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Post by blueshift on Mar 2, 2013 18:40:26 GMT
Episode 5 - Soldier This episode is pretty much the same as episode 4, but it's set in the Antarctic, not the desert! Whoa, madness! Also it has some sort of romantic subplot between Red Alert and Hot Shot. That's what I assume at least, I spent half the episode drawing a picture. Carlos asks "Is there something going on between you and Red Alert, Hot Shot?" and Hot Shot is all coy, and we have scenes of him and Red Alert being grumpy with each other. At the end they awkwardly make up to romantic music. Meanwhile, Optimus Prime tries to sell us his really terrible base mode. It doesn’t look like anything and is useless all episode. What is with the overtly dramatic faction-symbol flip music. It's weird. Anyway, to alleviate the stress, I drew a picture of what Red Alert would look like if he was a human. I was very careful with it, and mapped his robot mode exactly to his human form. Hopefully now when you watch Armada, you won't be able to unsee this.  |
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Post by The Doctor on Mar 2, 2013 18:45:36 GMT
EPISODE 8: DESERTION OF ALL HOPE.
So this is the one where they go to the desert. Rad tells us that it's hard to tell the size of a desert until you go there. NO IT'S NOT YOU FUCKING MORON. GO LOOK AT A FUCKING MAP! Alas, no giant scorpions rise up out of the desert and try to rip him limb from useless limb.
Brief moment of class at the start as we are told a story from long ago in glorious monochrome. But then the robot minicon pish begins again and I had to neck ale as fast as I could. I actually think this show could be contributing to the alcoholic problems of the world. I hadn't planned on drinking today but it's the only way to get through this.
Actually, enough of this. Let's talk about Bros. Remember them? Popular beat combo chaps of the 80's. They were great, but not as great as Haddaway. No one is as good as Haddaway except possibly Dr Albarn. Now Dr Albrn was also a dentist and a dentist would be useful when watching this episode so that when the grinding and gnashing of teeth becomes just that bit too much he can extract them and then we can just gum a random passerby to death. "It's my life, take it or leave it!" That's so true, Dr Albarn, so true. You are the oracle.
BEVERAGE OF THE EPISODE: Still on the beautiful MARCH OF THE PENGUINS ale. I wonder if people can actually march like penguins if they have enough of it. Only one way to find out
-Ralph
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Post by The Doctor on Mar 2, 2013 19:00:03 GMT
EPISODE 9: I NEED MY BRAIN!
So Billy complains that he needs his brain. As if he had one.
Yes! Some fine stomping across a room from Leader-1. He is my hero. He has the sense to only appear briefly from time to time. I bet he also has a secret supply of pies, because pies are good. I also suspect that Leader-1 has a harem.
So Cyclonus turns into a child snatcher in this episode and...and...hey, the weather was nice today wasn't it? Pretty warm for March.
BEVERAGE OF THE EPISODE: I love you, MARCH OF THE PENGUINS ale. You are my true friend. My only friend. You get me through the hard times.
-Ralph
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Post by blueshift on Mar 2, 2013 19:08:10 GMT
Episode 6 - JungleEpisode 6 is a bit like episodes 4 or 5 but this time it's set in a forest. Not a jungle. They're kinda close though, so points for trying, I guess. The Autobots find a Minicon panel and go looking for it, so do the Decepticons. The Decepticons shoot some lasers at the trees and start to burn them down, so the Autobots decide to not fight but instead put the fire out. Luckily the Decepticons are good sports and don't use the opportunity to murder them. To put the fire out, Optimus Prime uses his trailer (called CONTAINER today) to pump all the water into and then use as a big fire hose. Now, the toy contained about a thousand batteries in order to power its cruel electric motors. After watching the episode, I excitedly ran into the bath with the trailer, dunking it into the water to be just like my hero. I awoke from my coma last week  Prime and his two friends then attack all four Decepticons, despite being outnumbered and outgunned. Thankfully Starscream legs it and nicks the Minicon panel, revealing an adorable tiny racing car. The car zooms about everywhere, and Starscream just laughs happily like a little child on Christmas Day. He sure loves that little car! Good points: The episode went pretty quickly, I guess because I have started drinking.
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Post by Benn on Mar 2, 2013 19:13:04 GMT
Well, I'm enjoying this, even if no-one else is. Of course, I'm not actually watching the cartoon yet. Temptation grows.
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Post by The Doctor on Mar 2, 2013 19:30:23 GMT
EPISODE 10: I CHALLENGE THE PRIVILEGE OF TRIAL BY COMBAT!
So this is the one where they fight on an underground subway system. It's not as good as that time Doctor Who fought the Yeti in the London Underground though.
"It's like a maze in there!" exclaims Optimus Prime stupidly at one point. No, no it isn't you robotic dimwit. IN NO WAY IS A SUBWAY SYSTEM LIKE A FUCKING MAZE. THAT'S LIKE SAYING A KANGAROO IS LIKE A FAN OF BUDGIE THE FUCKING HELICOPTER.
The railings are nicely drawn.
At no point does Leader-1 claim dominion over all of time and space, but he should have. HE SHOULD HAVE.
BEVERAGE OF THE EPISODE: BAD KING JOHN ale. Oh this is tremendous stuff. "Bad King John is black," screams the label, "Bitter, intense...like the ruthless man it honours. Do not come here looking for subtlety!" A lesson for us all I fear and the perfect simile for this bloody show!
-Ralph
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Post by The Doctor on Mar 2, 2013 19:56:29 GMT
EPISODE 11: STINGRAYYYYY, STINGRAY!
So this the one where they go to Atlantis and this green hologram chick talks bollocks about how they harnessed the power of the minicons and went on a mad killing rampage and all these old cities sank into the sea. Gasp! An actual interesting idea for the show! I was so shocked I tried to throw myself through a window. I don't know why. I've been drinking.
Can't go wrong with tales of massive death counts in a kids cartoon. Yeah! Doom and death! And Leader-1 has a fine huffy walk. I love him. He is the star of the show by a country mile.
This episode was actually...ok. Carlos even has some proper pathos what with his longings for dead green hologram chick. And the city is destroyed! Yes! Destruction! Ahahahahaha!
BEVERAGE OF THE EPISODE: Still on the mighty BAD KING JOHN. "It cannot be that in England there will not be found one to fight for justice." Yeah! You tell them, Bad King John! Yeah! I wish you were in this show and was played by Patrick McGhoohan and was fucking up shit and stuff.
-Ralph
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Post by The Doctor on Mar 2, 2013 20:23:51 GMT
EPISODE 12: RECAP THE CLAP.
So this is the one where Optimus recaps the events so far. Thrilling stuff. But look, there's G1 Hound and G1 Ultra Magnus again! Amusing moment when we see Megatron's shit troops in early war Cybertron. Could that be the same dude in one colour animated the same way over and over again? Of course not! This is a high quality production!
I have a Yorkie Easter Egg in the cupboard and I am thinking of eating it soon. The packaging is in the same shape as a truck! Amazing! Yeah! Yorkie chocolate bars are for real men and I've just watched 12 episodes of this bollocks in a row thus proving that I am A REAL MAN.
The kids tell the Minicons what to do but they ignore them and keep blasting away at the nasty Decepticreep chaps. Good for them. At least someone in this show has a brain. Boop eep ooop! Prime tries to tell the kids to fuck off at the end after some nonsense about the minicons being the saviors of the universe but then they do a crap 'all for one' moment and Prime laughs like a proper drunken buffon and seems to forget about it. Twat monger!
There is also an exploding volcano, but it's a rubbish one.
BEVERAGE OF THE EPISODE: Still on the BAD KING JOHN ale. "God will raise me up a champion." See, Bad King John doesn't need a minicon!
-Ralph
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kayevcee
Fusilateral Quintro Combiner
The Weather Wizard
Posts: 5,527
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Post by kayevcee on Mar 3, 2013 1:31:34 GMT
Truly you are test pilots on the frontiers of human endeavour.
-Nick
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Post by Bogatan on Mar 3, 2013 2:22:32 GMT
Ralph has watched nearly one quarter of Armada in a single day. I fear for him.
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Post by Andy Turnbull on Mar 3, 2013 2:29:01 GMT
He was drinking though.
Points off.
Andy
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Post by Philip Ayres on Mar 3, 2013 9:51:37 GMT
Was there Rule 1 breakage too?
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Post by The Doctor on Mar 3, 2013 11:03:15 GMT
A mild tipple, just to ease the pain.
Will probably watch another episode later.
-Ralph
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Post by Andy Turnbull on Mar 3, 2013 15:54:32 GMT
I somehow missed Episode 9 - Confrontation.
Fred and Billy sitting talking about the Transformers, following the exciting events of Carnival, when they spy Alexis, Rad and Carlos. They chase after them, and the ignorant three pricks outrun them and refuse to wait for them. Carrying on the trend for unpleasantness from the "good guys". Cyclonus is in the air and spies them. Carlos, Rad and Alexis split up so they can avoid Fred and Billy. Sadly Rad runs into Cyclonus who keeps finding him and starts levelling the forest. Hope he kills the wee bawbag.
Somehow he uses Laserbeak to give Cyclonus a wee jolt and him and Highwire skedaddle. He remembers Billy and Fred were in the area, and right on cue Cyclonus captures them. He tells them that they have to tell Optimus he'll trade them for the Minicons. Rad sends Laserbeak after Cyclonus.
The kids return to Autobot H.Q. and brief Prime. They find the co-ordinates and that godawful teleport launch sequence kicks in again. Fuck me, but can we just skip that. No you can't, cos the ep would be down running time and you'd have to fucking animate something. Wankbags.
Still loving Laserbeak. He is competent unlike everyone else.
Cyclonus, Starscream and Demolishor have the kids stashed in an old warehouse in a deserted ghost town. Billy and Fred spy Leader One who is watching from the rafters.
The Autobots turn up with kids in tow. So we already have kids in danger and Prime brings them to a firefight. What a twat.
They split up with the Autobots going off together and the humans in another. Fuck me, but this Prime is brain-damaged. How many times have the humans been in trouble and caught out by the Decepticons.
Meanwhile they meet up with the Decepticons and there is some negotiations going on and badly. While Billy and Fred take out Leader One and he blows a hole in the roof revealing the location of the two. So negotiations end and barely animated fights start.
Oh I don't care anymore. This is tedious in the extreme.
High Wire, Grindor and Sureshock get into the warehouse, and chat to Leader One as the kids turn up and say they are there to save them.
Megatron appears and traps them all in a wee forcefield. Wottaguy.
Prime is shocked that Megatron is here as he is a complete fucking dolt. He orders that the Minicons that Red Alert and Hot Shot have be handed over. He does so. Yeah way to go Prime, treating the Minicons as equals my arse. He does so, and then demands Megatron hand over the kids, he refuses and he is shocked.
Just how goddamn thick is he?
VERY.
Suffice it to say Rad and Laserbeak engineer the escape from Megatron, only for Rad to be recaptured by Megatron. Fred and Laserbeak make a rescue attempt, which allows Hot Shot the chance to kick Megatron's hand so he spills Rad, and the impact doesn't kill him.
Now we have a stand off and the traditional Decepticon retreat and Fred and Billy are formally introduced to the Autobots.
So we like Laserbeak and Leader One. Everyone else can die.
Andy
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Post by Andy Turnbull on Mar 3, 2013 16:15:59 GMT
Transformers Episode 11 - Ruin.
An underwater episode, a mysterious hologram girl who Carlos is in lust with. They find a lost city underground, all ruins. Infodump from Alexis who is the worst character in the show. A firefight kicks off, and Megatron sends Leader One and another Minicon to find the entrance. Leader One's appearance brings joy, then back to the rubbish fight.
I do so love the extreme danger that Prime puts the kids in. Prime calls Smoksecreen Hot Shot, inside his cab the kids are about to drown. Fingers crossed we take a dark turn.
Awww nuts.
Prime sees an air pocket. That's nice lie to them so they die with hope. Oh wait it was an air pocket. Booo.
We see that the the girl is what appears to be a semi-sentient hologram. She tells us of the Star Saber. They triggered a war as they harnessed the Star Saber. Lecture about power...Megs triggers a new EVOLUTION TRANSFORMATION and shoots lots and doesn't kill anyone.
Tedious fights, as Leader One is sent to find the Minicon, and he finds it. Can I just get a series which focuses on Leader One and Laserbeak. Megatron snags it and instantly realises it's part of a team. By removing it, he has caused the ruined city to become even more ruined. Carlos is reluctant to leave as he's still fixated on the hologram lady. Awww young love.
Back in the Decepticon base he knows the value of the Minicon in his possession. Alexis bitches about Carlos and Rad going gaga over the hologram girl. Carlos is outside sad, missing the hologram girl. Cue a pep talk from Rad, telling him that the Hologram still exist and one day it could come to the surface.
I predict some horrible internet dating experiences in Carlos' future.
Andy
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Post by Andy Turnbull on Mar 3, 2013 16:46:00 GMT
Episode 12 - Prehistory
Megatron tries to activate the Minicon, despite telling us last episode that it can't work without the other two. Seriously, writers and editors do your fucking job.
Love the bouncing purple hordes of Megatron as we get a series recap and reestablishing the series premise.
Love the Minicons taking the fight to the Decepticons, but it's still tedious in the extreme.
Nobody can shoot straight in this.
Oh god once the recap had finished, the tedious story had kicked in. Needless to say the Autobots get the Minicon this time, the Decepticon's bug out.
The episode ends with Megatron activating the formerly defunct Minicon. No explanation as to how.
Seriously shit writing and editing. It's as if the show is made up week to week with no long term plan. However, unlike say Sunbow, there is no charm to it at all.
God help me nearly a quarter of the way through but that is enough for one day.
Andy
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Post by blueshift on Mar 3, 2013 17:06:49 GMT
Seriously shit writing and editing. It's as if the show is made up week to week with no long term plan. However, unlike say Sunbow, there is no charm to it at all. It really isn't good, is it? I mean, genuinely at times it isn't even broadcast quality. It stuns me how a show where they can't even get characters names consistent in the same scene got signed off. Did no-one writing the scripts realise? Did no-one who edited the scripts realise? Did no-one at the recording sessions think "Hang on, isn't it funny how we keep calling everyone 'Hot Rod'?" I do not like to band about accusations of unprofessionalism, but pretty much everything in the early part of the show reeks of lazy behavior. It's obvious no-one cared even to produce a minimum level of quality. |
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Post by The Doctor on Mar 3, 2013 18:01:42 GMT
EPISODE 13: PASS THE PILLS.
This is the one in which Megatron informs his idiot minions that he could understand the minicon language the whole time. Cue cackling and dull surprise. Well, there would be dull surprise if this had a second of decent animation.
The kids hang around the Autobot base and moan a lot. Naturally, the fat one complains that there is nothing to eat as the Decepticons invade. Truly this is the epitome of drama. Now the Sunbow show wasn't very good. About three quarters of it was utter dross. But at least it has the odd episode here and there which has a certain 'so bad it's good' charm to it and the first series is watchable even when it is bad but this series is just dull so far.
One of Prime's chaps asks him what to do about the invading evil chaps. "I'm thinking about it," he replies. NO! MAYBE YOU COULD OH I DON'T KNOW! ACTIVATE THE FUCKING BASE'S DEFENCES OR SOMETHING? WAIT! DO YOU HAVE ANY? The invasion of the Autobot's home and stronghold has as much drama as when modern man finds himself unable to choose between two types of beans in a supermarket on a Sunday morning ie NONE AT ALL.
BEVERAGE OF THE EPISODE: Asda 'Chosen by You' Low Calorie Bitter Orange. So it's bitter, like my dark heart for having this inflicted on me yet lacks enough calorific energy to help me power through, thus making this a poor choice. It was indeed, however, chosen by me. Yay.
-Ralph
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Post by Andy Turnbull on Mar 3, 2013 19:01:22 GMT
Episode 13 Swoop.
Random narrator takes Rad's place. Still no bloody opening title sequence.
Cyclonus is searching for the Autobots base under orders for Megatron. Sonar, the revived Minicon has given them a heads up. Oh look Megatron knows what the Minicons are saying.
The alarms go off, the Decepticons are in the base and only then does Prime order the defences switched on. Fred and Billy are lost, and Fred is whining about being lost and being hungry. Oh joy. What a dreadful, dreadful show. This should be gripping and high drama, instead it's so pedestrian it's not even funny.
Blah, blah blah. Episode ends with Megatron on his throne screaming as if he isn't getting enough fibre in his diet.
Andy
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Post by The Doctor on Mar 3, 2013 19:10:12 GMT
Turn and Burn are now united. Episode 14 tomorrow! An episode a day!
Blueshift and Bogatan feel free to catch up if your minds can take it.
-Ralph
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Post by Andy Turnbull on Mar 3, 2013 19:20:23 GMT
It's on. On like Donkey Kong...
Andy
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Post by Bogatan on Mar 3, 2013 19:26:18 GMT
What was I up to episode 5? So eight episodes, one night.
I'll see you at episode 14 tomorrow chaps.
I see ebay has official box sets of all 52 episodes from Germany for £20 if anyone is interested.
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Post by Andy Turnbull on Mar 3, 2013 19:27:26 GMT
Oh god no.
Andy
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kayevcee
Fusilateral Quintro Combiner
The Weather Wizard
Posts: 5,527
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Post by kayevcee on Mar 3, 2013 20:16:02 GMT
Don't do it Andy K! It's not worth the torment!
-Nick
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Post by The Doctor on Mar 3, 2013 20:32:07 GMT
Join us, Nick! It's all on youtube!
-Ralph
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Post by blueshift on Mar 3, 2013 20:33:14 GMT
Join us, Nick! It's all on youtube! -Ralph I started watching ep 8 and realised I'd skipped Carnival FML |
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Post by blueshift on Mar 3, 2013 21:09:31 GMT
Episode 7 - Carnival
I started watching episode 8, having subconsciously skipped this episode. I should have listened to my subconscious.
Carnival is often considered the worst episode, but honestly it's no bad than any of the others. That's damning with faint praise though. Alexis seems to have wrested control of the Autobots from Optimus Prime, and is wandering around the base barking orders. Grindor and Sureshock have changed names this week, as they are constantly called by the wrong name. Honestly, those poor Minicons - they are told they will be treated as equals and with respect, but then no-one even calls them by their real name!
The kids then take all the Minicons (you know, the things the big violent brutal Decepticons will stop at nothing to get) to the local carnival without telling anyone. Thankfully the Decepticons are on holiday this week, phew. Instead we just get lots of scenes of the Minicons wandering about, and no-one seems to notice. Then the bullies turn up with a net to try and capture the Minicons, and apparently this is some sort of threatening situations. The bullies then get in trouble and need rescuing, so Hot Shot shows up to rescue them. He is wandering about in robot mode and no-one notices, but he announces he needs to rescue them without using ammunition, so as to stay inconspicuous.
This is an actual thing that actual people wrote and got paid for. Just saying.
Here is a comic I drew about Grindor, inspired by this episode.
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Post by blueshift on Mar 3, 2013 21:20:36 GMT
Episode 8 - Palace
At last we come to a decent episode! Perhaps my expectactions have been set too low, let me rephrase. At last we come to an episode that isn't terrible, and is thus by default, 'good'.
The Autobots and Decepticons go to a desert to find a Minicon. The humans and Minicons go into some sort of underground palace and get chased by Demolishor, and meet giant robot spiders and statues that fire lasers, and then there's lots of sand everywhere, and in the end Demolishor and Megatron have an actually quite funny tete-a-tete.
Okay, it's not great. But it didn't make me want to claw my eyes out. Hardly anyone still has a personality, but Demolishor was amusing. Also, robot spiders. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't recommend watching this episode to a fellow human being, but at least it stopped me reaching for the pills.
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Post by Andy Turnbull on Mar 4, 2013 18:13:26 GMT
Transformers Armada Episode 14 - Overmatch
Some nice lighting/colour choices in the night battle between the Autobots and Decepticons. Overreliance on the Star Saber and some pride, before we see a masked Transformer.
Alexis and Grindor go grocery shopping. Grindor is dressed up like one of Michael Jackson's kids.
The masked Transformer turns up at Decepticon HQ in his Jedi robes. He's called Scavenger and he's a merc and totally rags on Megatron and the Decepticons. They are enlisting him in stealing the Star Saber.
Oh he's playing enigmatic stranger, queue pointless fight between Starscream and Hot Shot, with inscrutable Mr Miyagi pish from Scavenger. The Decepticons get a Minicon, which conveniently happens to be one of three that form a shield that blocks the Star Saber.
A brief moment or two of joy at the start wasted with bollocks that came after it.
Andy
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Post by The Doctor on Mar 4, 2013 18:31:17 GMT
EPISODE 14: MUMMY! THE CLOAKED MAN IS WATCHING YOU.
The first five seconds of this are really good. It is dark and mysterious. Who is the chap in the cloak? What's he all about? What new mystery is about to unfold? Alas, the answers proved to be crap as it turned out just to be a shit giant robot in a Schedule 1 cloak FOR NO FUCKING REASON. YOU ARE A GIANT ROBOT! WE CAN STILL TELL WHO YOU ARE. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU, SCAVENGER.
There is a deadly dull fight in some mountains in which Hot Shot shows off the new toy ie the Star Saber in a way that sent me into a coma and into the kitchen in search of a Yorkie chocolate bar. Oh it was good and made me feel like a man. A man!
There is also a thrilling sequence where the kids complain there is no food. Continuing the exciting 'robot hiding in clothing' theme of the episode, Alexis fucks off down the local shops with one of the shit minicons disguised like an especially mutant variant of the late Michael Jackson. Yes, kids, this is an enthralling robot show indeed.
Leader-1 does fuck all.
BEVERAGE OF THE EPISODE: CARTERS REFRESHING ROOT BEER. Root beer? Felt more like root canal treatment watching this pish.
-Ralph
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