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Post by The Doctor on Dec 17, 2007 13:19:33 GMT
It's too late. My mind is boggling with the possibilities. I must know.
-Ralph
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Post by Andy Turnbull on Dec 17, 2007 13:44:08 GMT
Paul - share the milk bottle incident and then I shall weigh in.
The spotlight is yours....
Andy
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Post by Philip Ayres on Dec 17, 2007 14:00:04 GMT
and of course if any other member's member has an incident worth mentioning do feel free to contribute !
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panderson
Protoform
Kiss Me? Hardly!!!
Posts: 548
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Post by panderson on Dec 17, 2007 14:14:40 GMT
Paul - share the milk bottle incident and then I shall weigh in. The spotlight is yours.... Andy Ok - I did warn you Many moons ago I was going into hospital for an op usually linked to certain religious practices due to elements of my body filling up with liquid when I went loo - the hole was just not big enough Well...I was required to provide a water sample but no other item to hand but a milk bottle Being a young thoughtless lad to save on spillage I stuck it in and went...only for the problem I was going in for to cause a problem, leading ot to be stuck with no way to push the liquid out quicker Cue me standing at the top of the stairs yelling for my mum with a milk bottle swinging between my legs NOW cut to a few weeks letter, post op, I notice that the gauze my part was coverd in was neon green - in fact glow in the dark green Cue me once again standing at top of stairs in middle of night with no lights on making swoosh noises I have no shame Your turn |
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Post by Andy Turnbull on Dec 17, 2007 14:42:31 GMT
Several years ago following a work night out where I ended up back at Turnbull Towers with a female co-worker who was spending the night.
We made love as was the custom at the time, (I was her first, I'm not bragging it's a contributing factor to the tale) afterwards I went downstairs to the toilet to urinate. As I do so I start to notice that there is a pain in the member and I look down and see that my foreskin is much further back than it should be. Panic ensues and I start trying to pull the foreskin back into place - to no avail.
Now in my drink-addled state I reason that not only do I need to be pulling at my foreskin but there needs to be some force pushing in the opposite direction.
At this point I think nothing of sticking my index finger down my bell-end as I pull the foreskin back to where it should be. As I do so my knees buckle due to the pain and I nearly fall to the ground. I manage to stay on my feet and look down and voila the member is looking like it normally does - only a good deal redder.
I clean myself up and go back upstairs (needless to say I do not explain any of this to my lady friend) and we make love again.
Thankfully this time no injuries were caused.
Andy
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Post by Andy Turnbull on Dec 17, 2007 14:43:10 GMT
Brilliant - the adbot now shows personal injury claims info! I'd love to see someone go to a solicitor about that!
Andy
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panderson
Protoform
Kiss Me? Hardly!!!
Posts: 548
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Post by panderson on Dec 17, 2007 14:46:59 GMT
WTF!!!! having not had one by the time of my first time I cannot know hwat the heck happened there!!!! - was it just some form of intense vaume or somethiung which caused the suck back so to speak!!
I think I just went faint at the though
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Post by Andy Turnbull on Dec 17, 2007 14:48:37 GMT
Who knows. A worrying few minutes until the problem was fixed!
Andy
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Post by Philip Ayres on Dec 17, 2007 15:32:08 GMT
I believe Andy may have just told the story word for word as it came out the first time here
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Post by Andy Turnbull on Dec 17, 2007 15:41:36 GMT
Funnily enough it is a much requested tale. Near legendary at my work.
Andy
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panderson
Protoform
Kiss Me? Hardly!!!
Posts: 548
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Post by panderson on Dec 17, 2007 15:52:39 GMT
Funnily enough it is a much requested tale. Near legendary at my work. Andy My story is nothing in comparison |
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Post by Grand Moff Muffin on Dec 18, 2007 23:07:59 GMT
I had a friend who lost his old feller / wife's best friend / euphemism of your choice in a very nasty industrial accident.
The doctor didn't offer him much hope, but he begged him for help - anything he could do for him, to relieve him of his dismembered state, he'd take it.
The doctor looked at it again, and shook his head. There was one chance - a new procedure. He could transplant part of an elephant's trunk to replace the lost item. My friend was desperate, and accepted. The operation was performed.
My friend went home to his wife, eager to try out his new addition. To get her in the mood, he took her out to dinner - a nice meal, a few glasses of wine...
Then, just as the waiter was bringing the main course, an elephant's trunk whisked out from beneath the tablecloth, snatched a bread roll from the basket and vanished back where it had come from.
The waiter was floored. The people at neighbouring tables who had witnessed the event were blown away. "Wow!" they said. "Do that again!"
My friend was hesitant. They wondered why he was so reluctant to perform.
"Well, I could do it again," he said. "But I don't think my arse can take another of those bread rolls."
I'll get my coat.
Martin
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Post by elliotthopkins on Dec 18, 2007 23:19:51 GMT
Much chuckling here at Hopkins acres.
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Post by Shockprowl on Dec 19, 2007 10:23:58 GMT
AHHHHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by The Doctor on Dec 19, 2007 10:49:54 GMT
I thought that was real up until the elephant trunk.
-Ralph
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Post by Andy Turnbull on Dec 19, 2007 11:23:44 GMT
Indeed. Splendid delivery of a most amusing joke!
Andy
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Post by gloriana on Dec 19, 2007 18:33:45 GMT
Ummmmmmmmm.....
I once had an incident involving a wire fence, climbing over it and slipping. Suffice it to say I narrowly avoided acquiring injuries which are akin to certain religious/cultural practices in Africa and the Middle East, but not before I thought I was bleeding to death. I ended up with a hematoma (think bruise the side of a fist) in places best left unmentioned on a family oriented board. Not my finest hour in my running club.
Rowan
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Post by The Doctor on Dec 19, 2007 18:39:59 GMT
Oh dear.
As yet I have yet to sustain any injuries to the Down Below department. Long may this continue.
-Ralph
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Post by Andy Turnbull on Dec 19, 2007 18:40:57 GMT
You've tempted fate! Some heinous hogmanay injury will beset you!!!!
Andy
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Post by gloriana on Dec 19, 2007 18:41:48 GMT
Indeed you have Ralph. I wonder how and when this will manifest itself.
Rowan
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Post by Andy Turnbull on Dec 19, 2007 18:43:38 GMT
Based on the Hugman thread I think frosted glass will be involved.
Andy
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Post by The Doctor on Dec 19, 2007 18:44:23 GMT
Nothing, nothing can possibly happen.
I don't have a girlfriend. I'm not climbing over any fences. I shall not touch any milk bottles.
Nothing will happen.
-Ralph
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Post by Andy Turnbull on Dec 19, 2007 18:45:21 GMT
Dear lord, stop tempting fate you might not see in the new year with the little doctor still attached!!!!
Andy
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Post by gloriana on Dec 19, 2007 18:45:43 GMT
But have you taken the teeth of an annoyed Jack Russell into account (cf an incident told to me down the pub) once drunk and not remembering to tuck the blighter away after a trip to the gentleman's convenience?
Rowan
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Post by The Doctor on Dec 19, 2007 18:51:35 GMT
I always remember to tuck carefully after a visit to the gentleman's conveniance. I have never been caught in a zipper.
-Ralph
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Post by gloriana on Dec 19, 2007 18:53:50 GMT
You have however, tempted fate. Hubris will come and bite you on the tadger.
Rowan
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Post by The Doctor on Dec 19, 2007 18:54:42 GMT
It will not. I am perfectly safe. I have had no such accidents for 29 years. What are the odds that it would suddenly happen now?
-Ralph
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Post by Fortmax2020 on Dec 19, 2007 18:56:45 GMT
What are the odds of Spider Bob making a come back?
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Post by Andy Turnbull on Dec 19, 2007 18:57:27 GMT
At this point - decreasing rapidly!
Andy
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Post by gloriana on Dec 19, 2007 18:58:11 GMT
What are the odds of me making 200 posts by the end of tonight and not having done the rest of my lesson planning?
Rowan
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