CHESS!

[Pinwig]

I might get reckless and stage a breakout.

[The Doctor]

...in a Monster Truck!

-Ralph

[Shockprowl]

May 9, 2022 20:47:54 GMT Pinwig said:

I might get reckless and stage a breakout.

Heeeeyyyy, I think I know what you might be doing...

[Pinwig]

Oh good, can you tell me then? I'd love to know.

[Shockprowl]

You can't fool me!

Knight g4

[Pinwig]

Uh huh. I see. Just as I suspected.

[The Doctor]

...in a Monster Truck!

-Ralph

[Shockprowl]

May 11, 2022 18:29:50 GMT Pinwig said:

Uh huh. I see. Just as I suspected.

Yo Pinwig yo, what ya gonna do?
Ya got your Knight in ma face, but your position is poo!
You're all jammed up in the corner like schmuck!
Two pieces en prise, I think you're outa luck!

You let ma centre pawns, advance on your ass!
I understand your pain, but in chess you cannot pass!
A battle of wits, a puzzle ultimate!
I will make your defeat, very intimate!




(Sorry, not sure what I meant by that last bit...)

[Pinwig]

Yeah. I had a very busy weekend, but every time I passed the board I stopped to look at it and thought, "Yup, you're in a right mess there." I've just been trying to work out how to limit the damage coming in the next few moves and can't decide which pieces to sacrifice.

I've learned quite a lot playing this, given I was starting basically from nothing.

[Shockprowl]

Starting from nothing?!

You you you started the game SUPERBLY!

This just goes to show: chess is Truth. If you follow logically sound ideas, you'll do well. Your opening was as sound as a pound. Knight g6 was the big mistake; an unsupported piece, doomed to be... pilled up upon, causing you to cram your pieces in a corner to try to defend ol' Pinkie Pie. Given I've had much more experience, I should have done much better than I did in the opening and early middlegame. By comparison, fuck a duck; I've played a shithouse of a game.

I think it was Tartakower who said "the player who looses a game of chess is the last one to play a mistake." Tartakower phrased it better than that, but the point is it's a puzzle and the least worst mistake-maker wins.


You're a chess player, buddy. Ain't no mistaking it. Welcome to the party.


Anywho. THE GAME ISN'T OVER YET! We're amateurs; anything can happen in the next five moves.



(It's really nice walking past your board all set up with a game, isn't it? Gives one a moment's smile, a small toddy of peace, in the maelstrom of life.)

[Pinwig]

Right, well then. Into the valley of death rode the 600.

Bishop takes bishop.

[Shockprowl]

Woaw. You brutal bastard.


King takes Bishop on g7.

[Pinwig]

Yeah. If I'm going down, I'm doing it in a BLAZE OF GLORY.

Freed from the shackles of even considering victory, reckless guerrilla warfare begins.

Pawn H3.

[Shockprowl]

Queen f6.

[Shockprowl]

You can cut the tension with a knife...

[Pinwig]

See, I actually ended up falling asleep last night while considering this. I can see you could win in two moves here if I don't make the right response. If your queen goes f2, my king has had it because he can't take the queen, protected by the knight on g4. He can only move into the corner, but then the queen goes g2 and it's game over man.

Are you thinking you can pull that off?

I'm not sure you think you can get away with that so easily, so what's the caper here? Train of thought time, because I have nothing really to hide now.

You must think you're entering the end game, otherwise you wouldn't be bringing your queen out. So she's a danger in the f corridor generally and I have to do something to stop her coming down to f2.

What have I got?

I could take the knight on g4 with the pawn, but then the queen could also come to f3 and put the king in check, being protected from him by the pawn on e4.

So it seems taking the knight isn't enough to stop my king coming under fire.

It being the queen is an imminent threat, I can't think about an attack myself, I need to defend and f2 and f3 seem to be the hotspots that need attention. Is that queen up to anything else? no, it's coming for the king because the diagonal doesn't offer anything safe - take my rook and the queen will be taken too by mine, and there doesn't seem to be anything else down that route offering an advantage.

I could go pawn f4, which would block the queen's advance and if that pawn is taken it's defended by the one on e3. That's an option.

However I could also stop the queen moving to f2 by using my knight to take the pawn on d3, which is okay to do now the queen has moved off d8. that would protect f2 and f4 and provide the dilemma of using the pawn on e4 to take the knight, releasing the protection is has on f3.

Or is there something else here I'm missing.

The sausages are burning. Mrs P won't be happy.

[Shockprowl]

You're thinking like a chess player, Man. Welcome to the party.


Truth is: I have, nor have had, a Great Plan. And sometimes that's the key. Just do good basic things. I developed, I attacked the stranded piece, I pushed forwards to control more space. Then, seeing all your pieces cramped over there in Siberia, leaving your king unsupported, I simply put stuff in towards your King. I'm throwing all my dudes your King's way.

A couple of moves ago when I said "I think I know what you're doing". I thought you were going to take my d pawn with your hopelessly cramped Knight, then my pawn takes your Knight, your Rook takes that pawn attacking my Queen (your Queen defending your Rook). So you'd sac' your hopeless Knight for my two powerful advanced pawns that were totally constricting you. That would have been a good sacrifice. Two advanced pawns for a rubbish Knight AND gaining a tempo on my Queen.

I... I really wanna play Queen f3, check.

BECAUSE IT WOULD FORK KING AND ROOK.

But more even than that, my Queen would be right in your King's junk. And I know I can soon get some other dudes in there.

Queen f3 would be lovely.

I'm not sure what you should do. I've spun my board around (good tip that, actually), and I don't know. You just gotta bust out of that hell-hole, Man. You gotta bust out.

I want to play Queen f3. If I can't play it I'm just going to keep putting stuff near your King.

And I know your Pinky is doomed so I felt ok chucking my Apple Jack in there.

But it is still very much 'up in the air' whilst Queens are still on the board. My King is fairly exposed. You exposed my King quite early. I got some loose pieces really.

IT'S A PUZZLE WITHIN A PUZZLE THAT'S CONSTANTLY CHANGING!

[Pinwig]

That exchange of pieces you mention is what I was thinking at the time, but I couldn't see a way to pull it off without leaving you in a more powerful position. I think one rookie mistake I might be making is worrying too much about losing pieces. As we've traded piece for piece so far I guess I thought we were staying equal, but the way your pieces have spread means mine have almost no way to move. I've noticed how you pretty much kept a front line of advancing pawns as long as possible to make room behind them and now you have free reign across most of the board with the pawns still being quite controlling in the squares they can attack.

Hmm. Hmm. What a dilemma.

Okay. Knight takes pawn d3. Let's see what that does.

[Shockprowl]

You've instinctively struck on some of the fundamentals of chess!!! Far FAR quicker than I did.
.
Space: space to maneuver, and Pawns help you do that.

Pawn Structure: a poor pawn structure can be more of a weakness than a good pawn structure is a strength, because a bad pawn structure can be attacked! A good Pawn structure is a launching pad.

Material. Equal material is actually VERY important. A Rook is much stronger than a Knight or Bishop. However, it's all relative: a well placed Knight can be as strong as a poorly placed Rook, and two connected advanced pawns can be worth a cramped Knight....



So.....

[Shockprowl]

Queen f3, check.

[Pinwig]

Ooh. I was not expecting that.

[Shockprowl]

Pin-wig, Pin-wig,
What ya gonna do?
What ya gonna do when they come for you?

Pin-wig, Pin-wig,
What ya gonna do?
What ya gonna do when they come for you?

My Queen is sniffing round,
My Knight is in the hole,
When I swing my Rooks across,
I will achieve my goal.

And what gave you got?
Your King is on run!
You got two dead Knights,
And a Rook stuck on a1.

Uhh!

[The Doctor]

On Ceti Alpha V there was a chance!

-Ralph

[Pinwig]

I was almost asleep last night when I settled on that move and once I saw yours I instantly regretted not moving the pawn to block your queen. I didn't think you'd come forward like that until the queen had a bit more backup. It might have given me a move or two to try and support my king, but I think the game is up here pretty much. I can really see here how a queen alone can be pretty devastating. I'd also say it's dodgy to leave a king alone, but yours has been by itself for a lot of the game, I just haven't been able to capitalise on that because the positioning of the rest of your pieces is actually defending it without me realising.

So I only have two moves I can play, f1 or g1. I've tried to think through as many permutations of this as possible to see how long I can prolong the game, but even with only two moves things just keep unraveling.

[Shockprowl]

You're right about my King; I left mine very open at one point. But by gaining space I was able to block all the entrance points.

I'd happily say you opened better than me. I don't study openings, that's a common beginner's trap. Openings are too hard. Too hard to remember. Forget openings after you've learnt the basic opening principles. Instead, study TACTICS! TACTICS TACTICS TACTICS! Knight forks, pins, back-rank checkmate, all that kind of thing. Pin and win! Tactics are the short range tricks than can give you an advantage. Strategy is the long-term plan, which like openings is pointless for us beginner's because we can't think that far ahead. But tactics is where it's at. Then some basic Endgame knowledge.

[Pinwig]

Alright. f1.

[Shockprowl]

Knight takes pawn e3, check.

[Pinwig]

Got to be e1 then.

[The Doctor]

May 19, 2022 21:53:18 GMT Pinwig said:

Alright. f1.

F5! F5!

-Ralph

[Benn]

DO A BARREL ROLL.