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Post by Deleted on Jun 30, 2008 19:47:28 GMT
This would make a good story. I picture the title now:
[glow=red,2,300]Ralph vs. Bastard Bob[/glow]
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Post by legios on Jun 30, 2008 20:12:29 GMT
This would make a good story. I picture the title now: [glow=red,2,300]Ralph vs. Bastard Bob[/glow] Aren't we on to "Ralph vs Bastard Bob II: The Web of Death" by now...? Karl |
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Post by Fortmax2020 on Jul 2, 2008 17:28:36 GMT
I feel this franchise will never be milked for all it is worth!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2008 16:24:47 GMT
If anyone is looking for a story to put in a future Hub fanzine then maybe a Ralph vs. Bastard Bob one would go down a treat!
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Post by The Doctor on Jul 4, 2008 18:45:02 GMT
I will defeat him!
-Ralph
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Post by Fortmax2020 on Jul 4, 2008 18:55:35 GMT
Myself, I think it's the origin of the whole Ratchet/Megatron connection....
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Post by The Doctor on Aug 17, 2008 22:53:57 GMT
I must tell you of my latest victory.
There I was, not long ago, browsing this very Hub when suddenly I glimpsed Bastard Bob out of the corner of my eye. He was running across the carpet towards me, twice the size he was last time he cast his dark soul upon my abode, and possibly pregnant. I screamed in alarm and the glass of water I had been drinking was thrown violently upwards into the air. Water splashed down across one fourth of the surface of the carpet. Bob jerked back and made a bee-line for the chest of drawers beside the wall. Then, he stopped, his spidery legs twitching. I stared at him with utter contempt. He stared back at me with utter contempt, but eight more times.
This went on for several minutes as I used my spider-fu to determine that he was not going to move anytime soon. Then, like some weary hero upon some bloody battlefield, I darted into the hallway and retrieved the necessary battle gear. I returned - and lunged at Bastard Bob!
He rose up upon his evil back legs and scurried towards the chest of drawers, with me in fearful fast pursuit. I hurled a glass at him with which to capture his throbbing pulsating sinister mass...but missed! He made it behind the chest of drawers and lurked within the dust behind! Then, he ran out of sight behind the box of Excalibur comics which lived under the wooden ediface. Damn him! But perhaps this was his mistake? Perhaps the spirit of Arthur, Knight of Pendragon, would come to my aid?
I fretted for several minutes. Then, Bob darted out from behind the opposite end of the chest of drawers! The sinister swine! I jumped ahead and halted his movement with Andrew Wildman's cover art from The Transformers: Infiltration #4. This gave him some pause and he jumped back the way he had came, only to be blocked by the e-hobby 2008 Transformers Tapestry! I had him now! No dark powers at his command could save him this time! But the little bastard jumped over the tapestry! As quick as a fiddle, I threw a tupperware dish at him! Victory! It had snared him by the edge of one leg! He strained to be free...and latched his foul self upon the carry-bag from the laptop. Slowly, inexorably, I lifted the bag away from him. He strained to crawl on to it...BUT HE COULD NOT, FOR ONE LEG WAS STILL TRAPPED!
I laughed in triumph. MUH HUH HUH!
Then, I carefully captured him with a special glass, freeing his pinned-down leg from the tupperware dish. For though he be my mortal enemy, whom I am fated to battle down through the ages, I wish not death for Bastard Bob, merely banishment. And thus, he was banished! Banished to the bush outside!
Now shall I drink the drink of victory!
I NOW RAISE MY CHALICE WITH THE MILK OF PEACE CONTAINED WITHIN IT!
-Ralph
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Post by grahamthomson on Aug 18, 2008 7:45:05 GMT
What a wonderful story to enjoy over breakfast!
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Post by The Doctor on Aug 18, 2008 10:11:17 GMT
I see the Adbot is now advertising 'Spiderex: Spider Deterrant Spray - Eradicate Spider Infestation'.
The Adbot is my friend.
-Ralp
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2008 19:16:36 GMT
What a touching story and one worthy to be used as literary material in some of the great theatres.
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Post by The Doctor on Mar 5, 2009 18:42:45 GMT
I was just in mid-flow in the toilet and from the ceiling dangled a spider upon a web HEADING DIRECTLY FOR MY MAN-THING!
I managed to finish firing just a second before it would have alighted upon my torpedo tube! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
-Ralph
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Post by Fortmax2020 on Mar 5, 2009 19:01:07 GMT
We found a spider in the lab today so I put a glass over it and was fully intending to gas and scan it over night this evening. The little swine stayed trapped while we were out to lunch and was still under the glass when we came back but as soon as he saw me turn my back he vanished from beneath the glass!
A real shame as I don't often get things for free to scan. Perhaps definite proof of mocking ability though.
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Post by Shockprowl on Mar 5, 2009 19:52:48 GMT
I was just in mid-flow in the toilet and from the ceiling dangled a spider upon a web HEADING DIRECTLY FOR MY MAN-THING! I managed to finish firing just a second before it would have alighted upon my torpedo tube! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH! -Ralph OH DEAR GOD!!!! You every worry 'bout a spider crawling into your bum hole whilst you're doing a poo? |
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Post by Fortmax2020 on Mar 5, 2009 20:04:54 GMT
So that's what the itchy feeling is.
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Post by The Doctor on Mar 5, 2009 21:16:50 GMT
I was just in mid-flow in the toilet and from the ceiling dangled a spider upon a web HEADING DIRECTLY FOR MY MAN-THING! I managed to finish firing just a second before it would have alighted upon my torpedo tube! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH! -Ralph OH DEAR GOD!!!! You every worry 'bout a spider crawling into your bum hole whilst you're doing a poo? Always. Actually I always check the loo for spiders before parking my arse. -Ralph |
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Post by legios on Mar 5, 2009 21:35:59 GMT
You every worry 'bout a spider crawling into your bum hole whilst you're doing a poo? Not in this country to be honest. It is the sort of thing I would be inclined to worry about if I lived in Australia, for example. But not really in this country. Karl |
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Post by karla on Mar 5, 2009 21:37:56 GMT
there was this huge black house spider parked in the corner of the hallway, but I just couldn't walk past it in case it jumped at me. I hate spiders. Tried to throw things at it from a distance, but it wouldn't budge.
so I waited a bit building up courage, it shifted, courage dropped, waited again....then ran past it as fast as I could eeeeeeek.
but penny spiders I love, they can jump all around my room.
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Post by grahamthomson on Mar 5, 2009 21:39:13 GMT
You every worry 'bout a spider crawling into your bum hole whilst you're doing a poo? Unless you're squatting over a crate of imported bananas, then I don't see that there's anything to worry about! |
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Post by karla on Mar 5, 2009 21:47:35 GMT
banana spiders
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Post by Fortmax2020 on Mar 6, 2009 12:56:20 GMT
That's no bunch of bananas....
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Post by Shockprowl on Mar 7, 2009 13:15:17 GMT
You every worry 'bout a spider crawling into your bum hole whilst you're doing a poo? Not in this country to be honest. It is the sort of thing I would be inclined to worry about if I lived in Australia, for example. But not really in this country. Karl Just remembered! This almost exactly thing happen to the father of a girl I dated when I was in Australia, a bazillion years ago! Apparently, a Red Back crawled up the outside of the loo, whilst he was doing a poo, and bit him in the inner thigh! He was rushed to hospital, and everything was fine. Urrrrrsh! |
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Post by Shockprowl on Mar 7, 2009 13:16:06 GMT
So that's what the itchy feeling is. UURRRRGH!!! |
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Post by The Doctor on Mar 7, 2009 15:08:00 GMT
M!!!!!!!!
-Ralph
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Post by karla on Mar 8, 2009 1:15:07 GMT
Just remembered! This almost exactly thing happen to the father of a girl I dated when I was in Australia, a bazillion years ago! Apparently, a Red Back crawled up the outside of the loo, whilst he was doing a poo, and bit him in the inner thigh! He was rushed to hospital, and everything was fine. Urrrrrsh! I'm scared... i've been bitten by a spider, wasn't nice. These stories don't help |
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Post by Shockprowl on Mar 8, 2009 15:19:17 GMT
Thing wi Red Backs is, they're small, so they can scurry into your clothes and bite you before you could get the clothes off! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
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Post by The Doctor on Mar 8, 2009 15:44:36 GMT
AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!
-Ralph
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Post by karla on Mar 8, 2009 16:37:45 GMT
IT MOVED IN THE BOX!!!! *cries* I can't watch that bit
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
facing your fears does NOT help you overcome them, I will not sleep tonight.
I'm still shaking!
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Post by Fortmax2020 on Mar 9, 2009 12:52:24 GMT
Lovely.
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Post by The Doctor on Mar 9, 2009 16:52:30 GMT
There's a bit in the current New Scientist about a species of spider which can look in more directions than typical spiders and particularly likes to catch ants. Brrrr.
-Ralph
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Post by Fortmax2020 on Mar 9, 2009 18:04:34 GMT
I know. Very interesting. *readies scanner and gas*
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