island's fuel cells would receive urgent orders to stop whatever they were doing, head for the coast of the western continent without delay and follow up on a new lead pertaining to the whereabouts of the entombed alien energy demon, Devil-Z. At ten on the dot, Red Phoenix the Blazing Eagle would suddenly change course from his usual patrol pattern, swoop down and pluck Sea Panic 5 from the arena. As soon as he was clear, the Micromasters Moonrock and Missile Master, already concealed on the ocean bed twenty miles due south of the island, would launch their specially configured underwater torpedo.

So far, so predictable. What they didn't know was how Blitzkrieg Devilbat / Ratbat would react to the loss of his great spaceship. On the one hand, none of his troops would be killed in the operation, and, strictly speaking, the Isle of Fight was supposed to be neutral territory. The secret construction of a weapon of mass destruction beneath its artificial surface was an act of duplicity and aggression on his part and, more importantly, a breach of the terms of the Decepticons' peace treaty with the Autobots. On the other hand, the Devilbat would be very, very upset at the loss. Retaliation in some form was highly likely.

And that retaliation would almost certainly involve the deployment of his Magmar's Rock Lords on the southern land mass of Planet Beast.

"Your best warriors are out exploring the surrounding territory, are they not?" Dani asked Rokkon.

"Granite's keeping watch over Rocksford, but Crack-Pot and Pulver-Eyes are doing a tour of the area, yes. They've had a few... interesting encounters with some of the more 'friendly' natives."


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

"Call them back in first thing tomorrow, will you?"

"Why?"

"I can't say for sure, but something tells me you might need them to fight on short notice. Trust me on this, okay?"

"I'll go out in the Rock Pot at first light and bring them back myself."


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

"Thank you." She smiled, patted him on the shoulder and went back inside.
___

On the surface of the ocean, Moonrock and Missile Master were making final adjustments to their torpedo.

And in Blitzkrieg Devilbat's fortress, Magmar's twelve rogue Rock Lords were champing at the bit, eager to be let off their leash to show the world what they could do. The Stone Wing transforming vehicles designed especially for them by Blitzkrieg Devilbat looked like being the perfect means of 'dropping in' on their enemies for a surprise visit... like a multiple meteorite strike.


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

THE END

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

HEROIC ROCK LORDS

The Heroic Rock Lords are based in the newly constructed stronghold of Rocksford, several miles inland from the coastal haven town of Beastbourne on the southern continent of Planet Beast.

Blast Rock - Gunner (Action Shock Rock)
Boulder - Field Commander
Crack-Pot - Magnetic Warfare
Flamestone - Scout (Jewel Lord)
Granite - Warrior
Marbles - Architect
Nuggit - Medic
Pulver-Eyes - Enemy Entrapment
Rock Roller - Downhill Warfare (Shock Rock)
Rokkon - Stonedar's Bodyguard
Solitaire - Jewel Lord Queen (Jewel Lord)
Stonedar - Rock Lord Leader
Sunstone - Strategist (Jewel Lord)

FILE ENDS

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

EVIL ROCK LORDS

The Evil Rock Lords have been equipped for battle by Blitzkrieg Devilbat, ruler of the western continent of Planet Beast, and stand ready and willing to be deployed against his enemies.

Brimstone - Strategist
Dragon Stone - Gunner (Action Shock Rock)
Magmar - Terror Force Leader
Rock Shot - Demolitions (Shock Rock)
Saberstone - Hand-to-Hand Combat
Slimestone - Chemical Warfare
Spearhead - Shock Trooper
Sticks'n'Stones - Warrior
Stone Hook - Cliff Warfare (Shock Rock)
Stoneheart - Warrior
Stun Stone - Gunner (Action Shock Rock)
Tombstone - Berserker

FILE ENDS

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

ROCKASAURS

The four Fossil Lords combine into Rockasaurus Rex, who leads his fellow Rockasaurs, Spikestone and Terra-Roc, against any Battle Beasts or Rock Lords foolish enough to cross their path.

Hipbone - Foot Soldier (forms part of Rockasaurus Rex)
Jawbone - Fossil Lord Leader (forms part of Rockasaurus Rex)
Ribcage - Warrior (forms part of Rockasaurus Rex)
Spikestone - Ground Assault (Rockasaur)
Tailbone - Tactical Analysis (forms part of Rockasaurus Rex)
Terra-Roc - Aerial Assault (Rockasaur)

FILE ENDS

[Grand Moff Muffin]

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

SHOCK ROCKS


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

Rock Roller, Rock Shot and Stone Hook are all that survive of the sub-group of Rock People known as the 'Shock Rocks', though they are not close relatives to one another. They originated in a different part of their homeworld from the other Rock Lords and Ladies but later migrated to join the people of Stonedar. Their special abilities may be considered mutations of a sort. They are not what you would call high-tech, but each Shock Rock is very good at what he does.


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

Rock Roller is the musical Rock Lord, who hums to himself wherever he goes. Despite his bulky appearance, he is the fastest Rock Lord on land, accelerating under his own power to over 50 miles per hour in just a few seconds on the flat, and even faster when rolling downhill. Although he is capable of rolling up quite steep slopes, he hates climbing and prefers to be air-lifted or flung from a trebuchet. Rock Roller is loyal to his long-time leader, Stonedar.

Rock Shot hurls his boulder up to seventy metres with pinpoint accuracy to knock his enemies cold, then reels it back in again on its lightweight steel cable, ready for another throw. He loves to demolish tall buildings, and has a long-simmering vendetta with the architect, Marbles, who is determined to design a fortress capable of withstanding Rock Shot's boulder-flinging attacks. Rock Shot has followed Magmar's lead and pledged his allegiance to Blitzkrieg Devilbat.

Stone Hook is a mercenary adventurer who works for the highest bidder. He always enters an enemy stronghold by the most difficult route, knowing that it will be the most poorly guarded. He scales vertical walls and the sheer faces of cliffs to enter through inaccessible weak points in a structure's design. Stone Hook is meticulous in his research and intelligence-gathering before attempting each new 'impossible' mission assigned to him. He currently serves the rogue Magmar.

FILE ENDS

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

ACTION SHOCK ROCKS


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

Blast Rock, Dragon Stone and Stun Stone are collectively referred to as the 'Action Shock Rocks', though they are unrelated to the other Shock Rocks. Instead of possessing a humanoid configuration, these three powerful living rocks transform from innocent-looking egg-shaped boulders into versatile battle stations, kitted out with advanced weapons technology developed back on their extra-dimensional homeworld, originally intended for defence against Snake Men.

Blast Rock remains loyal to Stonedar and Boulder, and stands guard over the new Rock Lord settlement of Rocksford on the southern continent of Planet Beast. When transformed to battle station mode, she lets rip with four forward-pointing cannons that shoot high-explosive shells, capable of shattering all but the hardest mineral forms, and four side-mounted electro-lasers that can interfere with the electronics of any non-biological flying vehicle on the attack.

You wouldn't peg Dragon Stone for a bad guy just by looking at him, would you? Despite his happy, smiling face, Dragon Stone is a cackling catastrophe just waiting to happen. His four side-mounted flamethrowers can match any fire conjured up by the inhabitants of Planet Beast. And if they hit him with the power of water, he just transforms to boulder mode and rolls right over them. His psychotic tendencies mark him as an ideal recruit for Blitzkrieg Devilbat's army.

Stun Stone rolls into position and then transforms into her attack mode, in which configuration her principal weapon is a powered stone-thrower mounted on her front, supported by twin side-mounted sonic blasters. She pounds her target into submission, leaving its defenders alive but concussed, ready for whatever fate her current leader has in store for them. Having judged the situation on Planet Beast, Stun Stone has thrown in her lot with Magmar the rogue Rock Lord.

FILE ENDS

[Grand Moff Muffin]

ASPECTS OF EVIL: RATBAT

PART 1

Ratbat's evil was subtle and dangerous. Many there were who underestimated the threat that he posed. Who knows what he might have achieved as leader, had he not been betrayed by Starscream and Scorponok?

Ratbat was the Decepticon who came closest to conquering the Earth, first by mass-hypnotising humans into delivering fuel into his hands, then by establishing an island nation with Buster Witwicky as its figurehead king. His tropical base was advertised on television as a legitimate holiday destination, and Decepticon jets and helicopters collected guests from their homes and returned them safely afterwards. Ratbat was careful to avoid human civilian deaths, and the Autobots didn't know quite what to do with him. An all-out assault would seem disproportionate to his villainy. Besides, they had more destructively violent enemies to worry about, notably Galvatron - who Ratbat helped them defeat by summoning the Mayhem Attack Squad from Cybertron to assist them in their efforts. And yet, if Ratbat were not stopped, his insidious influence on Earth would surely grow.

Optimus Prime's dilemma around what to do with Ratbat was solved for him when Scorponok short-circuited him and put his body into deep storage. But a few years later, the humans invaded Scorponok's abandoned base and took all the fallen Decepticons away for permanent decommissioning. A technician made the mistake of entering into a dialogue with Ratbat's brain, and very soon he lived again, first as the Life-Model Decoy, Mr Johnson, then in the form of the resurrected Battle Beast Emperor, Blitzkrieg Devilbat.

In the year 2020, the humans and Autobots finally deduced that Blitzkrieg Devilbat was Ratbat. But what could they do about it? Again, an all-out assault seemed disproportionate. Although the humans had had him scheduled for termination in the early 1990s, like all the other deactivated Decepticons who fell into their hands around that time, he was not a wanted war criminal. He was suspected of killing the lab technician who installed his brain into Mr Johnson, but that could not be proven for certain. Yes, he had infiltrated SHIELD and stolen its secrets, but he was not the one who put the cerebro-shell in Irwin Spoon's head. Yes, he had helped Xagra create a clone army of Laser Beasts, but it was Xagra, not Mr Johnson, who had sent teams of Battle Beasts to launch random attacks on Earth and Nebulos in 2019. Yes, he had conquered the western continent of Planet Beast, but it had been abandoned years earlier in the Great Western Exodus and was currently devoid of population. And there had been skirmishes between his Laser Beasts and the non-aligned Battle Beasts of the southern land mass and their allies, but the land was lawless, and it would be difficult to prove that the aggressors were acting under his orders.

Once again, the Autobots didn't know what to do with him. The Decepticons on Cybertron said they would be quite content for the Autobots and humans to smash him, but on what grounds? The last time Ratbat had direct contact with the Autobots, he was Optimus Prime's ally in the battle to stop Starscream destroying the Earth. He had not acted overtly against Cybertron or Earth since that time.

Ratbat's evil was subtle and dangerous.

Because Ratbat was careful.

TO BE CONTINUED

ASPECTS OF EVIL: RATBAT

PART 2

"Decepticon Shocking Shark calling Emperor Blitzkrieg Devilbat."

"This is a secure channel."

"Commander Ratbat, the Autobots have hit the spaceship being constructed beneath the Isle of Fight."

"Ahhh. I knew they would find it. It was only a matter of time. Very good..."

"But... our magnificent new spaceship!"

"It was a test. I never assumed the construction project would reach completion."

"You mean... you wanted the Autobots to attack it?"

"Let's just say I wasn't really bothered either way. If they allowed the work to continue, I would know they were weak... or stupid. And I would have a powerful new weapon at my disposal, to call upon in future, should I require its services. But if they destroyed it while it was still under construction, then I would have successfully forced their hand - they would be the aggressors, the warmongers. The first act of mass death and destruction on Planet Beast this century would be carried out not by the Decepticons, but by the Autobots. And so it has proven!"

"But Ratbat... the Autobots haven't killed any of our troops. Nor have they destroyed the island."

"What? But you said-"

"They've hit the spaceship... with a 'glass gas' torpedo."

"A what?"

"Nanobots... they've infused the metal of our spaceship with self-replicating nanobots, which have changed its molecular structure, making it as brittle as ice. If we were ever to power up the engines, the giant spaceship would shatter into a million pieces."

"And... no casualties?"

"No. The Autobots diverted the Dragons Seahorn with fake orders and took Sea Panic 5 for a ride just to be on the safe side, but they're all back where they're supposed to be now, and awaiting your orders."

"I see."

"Are you upset now?"

"A little. But I'll get over it. New orders will follow shortly. I need time to think. Ratbat out."
___

The next day, Magmar's Rock Lords launched their assault, not on Beastbourne or Rocksford but against non-aligned Battle Beasts roaming the unclaimed uplands to the extreme north of the southern continent. Their orders were simply to establish themselves as a presence.



THE END

[Grand Moff Muffin]

ASPECTS OF EVIL: DEVIL-Z

PART 1

Previously, in 'The Search for Mr J':

Planet Beast was a natural paradise world, but it was not uninhabited, and the paradise had a serpent. The planet was, and still is, populated by millions of fire demons, wood spirits and water sprites. They keep themselves to themselves... But they don't keep a low profile simply out of modesty - they are also hiding, from the monster from another galaxy residing at the heart of their world - the evil entity they call Devil-Z.

Devil-Z terrorised the inhabitants of Planet Beast, absorbing them into himself in order to grow more powerful... They made a deal with the New Men, to bestow upon them 'magical' powers in return for their assistance combating the menace of Devil-Z... A form of binary-bonding occurred... and the Battle Beasts were born.

The conflict was bloody but brief, and Devil-Z was driven back into the deep, dark places of Planet Beast, seemingly vanquished.
___

Previously, in 'Battle Beasts Universe':

The Dragons Seahorn have two missions assigned to them. The first is to explore the submerged underground passageways deep beneath the western land mass of Planet Beast, in the hopes of finding a trace of the banished alien energy demon, Devil-Z...

The Tigerburns fought a fierce battle with the Avengers' Ninja Force in the foothills of Mount Everbeast... In that chamber, they found Devil-Z. Aghast at the awesome evil power that he perceived in this pulsating alien entity, Tigerburn 1 broke free from his genetic programming, and realised that he could never let Blitzkrieg Devilbat know what they had found here deep beneath the southern land mass of Planet Beast. They retreated from the energy tendrils of Devil-Z that eagerly reached out to embrace them...

The Unarchies are industrious tunnellers, and have created a labyrinthine network of passageways deep beneath the western continent of Planet Beast, as they search for the location where the alien entity known as Devil-Z was supposedly trapped by the very first Battle Beasts all those decades ago.
___

Previously, in 'Battle Beast Legends':

No-one truly knows what became of Sir Sire Bluehorse and his assistant, Hedgehog the Prickly Porcupine. They were both last seen on Planet Beast in the early 1990s, at which time the wizard was believed to be trying to discover a means of seeing into the future. The aboveground portions of Sir Sire Bluehorse's castle collapsed soon afterwards. The underground levels are presumed to remain intact, but are protected to this day by powerful spells, which prevent all from entering. Sir Sire Bluehorse was sometimes known as the Last Battle Beast. Nobody knows why... He wielded the Zodiac Edge, a weapon capable of channelling the mysterious Chokon Power, which is supposedly the thing Devil-Z fears most in all of Planet Beast.
___

We don't know what Blitzkrieg Devilbat intended to do once he successfully located Devil-Z. I don't think even he knows that for sure, because neither he nor we know what he and Devil-Z would have made of one another, had they met. The Devilbat's determined search for Devil-Z was comparable in fervour to his search three decades earlier, as Ratbat, for the missing Underbase, a similarly dangerous cosmic prize.

What would Ratbat have done with the Underbase? Almost certainly not what Starscream did with it. Ratbat was a bean-counter. He'd have used the Underbase's knowledge to balance the Decepticons' books and effectively buy out his enemies, making the Autobots and humans offers they could not afford to refuse. So what would Blitzkrieg Devilbat have done with Devil-Z? Our analysts favour the theory that he intended to destroy Devil-Z as soon as he found him, publicly, earning himself the favour of all the fire demons, wood spirits and water sprites on Planet Beast, and all those non-aligned Battle Beasts who considered Devil-Z to be the ultimate bogeyman. He would be a hero on both continents, and in an ideal position to make his long-awaited bid to become planetary overlord.

But we don't really know what he'd have done, and thankfully we never will.

Because Devil-Z is dead.
___

Towards the end of the year 2020, Brown Lion 2 excitedly reported to his master, Blitzkrieg Devilbat, that strange phenomena were afoot in the ruins of Sir Sire Bluehorse's castle. The Emperor immediately flew to the scene with his Skybat bodyguards and a squadron of Blue Eagles, one of whom unknowingly carried our spy, the size-changing Swift, to find the old wizard's fortress in the final stages of putting itself back together.

"We've arrived!" Sir Sire Bluehorse told his faithful disciple, Hedgehog the Prickly Porcupine, as the drawbridge lowered and they stepped out into the sunlight. "This is the right time!"

"In the name of Emperor Blitzkrieg Devilbat, I order you to identify yourself!" cried Blue Eagle 1.

"Silence, fool!" hissed the Devilbat. "We know who he is." Then he addressed the Battle Beast magician. "Welcome home, Sir Bluehorse. I am Blitzkrieg Devilbat, Protector of all the Battle Beasts on this western continent."

"Yes... of course, we're still on the western continent. This is not the right place!" And with an impressive gesture, Sir Sire Bluehorse opened a portal. The Prickly Porcupine stepped through first, and Sir Bluehorse himself made as if to follow. Our agent, the tiny Swift, made a split-second decision and launched herself off the Blue Eagle, swooping through the magical gateway just before it closed behind its creator, leaving Blitzkrieg Devilbat and his followers at the foot of a force-field-protected castle that had not been there an hour earlier.

TO BE CONTINUED

ASPECTS OF EVIL: DEVIL-Z

PART 2

Now was 'the right time' in the mind of the prophetic Sir Sire Bluehorse because it was now that Devil-Z escaped his living tomb beneath Mount Everbeast, in the north-eastern uplands of the southern land mass of Planet Beast, where the rebel Rock Lords led by Magmar were busily engaged in protracted hostilities with a loose alliance of non-aligned Battle Beasts.

Devil-Z was able to escape, we later surmised, because the well-meaning multiversal traveller and watcher of events who called himself Zodac was apparently continuing to use Planet Beast as a convenient dumping ground for refugees from the destroyed other-dimensional world of Eternia. The Eternian Rock Lords themselves were thankfully immune to Devil-Z's psychic influence, but the appearance of three Eternian Snake Men who had served Devil-Z in a previous life - King Hiss, Rattlor and Tung Lashor - suddenly gave him obedient followers who wasted no time in freeing Devil-Z's other buried servants - a Dragstor, a Mantisaur, a Monstroid, a Multi-Bot and five robot troopers - and joining forces with them to tunnel down and liberate Devil-Z himself.
___

Evil is a relative quantity, not an absolute. Ratbat, now known as Blitzkrieg Devilbat, is power-hungry and cares nothing for the welfare of others, but doesn't seek to harm or cause pain for no reason. Galactus devours inhabited worlds, but gains no pleasure from it. Are dispassionate conquerors and devourers of worlds more or less evil than a humble trooper who enjoys sadistically and slowly torturing his prisoners to death with the maximum amount of pain?

Devil-Z was a sadistic conqueror and devourer of worlds who delighted in torture, so I think we can agree he was more evil than Ratbat, Galactus or our prisoner-murdering trooper.

But he'd picked the wrong planet.

When Sir Sire Bluehorse arrived in Beastbourne and warned us about Devil-Z, we Autobots and humans were worried. We weren't used to fighting ancient cosmic evils without something big on our side, like the Creation Matrix, Metroplex or the Avengers' A-Team.

But it was actually Devil-Z who was out of his league.
___

"I am Iron Tiger!" declared Golder the Ferocious Tiger, invoking the power of fire to charge up the repulsors on his Stark-tech battle armour.

"I have the power!" cried Pugnacious Penguinis, brandishing the Eternian Power Sword and transforming himself into He-Penguin.

"Sword of Omens, give me might beyond might!" prayed Pumyra, and the Eye of Thundera opened, throwing the blood-red Thundercat symbol across Mount Everbeast, as Bengali drove the Tearin' Tiger Hunter up the slope towards Devil-Z, swiftly overtaken by Wildkitten on her hoverboard, and the non-corporeal Lynx-O looked on.

"Vishanti, grant me the Chokon Power to light our darkest hour!" chanted Sir Sire Bluehorse, wielding his famed Zodiac Edge.

"Is there room here for any more heroes?" wondered the Eternian whirlwind-master, Sy-Klone, arriving in his Wind Raider with Roboto and his Jet Sled close behind.

Stonedar, Rokkon, Boulder and the other loyal Rock Lords descended on Devil-Z's position in a blazing meteor shower, thanks to one of Sir Bluehorse's portals.

Hare Razing Rabbit Kid, most feared of all the Battle Beasts, led the charge.

The Autobots - Red Phoenix the Blazing Eagle, and the Pretenders, Gunrunner and Skyhammer - along with the human ninjas and the two Circuit-Breakers, quickly realised they were not needed.

Devil-Z was not prepared for the magic swords of Eternia, Planet Beast and Thundera to strike him all at the same time.

Who would be?
___

Blitzkrieg Devilbat sent his Skullgrotes dragons over the sea to Beastbourne and Rocksford just in case those settlements had been left undefended in all the excitement, but when they detected force-fields up and saw Countdown's rocket base resting on the plain between the two towns, they quickly withdrew.
___

From a great evil can come a great good. The unprecedented alliance of heroes gathered against Devil-Z showed us that our presence on this world was no longer required. The Battle Beasts and Rock Lords could take care of themselves. No doubt they would continue to battle for fun, but when real danger threatened... they would assemble.

THE END

Dragstor - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=1272
Horde Trooper - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=1275
King Hiss - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=1261
Mantisaur - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=1440
Monstroid - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=1441
Multi-Bot - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=1276
Rattlor - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=444
Tung Lashor - www.he-man.org/collecting/toy.php?id=1277

[Grand Moff Muffin]

ASPECTS OF EVIL: MAGMAR

PART 1

Squadron Commander Arigoz, a.k.a. Silencer, former Nebulan partner of the Autobot Targetmaster Landfill and leader of the Cameron Space Marines, stood before a holographic three-dimensional map of the surface of Planet Beast. With him in the tactical briefing room on Cameron Space Control were Lieutenant Danita 'Dareheart' Santella and Sergeant Joe Hammer, a.k.a. the Autobot Pretender Skyhammer.

The map showed two large nameless continents surrounded by a great ocean. One of them, to the west of the other, was half in the northern hemisphere, half in the south. This was the land mass once home to the likes of White Leo the Pirate Lion and Alligatron the Gruesome Gator, depopulated in the Great Western Exodus of the 1990s and taken over within the last year or so by Blitzkrieg Devilbat and his army of clone Laser Beasts. The Devilbat's main fortress was highlighted in red, some way inland of the east coast. A hundred miles due south of the fortress was the recently restored castle of the long-vanished Battle Beast magician, Sir Sire Bluehorse, who had returned to reclaim his little piece of real estate on the western continent, and there was nothing the Emperor Blitzkrieg Devilbat could do about it. His sorcerous neighbour had so far expressed no overtly hostile intentions towards the Laser Beasts at large in the surrounding countryside, but it was clear he wasn't about to compromise when it came to his own long-established property.

The other continent lay to the south-east, only its northern mountain-strewn uplands crossing the equator. On its western coast, in the temperate zone, was the town of Beastbourne, a haven for Battle Beasts seeking respite from fighting, governed by the mayor Sly Beafox and defended by Golder the Ferocious Tiger. Several miles inland of Beastbourne was the Rock Lord stronghold of Rocksford, commanded by the noble Stonedar. Other smaller pockets of Battle Beast population, such as the Worm and Carrot tavern, were scattered around this relatively 'safe' region. To the far north-east, in the mountains, lay Stonehead, the headquarters of Magmar and his hostile faction of Rock Lords, while a flashing red zone marked the cratered battleground on the slopes of Mount Everbeast where Devil-Z had made his last stand. Between the mountains and the temperate zone were the desert regions, where roamed the likes of Yellow Hunchback Camelus and her students, while in the middle of the continent lay the mist-shrouded area known as the Great Carrot Patch, where the Great Carrot God (a mechanical device left there decades ago by the Decepticons as a practical joke) ruled supreme.

The oceans of Planet Beast were dotted with numerous islands, including Monkey Island to the north of the southern land mass, where Shocking Shark went to get new Monkeyfighters for his crew whenever he ran low, and the artificial Isle of Fight, equidistant between the two main continents, which floated above a useless glass-gassed spaceship and continued to host random Battle Beast duels in its popular main arena.

"So Ratbat - Emperor Blitzkrieg Devilbat - signed the non-aggression pact with the mayor of Beastbourne?" Silencer asked Lieutenant Santella.

"He did. After the incident with his undersea spaceship and the death of Devil-Z at the hands of our allies, not to mention the return of the wizard Sir Sire Bluehorse right on his doorstep, it seemed to him the most prudent course of action."

"We described him as a subtle and dangerous evil," said Skyhammer. "He must be closely observed. And he must know he's being closely observed, and appreciate which red lines we Autobots will not permit him to cross. The glass gas torpedo strike to his undersea spaceship was a warning. We've made sure he's aware that we've given the mayor of Beastbourne a Space Bridge to Autobot City on Cybertron. And Red Phoenix the Blazing Eagle will be staying on Planet Beast to keep an eye on things."

"So... the threat is contained."

"The threat of Ratbat, yes. But there's another threat that remains unresolved." Dani pointed to Stonehead in the far north-east of the southern land mass. "Magmar was acting as a mercenary for Ratbat initially, but it seems he's no longer taking the Emperor's calls."
___

"I invoke water!" cried Pillaging Polar Battle Bear, dumping a ton of snow on top of the rapidly advancing Rock Lords. "That'll cool the ardour of our foes," he grinned.

But it didn't. Brimstone, Saberstone, Spearhead and Stoneheart kept on rolling, gathering snow as they went, creating a veritable avalanche of powerful living rocks. Colonel Bird Flykick swooped down and plucked Pillaging Polar Battle Bear from the path of the unstoppable landslide.


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

"Stick 'em, Slimestone!" commanded Magmar, and within seconds, Clucky the Hard-Boiled Hen, Lethal Ladybird and Sticky the Stick Insect found themselves glued to the mountainside.


Image source: www.toyarchive.com

"Sorry, Battle Beasts," gloated Slimestone as the avalanche consumed them. "But you just didn't make the grade."

Magmar himself, meanwhile, pounded the ground with his mighty brown fist. "Awake, mountain! You have slumbered too long... Awake!"

The high ground shook, cracked and erupted in a torrent of molten lava. It washed harmlessly over the malevolent Rock Lords and swept Pillaging Polar Battle Bear's snow away. Colonel Bird Flykick dodged a flaming boulder and carried his ursine ally away to safety.

The eyes of the Stonehead fortress blazed in sympathy with the newly active volcano.

TO BE CONTINUED

ASPECTS OF EVIL: MAGMAR

PART 2

"Magmar's a loose cannon," said Skyhammer. "He's declared the mountains of the north to be his own private fiefdom, and defies the Battle Beasts and friendly Rock Lords to stop him from expanding his territory into the forests and deserts to the south, should the mood take him."

"Unlike the pragmatic Devilbat, Magmar has no interest in signing a peace treaty with anyone."

"What are these Rock Lords, exactly?" interrupted Silencer. "Transformers made out of rock?"

"Essentially, yes," nodded Danita. "But they're not Cybertronian in origin. At first we thought that they originated on the dead, other-dimensional world of Eternia, from which came Skeletor, Evil-Lyn, He-Penguin's Power Sword and the newly arrived Snake Men. But from talking to them, and to the friendly Eternians, Sy-Klone and Roboto, it seems that was a mistaken assumption on our part. The Rock People arrived on Eternia decades ago in a widespread meteorite strike. Before that, they were travellers through space. We speculate that they evolved in an asteroid belt, or in the rubble left by a cosmic collision. But that's all it is - speculation."
___

Magmar espied a Battle Beast whale, Blubber Blowhole, approaching the north coast of the southern continent, and ordered Rockasaurus Rex to sink him with a barrage of high-velocity boulders from the giant monster's hip-mounted cannon.
___

"An interesting place, Planet Beast," mused Silencer.

"It's marvellous. We've got the native fire demons, wood spirits and water sprites. Then we've got the Battle Beasts, the Laser Beasts, two factions of Rock Lords, a motley crew of other colourful refugees from the lost worlds of Eternia and Plun-darr, an Emperor who used to be a Decepticon..."

"And yet you advise scaling back our presence on the planet."

"Absolutely. They're all big boys and girls. They don't need us to hold their hands."

"And our friend, the mayor of Beastbourne?"

"She's actually more relaxed now that there are well-defined factions than she was when every Battle Beast wanted to duel every other Battle Beast to the death just for the fun of it. She sees it as progress!"

"Very well. We can certainly use you two and Gunrunner back in the fleet."

"Sergeant Bullorn the Bludgeonly Bulldog wants to stick with the Cameron Space Marines."

"Does he? Very good. What about the Avengers' Ninja Force?"

"Laserblade, Hush Job, Styletta and Swift are about ready to return to Earth, but the Thunderians are going to stay on Beast, at least for a little while longer. It seems to be their kind of planet..."
___

Magmar stood atop the cooling volcano, glorying in his triumph. This was his kind of planet.

He would have it all.

THE END

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

CAMERON SPACE MARINES: ROLL-CALL UPDATE

At the end of the year 2020, the make-up of the Cameron Space Marines is as follows:

Squadron Commander 'Silencer' Arigoz

Star-glider 'Spearhead':
Captain 'Tempest' Zandek
Commander Susie 'Sparkle' Watson
Sub-Lieutenant 'Circuit-Smasher' Holk, a Circuit-Breaker
Sergeant 'Galeforce' Tapyrha and Autobot Sideswipe

Star-glider 'Stalwart':
Captain Sam 'Spacehiker' Wainwright
Commander Allan 'Backstop' Silver
Sergeant 'Hellforce' Jynk and Autobot Punch
Sergeant Jim Hawk, a.k.a. Autobot Metalhawk

Star-glider 'Victory':
Captain Lauren 'Windrider' Chevalier
Commander Jocasta, an ex-Avenger
Sergeant 'Stormforce' Klun and Autobot Sunstreaker
Sergeant Jack Runner, a.k.a. Autobot Gunrunner

Star-glider 'Vigilant':
Captain Amy 'Kestrel' Anderson
Commander X-51, a.k.a. 'Machine Man', an ex-Avenger
Sergeant Harry 'Roadforce' Barnes and Autobot Windcharger
Sergeant Joe Hammer, a.k.a. Autobot Skyhammer

Solo operatives:
Lieutenant Danita 'Dareheart' Santella, a Circuit-Breaker (with Rigellian Recorder 922)
Lieutenant 'Dasher' Shaedira, a Circuit-Breaker
Sergeant Action Master Thundercracker
Sergeant Bullorn the Bludgeonly Bulldog, a Battle Beast

The Cameron Space Marines continue to be supported where necessary by the other Autobots working in Cameron Space Control, namely Countdown, Eject, Rewind and the Micromaster Astro Squad, and by the wider Circuit-Breaker Corps.

FILE ENDS

[Grand Moff Muffin]

TALES OF EARTH

In the early hours of the morning, before rush hour began, the shutter doors of the parking garage at the base of Avengers Tower slid up, and out drove a dark blue truck cab, towing Optimus Prime's original trailer. A waiting police car pulled out from the kerb in front of the lorry, and together they headed north. After a few minutes, a silver Datsun turned in from a side street and followed a little way behind.

Each of the cars had a mildly unconvincing holographic driver seated behind the wheel. There were three men seated in the truck cab. None of them was a hologram, facsimile construct or Life-Model Decoy.

"You sure this isn't overkill?" said the oldest of the trio, a stylishly dressed dark-skinned man with sun-glasses who had the appearance of being in his late thirties.

"Maybe, but I really need your support, guys," replied the fair-haired youngster of the group. "I'm not ashamed to say I'm nervous as hell. I've never baby-sat before. Have you?"

"I have," said a brown-haired man with freckled features, sitting to his left. He wore a checked shirt and jeans, and appeared to be just a few years older than the previous speaker.

"Really?" The younger man glanced skyward as a helicopter hovered into view, apparently tracking the convoy's progress.

"Yeah, I baby-sat for you when you were about the same age."

"Oh... right. But I wasn't displaying Matrix powers at the time, was I?"

"No."

"And I didn't have super-strength?"

"I guess not."

"Well, then."
___

As the lorry passed the city limits, the two Protectobots, Streetwise and Blades, peeled off and headed back the way they had come. A few minutes later, the baby-monitor on the cab's dashboard crackled into life, and an infant's crying could clearly be heard.

"Uh-oh," said the young man. "She's awake."

Optimus Prime's deep voice came over the radio. "Jacko, my internal chemical sensors inform me that your niece's nappy requires changing."

"Shit."

"That's about the size of it," grinned the black man on Jacko's right.

"I've been dreading this moment."

"Never done this before either, huh?" said the man with freckles.

"It's not just that. This baby's stronger than I am! She may be my niece, but she's also technically the niece of the late, unlamented Thanos."

"Count your blessings. At least she likes you. Come on, I'll talk you through it."

"You know how to change a nappy?"

"I've seen Buster change your nappy on my back seat."

"Fair enough." Jacko tapped the dashboard. "Pipes, pull over where you can. Bumblebee and I need to go inside Optimus for a bit."

The lorry turned off the main road and found a quiet spot to park. All three men climbed down. Jazz phased into his robot mode in order to stretch his servos, and was joined by Pipes and Bluestreak. Bumblebee remained in his Pretender form and went up the ramp into Optimus Prime's trailer with Jacko Witwicky. Minerva had made a pong in there worthy of her half-Titan heritage.

"This is going to be a long holiday," sighed Jacko. "Baby-sitting with no T.V."

"You could have brought a T.V. with you," said Bumblebee. "But you'd have had to Matrix it first, to prevent Minnie from dismantling it the moment you turned your back."

"She's got breaking non-sentient machines into their component parts with her mental powers down to a fine art," said Jacko, looking into the baby's innocent blue eyes. "And she finds it funny as hell. But training her to fix them afterwards, and make amends to their owners - that's going to take time."

"What are you complaining about? You're just the uncle."

"Have you met her father? He's not exactly a parental role model."

"Hey, don't sweat the lack of T.V., Jacko," said Jazz, peering inside to watch. "We're gonna be out in the wilderness with Mother Nature, and if you ever get tired of listening to birdsong I'll be happy to play you the latest tunes through my speakers."

"Wouldn't that scare away the wildlife?" wondered Pipes, gazing admiringly at the sunrise.

"Only those with no taste in music," retorted Jazz, standing upright.

"Alternatively, you might wish to attempt 'Multi-World XII: Formulak the Compuzoid Reborn'," offered Optimus Prime. "Ethan Zachary has equipped my new Roller module with the very latest in immersive gaming technology. Be warned, however - it is highly addictive."

"Thanks, guys, but I think Jazz was right the first time. I should make the most of being out in the fresh air, and take the opportunity to bond with my niece in natural surroundings where there's nothing for her to break."

"That sounds terrific," said Bluestreak. "Are you sure we won't be getting in the way?"

"Don't any of you dare leave me!" wailed Jacko, tossing the soiled nappy into Optimus's recycling chute. "I'm going to get even with my sister for this if it's the last thing I do..." he muttered to himself.

The one-and-a-half-year-old baby laughed with delight.

THE END

[Grand Moff Muffin]

TALES OF CYBERTRON

"So, I know you don't understand what I'm saying to you because you're only, like, one-and-a-half years old, but Optimus tells me I need to tell you a story to make you go to sleep, so here goes. This is, like, one of the first stories my dad ever told me, when I was old enough to follow the plot. Anyway, it goes something like this:

"Circling the star Alpha Centauri - which unfortunately can only be seen from the southern hemisphere, or else I'd point it out to you - four billion squillion gazillion years ago, was a planet unlike any other in the heavens - Cybertron.

"No rock or soil or sand contributed to its bizarre geography. Its content was entirely mechanical. You'd have loved it. Lots of nice machines for you to screw up. Cybertron existed, from surface to core, as a vast Saturn-sized machine world. (Your daddy comes from one of the moons of Saturn. I'm sure he'll take you there one day, once you learn to behave around complex machinery.)

"Anyway, Cybertron was a world whose origins were lost in the dead past. There were some really big dudes who claimed to have had a hand in Cybertron's creation, but they're gone now, and we don't know how much of what they said was true. But one way or another, life had evolved there. It had grown and adapted and thrived in its environment remarkably well. And cities rose across a broad mechanical expanse... cities that were the products of Cybertron's dominant life-form - the Autobots. Whereas life elsewhere in the cosmos - like you and me and your mummy and daddy - usually evolved through carbon-bonding, here it was the interaction of naturally occurring gears, levers, pulleys, and the Creation Matrix nanobots that you and I and your mummy have got running around in our heads, that miraculously brought forth sentient beings, like Bluestreak and Bumblebee and Jazz and Pipes. They created a mechanical paradise... a machine-filled landscape where each Autobot went about his pursuits in peace and prosperity. (I say 'his' in the absence of an acceptable alternative pronoun for referring to non-gendered sentient life-forms. My dad started it when he first met Bumblebee. Ask your parents to explain it when you're older, okay?)

"But every paradise has its serpent... and on Cybertron it was Megatron, commander of those who called themselves the Decepticons. Boo! Hiss! Megatron was always starting fights in the playground. And the fights got so rough that Cybertron itself was shaken loose from its orbit - and sent hurtling through space! It's now been hurtling for over four quazillion years, but hot off the press, you'll be very relieved to hear that it's going to stop hurtling very, very soon. The Autobots and Decepticons have managed to steer the planet so that within the next fifty years of thereabouts it will arrive in the Scarvix system, and start going around a star again, like a normal, self-respecting planet ought. I wish I'd brought a telescope with me, so that I could show you which star it is. On the other hand, you'd probably just break it. Unless it was an Autobot telescope. Hmmm... You know, your mummy made an Autobot pistol called Browning for her security guard friend the other day. And I'll tell you a secret, Minnie, I made a little blue Autobot cassette deck that I saw in a dream. He does odd jobs for me around the house. And if you're very good, I'll make you an Autobot telescope when you're old enough to know what to do with it. Him. Whatever.

"Where was I? Oh, yes. From Iacon, greatest of city-states, there came a leader to inspire the Autobots in their hour of deadliest peril... your friend and mine, here, Optimus Prime! Of all the Autobots, only he, wise and powerful beyond understanding, was able to unite the scattered warriors into a fully effective fighting force. Using his ability to transform into a combat vehicle, Optimus possessed a firepower potential that none but Megatron could match. You see those two nasty great missiles up there on the ceiling? That's what I'm talking about. KA-BLAAAM! Vweet! Vweet! Eeeeeooow-PCHOOOM!

"Under the leadership of Optimus Prime, the Autobots repelled the Decepticons' assaults with renewed vigour... and rebuilt their fallen city-states, until, again, they functioned as sanctuaries. And so the war raged for over one thousand years, as Cybertron continued its mad, impetuous, foolish rush through the cosmos... until it passed by where we are now. And Optimus Prime and Megatron came to pay us a visit here on Earth, where they met my, and your mummy's, dad.

"Anyway, Megatron was so naughty that he cheated in a computer game one time, and it's because of his cheating that Optimus Prime here is now just a trailer and needs to ask Pipes very nicely to pull him around. But Prime's fine and dandy without has cab, because a very clever man called Ethan Zachary backed up his mind on a floppy disk. And he made a copy, and another very clever man called HiQ used that copy to make another Optimus Prime, with a cab, who spanked Megatron good and proper.

"And now, Miss Minerva Sui-San Jessica Witwicky, I see I've bored you to sleep, which means you won't hear the moral of the tale, which is to always back up your files, 'cos you never know. And I agree, that is boring, but Uncle Optimus Prime here doesn't think so, oh dear me no. The End.

"Night-night!"

THE END

[Grand Moff Muffin]

TALES OF ASGARD

Previously, in 'Marvel Superheroes Meet the Transformers':

In 2008, the mercenary Death's Head would assist an alliance of Asgardians and Olympians in hunting down Thanos. Together, they would kill the mad Titan for the sake of all life in the Galaxy, and Death's Head would walk away with the biggest pay cheque of his career.
___

Previously, in 'Titanium Shott Blaster for Hire: Death's Head vs Grimlock':

"There's a threat out there, beyond this Galaxy... Something worse than the Decepticons. Going to hit it before it thinks about hitting us. But not taking my Dinobots with me... Already led them into too much pain. Need help, but hired help, not friends. Someone as tough as me. Guess you qualify."

"Payment?" said Death's Head.

"Half now, half on completion, if we survive."

"Done. Got yourself a business partner, yes?"
___

December 2020.

Blades and Streetwise arrived back at Avengers Tower to find the traffic gridlocked. This time, the disruption to the lives of long-suffering New Yorkers was caused by the mercenary Death's Head, who had inconsiderately landed his ship in the middle of the street, blocking all four lanes.

"Priority parking, yes?" he told the assembled Avengers and Protectobots.

"You'd better have a good reason for this, bounty-hunter," said Hotspot, standing ready to order his troops to form on him and merge into Defensor.

"I come with a message from Optimus Prime," said Death's Head, reluctantly letting the bounty-hunter reference slide on this occasion. "That a good enough reason for you?"

"Nice try, pal," said Streetwise. "But I just escorted Optimus Prime out of the city for a long vacation. If he had something to tell us, I'm sure he'd have mentioned it in passing."

"Not that Optimus Prime," retorted Death's Head. "The other one, built by and around the Nebulan HiQ, who I once helped to find and wake the Last Autobot and thereby prevented your wretched planet Cybertron from tearing itself to bits. Not the Optimus Prime who's a trailer missing its cab, but the one that turns into a cab without a trailer. Though we're working on fixing that."

"You have our attention," said Starfox. "Speak your message."

"Be out of your hair before you know it," he assured them. "Just need a quick word with the one they call the Valkyrie."

"Val's out of town just now," said Franklin Richards from inside his Iron Man suit, hovering on repulsors in front of Death's Head's face, flanked by the floating, caped figures of the Vision and the Sorceress Supreme. "But we'll be happy to pass on whatever it is you wanted to tell her."

Death's Head ground his metal teeth in irritation. "Need to get to Asgard in a hurry. Valkyrie's the only Asgardian I've been able to track down. Thought she'd be here, yes? Thought wrong!"

"But you're in luck," responded Illyana Rasputin. "You've found the only non-Asgardian on Earth capable of bridging the dimensions between Midgard and Asgard. You'd just better behave yourself if you ever expect Heimdall to send you back." And the former apprentice of Dr Strange conjured a circular portal around the giant mechanoid's legs, transporting him out of this reality. His weapons and shield clattered onto the cold asphalt.

"All right, Avengers, Autobots," said Iron Man. "Let's get this spaceship out of the way of the impatient rush-hour commuters."
___

Plagiarising the words of Stan Lee:

Faster than mortal mind can comprehend - faster than the speed of thought itself - Death's Head pierced the fabric of infinity as he hurtled towards the golden realm of... Asgard!

Before man could read or write, he had his legends! And no legends were more thrilling, more colourful, more filled with fantasy and high adventure than the legends of Asgard, home of the gods!

There on the Bifrost, the Rainbow Bridge connecting the Nine Realms, stood Heimdall, the all-seeing, the all-hearing! Heimdall, the ever-vigilant! Heimdall, eternal protector of the fabled land!

Recalling the great battle that they fought side by side, not so many years ago, Heimdall led Death's Head past the Temple of Titans, the Warlock's Haven and the great monument to Yggdrasil, the Tree of Life, past the Dome of Combat, the Monument to the Unknown Warrior and the Museum of Weaponry... to the Hall of Heroes, and into the presence of... Odin!

Odin, called the All-Father! Odin, createst of all Norse gods! Odin, supreme warrior who slayed the last of the Ice Giants, thus bringing about the first triumph of good over evil! There are no secrets from Odin, king of the gods!

"Speak, mighty metal giant!" came the imperious command.

Death's Head made a great noise as if to clear a throat he didn't possess. "Not one for fancy words, yes? I did you a great service once, and you told me that if I ever needed the favour returning, I should come here and name it. Well, here I am. I have returned from a distant galaxy, where my... clients - Grimlock, Sky Lynx and Optimus Prime - hold the line against a foe more powerful than any Transformer. Big green joker called the Liege Maximo. He once wiped out a Decepticon exploratory force led by some two-bit clown called Jhiaxus, and now he's got the Milky Way in his sights."

"What wouldst thou have of us, metal mercenary?"

"No more than I once gave you - a warrior of the right sort. When Thor and Hercules faced down Thanos, they needed a mechanoid ally at their side capable of penetrating the deadly radiation field surrounding the mad Titan's fleet and of taking out the fuel core that provided near-limitless power to his life-extinguishing drone swarm. Now I need an immortal Asgardian to undergo the Powermaster process and provide Optimus Prime with a level of strength that he could never get by binary-bonding to a mortal human - the strength he needs to beat the Liege Maximo. That's my request... What is your answer?"

Odin was silent for a moment, then spoke:

"Thou speakest true! A danger - most dire and deadly - doth indeed approach the Nine Realms! It must be faced - and met - and fought! Whomever this Liege Maximo may be - whether godlike or bestial - no matter what his power - he must be found, and he must be vanquished! So speaketh Odin! But who here hath the courage, nay, and the devotion, to make this sacrifice and undertake this perilous quest?"

One brave and handsome warrior stepped forward more swiftly than the rest, hesitating not to grasp this sudden chance to prove his mettle in the service of his lord and the people of the Nine Realms.

"The will of Odin is the law supreme! The heart - the hand - the very life of GINRAI are thine to command!"

"So be it! Thy hand must not falter, loyal subject. If thou prevailest not, the universe will ne'er again be safe! Thus shall wise Morduk fashion golden bracelets for thy wrists. Cross them shouldst thou ever require the assistance of the power of Odin!"

Death's Head grunted his approval.
___

All such quests must end - with tyranny destroyed - with freedom triumphant forevermore! For, so long as there be evil - so long as there be servitude - so too shall there be champions who ne'er will rest till all have reached the promised goal of freedom and justice for all!

So dawned the age of... the Godmaster!

THE END

[Grand Moff Muffin]

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

BLACK ZARAK

Allegiance: Decepticon
Function: Emperor of Darkness
Sub-groups: Triple Changer (?), Headmaster
Battle Beast component: Blitzkrieg Devilbat
First appearance (as Ratbat): Marvel's Transformers UK #99 ('Under Fire')
First appearance (as Mr Johnson): Stories from Grand Central Space Station: J'Oh the Bartender's Tale
First appearance (as Blitzkrieg Devilbat): Battle Beasts Universe
First appearance (as himself): Right here

"I believe this belongs to... me."



Ratbat was one of the many deactivated Decepticons captured by SHIELD in 1991 when Primus transported Scorponok and his followers to Cybertron, leaving their former base on Earth undefended. But unlike his fellows, the disposal of Ratbat's remains was outsourced to a British multinational, one of whose junior technicians let curiosity get the better of him and connected the Decepticon's brain up to a power source, enabling them to have a conversation. In no time, Ratbat tricked the human into installing his brain into a SHIELD Life-Model Decoy of one of the company's founders, and Mr Johnson was born. The technician promptly suffered an unfortunate fatal accident, and Ratbat's remains were apparently mistakenly incinerated with general waste - brain module included, or so it said on the paperwork.

Avoiding the Internet, Mr Johnson hacked the hardline connecting the servers of SHIELD with those of the trusted multinational, and thoroughly infiltrated both. Over the course of the next twenty-five years, Mr Johnson extended his influence into outer space. By 2019, he had acquired sufficient money and power to quietly employ the services of the alien Xagra, and use captured Battle Beasts to create a clone army behind the scenes of the Murderpits of Derut Four. Soon afterwards, Xagra was murdered, supposedly by one of his own test subjects. Mr Johnson took custody of the first batch of Laser Beasts, Xagra's cloning equipment and the brain-dead body of the Battle Beast called Blitzkrieg Devilbat. He then made his way to the unpopulated western land mass of Planet Beast.

In 2020, the Decepticon pirate ship Shocking Shark surfaced just off the coast of the southern land mass, within sight of the haven town of Beastbourne. It spat out the remains of Mr Johnson, devoid of brain module, and a miraculously resurrected Blitzkrieg Devilbat stepped onto the deck and declared that the abandoned western continent was now a glorious Laser Beast republic. As the year drew to a close, and with his flying island rendered useless by an Autobot glass gas torpedo, Blitzkrieg Devilbat revealed his new secret weapon, an upgraded Transformer body modelled on Scorponok, the Decepticon who once destroyed Ratbat. A Transformer body with Blitzkrieg Devilbat as its Headmaster component, controlled in turn by the brain of Ratbat.

Black Zarak has no friends, only business partners. His sole allegiance is to himself. His Laser Beast clone army is genetically programmed to show him deference and obey his every command. He wields a 'black hole cannon' created from technology extracted from the remains of Galvatron by agents of SHIELD and subsequently stolen by Ratbat, then posing as Mr Johnson. He also carries the fearsome 'tyrant spear', a weapon developed on the western continent of Planet Beast. In pitched battle, he executes a move referred to as 'Black Thunder,' whereby he utilises his power at maximum strength, creating a strain on the surrounding fabric of space, swallowing everything like a black hole.

FILE ENDS

[Grand Moff Muffin]

FACT-FILE INTERFACE

GODMASTER OPTIMUS PRIME

Allegiance: Autobot
Function: Protector
Sub-groups: Triple Changer, Godmaster
Asgardian component: Ginrai
First appearance (as Powermaster Optimus Prime): Marvel's Transformers #42 ('People Power')
First appearance (as Action Master Optimus Prime): Marvel's Transformers #80 ('End of the Road')
First appearance (as himself): Right here

"Freedom is the right of all sentient beings."


Powermaster Optimus Prime was built by the Nebulan HiQ in 1988 and programmed with the memories of the original Optimus Prime. (Some time later, Ethan Zachary also installed Optimus Prime's memories and personality on the hardware in his original trailer, which the human had kept safe in secret after the destruction of Optimus's cab and Roller modules the previous year.)

The first Powermaster process had a flaw in it that led each pairing of robot and Nebulan to merge eventually into a single being with two sets of memories, provided they lived long enough. Thanks to the intervention of the Last Autobot on Cybertron and on Klo in the year 1991, this merger process was completed for Getaway, Slapdash and Optimus, resulting in the hybrid creations Revaway and Lubedash and an Action Master Optimus Prime who possessed the life memories of both Optimus and HiQ, as well as a fusion of their personalities. In August 2018, he stood down as Autobot Leader, passing on the mantle to his old friend, Emirate Xaaron, now called Thunderclash Prime. Optimus left Cybertron for parts unknown, with the space shuttle Sky Lynx as his only companion.

(The complications arising from the original Powermaster process were eventually ironed out, so that Powermaster humans can now binary-bond freely with multiple Autobots to boost their power levels as and when required, without any permanent consequences resulting.)

In 1991, the Decepticons were the first to experiment with binary-bonding between Transformers and creatures more powerful than your average human or Nebulan, when they created the Double Powermaster known as Overlord, who was paired with two Earthen homo superior, or mutants. Overlord proved more effective in battle than any standard Powermaster or Headmaster. He was destroyed on Hydrus Four by Action Master Omega Supreme shortly after his creation, but the experiment was declared a success.

In 2020, Optimus Prime and Sky Lynx fell in with Grimlock and Death's Head, who were in conflict with a hostile vampiric alien of immense strength calling himself the Liege Maximo. This monster had devoured all life in one galaxy and had his sights set on the Milky Way. He was so strong that even an alliance of these four formidable mechanoid warriors proved incapable of halting his advance. But then Death's Head had an idea. If Optimus became a Powermaster once again, but binary-bonded to the most powerful humanoid species in the Galaxy, he might be able to defeat the oncoming foe. And he knew just who to ask.

Binary-bonded to an immortal Asgardian godling called Ginrai, and combined with two new trailers, Optimus channelled enough energy to vanquish the Liege Maximo where all others had failed. Death's Head got paid for his services and departed, while Grimlock began to wonder if the Olympian Hercules was busy at the moment or might be tempted into an experimental partnership. Meanwhile, the Battle Beast Blitzkrieg Devilbat had become the Headmaster partner of a giant new Decepticon, Black Zarak, and when the Decepticons on Cybertron learnt of this, Trypticon and Sixshot began seriously discussing the options open to them with their Battle Beast guests, Knight Owl and Icky Iguanamonster. (The latter had always wanted to be a Decepticon...)

With the newborn Matrix-bearer, Minerva Witwicky, being half-human and half-Titan, speculation became rife as to what power she might wield if she chose to binary-bond to a Transformer when she grew up. And the Spectral Knights now living on Nebulos wondered what Chromedome, Nightbeat and Siren planned to do for heads once their current partners retired.

Just as the age of the purely mechanical Transformer gave way to the age of partnerships between robots and mortal humans, the year 2020 saw the dawn of a new age, an age of Godmasters and Beastformers, where science and magic combined to create strange new forms of life.

Godmaster Optimus Prime is armed with a super electromotive rifle, a particle beam cannon and his most fearsome weapon, a shoulder-mounted, projectile-firing 'god cannon'. He destroyed the Liege Maximo by executing a never-before-seen attack move referred to as 'Super-Psionic God Fire Guts'.

FILE ENDS