For the past few days I have suddenly been deploying farts and turds of such ferocity that I have had to leave the area each time. So bad have these been that I even had to leave my abode for a while the other night after an 'incident' in the loo. I could not figure out what was causing this strange development so I checked back to see if I had been eating or drinking anything new. I then realised that before last week I had never purchased eggs from THE HAPPY EGG CO before. This morning I decided to test my theory. I had a fried Happy Egg Co egg in a roll. Eight hours later the terrible bum smell returned. Lesson: stick with my regular egg supplier!!!
I now see that I also appear to have farted so hard that I have blown a hole in the centre of my underpants. This may be a new low. Oh dear. I thought I had heard a tearing sound earlier during a particularly violent eruption.