Travel Chaos

[The Doctor]

Glasgow reached, thanks to Mrs Spence.

-Ralph

[The Doctor]

Announcement: trains to Brum and midlands cancelled. Disruptions at Preston. Potential fun lies ahead.

-Ralph

[The Doctor]

Trains from Preston to Man P cancelled for after 9pm. I should get in under that wire.

Train loo broken. Discomfort.

-Ralph

[The Doctor]

Train running late. Should be at Preston but still whizzing past fields. 20 min window at Preston shrinking.

-Ralph

[The Doctor]

I was managing fine until the train got to Preston and was running late so had to run across a bridge, my glasses fogged up, couldn't see. Panic attack. Just made it on the train. Drenched in sweat. Nothing can go wrong now.

-Ralph

[The Doctor]

Got back ok. Managed to mostly avoid the rail strikes!

Thankfully, Jen picked me up at the station. I was out of beans by then.

-Ralph

[Andy Turnbull]

Looks like I will be working from home next week giving the impending RMT strike.

[The Doctor]

Silver linings.

-Ralph

[Philip Ayres]

"Birmingham airport flights delayed longest in 2021"

www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-62112211

I wonder what could be causing that.....

[The Doctor]

NIIIIIIICK!!!

-Ralph

[Philip Ayres]

Today Nick is travelling from Glasvegas to Brum by train.

It all went very well till an hour ago when he was delayed at Wolverhampton by "a fire near the railway involving gas cylinders"

[The Doctor]

Well that's new for him.

-Ralph

[The Doctor]

Trains to Manchester cancelled. Having to do bus partway then tram. Not happy. My easy 20 min jaunt now takes...who knows...

-Ralph

[Philip Ayres]

Attention, ATTENTION ALL FORUM MEMBERS!

Today is the day Nick travels from Brum to Glasvaegas for Christmas.

Yeah I know.

To spice things up, thanks to train strikes etc, this year it involves a Megabus.

A dress rehearsal trip to The Smoke at the start of the week DID NOT GO WELL.

Let's sit back and .....

[Benn]

It's begun well, I see.

[Philip Ayres]

Oh yes.

LIVE commentary from the man himself at Twitter: https://twitter.com/ToyFu332/status/1605513062877868035

[Philip Ayres]

In unrelated news www.nationalrail.co.uk/service_disruptions/313960.aspx

Due to short-notice changes to the timetable fewer TransPennine Express services are able to run across the network. As a result, trains may be delayed or cancelled.

Major disruption is expected until the end of the day.

Customer Advice:

Customers are advised DO NOT TRAVEL across the TransPennine Express network today.

[The Doctor]

Ho ho ho.

Eyes down for a full house.

-Ralph

[The Doctor]

If we know what coach Nick is on, we can track him!

coachtracker.uk.megabus.com/

-Ralph

[Philip Ayres]

We do.

coachtracker.uk.megabus.com/view/between/552/60903765/route/M11/O/0800/21-12-2022

However there's some worrying news for Ralph & M in there......

[The Doctor]

It's fine. His coach goes nowhere near me.

-Ralph

[Philip Ayres]

He's ALREADY taken out the Trans Pennine express before he left Birmingham, imagine what will happen as he gets closer....

[The Doctor]

The skies have suddenly darkened. No rain forecast.

-Ralph

[Philip Ayres]

Nick should be in Vegas by now.

10:45 Dep 11:28 Birmingham Brunel Street
12:30 Dep 13:20 Manchester Airport Bus Station Stand A/B/C
13:00 Dep 14:19 Manchester Shudehill Interchange Stand G
14:10 Dep 15:26 Preston Bus Station
14:50 Dep 16:04 Lancaster Lancaster University
17:00 Abington Services
18:05 Exp 19:33 Glasgow Buchanan Bus Station

He's not, having doubled the delay on the bus since he boarded

[Philip Ayres]

I may have to copy the entire twitter thread for prosterity

[The Doctor]

Rookie mistake in not having breakfast before setting out or bringing food!

-Ralph

[The Doctor]

Good to see he's made a new friend though.

-Ralph

[Philip Ayres]

Dec 21, 2022 11:11:47 GMT Philip Ayres said:

LIVE commentary from the man himself at Twitter: https://twitter.com/ToyFu332/status/1605513062877868035

Dec 21, 2022 18:35:39 GMT Philip Ayres said:

I may have to copy the entire twitter thread for prosterity

@toyfu332
Well. Back on the road.
10:38 AM · Dec 21, 2022

---

@toyfu332
9h

A bit over an hour ago I was surveying the house trying to work out what I'd forgotten to pack before heading out. As I searched, I received a concerning message from downstairs.

Mate, you need to poop.

---

@toyfu332
9h

Sending back the message "can we just hold it for the next... 10 hours?" didn't seem realistic, and going on the coach was off the table for me and for my fellow passengers.

---

@toyfu332
8h

I had to decide:

-go at home, miss my bus, and either jog 1.3 miles to the other bus route while towing a suitcase, or wait for the next one here that would leave me 7 minutes to find the coach stop in town

-or get my bus, go in Grand Central, then find the coach stop

---

@toyfu332
8h

So the gents in Grand Central have 5 cubicles. Only 1 was out of order, so well done there. The other 4 were occupied, because of course.

One opened up, I took care of my business, and headed downstairs to find the coach stop.

---

@toyfu332
8h

As I departed New Street station I passed two security men who were asking a man sat slumped next to the doors if he needed medical attention.

He looked up at them with utter incomprehension, apparently so stoned that his brain could no longer process words. Tale as old as time.

---

@toyfu332
8h

I followed Maps to the street listed on my ticket and found a long queue of people with suitcases. Good sign. Also a Megabus going to Leeds. Better sign.

I asked a man with a clipboard in a fluorescent orange jacket if I was in the right place for the 10.45 to Glasgow.

---

@toyfu332
8h

The 10.45 is delayed by 30 minutes so far.

Yup.

He directed me to the bottom of the hill to make space for the Leeds folks, where I remain at time of writing.

The man was in the fluorescent jacket by the way. Not the clipboard. It was quite plain by comparison.

---

@toyfu332
8h

I'm glad it's mild today. Standing here for half an hour in -5°C with the frost creeping up my shoes would have suuuuucked.

No wind either. Not great for a country peppered with wind farms during an energy crisis, but it works in my immediate favour.

---

@toyfu332
8h

It's here! I handed over my case, containing a precious and heavily padded Haslab Victory Saber for @andrewdturnbull.

Felt for a guy our queue passed. His coach was over an hour late *so far* and he was in danger of missing his flight.

---

@toyfu332
8h

We recommend you take another form of transport and contact our customer service.

*What* other form of transport? A £200 intercity taxi? A train that might not be running and could cost almost as much buying a ticket on the day?

Our country really is a shit-show.

---

@toyfu332
7h

Now that I'm on the coach, I've got to say I'm impressed!

The seats are large and spacious. It's not too warm or too cool. The obligatory cold air jet to the side of the head doesn't seem to have been installed.

---

@toyfu332
7h

There are usb chargers on the back of every seat, and a wireless charger/phone dock to mount your phone on to watch videos on the road.

It's quiet, comfortable and there's plenty of leg room (for me at 5'8" anyway).

My foot rest is jammed in the highest position. That's all.

---

@toyfu332
7h

Also, and this is a huge deal, as I was queuing to board I saw a fella going into the on board toilet and caught a glimpse of the inside. There was paper! A whole roll!

Will that last us all the way to Glasgow? I doubt it! But it's here now.

---

@toyfu332
7h

Well, 1 hour down. 6.25 hours to go, assuming there are no further delays (lol).

---

@toyfu332
6h

Manchester airport. Our first stop. Arrived ~35 mins behind schedule. Will probably leave ~40 mins behind. No time made up, but none lost.

---

@toyfu332
6h

I opened @xkcd 's What If 2 a little while ago. I am currently on page 16, reading about the real-physics repercussions of boiling a 1 m^3 iron cube in your back garden.

Spoiler warning- he recommends against it.

---

@toyfu332
5h

Manchester central coach station.

ETA 13.00
Actual TA 13.54

Oh dear.

---

@toyfu332
5h

Half the passengers got off here. Maybe a dozen got on. Place is a lot quieter.

Might risk raising the mask to drink some water. I'm pretty parched.

---

@toyfu332
5h

Made it as far as page 53 of What If 2.

Current quandary is one of the safer ones (so far) whether all the world's bananas would fit inside all the world's churches.

Hard to see how this question could destroy the solar system, but it's always on the table.

---

@toyfu332
5h

Departing Manchester coach station by almost T-boning a van. Much horn parping later we are on our way, now an impressive 74 minutes behind schedule.

---

@toyfu332
4h

Page 102. What would happen if the Chicxulub meteor was gently lowered onto the Earth instead of striking it at 50,000mph. Turns out it's still kind of a mess.

Oh my God we're in Preston.

---

@toyfu332
4h

Preston bus station.

ETA 14.10.
ATA 15.14.

Got to say, the window seat is less pleasant than the aisle. Less options for leg placement, and not much difference in view. The dude who sat next to me at Manchester is very tall. Fitting his knees in was a challenge.

---

@toyfu332
4h

Page 128. As rubber tyres wear down, where does all the rubber go?

I find myself once again wedged into the corner as the dude in the aisle seat struggles to find space for his legs. My arse hurts, I can barely move, and I'm still more than 3 hours from Glasgow.

---

@toyfu332
4h

Also it's been almost 6 hours since breakfast and I'm getting quite hungry. But apart from that things are fine.

---

@toyfu332
3h

Lancaster University.

ETA 14.50
ATA 16.02

I have never needed to stand up more in my life. My legs are killing me.

---

@toyfu332
3h

Had to ask Tall Aisle Seat Bloke to let me out so I could stand while we were stopped at Lancaster. We had an amicable legroom arrangement for a while but I took my knee off the ball and my real estate is now shrinking again.

I can't be mad. He's wedged in like a cork.

---

@toyfu332
3h

Twilight was a grim experience. The whole world looked the colour of old rust.

Now it's completely dark. No stars. No roadside lights. Just the headlights of vehicles passing the other way to assure us the rest of the universe still exists.

---

@toyfu332
3h

Was there a time when I was not on this bus? I'm beginning to doubt it. Was the rest of my life a dream? Has it just been the bus, always and forever?

All right. Easy on the melodrama there, Hamlet. It hasn't even been six hours yet.

---

@toyfu332
2h

I've only had a few sips of water since my morning coffee, so I guess it's not surprising I haven't needed to pee since Grand Central.

Starting to feel the need but I'll hold off for a while. Save the movement till later. Something to look forward to.

---

@toyfu332
2h

Ooh! Just noticed the clock up front flashes and an indicator comes on to show the toilet is occupied. That's useful. Saves a wasted journey. Wouldn't that be a shame, eh? If I stood up and stretched my legs, walking around for nothing. The extravagance of it.

---

@toyfu332
2h

As if in answer, we pulled into a services to change drivers and everyone who needed it spent 2 blissful minutes outside stretching our legs in the chill, diesel-filled air. God, I needed that.

2 hours to go.

---

@toyfu332
2h

New driver just turned all the internal lights off. So much for What If 2. I'll need to wait to Glasgow to find out what it would see if you replaced Earth with an Earth-sized eyeball.

---

@toyfu332
2h

Just noticed the "toilet occupied" indicator was out. Someone was already up and heading for it. It's being watched. I'll have to play this carefully or I'll have a repeat of Monday.

---

@toyfu332
2h

I can feel Tall Aisle Seat Bloke's shin, pressed against mine in the darkness. Sorry chief. I know you have bigger legs but you also have the aisle. This crack between the two seats is the only space I have. I can't straighten my other leg past 45° because of the foot rest.

---

@toyfu332
2h

Went to the toilet.
Bad news- someone else beat me to it
Good news- the row next to the toilet downstairs was COMPLETELY EMPTY

Full leg extension, baby!

---

@toyfu332
2h

Yes it was cold because it was next to the door but oh, God, the sheer joy of being able to straighten both legs.

For the record, the toilet was in reasonable shape although there was no soap (naturally) and the spare toilet roll had apparently fallen in and been fished out. Ew.

---

@toyfu332
1h

I decided it would be comically irresponsible to clamber back to my seat, touching all those handrails with dirty hands, so I sat in the empty row again while I gave my hands a scrub with an antiviral wipe.

Back in place now. Hour and a quarter to go.

---

@toyfu332
1h

Abington Services. I think one person got off. This place is probably more a stop for the driver than anything.

---

@toyfu332
1h

ETA 17.05
ATA 18.26

Christ on a bike.

---

@toyfu332
1h

We can all hear the driver conversing with his supervisor on the phone. He says the bus was overloaded when he changed over and he is risking his license driving with too much weight.

His solution was to turn away anyone with luggage from Manchester onward 👀

---

@toyfu332
1h

Did they put on extra coaches to compensate for the rail strikes? Did they think people would stay home and just do a Zoom Christmas like 2020?

Do the coach companies even have the extra capacity? Are they running at near-100% all the time, leaving them with no flexibility?

---

@toyfu332
1h

Motherwell. Half an hour from Glasgow. Or it would be if traffic hadn't just SLOWED TO A CRAWL AHAHAHAHAHA I'M NEVER GETTING OFF THIS BUS AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

---

@toyfu332
51m

Looks like there was a lane closed due to an accident. Someone looking nervous outside a stopped car next to a police car on the inside lane. That's rough, buddy, but it doesn't look like anyone was seriously hurt and we're rolling again so I'm okay with it.

---

@toyfu332
38m

For the first time in about seven and a half hours I recognise my surroundings. We're so close! So close I can taste it! So close to getting off this bus and STANDING UP STRAIGHT!

And seeing my parents and friends and Christmas etc.

---

@toyfu332
7m

Got my case. Found my dad. Got home. Dinner is ready. Living the dream.
8:18 PM · Dec 21, 2022

[blueshift]

Thanks for the poo update, Phil

[Benn]

You know you were wondering.